After millennia of human reproduction, men still don’t understand female sexuality. Women aren’t any better at understanding males. A very good example of this is male chastity.

misunderstanding 1: women like the idea of controlling male orgasms

The entire premise of the male chastity game is that the female partner will have fun frustrating her man. How many women think about their partners’ penises? Sure, they like to see them. They may even think about nice things to do with them. I would be very surprised that they spend much time thinking about withholding orgasms from them.

Face it. We males spend a lot of time thinking about our cocks. We have spent most of our lives being able to jerk off whenever we want. Some guys get turned on thinking about their partner controlling their orgasms. Their fantasies run away with the idea. The stupid memes on the Internet say it all. They show images of models with captions expressing their pleasure at frustrating their men by locking them into a chastity device. Fat chance!

The point is that almost every woman practicing male chastity with her partner is doing it because he wants it. Many guys kill any chance of playing this game by insisting on living out the stupid fantasies they read online.

misunderstanding 2: women want to trade male orgasms for female fun

Most male chastity stories are about the cruel woman forcing her man to give her oral sex, massages, pedicures, etc., in exchange for the chance to ejaculate. If you’re with a woman who loves you, she expects you to want to sexually satisfy her without blackmail. If the only way she can get you to eat her out is to lock you in a chastity device, your relationship is doomed.

Do you seriously think a woman would enjoy knowing that the only way she could get sexual satisfaction is to lock up her husband’s cock? This idiotic idea stems from a very legitimate side effect of male chastity. If the man wants to be frustrated and made to wait, there’s a good chance his partner doesn’t want to wait for him. A rational man practicing male chastity is very willing to please his partner while locked up and unable to get pleasure himself. It’s the price of admission to the male chastity game. It’s also a lot of fun.

misunderstanding 3: women think male chastity is a lifestyle

Many men want to believe that male chastity is a new, improved way to live. There are countless stories about male sexual denial as a fun dimension to marriage. I admit that I believed this. There are many posts from our early years of male chastity where I claim it’s a way of life. Well, it isn’t.

It’s a game. That’s right, a game. Yes, we’re in our ninth year of playing it. I haven’t masturbated since December 2013. That’s when we started playing. It hasn’t changed our lives. At best, it’s a habit. I don’t think we would know how to go back to me having uncontrolled orgasms. Mrs. Lion never wants me to masturbate again. She accepts her role in the game and regulates my sexual activity.

That doesn’t make it a lifestyle. We are the same couple we were before we started. Sex isn’t that different. All that has changed is my ability to get off on my own. I asked to play the game Mrs. Lion agreed. I don’t know what would happen if I asked to stop. I don’t know what would change. I guess that she would laugh. She knows it’s too late. I haven’t forgotten how to jerk off. I feel no desire to do it, no matter how horny I feel. If she wanted, maybe I could learn again. I don’t think she wants me to try.

It was supposed to be sunny today. At the very least, it was supposed to be dry. I was going to finish mowing the lawn or give it a good try. And then I’d move inside to straighten up. There’s still stuff laying around from the Costco run. I’d put it in the pantry but first I need to straighten up in there. And last night, Lion asked if I was going to wax him. I told him my plans and said I might not get to it this weekend. He was disappointed. He agreed he’s not that furry yet. He said he was hoping or some sex. Aha!

We haven’t done much of anything since he suggested moving sex out of bed. We tried the other night and I suggested oral, but the dog was nuts and then Lion wasn’t interested again. I assume now that it didn’t tickle his fancy. He’s hoping for more. He’s hoping for different. Is it me or is he always looking for something different? I understand that things evolve over time. Maybe something that worked when you were 30 doesn’t work when you’re 50. I can attest to that. My sex drive worked, then it didn’t. Lion’s quest for changes seems to be happening more rapidly. I haven’t even wrapped my head around not doing things in bed.

Each time he needs something different, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I can’t help it. That’s just how I’m wired. That may have something to do with not being able to wrap my head around not doing things in bed. Another reason may be that it involves more work for me. I know Lion says I can just wheel my chair in the bedroom and we’ll be all set, but having to drag the spanking bench out every night or keep the waxing table clear all the time, is not something I look forward to.

It occurs to me that I’ve been overwhelmed for a long time. I feel like I’m drowning at work. There’s more work than one person can handle. The new computer system was supposed to make things easier and it’s not. It made no one’s job easier. There’s always something to do around here. Dinner, laundry, mowing the lawn, etc. The dog just adds to the chaos. No wonder I retreat to the “safety” of my iPad. However, I need to do better.

I’ve promised Lion pancakes for breakfast, so the first thing to do it get the kitchen cleaner. I’m wrong. The first thing to do is turn the wax on. It can be melting while I do everything else.

[Lion — I’m sorry that Mrs. Lion feels overwhelmed. I can’t comment on her work situation. I can say that I think the problem at home is brought on by her feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. A lot of things need to get done. They can’t be done all at once. However, a to-do list and steady progress would go a long way. I understand how she feels. I feel that way too. I can’t be very helpful. I don’t think the situation is hopeless. An hour a day would probably clear things up in short order. At least it would help with the feeling of being overwhelmed.

The sexual situation is more difficult. It isn’t that I want new things for the sake of variety. I’ve been offering suggestions on how to cure a problem we are having. I figured that Mrs. Lion would pick what worked. I also thought that she might work out ideas of her own. I don’t dislike sex on the bed. It’s just that her current position for handjobs just doesn’t work for me. I love how we do oral sex on the bed. It seems to me that anytime I make a suggestion to improve something, Mrs. Lion assumes she is failing me. I can think of on-the-bed handjob positions that might work. She reacts to my thoughts the same way she reacts to needed chores. She feels overwhelmed and withdraws. I’ll do everything in my power to help. I can also go back to jerking off if that makes my lioness’ life easier.]

balls tied and separated

I haven’t been responsive to Mrs. Lion. It’s odd because I find my mind drifting to erotic thoughts during the day. My cock begins to harden. At night, after dinner and Mrs. Lion’s shower, I don’t get turned on. I want to get hard, but I don’t.

This has been happening for the last week or so. It isn’t that she doesn’t try. I can’t get interested in sex. Maybe it’s just a slump. I’ve been known to get them. I can’t understand what is happening. Maybe that would work if Mrs. Lion used the spanking bench for sex. If she got out my restraints, that might do it.

I think that any ritual other than reaching under the covers and touching my cock would be beneficial. It may be that I’ve become my own worst enemy when it comes to sex. For example, when Mrs. Lion waxes me, I’m usually not feeling sexy when she starts yanking my hair out. By the time she is finished, I’m starting to get hard on my own. I know she’s going to start a handjob with oil. It isn’t the oil. It’s the buildup from the very unsexy waxing.

The reason this always works is that something else that is unrelated to jerking me off happens first. Maybe that’s why CBT and bondage work reliably. Tying up my balls is nice, but as far as lion foreplay goes, it is pretty much the same as fondling under the covers.

It isn’t that I always need the big buildup, but at this point, I need more than I’m getting. For example, for the last few days, Mrs. Lion has said, “Want me to suck you?” When she asks, I’m not focused on sex. It’s just a question like, “Want some cookies?” Business as usual. For the record, I almost always love a blow job. If Mrs. Lion just started instead of asking, I can’t imagine I wouldn’t react.

She wouldn’t be able to do it long because I would be in a position that made it awkward for her. But a minute or two of attention would almost certainly get me very happy to get in the proper position. Oh yeah! Moving to a different location, like the spanking bench or waxing table, would train me to be ready for sex. It might not work the first few times, but I’m sure it would after a while.

I think that most women believe that men are always ready for sex. When we are in our 30’s and 40’s, that’s true. As we age, we need the same sort of buildup that women need. Familiarity and age dull the male libido. One reason men seek extramarital sex is that new partners make them feel young and virile. A new female is a powerful aphrodisiac.

No, I’m not advocating going out and finding a mistress. I am suggesting that my libido needs help. It’s alive and well but isn’t easy to wake when sleeping.

“he wants a floor show”

Mrs. Lion said that I’m like our puppy. When she gets a treat, she carries it around without eating it. She’ll only eat after we make a big fuss about how yummy it is. OK, maybe I’m the same way with a sexual treat. I’m not alone.

I have a theory why many men like to go to massage parlors for a handjob. I doubt that the women there have particularly novel skills in how to jerk a man off. Part of it may be the novelty of a new female paying sexual attention. Guys like that. A bigger reason is that the pros don’t just grab a guy’s junk and start playing with it. They make some pretense of a full-body massage.

They may not be offering medical-grade action, but they are doing a lot of non-genital touching, front and back. This sensual contact goes on for a while. The guy is paying for thirty minutes. That’s why they call the handjob a “happy ending.”

I’m not suggesting that Mrs. Lion offer thirty-minute massages. It is instructive how aroused I get after being waxed. Anticipation and ritual are powerful aphrodisiacs. The mind controls sex. Engaging it is the secret to orgasm. Women accuse men of ignoring this important fact. They are as guilty as we are. Their excuse: Men don’t need foreplay, they’re always ready. Ha!

In 1936 Dorothy Spencer published The Spencer Spanking Plan. She begins,

Several years ago I conceived the idea of settling domestic misunderstandings in our home upon a somewhat unique basis—the giving and submitting to carefully regulated corporal punishment.

My idea was to inaugurate a system of cooperative discipline that would sincerely benefit the party at fault and prevent all serious trouble by furnishing a definite, fair and effective method of adjustment. The plan was a wonderful success.”

Her idea was that a couple could use spanking to solve domestic differences. Unlike our domestic discipline, the Spencer plan called for both partners to administer and receive spankings. The actual plan is very simple. Both partners agree in writing to consent to being punished for agreed-to behaviors. It goes on to describe how Dorothy Spencer thinks the punishments should be administered.

She wrote that a lot of men requested her plan. This is in line with modern domestic discipline. Men, like me, ask our wives to punish us as needed. The idea of mutual DD is interesting. I suspect that few couples actually practiced that way.

The Spencer plan dictates that spankings are never to be given in anger. It also says that it is important that a spanking lasts a long time. She doesn’t say how long but teaches that time being spanked is more important than intensity. We’ve learned that’s true.

What struck me about this famous concept was its importance in assuring that once punishment is administered, the offense is forgotten. The big idea was that spanking avoided holding on to anger and grudges. That’s how it works for us. The other stressed point was that spankings had to be given on bare skin. Ms. Spencer was very aware of the humiliation a bare-bottom spanking evoked.

There’s no way to know just how popular this idea was in the 1930s. I guess that it didn’t get much circulation. Modern spankos like to point to this as an early endorsement of domestic discipline. Paddle makers like to offer “Spencer paddles.” Dorothy Spencer never advocated paddling. She believed that women should get bare-hand spankings and men whipped with a belt.

If you read her plan, you will probably find it quaint. The agreements she wrote for partners to sign are nice templates for a modern DD contract.