I am beginning to think that my ED is, at least, partly psychological. In the last couple of days, I’ve gotten the start of a decent erection without any pharmaceutical or lioness help. The first time was when I wrote yesterday’s post (“Just Writing About Being Spanked Got Me Hard“). To say the least, I was surprised when I felt my penis growing. It didn’t get up to a full-blown erection, but it did stand up on its own. That reaction strongly suggests that I need a lot more attention in the disciplinary area of my life. More about that later.
The second erection came this morning. My mind drifted to a past sexual experience, and I reacted. I don’t remember exactly what I was thinking about. I do remember my hand drifting south and finding a tumescent weenie. All of this happened without any outside aid.
I don’t think Mrs. Lion is lacking in the sex department. I worry that she will internalize my problem. I think I need more sexual “stuff” in my life. Fondling my soft penis while we watch TV feels nice, but it isn’t going to get me past my problem. I suspect that my inability to reach orgasm is directly related to my mind not being focused on sex. Oral attention, like TV-watching fondling, feels great, but I suspect that my more important sex organ–my brain–isn’t cooperating.
For a long time, I’ve been saying and writing that I need more than physical attention. My brain is far more difficult to seduce. When sex became just for me, there was a subtle shift in the sexual climate. Mrs. Lion still wanted me to have fun, but without any direct reward for giving me fun, she lacked the feedback needed to make sex exciting for me. Stimulating my penis by any means isn’t enough.
I think it comes down to focus and attention. For example, when Mrs. Lion established easy-to-break rules and kept a very watchful eye on me, it was both helpful and, in a rather perverse way, fun. It is exciting when I know I am inches away from being spanked. It’s a big turn-on when she talks about spanking me. The fact that she will actually bruise my bottom is an important component. I physically reacted to writing this paragraph.
The problem is that Mrs. Lion doesn’t seem willing to take an active role in either sex or discipline. I’ve written several posts and asked her for reactions. At best, I get, “I think you’re right.” When I mention giving myself a Trimix shot, she just says, “OK.” It feels like she is either angry or tired of me. Physical contact is extremely limited. Maybe she doesn’t need any for herself.
I know she loves me and wants me to be happy. I also know that she enjoys giving me oral sex. Well, I think she enjoys it. The big problem for me is that she provides it when I request it. That was OK for a while, but it’s not working for me anymore. I know I’m lucky she is willing to provide oral sex on demand. It just isn’t enough. It isn’t her fault. Sex, for me is more complicated.
My biggest problem is that Mrs. Lion wants me to tell her exactly what I want her to do. That doesn’t work for me on so many levels. I have no idea where things will go from here. Maybe I should give up and stick to polite conversation and TV watching.