By:
In: Sex

I am beginning to think that my ED is, at least, partly psychological. In the last couple of days, I’ve gotten the start of a decent erection without any pharmaceutical or lioness help. The first time was when I wrote yesterday’s post (“Just Writing About Being Spanked Got Me Hard“). To say the least, I was surprised when I felt my penis growing. It didn’t get up to a full-blown erection, but it did stand up on its own. That reaction strongly suggests that I need a lot more attention in the disciplinary area of my life. More about that later.

The second erection came this morning. My mind drifted to a past sexual experience, and I reacted. I don’t remember exactly what I was thinking about. I do remember my hand drifting south and finding a tumescent weenie. All of this happened without any outside aid.

I don’t think Mrs. Lion is lacking in the sex department. I worry that she will internalize my problem. I think I need more sexual “stuff” in my life. Fondling my soft penis while we watch TV feels nice, but it isn’t going to get me past my problem. I suspect that my inability to reach orgasm is directly related to my mind not being focused on sex. Oral attention, like TV-watching fondling, feels great, but I suspect that my more important sex organ–my brain–isn’t cooperating.

For a long time, I’ve been saying and writing that I need more than physical attention. My brain is far more difficult to seduce. When sex became just for me, there was a subtle shift in the sexual climate. Mrs. Lion still wanted me to have fun, but without any direct reward for giving me fun, she lacked the feedback needed to make sex exciting for me. Stimulating my penis by any means isn’t enough.

I think it comes down to focus and attention. For example, when Mrs. Lion established easy-to-break rules and kept a very watchful eye on me, it was both helpful and, in a rather perverse way, fun. It is exciting when I know I am inches away from being spanked. It’s a big turn-on when she talks about spanking me. The fact that she will actually bruise my bottom is an important component. I physically reacted to writing this paragraph.

The problem is that Mrs. Lion doesn’t seem willing to take an active role in either sex or discipline. I’ve written several posts and asked her for reactions. At best, I get, “I think you’re right.” When I mention giving myself a Trimix shot, she just says, “OK.” It feels like she is either angry or tired of me. Physical contact is extremely limited. Maybe she doesn’t need any for herself.

I know she loves me and wants me to be happy. I also know that she enjoys giving me oral sex. Well, I think she enjoys it. The big problem for me is that she provides it when I request it. That was OK for a while, but it’s not working for me anymore. I know I’m lucky she is willing to provide oral sex on demand. It just isn’t enough. It isn’t her fault. Sex, for me is more complicated.

My biggest problem is that Mrs. Lion wants me to tell her exactly what I want her to do. That doesn’t work for me on so many levels. I have no idea where things will go from here. Maybe I should give up and stick to polite conversation and TV watching.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

We don’t have the same schedule on weekends that we have on weekdays. We sleep later, we don’t have our coffee break, and we usually don’t eat lunch. A few weeks ago, we stopped eating lunch on weekdays too. I don’t know if it’s because we’re tired of the Nutrisystem lunches, or if we really aren’t hungry. The problem is that by not eating, we are very hungry much earlier than our normal dinner time. Sometimes we have a snack of carrots. Sometimes we just tough it out.

On Friday, we went to the casino. We hadn’t eaten lunch and I told Lion we’d have to eat soon because I was hungry. He said it was early. Yes. Yes, it was. So? This annoyed me because when he’s hungry, he’ll tell me he’s hungry again and again until I make dinner. When he gets in “casino zone,” he doesn’t care about time. We wound up eating much later than normal. Then we got home and stayed up much later than normal. Then we slept much later than normal. It’s a whole domino effect.

When we were on the way home, he said something that reminded me he’d pooh-poohed my hunger. I asked him why my being hungry wasn’t as big an issue as his being hungry. He didn’t realize he’d said it was too early and I should have said something at the time. Next time I’ll tell him I’m hungry like he tells me he’s hungry.

Anyway, believe it or not, that’s not what I wanted to write about when I started this post. Since we don’t eat lunch much anymore, I make Lion iced tea and put it on his desk. He doesn’t have a lot of room on his desk, so I swap out his coffee cup for the iced tea. So what’s the problem? I made the rule a few weeks ago that he is responsible for making sure his coffee cup is in the kitchen. How can I catch him not doing it when I’m doing it? It’s pretty stupid of me. I’m just trying to be nice and keep his desk clean.

I was also wondering last night where his shock collar is. Maybe he needs to be wearing it again while he’s in his office and I’m working. It also occurred to me that I have let my inbox get out of hand and one way to reverse that trend might be our daily emails. Sure, we can just yell at each other through the wall, but that’s sort of annoying.

To recap: I’m hungry when I’m hungry. Lion should take care of his own coffee cup. He should be wearing his shock collar. And we need to do emails again. I don’t think any one of those things will cure his ED, but it might help the situation.

By:
In: Spanking, Sex
man with erection about to be spanked

It is Sunday morning. Mrs. Lion is outside mowing the lawn. That’s weird! Here in the Pacific Northwest, we usually get little-to-no rain from July to October. Lawns go dormant and turn a gross brown. This summer, we’ve had a little rain, and the weeds have grown like, well…weeds. So, she’s out in the yard cutting them down. She hates mowing, and, unfortunately, I can’t help.

I was going to try a reduced dose of Trimix last night,  but I fell asleep before and after dinner. I went with Mrs. Lion as we ran errands. I guess it wore me out. If she’s up for it, we can try today. On Thursday, I took a 20mg Cialis pill. I hoped it might work after such a long time without an orgasm. It didn’t.

We continue to lose weight. I can’t remember the last time my weight was this low. I weighed in at 205 lbs. (93 Kg). I’m 6′ 2″, so that isn’t bad. All my extra weight is in my stomach. I still have a little roll, but it’s small enough to let me see my soft penis when I look down. My doctor said my goal should be 200. I disagree and want to get below 190. I’ll do it. Mrs. Lion has lost more weight than me. I’m very proud of her.

I asked Mrs. Lion if she read my last post (“Breaking the Sex Connection“). She said she did, and it never occurred to her that our disciplinary marriage was changed. I can’t tell. My last spanking was ten days ago, and it was a “Just Because” spanking that was very (for Mrs. Lion) mild. It’s hard to believe that I’ve managed to be good for such a long time. Corrections are usually needed every week or two. I suspect that Mrs. Lion isn’t really watching for me to slip up. I’m sure that she’s right that she has no problem using a paddle on my bottom. The issue may be watchfulness. I think we will both benefit if Mrs. Lion looks for more reasons to spank me.

That may sound odd, but in my mind, it makes good sense. First, the act of punishing me is a display of caring and love. Spanking me takes time and work. Catching me also involves focus and attention to me. Both have become part of the language of love that has evolved in our marriage. I hate being spanked, but I love that Mrs. Lion does it to me. It means a lot as an expression of love. The idea of her spanking me turns me on. Just writing about it gets me a little erection. That’s amazing. Maybe a much stricter disciplinary routine will help me sexually.

Perhaps if Mra. Lion talks more about spanking and discipline and actually finds reasons to spank me frequently, it will also help my sexual issue. I’m not going to try to understand the connection, but based on my reaction just writing this post, it seems right. I hope Mrs. Lion will be stricter with me. I anticipate the change and also dread it. Since she works from home, she has me in paddle range 24/7. Maybe she will take advantage of my availability.

By:
In: ED, Domestic discipline

My hunt for an orgasm continues. I decided to try Cialis again. No luck. No erection. I’m wondering if I go back to Trimix and try a smaller dose if that might work. I know that at .30 ml I don’t get a full erection, but there is some hardening. My theory is that if the drug makes my penis numb, maybe a smaller dose will let some sensation through and still give my boner a headstart. If Mrs. Lion is up for it, we can try on Saturday or Sunday.

I know that many men give up at this point. I can identify with that. Sex is becoming too much trouble. The problem for me is that I still really want it. That may be how I’m wired. Sex has always been very important to me. Years ago, I had a conversation with a friend who happened to be a diabetes specialist. She mentioned that some drugs that could help me would also hurt my sex drive. The conversation drifted toward the topic of death or sex.

The question was would I take a drug that would extend my life by ten years but prevent me from having sex? My answer then was that I would rather have a shorter life. I didn’t hesitate for a second. Sex is like breathing. Both are required for life.

Now I’m at a point where I can’t have sex. My hardware isn’t working. What happens if it can’t be repaired? Do I gracefully recede into a neutered being? Do I live on the rich memories of past conquests? Sounds depressing and creepy to me. What happens to our domestic discipline? Mrs. Lion seems less inclined to punish me since I lost my ability to ejaculate.

I know there shouldn’t be a connection between my ability to orgasm and our disciplinary marriage, but there is. It isn’t obvious. It also doesn’t mean that domestic discipline is sex play. It’s part of the tapestry we created that includes a wide range of sexual and power-exchange activities. Make a change in one thread, and the pattern is disrupted.

It seems to me that the most reasonable way to deal with this is to adjust our expectations. I am absolutely willing to stay with our domestic discipline regardless of issues with my penis. The DD has proven to be a very helpful part of our marriage. Since we started, communications are very good and issues come out promptly and positively. Let’s keep the spankings going. They help us both.