Is This Submissive?
A few days ago I wrote a post about rules and their use in enforced chastity or FLR. One of our readers, Naga di Kandang offered a comment with a very interesting quote:
It’s not submission if I’d be doing it anyway.
Interesting point. Does this mean that if I would wear a chastity device on my own, wearing one and giving the key to my wife isn’t submission? Is something submissive only if I am forced to do it? If I like what I am told to do, am I not being submissive?
Granted, something feels more submissive if I wouldn’t do it on my own. But I think is way too narrow a definition to assume that only things I wouldn’t do on my own are submissive. For example, I want to wear a chastity device but I want an orgasm more frequently than Mrs. Lion allows me. So, in a different sense, my submission is demonstrated by my having to wait to orgasm past the point I would get off on my own.
Rules, of course, are great ways to provide submission opportunities. Even if I would be naked around the house at times, my rule requires it all the time unless we have company who wouldn’t understand. So, while it is something I might do on my own, it isn’t something I would do all the time.
These examples demonstrate my take on submission. I would define it as allowing someone else to control parts of my life. If Mrs. Lion kept me locked only as long as I thought I want to wait, then that isn’t submission at all. But if I get to come when she decides, then I am being submissive. If she has the right to make any decision she chooses, even if she doesn’t counter a decision I made on my own, I am still submissive to her.
I think submission has four key components: control, obedience, discipline, and rewards. All four have to be present in a D/S relationship. Intensity or frequency of activity are not important, at least in terms of the definition. But if I am submissive to Mrs. Lion, she has the ability to control, order, discipline, and reward me. Failure to obey is punished.
This can be very subtle. In many enforced chastity relationships, the D/S dynamic is very subtle, but by definition it has to be there. If a keyholder or dominant wife is aware of the four components, she can enhance her male’s feeling of submission by providing all four regularly. It’s not rocket science, but conscious awareness is important for success.
Ongoing Experiments
We had a very successful play session yesterday afternoon. Lion’s buns were very pink by the time I got done with them. He did, however, squirm a bit and insist that I was hitting too hard and for too long. I disagreed and kept going. That’s sort of a first for me. Usually he complains about the same time I was going to stop and he takes that to mean that he influenced me. This time I decided to keep going even if I would have normally stopped.
It’s been a very long time since he’s had a sore bottom for fun. I took a picture of his rosy cheeks but I don’t think the picture quite showed the effects of all my hard work. At least Lion felt it. And Mr. Weenie was at attention when he rolled over. It didn’t take long for Lion to reward me with a yummy mouthful. Between tying him up, the long spanking, and the orgasm, he was one happy boy. He was even talking about it hours later when we went to bed.
I’ve decided to use the orgasm calendar near the tv to indicate Lion’s last orgasm rather than his next scheduled one. That way we can both see how long he has waited until the next one even if he doesn’t know when that elusive next orgasm will be. [You can see this information if you look at the right column] And I will take my cues from him to see when to give him one. As he mentioned in his post, he’ll go through a lull of a few days where he won’t want an orgasm. Then his need will increase for a while. At some point it will drop off. My goal is to keep his interest up for as long as possible. Sometimes I may go beyond the point where he loses interest, but that’s too bad. He can’t always have everything exactly when he wants it.
I don’t think I’ll intentionally give him any ruined orgasms. This time the experiment is my ability to read him. A ruined orgasm with throw things off. And, of course, we are still continuing the experiment of domestic discipline. I will not be giving him daily maintenance swats. I think I’ve gotten quite good at whacking him hard enough for him to get the message. I need to find reasons to correct his behavior now.
Diminishing Returns
First, the news. Yesterday, as promised, Mrs. Lion tied me to the bed face down and gave me a long spanking She started gently but rapidly accelerated the frequency and strength of the blows. She got me quite red and sore. I loved it! Then she turned me over and gave me an amazing oral orgasm. What a great way to spend part of Sunday Afternoon!
One of the most perplexing questions a new keyholder has to answer is how long to make her caged male wait between orgasms. Male fantasies abound with ideas ranging from using a wheel of fortune or dice to determine the next date to never coming again. His partner is having trouble understanding why he wants to wait at all, so this dilemma. The fantasies claim that as the male gets hornier and hornier, he will become increasingly attentive to his keyholder. Pretty much anywhere you look on the Web, you will find this story. There is some truth to this concept. Many men experience a temporary slump in sexual interest for some time after they orgasm. So, by keeping the guy horny, he should have much more sexual interest in his keyholder. I can see that.
The big question in my mind is how long does this effect last? If the male never gets to come again, does he maintain or continually increase his attention to his keyholder? We know he won’t. At some point, even with regular teasing, he will realize that his orgasm just isn’t going to happen. At that point he has lost the sexual incentive to be attentive. Why? Simply put, a logical motive for all this intense attention is the hope that by arousing and pleasing her, she will want to please him. In enforced chastity, the orgasm can be a reward. A savvy keyholder knows that the main value of the male orgasm is that it starts his horny cycle again. Yes, there will be a brief slump, but when that is done he will be attentive.
This behavior can be observed all through the animal kingdom. Males go about their business until they sense a female who may be available to mate. At that point instinct cuts in and they exhibit elaborate mating behavior. Humans may be more subtle, but we are still animals and nature has equipped us with the tools to convince a female to mate with us. The reason, I think, that all the fantasies are so similar is that enforced chastity essentially forces us males into more-or-less continual pre-mating behavior. Without the control of enforced chastity, we might be able to mate, or at least masturbate. This relieves the building sexual tension. Without any outlet, our mating dance will get more and more urgent. This is exhibited by increased attention to our mates; not just sexual, but in other areas too. Ok, that explanation has some scientific validity. It offers an explanation for the fantasies that go along with enforced chastity. Is it accurate? I have no idea, but I think it is a useful working theory under which a keyholder can operate.
I know that the longer I wait, after a point I start to lose interest. The interest is easily revived by edging and other sexual teasing, but at some point even that won’t work. Then, I will go into a decline in sexual interest. Once that begins, extremely long waits are not difficult at all. Any behavioral changes that accompanied my urgency will also fade. So, there is a point of diminishing returns, after which sexual interest starts to decline. If the objective of the enforced chastity is to push the desire to mate to the extreme, an orgasm must be provided before that point is reached.
How long is that? I suspect that varies for each male. It could even vary at different times for the same male. So, a very valuable keyholder skill is to carefully observe her caged male and note when his ability to get aroused starts to drop off during a tease session. That’s a signal it may be time to consider giving him an orgasm. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Lots of other factors can get involved as well. So, a keyholder has to objectively consider his behavior and compare it with how he behaved in the past. This is another reason why enforced chastity takes months to even start getting on track. There is a great deal of experimenting needed to work out the best patterns. Fortunately, that experimenting can be a lot of fun.
Scheduled Versus Unscheduled
As you read in Lion’s post this morning, he didn’t have his scheduled orgasm last night. After dinner I wasn’t feeling well and he just wasn’t that horny. I’m sure he would have been hornier when I got through with his spanking, but he wanted to wait until I could enjoy myself too. Not that I enjoy myself when I spank him. But enjoy giving him a blow job.
This morning I was thinking about the delay in his orgasm and suddenly it occurred to me that if he didn’t have a scheduled date I can adjust for his horniness level. Duh! I hadn’t thought of that before. So what if I think he should have an orgasm on the third Thursday in August. If he’s not horny on that day he won’t have one. No harm no foul. He’d never know I wanted him to have one. On the other hand, if I want to share that with him to let him know what he missed then I can do that too. Aw, too bad, Lion. Tonight was orgasm night but *insert reason* so now you don’t get one.
I’m sure there will be times, like last night, that he won’t really care if it gets delayed. Other times he will. That’s the chance he took when he asked me to lock him up, be in power, and lead the sexual relationship. Silly boy.
I wish I had more conviction than I sound like I have. This is one of those times that I’m talking a good game. This aha moment came to me just a few minutes ago so I’m all full of confidence. When I actually put it into practice I will be a bundle of nerves. Not that Lion won’t go along with it, but that I can pull it off. It’s very easy for me to be nice to him. It still bothers me to be mean to him even if it’s what he wants.
Even something as simple as touching his balls on a daily basis seems strange. Not that I don’t want to touch them. I do that all the time. I’m just more likely to touch his buns than his balls. I can see how touching his balls would have more significance from a chastity point of view, but I don’t see why touching his buns doesn’t have the same effect. Is it just the proximity to Mr. Weenie? His buns are just as much mine as his cock and balls are. Oh, well. Something else I don’t understand, but I’ll do it because he wants it.
So this afternoon, we both forgot we have plans tonight, I will tie him to the bed and give him his spanking. And then, after he’s all nice and rosy cheeked I will give him one of my patented Lioness blow jobs. And we will enter the realm of non-scheduled orgasms.
