Mrs. Lion has written that sometimes she is my “wife” and takes care of me. In order to do that she has to step out of her role as domestic disciplinarian. Apparently she had the idea that if we are in a wife led marriage where she disciplines me as well as controls my ability to get sexual release, that she would somehow be stepping out of her role if she did things for me. That got me thinking about exactly what it really means to have a wife led marriage. Obviously, the change gives Mrs. Lion explicit permission to manage my behavior in any way she wishes. She has both the right and responsibility to discipline me as needed. Since we also practice enforced chastity, she controls any sexual pleasure I might have.
Does this mean that I am now an emasculated puppet and Mrs. Lion a bonbon-eating tyrant who uses me to satisfy her slightest whim? Does she keep me in frilly panties and make me wear a skirt at home? In fiction that is how my role is frequently described. In the BDSM world, many hot scenes look just like that. It can be an exciting fantasy for some, but is it a realistic lifestyle?
In my view, for either enforced chastity or domestic discipline/wife-led-marriage to work, it must fit in with a normal, healthy relationship. That sets up some real challenges for us. Enforced chastity has been a way to push sex into the foreground of our marriage. Ironically, depriving me of sex has made us both more aware of it. It’s helped us regain intimacy and has forced us to find ways to improve our sex life.
At the moment WLM and domestic discipline are arousing ideas that I wanted to make real. Mrs. Lion, as always, agreed to do this for me. None of this comes naturally to either of us. I do believe that underneath my kinky carnal desire, there is a potential for serious goodness in doing this.
I am a leader by nature and profession. Mrs. Lion has never liked taking charge. On the most superficial level, WLM is a role reversal of sorts. Mrs. Lion has always done a great deal around the house. In fairness, I do too. If I don’t do something it either goes undone or Mrs. Lion does it. In fairness, Mrs. Lion rarely sees the things I think need doing. Also, Mrs. Lion has taught herself to have few expectations.
We both need training. I need to learn to function in an environment where I am not in control. I have to learn to accept rather than initiate. I need to feel the consequences of willfulness and failing to follow through. I want to be a better husband. I also want to indulge my kink for discipline.
Mrs. Lion, if she is observing my compliance and disciplining me for not meeting the mark, will become more aware of what is happening around her. She will learn to see things that need doing. Whether she decides to deal with it or assign it to me, she will be far more active as my wife. By expecting me to do things (even if they are things I would do anyway), she will learn to have expectations of me. While my butt will get sore, she will get stronger and more entitled. That’s a very good thing.
That’s my vision. I don’t really expect things to change a lot, at least in the near future. Like enforced chastity, WLM will raise our awareness and force us to work together to get things done. As Mrs. Lion said in her post yesterday, she doesn’t feel the need to make me wait to come or to discipline me for things I miss. She pointed out that she often forgets to do things herself. Of course, that’s my point. For very different reasons we are prone to let things slip. When we finally do get around to taking care of things, we both love the results.
Maybe these concepts, enforced chastity and domestic discipline, will help us continue to grow and make our lives better. I know it won’t be easy for either of us. We both have to learn more new things. Time will tell if this new adventure will fit us and our world.