Growing Into Our New Roles
Mrs. Lion has written that sometimes she is my “wife” and takes care of me. In order to do that she has to step out of her role as domestic disciplinarian. Apparently she had the idea that if we are in a wife led marriage where she disciplines me as well as controls my ability to get sexual release, that she would somehow be stepping out of her role if she did things for me. That got me thinking about exactly what it really means to have a wife led marriage. Obviously, the change gives Mrs. Lion explicit permission to manage my behavior in any way she wishes. She has both the right and responsibility to discipline me as needed. Since we also practice enforced chastity, she controls any sexual pleasure I might have.
Does this mean that I am now an emasculated puppet and Mrs. Lion a bonbon-eating tyrant who uses me to satisfy her slightest whim? Does she keep me in frilly panties and make me wear a skirt at home? In fiction that is how my role is frequently described. In the BDSM world, many hot scenes look just like that. It can be an exciting fantasy for some, but is it a realistic lifestyle?
In my view, for either enforced chastity or domestic discipline/wife-led-marriage to work, it must fit in with a normal, healthy relationship. That sets up some real challenges for us. Enforced chastity has been a way to push sex into the foreground of our marriage. Ironically, depriving me of sex has made us both more aware of it. It’s helped us regain intimacy and has forced us to find ways to improve our sex life.
At the moment WLM and domestic discipline are arousing ideas that I wanted to make real. Mrs. Lion, as always, agreed to do this for me. None of this comes naturally to either of us. I do believe that underneath my kinky carnal desire, there is a potential for serious goodness in doing this.
I am a leader by nature and profession. Mrs. Lion has never liked taking charge. On the most superficial level, WLM is a role reversal of sorts. Mrs. Lion has always done a great deal around the house. In fairness, I do too. If I don’t do something it either goes undone or Mrs. Lion does it. In fairness, Mrs. Lion rarely sees the things I think need doing. Also, Mrs. Lion has taught herself to have few expectations.
We both need training. I need to learn to function in an environment where I am not in control. I have to learn to accept rather than initiate. I need to feel the consequences of willfulness and failing to follow through. I want to be a better husband. I also want to indulge my kink for discipline.
Mrs. Lion, if she is observing my compliance and disciplining me for not meeting the mark, will become more aware of what is happening around her. She will learn to see things that need doing. Whether she decides to deal with it or assign it to me, she will be far more active as my wife. By expecting me to do things (even if they are things I would do anyway), she will learn to have expectations of me. While my butt will get sore, she will get stronger and more entitled. That’s a very good thing.
That’s my vision. I don’t really expect things to change a lot, at least in the near future. Like enforced chastity, WLM will raise our awareness and force us to work together to get things done. As Mrs. Lion said in her post yesterday, she doesn’t feel the need to make me wait to come or to discipline me for things I miss. She pointed out that she often forgets to do things herself. Of course, that’s my point. For very different reasons we are prone to let things slip. When we finally do get around to taking care of things, we both love the results.
Maybe these concepts, enforced chastity and domestic discipline, will help us continue to grow and make our lives better. I know it won’t be easy for either of us. We both have to learn more new things. Time will tell if this new adventure will fit us and our world.
Tuesday Musings
Lion had a very eventful night last night. First of all, it was a newly instituted punishment night. He got four hard swats for forgetting things. They were minor infractions, but since it was the inaugural night I felt I couldn’t let it go. Then, of course, it was orgasm night. But I also surprised him with a reward for completing all of his assigned tasks for the day. I allowed him to choose the method of orgasm. He decided on a blow job. Yum! I guess it pays to be a good Lion.
However, then I changed the date on his orgasm calendar. March 11. A sixteen day wait. Uh oh. He wonders how he will make it that long. I told him he better hope he earns a super deluxe reward of an unrestricted orgasm. I’m not sure what he’ll have to do to earn it, but it will have to be something very good. Of course, I know he can make it. He does too. It’s just a daunting task to stare down the barrel of a fully loaded penis and have no relief in sight.
On the way to work this morning I had yet another mini panic attack that I am not making Lion happy. Of course I know he is happy. But then why would he want to start domestic discipline? Because it’s something he’s wanted to do for a long time. Why isn’t he just happy with chastity? Because he also wants discipline. But what will he want next? No idea. Really. None. What if I can’t do it all? I can only do what I can do. And then I was ok again.
I think domestic discipline will be much harder for me than chastity. Despite Lion’s musings that I am becoming very skilled at things and seem to be embracing them, I don’t care about making Lion wait for an orgasm. True, chastity has brought us closer together. I’m happy about that. I’m not necessarily happy about having a teasing schedule or an orgasm schedule. I understand the purpose of them. Maybe I’m just being impatient. I really don’t care about giving Lion tasks and punishing him if he doesn’t do them. So what if he doesn’t do them? Part of me feels bad when I feel like I do everything around the house (I don’t) and part of me feels bad that I don’t do more. Why should Lion get punished when I forget just as much as he does?
Maybe I have some sort of letdown when he has an orgasm. I think this is just the “normal” side of me coming through. The pre-Lion me. The doubting side. It will pass.
Our Wife Led Marriage
Last night was my scheduled orgasm time. It was also our first scheduled punishment session. As Mrs. Lion wrote in her post yesterday, when a day has both punishment and sexual activity, she would punish early so that the fun wouldn’t be too close to my punishment. That’s exactly what she did. Right after dinner, I was face down on the bed and received four very hard paddle swats. Mrs. Lion said that the offenses I committed were minor and wouldn’t normally get punished, but we need to build good habits. The orgasm later was great. As a reward for doing all my chores, she let me choose how I would come. I selected oral sex. Mrs. Lion obliged with a great blow job. This was a very good day for a lion.
You may be wondering how we seem to have veered off the straight chastity path and moved into domestic discipline Actually, it’s a logical extension. As I see it, when I was locked up, I surrendered sexual control. The only sexual pleasure I have comes when Mrs. Lion unlocks me and gives it to me. I am totally dependent on her for arousal and occasional orgasm. The keyword in “enforced chastity” is “enforced”. Simply put, it means that regardless of my desire, I am prevented from arousal and orgasm unless Mrs. Lion wants me to enjoy that. This enforcement is not only accomplished by the Jail Bird I wear 24/7, but by her order that I refrain regardless of whether I am locked up. It’s that simple.
I like that she has control. I like it so much that I want it to extend further into my life. I also like the idea of being punished for transgressions. Now, I should point out that I have no real experience being disciplined. It’s true that Mrs. Lion has occasionally given me brief, painful spankings for breaking rules (trivial, artificial rules unfortunately). I didn’t like them a bit, but somehow feeling her control was good to me.
So, punishment that is meant to really discipline me will be new. The big difference to me between what we did before and domestic discipline is that punishments are intended to hurt me and help me learn obedience and improve my memory. I get them because Mrs. Lion feels I need them; not because I want to be punished. I have never experienced this in my life. That could be why I have wanted it. What happens when we get going and twice a week I am called to account for things that previously had been ignored? In the beginning it will be new and exciting in a painful way. That will wear off quickly.
When I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me in a chastity advice, I found the idea immensely exciting. In the beginning (we started slow), I got to come pretty much whenever I wanted. Over time, Mrs. Lion learned to enjoy my frustration and orgasms came only when she decided I should have them. There were some dark times. Often, they occurred on the sixth day of my wait. Mrs. Lion punished me when I acted out. I am slowly learning to accept my fate. She got better as my keyholder and I got better in my sexually submissive role. We discovered positive benefits for our relationship.
We only got to this point by agreeing very early on that we would not quit regardless of how either of us felt for nearly two years. The idea was to give us time to adapt and grow in enforced chastity. It went from a hot power exchange game into a permanent part of our lives. I think Mrs. Lion likes me better this way. I love the regular intimacy and, ironically, the sexual closeness we feel.
I expect domestic discipline to go the same way. In the beginning, while we are feeling our way, we will find artificial reasons to discipline me. The punishments will be relatively mild, but strong enough to really hurt. One or both of us will want to quit. I suspect that I will get frustrated and stop “wanting” punishments. I will want to go back to the old ways. Mrs. Lion might even be inclined to let me. But we can’t. We will agree to seriously pursue it until some future date, maybe December 31, 2015.
That means we will both become more aware of my behavior and Mrs. Lion will find changes she wants me to make. Punishments will become more painful or otherwise unpleasant. She will find ways to make her points strongly enough to assure I would never willfully disobey. Her power will grow and mine will diminish. By the end of the year, we will know whether a wife led marraige is how we want to continue living.
In her post, Mrs. Lion also mentioned a Wife Led Marriage (WLM). Neither of us have a clear idea what this means. Mrs. Lion thought it meant that she would make every single decision and that I would become a domestic servant. Neither of us like that. I am not that submissive and she married me because she likes the way I am. But isn’t any relationship where the wife controls her husband in any way she sees fit, a WLM? I think it is. I also think that there is no hard-and-fast definition. Maybe enforced chastity and domestic discipline are parts of our blossoming WLM. What do you think?
And We’re Off
I guess it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by new things. Yesterday I mentioned I had a moment of terror with regard to domestic discipline. It wasn’t any different than the moments of terror I got when we started male chastity. Or, for that matter, any time we introduce something new. There are always times when I think I’m in way over my head. I just need to remember that there’s a learning curve and we need to take one step at a time. If you’ve been following us, you know that we’ve made our share of missteps along the way. Male chastity hasn’t always gone smoothly for us, but we’ve taken our time and worked through things. We continue to do this.
Lion loves to jump into the deep end when we start new things. Domestic discipline is no different. He’s full of suggestions. Full of ideas. Full of information from different sources. He’s excited. I can’t blame him. He’s like a kid with a new toy. He’s also like our dog on a leash. She drags me down the road, choking herself, so excited to find new things to smell. I constantly have to reel her back in and calm her down. That’s Lion. Charging down the road. Excited to get some rules set. Overanxious to tell me his transgressions. “I forgot to take my medicine. Do I get punished?” “This thing happened today and I forgot to tell you. Do I get punished?”
I know he’s trying to feel out the boundaries. What is a punishable offense? I still need to decide. So I told him to tell me when he’s done something wrong so I can decide if he needs to be punished. I can’t whomp him for everything. First of all, we’d have no time for anything else. Second, for the swats to mean anything, they should be for things that matter. Of course, if there are enough of the little things over the course of a day or so (if he constantly forgets to take his medicine or tell me things) then those transgressions should add up to one big thing. We’re very new at this so I’m sure there will be missteps. My job is to make sure we don’t get too far off the rails.
I have to decide when I want to dish out the punishment. Every few days? Certain days of the week? I probably just need to pick one and see how it goes. I can always change it later. So for now I will make it on Mondays and Thursdays. Just random days. If punishment day falls on a play day or scheduled orgasm day I will need to do the punishment earlier in the evening. I don’t want the discipline too close to the pleasure.
And we’re off.
