My hunt for an orgasm continues. I decided to try Cialis again. No luck. No erection. I’m wondering if I go back to Trimix and try a smaller dose if that might work. I know that at .30 ml I don’t get a full erection, but there is some hardening. My theory is that if the drug makes my penis numb, maybe a smaller dose will let some sensation through and still give my boner a headstart. If Mrs. Lion is up for it, we can try on Saturday or Sunday.
I know that many men give up at this point. I can identify with that. Sex is becoming too much trouble. The problem for me is that I still really want it. That may be how I’m wired. Sex has always been very important to me. Years ago, I had a conversation with a friend who happened to be a diabetes specialist. She mentioned that some drugs that could help me would also hurt my sex drive. The conversation drifted toward the topic of death or sex.
The question was would I take a drug that would extend my life by ten years but prevent me from having sex? My answer then was that I would rather have a shorter life. I didn’t hesitate for a second. Sex is like breathing. Both are required for life.
Now I’m at a point where I can’t have sex. My hardware isn’t working. What happens if it can’t be repaired? Do I gracefully recede into a neutered being? Do I live on the rich memories of past conquests? Sounds depressing and creepy to me. What happens to our domestic discipline? Mrs. Lion seems less inclined to punish me since I lost my ability to ejaculate.
I know there shouldn’t be a connection between my ability to orgasm and our disciplinary marriage, but there is. It isn’t obvious. It also doesn’t mean that domestic discipline is sex play. It’s part of the tapestry we created that includes a wide range of sexual and power-exchange activities. Make a change in one thread, and the pattern is disrupted.
It seems to me that the most reasonable way to deal with this is to adjust our expectations. I am absolutely willing to stay with our domestic discipline regardless of issues with my penis. The DD has proven to be a very helpful part of our marriage. Since we started, communications are very good and issues come out promptly and positively. Let’s keep the spankings going. They help us both.