By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Lion is sort of a creature of habit. At the very least, he wants things to go the way he wants things to go. I’ve had enough disappointments to know that sometimes shit happens. A concert is cancelled. A car breaks down. Dinner is late. Something that should have taken an hour stretches to three. Lion has gotten used to playing pretty much every night. Nevermind the fact that the night after an orgasm is typically a no play night.

Last night I had plans in the evening. The original plan was to eat dinner first and then I’d leave. Lion decided to come with me. And then we decided we’d eat after we met up with a friend. Somehow I got the meeting place wrong and we wasted about an hour waiting before we realized what happened. Then we had to travel another twenty minutes to get to the correct spot. Now it was getting late. Lion was hungry and cranky. He had planned to get to the destination, spend an hour eating, and we’d be home well before 10 so we could do “whatever else we had planned.” I know it was Sunday and a “school night”, but I don’t often go out so what’s the big deal. Yes, we would potentially be more tired than if we had stayed home. He wasn’t sold on the idea of my going out anyway.

2.0 stepped in to tell him that his whining about being hungry and it getting late was the reason she didn’t think it was such a good idea for him to come in the first place. Before we even left I was considering putting a few pennies in my pocket just in case. I should have. In retrospect, he should have earned a penny for his grumblings. Yes, I got the meeting place wrong. Yes, there was a delay in realizing we were at the wrong spot. Yes, it was getting late. Yes, we were getting hungry. Put on your big boy pants and deal with it.

So we wound up leaving at the time we thought we’d be home. We didn’t have a chance to play. Whether we would have or not, I don’t know. We had a little more trouble getting to sleep because we didn’t have our normal hours to wind down. Am I glad I went? You bet! I need to do more things with friends, with or without Lion. And he needs to let me.

[Lion – I was hungry and grumpy. The friend was an hour late and then after she finally told us she was ready to meet, we found the hotel was wrong. I was grumbling about that. I expect people to meet me at the agreed time or at least let me know if they will be late. Neither happened. Still, I should have been a better sport. Mrs. Lion and I have very different ideas about how friends should respect us. I consider being late without letting us know, disrespectful. I do deserve the spanking I will get tonight and I will try to be more laid back in the future.]

By:
In: Edging, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

Enforced chastity is a quirky corner in the world of kink. Most people never heard of it. Even in the world of BDSM it’s unknown. Surprisingly, most of the people who buy chastity devices have no idea that there are some people who wear them all the time. The typical purchaser buys it for hot, occasional play with never a thought about being locked in a device all the time. Those of us who somehow wandered into this corner of kink have the Internet to thank for any information we happened to glean on this subject.

Mrs. Lion and I learned about the hardware on the Web. We, mostly I, spent hours and hours reading what others have written about how this hardware is used. We (me) also got ideas on how people use this hardware to support a full-time practice of lockup and orgasm control. Like most, we used some of what we read and invented the rest.

Probably the most unbelievable part of this practice to outsiders is the fact that men who are in enforced chastity have so few orgasms, not to mention only have them when their keyholder wants. “How can you let yourself get into that situation?” is a frequent question. That question is generally asked in the context of reduced orgasms.

Most guys have sex of some sort about three times a week. Sex to them is being stimulated to ejaculation either with a partner or alone. My average is once every couple of weeks and always with my partner and keyholder. Ahh. You have sex once for every six times the typical male does. That’s only 16% of the average. That’s crazy!

Wrong. I have sex on average of 50 times a week. Almost every night Mrs. Lion stimulates me to the very edge of ejaculation over and over. She gets me to the point every fiber in my being wants her to keep going so I can ejaculate; but she doesn’t. I figure that she gets me over 90% of the way to ejaculation and orgasm. “How terrible,” you’re thinking. Poor, frustrated lion. If you’re a glass-half-full sort of person, that’s true. But if you are a glass-90%-full guy like me, you’re thinking, “Wow! He gets 90% of the way to an orgasm fifty times every week. That’s amazing.”

It’s true that when Mrs. Lion finishes a session, I am left weak, sweaty, and panting for more. Isn’t that how you are supposed to feel after good sex? The hard part is that after all that edging I am more desperate for sex than when she started. It’s also true that it doesn’t feel very good when she suddenly stops just before I reach the peak. That’s why it is called orgasm control.

If you define sex in terms of orgasm count, then yes, I get only 1/6th the orgasms of the average guy. I’m usually tree-humping horny, dreaming of the next chance I get to ejaculate. I’m frustrated and desperate for an orgasm. But am I grumpy and feeling deprived? No. I’m hopeful and looking forward to the next session which will undoubtedly end with me begging for release.

I’m actually very lucky. Each and every week I get at lest fifty chances to almost experience an orgasm. The fact that I didn’t get to go over the top leaves me ready to do it again and again without pause. Some say this is the male equivalent of female multiple orgasms. I must like it. I always cone back for more. No matter how frustrated I know it will leave me, I look forward to those trips just below the peak. It’s a good thing. 2.0 has made it clear that this is how my life will continue to go. I’m very happy to learn that. I’m having a very good time. I feel sorry for those poor guys who only have sex three times a week.

By:
In: CBT

We both learned things yesterday. Lion learned not to assume something is too weak and I learned that proving a point is not always worth it.

I told Lion I was going to use menthol on his balls last night. I tied him to the bed and brought out the menthol he thought wasn’t strong enough. After I paid a little attention to Mr. Weenie, I proceeded to slather on the “weak” menthol. Very shortly it became apparent that it was not weak at all. I had to untie Lion so he could wash it off. So much for his theory of 1.5% menthol being weak. So much, too, for my theory of Lion not being able to handle the weak menthol. Turns out we were both wrong. Fools rush in and all that.

Our theories range from he was not turned on enough to I put too much on at once to he was sensitive from the manscaping I had done earlier in the day. Live and learn.

Once he was done washing off and his balls returned to semi-normal, we tried again. I tied him back up and edged him. I was torn between wanting to give him an orgasm and wanting him to wait. I wanted to wait since burning his balls is not the best foreplay for an orgasm. I wanted to wait because I had a different plan on how he would have his orgasm. In the end, I gave him an orgasm because he was ready for it. Not that I didn’t think he could wait. Not because I felt bad for burning his balls. (I did, but that’s not why I gave it to him.) I just felt it was time.

Almost immediately he said he’d have an awfully long wait since he was only going to have two orgasms in April. Again with that? I asked him who said that. He had read it in my post. Black and white. There it was. What I said was that there was a trend for only two in April. There’s a trend for none in June. I don’t think he’d like that too much. The only thing I said was certain was that I was not going to buck the trend for March. There were only two days left in March at the time and since the earliest day he could possibly have an orgasm, according to the schedule, was the 30th, I wasn’t going to give him one at least until April 1. I may tease him about not giving him an orgasm for a month or a year, but we both like his orgasms too much to follow through with it.

Right now, the schedule says April 10 is his next date. Of course, that’s only the date that an orgasm becomes possible. It is not necessarily the date he will have one. This time he had to wait three days beyond his scheduled date. I wonder how long 2.0 will make him wait this time.

By:
In: Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Orgasm control is a term that’s bandied about on various forums. People who use this term consider it different than enforced chastity. Depending on who is writing, some fine, basically-trivial differences are cited. Let’s try to clarify.

First, enforced male chastity is a practice where the male is forbidden to have sexual release that isn’t authorized by a person called his keyholder. Many people who practice this use a mechanical chastity device that is locked on the penis and prevents erection and orgasm. This device, however, is not necessary to practice enforced chastity. The requirement is that the male won’t allow himself to orgasm in any way without the authorization of the keyholder.

As Mrs. Lion has made very clear, whether or not I am wearing a chastity device has nothing to do with her control of my sexuality. I like wearing the device because I find it exciting and I like the fact that I have no choice whether or not I can have an orgasm. When she lets me remain uncaged, I still don’t have the right to touch myself sexually, or for that matter, let anyone else touch me sexually. But it is possible without the mechanical barrier.

Some people believe that the chastity device is the only tool the keyholder has to control the caged male’s sexual activity. They also believe that sexual control without a mechanical device is orgasm control, not enforced chastity. So, apparently for some people, enforced chastity is about hardware and orgasm control is dominance.

That’s not how my lioness and keyholder looks at it; at least now. When we started, enforced chastity was something she did to make me happy. I didn’t cheat because I was living one of my fantasies. Somewhere along the way Mrs. Lion came to think of me masturbating in a similar way to how she thinks of me having sex with another woman. I talked a bit about this change in my post yesterday.

You see, enforced chastity / orgasm control are both part of a power exchange. In the world of BDSM, power exchanges are negotiated, have limits, and can have safe words. In our marriage, enforced chastity is no longer a power exchange; it’s a marriage vow. It’s an essential part of the bond of trust that Mrs. Lion and I share as a couple. I absolutely trust that she won’t have sex with anyone but me. She absolutely trusts that I won’t have sex with another woman and also trusts that I will never touch myself sexually.

This goes way beyond a power exchange. It is a central trust issue in our marriage. I don’t think either of us noticed this shift. Somehow it went from something Mrs. Lion did to make me happy, to something she enjoyed as well, and now to a marriage vow she considers central to our relationship.

This evolution is completely unexpected. I don’t think either of us noticed until I asked in a post how Mrs. Lion would react to me masturbating. Her reaction caught me by surprise. I suspect it surprised her too. I’m still processing my feelings about this. I accept it, but it does make me feel a bit odd. It is clear that whether or not we practice BDSM or I wear a chastity device, I can never touch my penis sexually. Only Mrs. Lion has access to it. Wow!