By:
In: Sex, BDSM, Spanking

I planned on writing about how kinks like ours can fade away and leave a sad void. Our bed (and spanking bench) hasn’t had any activity for the last couple of weeks. I have been feeling down and not too interested in BDSM or sex. Mrs. Lion was more than willing to follow my lead. On Sunday, she decided to get out the butt plug. She picked up the lube and plug and walked to my side of the bed. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but it was a businesslike request to present my rear end. I told her that I would rather not. She walked away. [Mrs. Lion — I walked away because Lion said the dog’s nails needed to be cut and that pissed me off because it was like he was nagging me.]

This is pretty much how things have been going. I tried to talk about it with her later that evening. I explained that BDSM and one-way sex wasn’t fun unless she had a good time too. I’ve learned that even one-way sex requires both people to want it. Mrs. Lion may not want sex for herself, but getting me off just because I want sex loses its luster after a while. Sure, she gives amazing head. I love how it feels. But I don’t like being on her list of chores.

For example, on Sunday, when I demurred from the butt plug, Mrs. Lion said, “OK, I’ll go trim the dog’s nails.”

Yup, cross lion sex play off the list and move to the next item. That doesn’t feel good to me. Worse yet, after her shower, she said, “I had an idea in the shower. You should consider sex the ‘bonus round.’ You know, like on TV, it’s when the contestant goes for the big prize.”

I get it. Being last on the chore list means it’s the best chore. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but that hurt. [Mrs. Lion — I thought he’d like being considered the big prize of the night. I would.]

I suppose it’s natural for things to devolve this way. Mrs. Lion just doesn’t get aroused. Sex for me isn’t sex for her. If I give her an orgasm, she doesn’t like it. Yes, she can have orgasms. She doesn’t want them. The point is that there is a giant disconnect. She’s my wife and the love of my life. Sex without joy feels bad to me. Since she lost interest in sex, she’s never kissed me when she decides to get me off. She kisses me when she puts drops in my eyes. We agreed that would be a nice thing to do. She kisses me when she is leaving (I kiss her too, of course). We kiss at odd moments. Our lips don’t touch before, during, or after sex for me. [Mrs. Lion — I reminded Lion that we never really kissed a lot during sex, but I do caress him and kiss my weenie, if he’s available, when I do his eye drops.]

That sends a message that sex and, for that matter, BDSM aren’t expressions of love. Affection is missing. Impersonally plugging my ass isn’t an act of love. I suppose I could pretend we are doing role play, and she is the impersonal mistress. That only works if she is actively playing that role. Sticking a butt plug up my ass as the chore to do before grooming the dog doesn’t turn me on.

It’s 100% true that Mrs. Lion does these things because she loves me. I understand that. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make them fun for me. She is a quiet person. I recognize that gets in her way. The thing is that I have reached the point when I would rather have nothing than impersonal sex.

This brings up a difficult question. What does Mrs. Lion need to do if she wants to change this? I’ve given this a lot of thought. When we were new to domestic discipline, she let me know when I broke a rule. She smiled and told me what I had done and what I had come. Sure, that was how we trained ourselves when we started. It was fun too. The rules weren’t for serious problems. Her reaction to my slip-ups let me know she liked what we were doing. The spankings certainly hurt just as much, but still…

Sex was fun too. She didn’t want anything for herself, but she wanted sex with me. She talked with me about it before, during, and after. She laughed and showed amusement when I humped air or grunted in exasperation when she edged me. We were both doing it. It was hot, and it was fun. She appeared to enjoy locking me in a male chastity device and would make comments about my locked state between sessions. And she kissed me. She kissed my lips and the head of my cock. Affection was always there, even during spankings. I got lots of “Poor Lion’s” and, “I wouldn’t have to do this if you behaved.” It was both humiliating and affectionate. She wasn’t just a spanking machine. She seemed to be having fun.

On Sunday, I stopped updating our whiteboard with days since my last orgasm. Mrs. Lion asked me why I stopped. I told her that I saw no point. This morning I noticed that she had posted the number of days. She didn’t comment until I mentioned it in an email to her. It was a great move, but why do it without a word to me. It ruined the value to me. [Mrs. Lion — I thought he’d like knowing his wait time is still important to me.]

I’ve learned that there is a lot more to all this than teasing and spanking. Well, actually I knew that all along. I figured Mrs. Lion did too. We’ve discussed this subject endlessly. She always says she will do better. I know she wants to. I don’t think she’s found her voice. There has to be some pleasure in this for her. She wouldn’t have kept it up all these years. She’s inconsistent about other chores but usually remembers dealing with me. I am always spanked if I miss setting up the coffee pot. Always. That’s something significant. Too bad she never says a word when I forget. She silently gets the spanking bench out and tells me to get on it. No words other than that. [Mrs. Lion — I tell him when he forgets the coffee pot. I usually tell him if he didn’t misbehave he wouldn’t be getting spanked. I’ve explained to Lion that I need to remain distant when I spank him (or any other mean task) because I can’t do it if I let myself feel anything. It wouldn’t be a very effective spanking if I allowed his yelps to sway me.]

I don’t mean to be ungrateful. Mrs. Lion works very hard to make my life better. I appreciate all of her efforts. This post isn’t meant as a complaint. It’s my explanation of why I gave up. Mrs. Lion, you don’t have to do any of this to keep me loving you more than anything. I’m yours for life.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

I read an article this morning that said people who meet online are more likely to get divorced within three years than people who meet any other way. I can’t find the damn article to get specific numbers, but the logic seems to be that people who meet online don’t have the strong ties that people who met through friends or family have. There was also the category of people who met in bars. I’d think meeting online would have similar divorce rates to those who met in bars, but they didn’t seem to.

The divorce rate drops off after three years because the couple now knows each other better. Of course, they don’t say if the people who met online jumped right into marriage without really knowing each other. I’d assume any couple who jumps right into marriage without knowing each other would have problems. And just because you know each other doesn’t mean you aren’t destined for divorce.

There are a lot of holes in this article. It would help if I could find the stupid thing again so I could reference it. I always worry when anyone says something about couples who meet online because that’s how Lion and I met. We didn’t jump right into marriage. We knew each other for a few years before I moved in. I won’t say it’s been smooth sailing the entire time. We’re in a bit of a maelstrom right now. We’re not in any danger of divorce, but it’s quite bumpy. Plus, we’re well past the three-year mark. Whew!

Our biggest problem is communication. Sometimes we get stuck in the “you always do X” rather than the now-cliche “when you do this; it makes me feel this way.” We’ll be okay. We need more intimacy and more sharing. Sometimes I think couples don’t know what they need. We know what we need to do. We’re just having trouble getting there. It’s like knowing you need to eat healthier. Knowing it and doing it are two vastly different things.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Lion went into the bedroom around 3:30 or 4 yesterday. He said he was only going because he felt tired. I went in to join him. In hindsight, that was a sign. He wanted attention. I missed it. I was joining him to be with him – not to be with him.

After dinner, when I tried to give him attention, he wasn’t in the mood. Well, duh. He’d been in the mood earlier. Why would he be in the mood later? He’s entered the doldrums portion of his wait. Right after an orgasm, he has a period where he doesn’t want sex. He’s recharging. Then he gets horny again. Then he may or may not want sex, and his body may or may not cooperate. I think this is where we are now. I’ve got to strike while the iron is hot. I waited till the iron was unplugged and cooling down yesterday.

Today is football and laundry and what to do about dinner. Somewhere in the middle (yes, I know the game can be paused), it will be Lion time. I was thinking butt plug again. I can do something that he can think about while I’m not necessarily doing anything else and think more about when I am doing something. Having a plug up your ass, I’d imagine, is a feeling that does not go away just because someone is yanking on your weenie. And it definitely becomes more pressing as things heat up. I know Lion clenches his thigh when he has an orgasm. I think he’d be clenching internally too. Pain versus pleasure. Lion loves that.

I still owe Lion a ride. I have not forgotten. It took him a long time to get his other birthday present and his birthday dinner. If we can ever get on the same page and he has a super erection, he’ll get it. Does it have to be a super erection? Not really. I just need a saddle horn to hang onto while I ride. Yeehaw!

[Lion — Yup. I’ve been waiting 1,362 days to be ridden. <sigh>]

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

The dog woke me up at 5:30. I played with her for an hour thinking she’d be calmer later on. Nope. Around 6:30, Lion was awake and asking if I was up. I said I was and climbed back into bed. I thought we’d watch TV as usual. Nope. The dog woke me up at 11:30. Lion was still sleeping. I guess we were both tired. Lion slept till 12:30. I think that’s the longest we’ve both slept in a very long time. I’m glad we were able to.

When I got home from my “playdate” with my boss and a former coworker, Lion was barricaded in his office. He came out a little while later and we watched TV. I read his post that said I probably wasn’t going to do anything with him, but he’d taken a boner pill just in case. I planned to do something with him, although it did not involve IcyHot. When I snuggled in, he put on a show we like to watch and fell asleep. He wonders why I don’t wake him up for sex. See above paragraph. Obviously he’s tired.

I am cautiously optimistic about today. Sure, it’s already almost 3 but we can’t possibly be tired anymore. Right? Don’t challenge me. I bet we could both fall back to sleep without too much trouble. At some point, Lion will come out of his barricaded office. I’ll take a break from whatever I’m doing. And we’ll watch some TV or actually have a plan for play. I hope he can stay awake long enough for whatever I do plan. (I doubt it will involve IcyHot.) I’ll get my weenie working again. He just needs a little encouragement.