By:
In: Erections

Today is a somber day. I just want to take a moment to remember those who were affected by the attacks on 9/11. Lion and I were living in New York, although we were not together at the time. His then-girlfriend was in Manhattan, trying to get out. My then-husband was on the last train that made it to the World Trade Center PATH station. It was hours before I heard from him. It was even longer before he made it out of Manhattan. I have no idea what it’s like for the families who lost loved ones or for the people who made it out alive, but I do know the memory of the planes hitting the towers and the towers falling will always be with me. The other two crashes were tragic too, but being in New York and having been to the World Trade Center on many occasions is the most vivid memory for me.

We decided late yesterday afternoon to pick up Lion’s replacement glasses. We were going and then decided not to, but when the subject of dinner came up, we decided we could pick up KFC on the way back from getting the glasses. We didn’t get home until about 8. By the time we ate and settled in, it was pretty much too late to do anything sexual. Lion was snoozing off and on. It just wasn’t a sexy night.

Today we are off to run errands. We’ll get an earlier start, and we should be home in plenty of time for dinner and subsequent activities. Assuming he snoozes a bit along the way, Lion should be awake enough to participate. I won’t let another night go by without at least trying to arouse him. My weenie needs frequent exercise. It’s been a few days since he’s been interested. I can’t remember when I got him hard last. I am determined to do it tonight.

By:
In: Sex

Maybe I’ll ask Mrs. Lion to ride me on my birthday. It’s been 1,293 days since the last time I was ridden. I’m not sure how well it will work out if she decides to try. Since she doesn’t get any sexual pleasure from it, as I recall, the experience isn’t the same as when she wanted an orgasm. Part of the problem is the amount of lube she used last time. Less may be more in this situation.

Fucking was never my number one sexual activity. I always liked oral sex better–both giving and getting. I haven’t felt deprived these last 1,293 days. If that sounds like a long time, the last time I jerked off was 2,427 days ago. (Don’t you love Google? Just type in a date and ask how long ago it was.) I don’t miss jerking off. It was never very entertaining. I do miss giving my lioness orgasms by riding me (cowgirl style). After she had her orgasm, she would turn around (reverse cowgirl) and ride me until I came. It’s nearly impossible for me to come when Mrs. Lion fucks me in the cowgirl position.

It may be that I’m past being ridden. I’m not sure that I wouldn’t exhaust Mrs. Lion before I finished. In the old days, much of the time, she would ride me cowgirl style until she came. Then she would dismount and finish me with her hand. That was big fun too. This was before sex stopped meaning regular orgasms for me.

I still worry that I broke my lioness. She wanted me to initiate sex, and I failed miserably at that. She took the lead because I didn’t. Later, after we began male chastity, she wrote about how important it was for me to initiate. I can’t help but wonder if my inability to do this didn’t turn her off to sex.

Male chastity was made for me. I’ve always found it nearly impossible to take the lead sexually. I don’t know why. I haven’t been rejected much in my life. It’s just how I’m wired. Anyway, Mrs. Lion always complains that it’s hard to get me presents. Maybe this gift suggestion will help.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

I haven’t been able to get Lion interested in sex for a few days. One night he was full from dinner. One night his buns hurt from his spanking. I don’t remember what excuse if any, he had last night. Of course, no excuse is necessary. I offer. If he’s not interested, I try again the next day. Eventually, I do start to wonder what’s going on. I’m not at that point yet. He hasn’t complained about being broken. I know he isn’t broken. He knows it, too, even though he says he is from time to time.

When I can’t get him aroused, I wonder if I’m annoying him by trying. I’m pretty sure he wonders if he’s annoying me by taking longer than usual to show interest. I just don’t want to keep going if I’m bothering him. I don’t want to start if it bothers him. What guy wouldn’t want his penis fondled? He says it feels good even if he’s not going to get hard, so maybe I don’t really need to worry about bothering him. [Lion — Nope!] Unless he’s in pain or not feeling well, I think he’d at least like to snuggle. And if my hand wanders, well, what’s the harm.

This is all a silly dance we play where we try not to do anything to upset one other. He doesn’t want to take advantage of me by “making” me play with him. I don’t want to assume he wants attention. I guess we both assume the other won’t speak up. I told you it was silly. He will tell me if he doesn’t think he’ll get very far when I’m playing with him. I will tell him if I don’t feel like playing. I don’t know why we worry.

Tonight I’ll try to get Lion excited again. It will either work or it won’t. If it works, he’ll either get to the edge, or he won’t. We just keep plugging along.

By:
In: Punishment

After almost three decades of BDSM, I thought I understood something as basic as spanking. Before being with Mrs. Lion, I must have spanked 100 women and had been spanked by ten. None of the spankings were punishment. They were part of the BDSM play. Based on my experience as a bottom, spankings affected me in a predictable pattern.

First, each swat would sting sharply. I wanted to escape. After a while, the pain would dull. At some point, it would become tolerable, even enjoyable in an odd way. Most spankings started with a hand and progressed to a leather or wood paddle. I rarely felt any lasting effects.

Spanking changed when Mrs. Lion began punishing me. She used paddles. They were selected from my collection for their ability to inflict the most pain. Over time, she learned which paddles stung and made my bottom red and which ones would bruise me and hurt for days. She discovered tender spots inside my crack and on my perineum. She didn’t worry about drawing blood. I bleed as well as get blisters when beaten.

She learned to make the experience miserable for me. I can hear her saying, “You wanted it. You got it.”

Yup, I did. (note the past tense). Predictably, when the pain became horrible and the sexual thrill was gone, I questioned why I subjected myself to this suffering. Of course, the answer is simple: It isn’t my choice. I may have started the ball rolling, even encouraged Mrs. Lion from time to time, but I don’t control how often or how vigorously I get spanked. Spanking is punishment.

Now that the punishment is meaningful (translation: I hate every second of it), I’m forced to come to terms that I am subject to punishment, not some BDSM role play. This realization has come slowly. It’s very similar to Mrs. Lion learning to punish me for annoying her.

It turns out that a light doesn’t just come on, and I realize that I am actually subject to real discipline. It’s a gradual process. As long as Mrs. Lion consistently punishes me, I think that realization will grow until I fully understand my role. Both of us have been learning. It turns out Mrs. Lion’s role is active. She learns to observe and punish. Mine is passive. I have to learn to unconditionally accept her will and retribution when I displease her. The better she gets, the more challenging it is for me.