Misnomer
I’m beginning to realize that the term “enforced chastity” is either a misnomer or badly misunderstood by most of us. In my post yesterday, I wrote about orgasm control and how we are conditioned to interpret that as waiting longer and longer between orgasms. That got me thinking about why I believed that was the point of enforced chastity. First of all, my chastity device prevents me from arousal and orgasm. Its presence on my penis sends a very clear message that I’m not supposed to get hard or ejaculate. After all, I’m wearing a device that physically prevents that. What I am doing is enforced chastity which literally means I am physically prevented from having sex. Most of our fantasies are about suffering extreme horniness while our keyholders enjoy endless orgasms. In practice, that’s what many of us experience in real life.
As my previous post suggested, enforced chastity is a power exchange, not an abstinence marathon. The point isn’t necessarily infinite abstinence, but rather controlled orgasm. The chastity device isn’t locked on me assure I won’t ever come again. It’s there to assure that only Mrs. Lion will provide me with sexual stimulation and, if she wishes, orgasm. We aren’t practicing enforced chastity as much as enforced orgasm control. To me, at least, there is something very arousing about surrendering my ability to get hard, aroused, and orgasm. It especially exciting when I am in a situation where I would normally be aroused and have an orgasm, but either due to the device or to my lioness withholding enough stimulation for me to come, I’m frustrated. The memory of these frustrating sessions is very arousing.
I’ve learned to treasure these frustrating sessions. They satisfy a submissive impulse as well as keep me physically wanting. In my earliest posts, I wrote that prolonged abstinence without stimulation would reduce interest in sex. That’s true. But what I didn’t consider is that I’m not in a constant state of heat just because I’ve been denied. It’s true that my thoughts frequently drift to my teasing and frustrated desire to come. But those thoughts almost never make my penis strain against its cage. They’re just exciting little memories. In fact, I’m most likely going to get hard when Mrs. Lion puts me into a sexual situation. If she has me stimulate her with my hand or mouth, locked or unlocked, I will get hard and crave release myself. If she tells me how she will tease me and gets me going with sexy talk, I will feel the strain against my cage. In other words, unless I am in a sexual situation, I’m not going to get very aroused. Much younger men will get physically aroused at almost any thought. But older guys like me, don’t.
If my keyholder’s objective is just to feed my fantasy, the term “enforced chastity” is correct. The initial fantasy was being forced to wait while providing sexual services. But if her objective is a real power exchange, making me wait is only a part of the game. What she really wants to do is control my orgasms and arousal. She wants to train me that a hard penis and sometimes an orgasm is only available when she decides I should experience them. The chastity device assures I will learn that my only source of sexual stimulation is her. It’s not so much a chastity device, as an orgasm control device. Chastity, the word, refers to absence of sex. A chaste person avoids any mental or physical expression of sex. That’s the last thing our keyholders want. They want us to crave sex and experience the frustration of our inability to control our own arousal.
I think that enforced chastity is about sexual obedience. All of us are happy to obey the spoken or implied order to not get hard or get off. Our devices enforce it and mentally it’s exactly what we expect. Almost everyone who has mentioned it on the Net shows resistance when the keyholder wants him to come at a time when he expects to wait. This is exactly the opposite of our fantasies. We want secure devices, even going to the extreme of getting piercings to assure we can’t escape our cages. We want no ability to get aroused or come on our own. We have no serious trouble managing the waits, even the long ones. But during edging, fucking, or other stimulation, if the keyholder says, “I want you to come now,” how many of us have resisted, even asked to not orgasm at that time? My guess is that almost all of us have had a problem in that situation.
The deal we made with ourselves was to sacrifice frequent orgasms for the feeling of bondage and control we get when we surrendered sexually. All of our fantasies were about being frustrated by lack of release. We revel in being edged and feeling that awful realization that orgasm isn’t happening this time. We learn to live for that. So when we are told to come, or stimulated to a full orgasm, we can be disappointed. So, we resist and try to avoid the exact thing we imagined we lived to get.
I suspect that the real issue isn’t just the conflict with the chastity fantasy. In my case, at least, it’s about obedience. Just as withholding orgasm and erection is a primal kind of control that hits us at our most vulnerable spot, it is what we signed up for and is not so much obedience as wish fulfillment. If the keyholder turns the tables and adds orgasms on demand, it feels like a much stronger kind of control. We didn’t plan on it. We expected to beg to come and be denied. We didn’t think that we would get comfortable with the rhythm of wait, tease, and more waiting; but we did. Coming on command wasn’t in the play book. So we resist: mentally, verbally, or even by losing erection.
That is disobedience. The keyholder can’t punish it by withholding stimulation since that is exactly what we want. To deal with this, first she has to be sure she gets what she wants. If she wants an orgasm, she shouldn’t stop stimulation until she gets it. No male can resist for very long. Once she achieves her objective, she can provide corrections to send a strong message that obedience includes orgasm when wanted. This is a particularly good offense to warrant spanking. Spanking after an orgasm, wanted or unwanted, is never fun.
Enforced chastity is truly a misnomer. We practice enforced orgasm control. It is training to be sexually obedient. Sexual obedience includes arousal and orgasm on demand as much as it does abstinence. How does it feel when you think about that?
Sometimes I Turn Lion Off
It certainly wasn’t intentional. I don’t even remember exactly what I said. We were talking about nail polish, I think, and one thing led to another. Really, I just pushed it too far. And Lion told me I was actually starting to turn him off. And then he was soft. I did manage to sort of get him back. Then I was hot so took off my clothes, and there was talk of air conditioning, and things disintegrated again.
To salvage things, I decided to use my patented mouth to cock resuscitation. That seemed to work for a bit and then it failed too, but not before I asked him if he wanted to come. When he said yes it turned me on a little. I guess, if for no other reason than that glimmer of hope for my libido, the night was a success. Of course, it didn’t turn out the way I had intended. I wanted to edge my pet a few times. I don’t know that I would have given him an orgasm. I suppose I wanted to give him an orgasm to make up for turning him off initially. That may sound stupid, but when things went to hell I was grasping at straws.
Later on, Lion asked if we could try again tonight. Of course! I hope it will have a better outcome. Maybe he’ll wind up more frustrated. Maybe he’ll be basking in the afterglow of another orgasm. Maybe he’ll have a sore butt again. Almost anything would be better than last night. I know it can’t all be champagne and roses, but it rarely goes that badly. I feel like I tripped over the dog, fell down the stairs and landed in a hundred mouse traps. Nothing I did worked out. I don’t blame Lion a bit. This one is on me. One hundred percent.
Tonight I will be better prepared. I need to come up with a plan. I need to turn him on and keep him turned on. Everyone has bad nights. I just need to get right back up on that Lion and try again.
[Lion — I feel I should explain. Last night, Mrs. Lion started stimulating me (felt great!) and then started telling me how much I wanted her to do all the things she was doing. While true, at that moment I got the feeling that this was all for me and that she got nothing from it. She may not have meant that, but I felt very selfish and angry at myself. That triggered worries about how I am failing us financially and I slumped into depression. This isn’t Mrs. Lion’s fault. It’s mine. It’s a hard time for me to feel good about myself and it is very easy for me to slip into self doubt. Talk about it being my idea is easier for me to take while I am being spanked. At that point I regret making suggestions that result in so much pain in my ass.
Maybe I am just too emotionally sensitive right now and subject to feeling bad with little or no provocation. This wasn’t her fault at all. It was all me. I never want my lioness to feel badly. She works so hard to make me happy. I am very grateful to have a partner who cares so much about me. I am the luckiest critter in the world!]
Another View Of Orgasm Control
I like to read other blogs. It’s educational and a lot of fun to learn how others approach enforced chastity. Based on my reading and conversations, guys often think that enforced chastity means extended waits between orgasms. It seems to be a point of pride for many that they wait longer and longer. This eventually gets to the point where the caged male becomes disappointed that his keyholder didn’t make him wait longer. Recently, Steeled Snake’s wife and keyhoder, Charmer wrote in their blog about a recent experience. Charmer wanted sex. Snake obediently provided his penis. Charmer decided that she wanted him to come inside her. He resisted. He hadn’t come since mid June and apparently he wanted to wait longer. She wanted him to come then and there. Of course he relented and provided her with his ejaculation.
This episode surprised me. You would think that the male would be craving orgasm. The fantasies always depict the keyholder’s power in terms of forcing her caged male to wait for an orgasm far longer than he would like. For some guys, the reality is exactly the opposite. He wants to wait longer than his keyholder wishes. Orgasm control changes from denial to forced ejaculation. At first blush this seemed oddly perverse to me. However, after some thought I realize that orgasm control isn’t necessarily orgasm denial.
Orgasm control is, as the term suggests, about control. Control means that the male has an orgasm when, where, and how the keyholder/top wants. It isn’t necessarily orgasm withholding. It’s control. When most guys start out, control means making him wait; making him impossibly horny and still not being allowed to come. Once he learns to manage, even enjoy waiting, control can become making him orgasm sooner than he would like. The point is that the keyholder/top owns and controls his orgasms. The lesson he has to learn is that sex for him has nothing to do with what he wants. His penis and ejaculations belong to his keyholder. If she enjoys watching him squirm with unfulfilled desire, then she will keep him in that state as long as she likes. If she wants to see him ejaculate, he will do it whether his last orgasm was yesterday or a year ago.
Both caged males and their keyholders often misunderstand the essence of orgasm control. In the beginning it may be limited to fulfilling the male fantasy of endless teasing without orgasm. He may never give up on that objective. Hopefully it won’t take his keyholder long to understand the actual meaning of this power exchange. Her first objective should be educational; she should train her male to accept endless teasing with no orgasm in sight. She has to do this in a way that won’t scare him off. So, many start with short waits and build up to longer and longer ones. It seems logical. Right? I don’t think it is.
The keyholder is actually training him to go from sprinter to marathon runner. She rewards longer and longer waits with wonderful orgasms. He is learning that the longer he waits, the happier she becomes. Sometimes, this ends up with the man wanting to just give up on orgasms entirely. Some keyholders are happy to oblige. If the keyholder is practicing enforced chastity to make her male happy, then as long as her sexual needs are met, she will be happy to give him permanent orgasm denial. She isn’t really in control. She is fulfilling his fantasy.
If the keyholder’s objective is obedience and acceptance by her male that his erections and ejaculations are for her pleasure, she has to play the game a bit differently. In the beginning it does make sense to train him to accept waiting despite being horny and sorry he gave her the key. It won’t take long for him to learn this and even actively participate in supporting her wish for him to wait. Once he seems to be proud of his “gift” of waiting, it’s time to change his training so he will understand that the objective of orgasm control is not simply long gaps between orgasms, but sexual control. Teaching this is not as simple as making him wait.
One way to start this phase of training is to teach him that he will ejaculate when she wants. Perhaps, shorten the wait times considerably. Make them much less, as little as a few days, than the length that makes him proud of waiting. When you want him to come, even if it is on the spur of the moment, tell him to come for you. Telling him to come, especially when he thought he would be waiting much longer, sends a powerful message about who is in charge.
A lot of women don’t understand why a male orgasm has such a powerful effect. The older a male gets, the longer it takes him to recharge after an orgasm. This is known as the refractory period. In practice, the physical refractory period is generally anything from a few minutes to several days. However, the emotional refractory period in a male who has experienced enforced chastity, can be much longer. Some guys report a feeling of depression for days after ejaculating. Most males trained to wait will feel some letdown because they know a new wait has begun and the orgasm reminded them how much they miss when they have to wait. Understanding this effect provides some insight into the look of disappointment when the orgasm comes earlier than he expects.
Since Mrs. Lion has never trained me to wait for more than two weeks, with most waits being a week or so, I don’t expect to run a marathon. I still get massively horny thanks to her daily, very effective edging. My emotional refractory period is very short, less than my physical one. I’m emotionally back to normal in a matter of hours, sometimes minutes. I never know when my next orgasm will come, but I don’t worry it will be months away. I’m learning that I come when Mrs. Lion wants, even if the wait is only a day or two. I can also wait two weeks or more if she doesn’t want my orgasm. Disobedience is punished by withholding the teasing and edging I love. Mrs. Lion owns my sexual pleasure and orgasms. Period.
I think that this is more of a power exchange than the marathon waits that some practice. I’m being trained that my job is to get horny, be teased and edged, and orgasm when Mrs. Lion wants. Her pleasure is my objective whether it is to provide her with many orgasms or to give her mine. That’s our version of orgasm control.
Frustrated Lion
I don’t think Lion gave me a weather report at all yesterday until I asked him just before I was ready to play with him. He reminded me earlier in the day that it was maintenance spanking night and suggested that he might need a good spanking. The other day he suggested that maintenance spanking should be more like punishment spanking. Sometimes Lion doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. I was more than happy to oblige him.
While I didn’t swat him as hard as I do for punishment, I was a bit relentless with the amount of swats. Generally with punishment I do six very hard swats, unless he moves. Then there are more. Maintenance swats are generally the same number, just not as hard. Last night the intensity was the normal maintenance swat but I did way more than six and they were fairly rapid fire. And when he moved he got another round of swats. He whined almost the entire time about it hurting. Duh! Isn’t that the point? Silly boy.
With a sore butt it was time for some teasing. I asked if he was horny. He said he definitely was. Yes, he sure was. I edged him and when I stopped I didn’t give him long to rest. I kept right at him until he was at the edge again. And again. He was so riled up I think a slight breeze would have done it for him. Then I decided to lick him. Torture! When he was calmed down a little I sucked him. Poor frustrated boy!
Afterward he thanked me for not waiting until ten o’clock. He says it really makes a difference. I guess the early bird really does get the worm…um…cock. He said he was really frustrated and reminded me that he was still wild. Yes, he was. So I leaned over and kissed Mr. Weenie. He’d be locked up in due time.
When I consulted my calendar before we played I noticed that his scheduled date was last night. Too bad he had just come the other night. I know Lion would have taken one for the team and had another orgasm. Good thing he doesn’t know when his scheduled dates are. The next one is a ways away. But so is Christmas, as Lion is fond of saying. And I don’t usually pay attention to the schedule anyway. I take his orgasms when I want them. They are mine, after all.
