By:
In: Domestic discipline
spanking paddle with his on business end and hers on handle

Our weekend was busy. Family visited from the East Coast. It was nice to see them again. Neither of us has any attachments here in the West. It was amazingly nice to reconnect. Mrs. Lion didn’t bother hiding any of the evidence of our kinks. The Hers and His paddle stayed in its place on the refrigerator door. Miscellaneous paddles were visible around the house if they cared to look. We had breakfast with them in the kitchen both Saturday and Sunday. Their chairs faced the fridge.

I don’t know if Mrs. Lion even thought of looking for evidence. I thought about it and decided that it just didn’t matter. Is that a sign of maturity? I think it might be. We’ve been in a domestic discipline relationship for at least five years now. If asked why there was a paddle on the fridge, I don’t think I would be embarrassed to explain. I can’t speak for Mrs. Lion, but I suspect she probably would be equally comfortable answering.

It isn’t that we don’t realize that what we do isn’t exactly mainstream. I think that we are both comfortable with what we do. Sure, it would feel odd to hear a relative say, “You really spank Lion?” Mrs. Lion would certainly smile and reply, “Yes.” No explanation. No hesitation. Where te conversation would go from there would depend on the questioner.

From my perspective, I’m comfortable with my role. I don’t believe that my masculinity or standing in other people’s eyes is affected by the fact that my wife spanks me. I suppose that writing this blog has given me many opportunities to analyze and consider my role. Mrs. Lion and I have a very happy marriage. We are faithful to each other and have unwavering love and trust. She is mine as much as I’m hers. Contrary to a lot of what you might read about domestic discipline, the devotion and caring don’t just flow from me to her.

It turns out that a disciplinary relationship is more of a conversation than a one-way flow of offense and retribution. Her goal has never been to train me to submission and unhesitating obedience. That is BDSM and fantasy. Domestic discipline is the establishment of sensible behavioral rules and their enforcement. Mrs. Lion never suggested that she be the dictator in the Lions’ den. Yes, she always has the last word. I am free to run things as I please, so long as she agrees.

Anyone who spends time with us sees the love and balance we share. I never feel oppressed. So what if others know that she spanks me when needed? We both agree that it works for us. I don’t care if someone is narrow-minded and chooses to stop knowing us if they are offended.

We don’t exactly advertise (except here) what we do. The paddle on the fridge can easily be interpreted as a sort of feminist joke. It’s not there as a conversation starter. It’s there to remind me to watch my step.

By:
In: BDSM
lion tied spread-eagle to the bed

In our first two conversations, we’ve talked about what it means when someone asks to be topped and how to adopt a dominant role. The idea is to provide wish fulfillment. Your partner wants to give up control to you. We agreed that this could be done in a controlled way. This domination would be strictly defined and time-bounded.

We also established that you aren’t expected to change your personality. You are agreeing to play a role to top your partner. In Part 1 we suggested an exercise that allowed you both to experience how it feels to take/give-up control. It established that the process is sexually arousing to the male half of the equation. We also made it clear that many women are not turned on by topping their husbands. For the record, I was never turned on when I was the top. Topping is a service for the bottom.

OK, that catches us up. It’s time to consider how to construct scenes that he will like. Most bottoms want to experience some pain as part of their scenes. It’s not that they like being hurt–though some love it. It’s that being helpless while someone hurts you is a powerful expression of a power exchange. Also, when done right, the pain turns into pleasure.

The first step is bondage. There’s no getting around it; nothing turns on a bottom like being tied down. Being naked and helpless, tied to the bed, is a powerful aphrodisiac. Don’t believe me? Look at his penis when you tie him down. It’s at attention. No matter. Ignore it. Besides, you will be tying him face down on the bed. He’ll be disappointed. Too bad.

leather paddle
Leather fraternity paddle. Meaner looking than it feels.

Spanking is the safest form of sensation play. As long as you confine your attention to the area south of his tailbone and north of his knees, you are in safe territory. A leather paddle is an excellent beginner’s toy. The ability to handle pain is very subjective and changes as a scene progresses. In the beginning, fairly soft swats will elicit yelps of pain. No, he isn’t faking. The swats are a shock to his system. You should always start with relatively soft swats, but not too soft. You want him to react.

He will hate those first painful little swats. Take advantage of his discomfort and remind him that he wants you to top him. Ask him if he wants you to stop. Remind him that he has a safeword (mine is “red”). He’ll ask you to continue. In your sweetest voice, tell him that it’s going to hurt a lot more. Ask him if he’s ready.

The point of this dialogue is to add the extra humiliation of having him admit that he wants you to hurt him. You are underlining his desire to submit. Then, continue the beating. Keep swatting harder and faster as he gets used to the spanking. His hormones are flowing and make him numb. Ideally, you want to push just past the numbness and make him feel your swats. It won’t take long before he will seem to enjoy your spanking.

That’s good. You aren’t punishing him. Keep going at the level that seems to be what he likes. His bottom will turn bright red. Of course, you don’t want to injure him, but a leather paddle is more likely to sting than bruise. When you are done, rub his bottom and tell him he is a good boy. If he is one of the lucky guys who have a strong “sub space” hormonal reaction, he will be sleepy and relaxed. If he is, put a blanket over him and let him slowly return to earth. Otherwise, untie him and tie him up on his back. He will probably be soft.

If you are both new to BDSM, this is a good time to end the pain portion of the program. He should be reminded to thank you for spanking him. Make sure that he always does. If you feel like it, you can reward him for being a good boy and masturbate him. It’s always extra exciting to be jerked off when tied down. Since you are his top, you could feed him the semen that he produces. It’s a nice BDSM touch.

This is just one possibility. It’s a reliable way to run a scene, and very useful for beginning tops. You may have noticed that I didn’t suggest that you make him do something sexual for you. It isn’t a good idea to do that. The scene is for him. At a later time, he can show you his gratitude. In the context of the scene, jerking him off was a show of your power and control, not sex. Get it?

OK, Have fun. Here are links to the previous two posts on dominating your husband:

How To Dominate Your Husband: Part 1 — Getting Started

How To Dominate Your Husband — Part 2: Acting Class

By:
In: ED

I was almost positive that I had my last orgasm forever in May. You may have read the posts. After a 96-day drought, Mrs. Lion gave me a wonderful oral orgasm. I gave myself an increased dose of Edex1. It produced a very nice erection. It was a little uncomfortable, but not painful or distracting.

One feature of these drug-induced erections seems to be a sort of discomfort that comes when my penis is moved in certain directions. I suspect that is caused by the drug making tissue at the base fuller than it would normally be. Anyway, Mrs. Lion gave me a great blow job, and I rewarded her with a nice amount of semen. We were both happy with the result.

96 days? Is this my new norm? Is the consequence of alprostadil-induced erections? I now know that the Trimix and Quadmix compounded erection drugs are probably too strong for me right now. Both contain alprostadil as an ingredient. My urologist believes the compound drugs perform better. I suppose they do. They are also less expensive than Edex; that’s what I figured initially. It turns out that my insurance covers Edex and a 90-day supply (18 boners) costs less than eighteen shots of Trimix or Quadmix. Edex doesn’t require refrigeration and has a long shelf life. Tri- and Quadmix both must be refrigerated and are no good after about ninety days.

For the record, I discontinued taking the hormone blocker that was supposed to increase my libido. After two weeks, there was no improvement, and I had strong side effects (sleepy for almost two days each time I took a pill). I was willing to put up with the side effects if my libido improved. It didn’t.

I’m very happy that I was finally able to ejaculate. It was a terrific surprise. Mrs. Lion had to work hard to get me to the finish line. Unlike previous attempts, I felt myself getting more and more aroused. There was no fade or plateau. It was wonderful!

After I came, the erection persisted since it was induced and had no real relationship with my arousal. That’s when I was bothered by the discomfort when my penis bent back toward my body. It felt odd. It was also strange to be hard for almost two hours after my erection. Too bad that Mrs. Lion didn’t need its services. I can see the benefits of a two-hour erection. Once Mrs. Lion is more confident of my ability to keep it up, maybe she can find some other things to do with it before going for the gold.

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1 Edex is a brand-name injectable of alprostadil. It is injected into the penis and produces an erection. This drug is expensive. The full retail price for a 6-erection kit is $941. Trimix, a blend of alprostadil and two other helper drugs, costs $145 at a local compounding pharmacy. This 5 ml vial is good for about 11 erections. If my health insurance didn’t cover Edex, I would have had to stay with Trimix. Based on what I’ve learned, one can expect to pay between $10 and $15 per erection when using these drugs. Generic Viagra and Cialis are much cheaper. Unfortunately, they don’t work for me.

By:
In: Oral Sex, Orgasm

I think I surprised Lion when I decided to spank him before he did his boner injection. He said he wouldn’t mind waiting to be spanked. I knew I’d forget, or more accurately, I wouldn’t want to do it, if I waited till afterwards. Besides, even though it was a punishment spanking, it might turn him on. It’s true that I don’t normally give him sex on a day I punish him. I don’t want to confuse things. But he’s been having difficulty getting and staying turned on. It was worth a shot.

There’s probably no way to know for sure if it was the increased dosage of boner juice or his tender buns, but he certainly was turned on. I think he had one of his longest erections. I know that’s the boner juice talking. He was hard, but not super hard. At one point during my oral ministration, he seemed to lose it a little, but he bounced back well. Ever since he told me I sucked too hard (is that a thing?), I’ve been backing off and letting my tongue do most of the work. Until yesterday, it hadn’t been making much of a difference. However, that changed.

Except for the timer set during punishments, I don’t watch the clock. I usually have no idea how long it takes for him to either have an orgasm or give up. Sometimes, it’s me who needs to give up because I’m tired or achy. The last time we tried, I decided I would go as long as he needed me to go, even if I was dying. Unfortunately, he had to give up. I was hopeful but still worried, that he would have his orgasm. It’s too important to him not to have another one.

He was bucking last time, and I tried to match his rhythm. This time, he didn’t really start bucking till the end. I guess that’s why I was getting discouraged in the middle. But I am ecstatic to say that he did indeed have an orgasm. And I finally got my cream filling. Yay! I hope we don’t have to wait so long for the next one.