Damned Ruined Orgasms
Whose fault is a ruined orgasm? Is it mine because I pushed to far? Is it Lion’s because he should be able to hold on? Who decides? Is it even possible for Lion to hold on?
I’ve become quite fond of rapid fire edging. Not right off the bat, of course. After I’ve edged Lion a few times, I like to give him just tiny breaks between tries. Naturally this is playing with fire. Sometimes, like last night, I go too far. There. I said it. I go too far. But in my mind I’m thinking Lion should be able to hold on. Physiologically there must be a point of no return. Can it be changed? Is it a training issue? Do I even want to change it? Maybe it will cause some long term effect that I’ll hate. Lots of questions and not many answers. I’m afraid. And what’s wrong with a ruined orgasm anyway? Sure, I’m mad when it happens because it’s not what I intended. And it doesn’t feel all that great for Lion. And it resets his clock, so to speak. But I usually get a tasty treat out of the deal. So I think the answer to my many questions is, who cares? I just need to be more careful and if I go too far, I go too far.
The bottom line in all of this is that things are going to happen. We need to adjust and move on. Life isn’t perfect and a lot of it really is trial and error. Practice makes perfect. Luckily the practice in this case involves more attention for Lion. I’m sure he’ll live through the occasional ruined orgasm as long as he gets the attention he craves.
Prior to the ruined orgasm, I pegged Lion with a fairly long dildo. The length wasn’t necessary and I didn’t put it all the way in. I was looking for the width. With a little lube adjustment, he took it very easily. I think tonight we may be able to move to a thicker dildo. We have a very thick purple one but I’m not sure he’s ready for that yet. I’ll have to go shopping in our dildo cabinet when I get home. I’m sure we have one that will do the trick. I have two goals for Lion. I want him to be able to take the 2.0 nJoy butt plug and I want him ready for the fucking machine. It’s nice that I can accomplish both with one exercise.
I also tied Lion’s balls fairly tightly with rope. I may be showing my age here, but I’m sure some of you remember the old TV shows where you’d sing along with the bouncing ball. They’d show the lyrics on the screen and a little ball would follow the melody. When I tie Lion’s balls, his balls bounce as I jerk him off. I always make a dorky comment about following the bouncing balls. Anyway, I can also grab his balls and tug on them while they’re tied. He seems to like that although last night I think they were tied just a little too tight. Not dangerously so, just enough to make it a tiny bit too uncomfortable. But Lion likes discomfort, you say. I know! So I didn’t really stop playing with his balls. I just didn’t tug as hard.
I haven’t gotten the Lion weather report yet today but I have a feeling I can make Lion horny later whether he is now or not. After all, I do have the power.
Sailing Into The Mainstream
I believe that enforced male chastity is going mainstream. We were interviewed by The Huffington Post for a podcast. The coverage was positive. It wasn’t one of those “weird sex” pieces often done on the Internet (MSN.com, for example). We both enjoyed the experience. I have been contacted by others interested in male chastity. This feels different to me than snarky humor pieces and porn-related discussions. I always ask why the interest in this oddball kink we share. The answer is always that people are interested. I assume by “people” they mean ordinary, non-kinky citizens. Is this all fallout from Fifty Shades of Grey?
I don’t think so. That’s old stuff by now. Our readership has steadily grown, but not enough to suggest John Q. Public is hitting the search engines looking for male chastity. I’ve noticed something else: There is a lot more being written and discussed about women taking sexual charge. Classic male-centrist porn is full of busty women tied to beds being turned into willing sex slaves. “Yes Master!” is their rallying call. In real life there are plenty of female bottoms. I was a top for a couple of decades and can personally attest to that. But female tops, other than pay-for-spanks “mistresses” have always been rare. The few I know get inundated by wannabe submissives aggressively soliciting them. No wonder they keep a low profile. Maybe there are more than I imagine.
I suspect that many women wouldn’t mind a bit if they could take charge in some ways with their partners. One reason we started this blog was to provide women with a safe place to learn about being the top in a sexual power exchange. It may be that a woman who is secure in her relationship when presented with a reasonable male fantasy about enforced chastity might just say, “What the hell” and try it. That’s what happened to us. There are other bloggers who also started this way. It’s safe for the woman. She doesn’t have to get black leather outfits and carry a riding crop. All she has to do is hold a key. If she doesn’t like how things are going, she can give the key back; no harm, no foul.
We can’t claim that our blogs are doing all that much to raise public awareness. The only way to find us is to search a relevant topic. The vast majority of people have no idea there is such a thing as enforced male chastity. I suspect that since a good number of our blogs approach male chastity with a much more realistic view, that men who might have clicked away thinking we were porn sites, are doing some reading and getting interested in this new-to-them idea. I’ll bet some of them are writing members of the press who in turn research the subject and decide to write about it. I can’t imagine any other reasonable explanation for our recent attention.
In my mind, much more important than the mainstream media discovering our kink, is that ordinary people who somehow stumble on the idea of enforced male chastity, find sources like this one and take the time to get a realistic idea of what we are all about. This begins to elevate us out of the porn morass and into an area where people believe they actually can try our kink. Let’s face it, even if more people listen to our stories, they may just walk away shaking their heads. At least they are no longer unaware.
Of course, twenty years ago almost no one knew about S&M. The prevalent belief was that leather-clad dominant men kidnapped women, raped and murdered them. Over recent years a load of bodice-ripping romance novels like Fifty Shades of Grey popularized the idea of recreational S&M. In fact, a few years ago a study found that over 80% of women and 70% of men had fantasies about being tied up. The ground is extremely fertile for power exchange. People like us (you, Mrs. Lion, and I) provide real life examples of sexual power exchanges. The dungeon has moved to the bedroom.
It’s only natural that a practice like enforced chastity will emerge as a manageable sexual kink. It doesn’t cause pain and doesn’t require anything other than a chastity device and two interested people. A cheap, over-the-counter chastity device costs less than $50 USD and it’s all that’s needed to get a taste of enforced male chastity. We may be heading into the mainstream after all.
The Brink
Almost every night I take Lion to the brink. Build him up. Let him down. Build him up. Let him down. Over and over again. I think a lot of people, myself included, would be really pissed off if you got their hopes up like that and then disappointed them time and time again. Actually in my case, it’s one of the reasons I don’t have many expectations. Not specifically in the sex department. But this is what Lion wants. I guess it’s the thrill of the chase. Maybe that’s why some fishermen do catch and release. They don’t want the fish. They just want to catch them.
This isn’t entirely true of Lion, of course. He loves orgasms. He just also loves being teased. He says he has more sex than most men based on the number of times he almost has orgasms. I guess that depends on what you consider sex. For many non-orgasmic women, sex is pretty much like that although they don’t get as hot and bothered as Lion gets. Last night I don’t think I could have gotten him any closer to the edge without going over.
I still don’t understand Lion’s need to be denied. I’ve only been tree-humping horny a few times. And I’ve only been denied a few times. Usually it was because of fatigue and a change of position cured it. I can tell you I didn’t like it one bit. Don’t get me close if you’re not going to take me all the way. I suppose it has less to do with sex than power. He wants be at my mercy. Ironically, since starting enforced chastity, I’ve wanted to give him more orgasms than he’s had in the prior few years. It even seems the more I want to give him, the fewer he wants.
When 2.0 came along she really started speaking Lion’s language. She may not go as far as Lion would like her to yet, but she’s going a lot farther than 1.0 ever did. I keep wondering if 3.0 is lurking out there somewhere. Since it took almost two years for 1.0 to morph into 2.0, I think we have a ways to go before 3.0 shows up. 2.0 has taken the paddle and run with it so maybe she’ll advance much faster than 1.0 did.
[Lion — This post brings up a very interesting issue in male chastity: Just why would I actually want this teasing and not be upset that I didn’t get to the end? In the beginning of this power exchange I was annoyed that I didn’t get to have an orgasm. However, I didn’t have long to wait until I did. I loved the power exchange and really craved the nearly-daily sexual attention. So, if the price for that attention was waiting to finally ejaculate, it seemed affordable to me.
As time went on, I became conditioned to separate arousal from orgasm. I no longer expected that I would come when Mrs. Lion stimulated me. I got into the great feelings that precede the actual ejaculation. The trade off was that I could do this over and over. If I actually had an orgasm, the fun would be over for at least a day. But if that orgasm was withheld, I was ready to go anytime. Combine that with the sexual power exchange and I am very happy to wait.]
Lion Evolution
This is one of those days that other bloggers would just skip. It’s the second day after my latest orgasm. Normally I am not really interested in sex and a bit depressed. The depression, I think, is hormonal. For the last several days I have been wild (no cage) to allow a small scratch on my penis to heal. It was better last night; so after the daily teasing session, I was locked up again.
While I was wild, even before my orgasm, my general sexual interest level was well under the surface. I wasn’t tempted to touch sexually. Of course, when Mrs. Lion touched me, everything changed. Today, now that I am locked up, I am feeling very horny. It’s like the cage gives my body permission to feel sexual again.
This is new to me. It’s also unexpected. My theory is that I am conditioned to avoid sexual touching and when I am not caged, getting interested in sex may create a temptation I might respond to. In the chastity device, I am safely protected from anyone’s touch, including my own.
When I was uncaged, even in the shower, cleaning down there provided no sexual stirrings or thoughts. This was true even though I had been waiting two weeks. At the time I felt a bit surprised. I half expected to get hard just by soaping up. I didn’t. If Mrs. Lion were in the shower with me, I’m sure I would have gotten hard at her first touch.
I know that most of the interest in enforced chastity is centered around the uncontrollable male need to have sex. Can this need be tamed by being locked into a chastity device and given sexual stimulation without orgasm on a regular basis? I’m far from the only guy who has said that he is much less orgasm-centered after the kind of sexual routine I have experienced for more than two years.
This taming is probably temporary. Hormones and instinct would probably win out if I were permanently unlocked. I don’t think I would masturbate to orgasm though. This is because I realize how seriously Mrs. Lion takes such an action on my part. But I can see the “accidental” shower erection popping up now and then.
Both of us have long felt that the hardware is necessary for us to continue on the very positive path we are following. Neither of us has been able to articulate why this is so. I can be safely left uncaged even after a long (for me) wait. But it doesn’t feel right for me to be uncaged.
I’m tired of the extra trouble peeing requires while caged. That’s the only inconvenience it causes me. It isn’t enough for me to seriously consider taking it off for good. I am still turned on by the power exchange the device enforces. I love the way my lioness pays so much sexual attention to me. I know that is in large part due to enforced chastity. I ask myself if that power exchange would survive permanent removal of the chastity device. I’d like to think that it would, but it would be more difficult. The physical barrier that makes sexual activity impossible is a lot easier to accept than a purely psychological one. At least that seems truein our case. That’s why we agreed the device stays. Period.
