Spanking (Page 126)

Yesterday in my post “Great Sex As We Age: Four-Step Foreplay” I talked about modifying both male and female foreplay to account for changes as we age. Even though I understand what’s happening, it still bothers me. I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that I need substantial warm up to be ready for sex. It just doesn’t feel fair.

Meanwhile, we continue to enjoy our adventurous sex life. I should really say my adventurous sex life. Mrs. Lion isn’t interested right now. I keep hoping I can find a way to get her back into the game. In the meantime, she has to work a lot harder to arouse me. I’m very grateful that she’s willing to put in the effort. It’s a truly altruistic act.

Even though it’s not directly sexual, our female led relationship is exciting to me. There are very real, painful penalties for failing to please my lioness. The penalties are meted out with Mrs. Lion’s paddles. It’s exciting to think about being spanked.

This is one of the more confusing aspects of a disciplinary relationship. Even though the rules and punishments are real, there is a sexual undercurrent. What we do isn’t power-play. It’s real punishment for real offenses. Nevertheless, it apparently provides sexual stimulation for me.

I’m carefully avoiding the labels, “dominant” and “submissive”. These suggest an oversimplification of a fairly complex process. I like to feel Mrs. Lion’s authority. It is deeply exciting to me. I’m not sure it’s an emotional necessity as much as a sexual one.

I don’t want to have sex after being punished. The spanking hurts a lot and I just want to go off and lick my wounds. Yet, the next time Mrs. Lion tries to arouse me it’s easier. Go figure!

maintenance spankings keep the sexual furnace burning

We’ve come up with all sorts of rationalizations about why maintenance spanking is important. Other people have too. I think the actual bottom-line truth is that receiving punishment-level spanking flips some deep-seated sexual switches. I also think that for me the more severe the spanking the more satisfying it is on this deep level.

If my spanking makes my butt sore for days, the memory of each twinge is both sexual and instructive. This is complicated for me. I definitely work hard to avoid earning a spanking. The memory of how much it hurts is in my mind when I remember to set up the coffeepot or do other things Mrs. Lion has told me to do. I am actively working to avoid another spanking.

Yet if I don’t get what I’m avoiding on a regular basis, my sexual interest seems to drop off. Spanking me charges my sexual battery. Experience has taught me that a lighter, play spanking isn’t that effective. That deep, dark part of me wants it to hurt and hurt a lot. I want a maintenance spanking to hurt as much as one delivered to punish me.

That’s hard for me to admit. If in some way spanking provides me with sexual fuel, is it really a punishment?

I think it is.

Punishment hurts and it also turns me on

Just because I have a sexual connection to spanking, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t an effective punishment. My underlying attraction to it may be why I willingly get myself into position for a beating I will hate. It also may be why I accept it. Experience has shown us that punishing me does change my behavior. The change isn’t permanent. Eventually, I will slip and need a painful reminder.

I guess we both have to accept that our disciplinary activities operate on more than one level. P promptly spanking me for breaking a rule or annoying Mrs. Lion, makes me change. I also get much more interested in sex.

Mrs. Lion has always treated sex as completely separate from punishment. It doesn’t matter to her if I am turned on by my punishments. It’s just helpful to her when she wants to arouse me later. It would be a problem if the spanking didn’t correct the offense.

It’s a little hard for me to understand how something so unpleasant ultimately turns me on. I think Mrs. Lion has known about this for a long time. If I’ve been a good boy for too long, a maintenance spanking will recharge my sexual battery without affecting our disciplinary relationship.

We’ve agreed that if I break a rule soon after the maintenance spanking, I get a punishment spanking as severe as usual. Just because my butt may be marked by a spanking, it doesn’t stop Mrs. Lion from punishing me again even if it’s only an hour after my last spanking. She sees it as my problem for not being more careful. I agree.

Over a week has gone by since my last spanking. I’ve managed to remember to set up the coffeepot and remind Mrs. Lion of punishment days. I’ve also avoided pissing her off. If this holds until Monday, I might get a maintenance spanking.

The concept of maintenance spankings seems odd to most people. After all, why is my “reward” for continued good behavior a painful, punishment-level spanking? It’s a good question. Shouldn’t it earn a reward instead?

I think that this gets to the heart of a disciplinary marriage. My male interest in being spanked prompted me to ask for this. At the least, it means at some level I want to be spanked. That was my original motive. It isn’t the reason why I believe in painful maintenance.

Mrs. Lion and I are creatures of habit. If we let too much time pass between activities, we tend to forget to do them. In the past, when for one reason or another we suspended our disciplinary activities, it was difficult to restart them. Scheduled maintenance spankings serve to remind both of us that just because I avoided getting into trouble, I am not subject to being punished.

In a very real sense, it refreshes our focus on domestic discipline. For her part, Mrs. Lion is reminded of her role and the consequences she delivers as my disciplinary wife. It reminds me of what happens if I break a rule. It’s all too easy for me to forget just how unhappy a spanking makes me. I might be tempted to get lazy.

a postcard from the dentist

Of course, if I didn’t get that maintenance spanking and Mrs. Lion remains diligent, the first time I slip I would be painfully reminded of the errors of my ways. The maintenance spanking is like a postcard from your dentist. It keeps you aware you need to do something, even if it is unpleasant.

Ironically, the maintenance spanking isn’t terribly useful in keeping me focused on specific rules. Based on our experience, I tend to “forget” a rule several weeks after being spanked for the last time I forgot it. It’s odd since I am aware this happens, I still can’t seem to avoid forgetting.

Perhaps the maintenance spankings will extend the time between infractions. I don’t think so. Their purpose is to keep us both focused. It seems to be necessary for us.

new spanking experiments

Mrs. Lion mentioned that she may restart her spanking “experiments”. Since she found more paddles, she mentioned that she might want to see if she can work out how to reliably make me feel the results of a spanking for at least two days after I get it.

There is only one way to do this: experiment. If she decides to resume, maintenance spankings won’t be necessary. Last time she experimented it lasted for a few weeks. She did manage to make one or two of her experiments hurt for more than two days. Unfortunately, she didn’t make note of what she did to produce that result.

Since I seem to be staying out of trouble, scheduled experiments are the only way she can refine her technique and discover the tools that produce the results she wants.

Poor me!

Mrs. Lion was in our pantry unpacking one of the boxes left over from our move. I heard her declare happily, “I just found some more paddles.” Oh, joy! She didn’t elaborate further. Just what we need, more devices to make me yelp.

I did buy almost all of the paddles, so I can’t complain about Mrs. Lion discovering them. It’s just that I am less of a connoisseur than I was when spanking was a fun, BDSM activity. Nowadays, spanking is for punishment.

I still like spanking; at least I like thinking about being spanked. It turns me on. I also like finding new implements like the spanking “carpet beater” that is due to arrive tomorrow. It’s fun to think about it being used on me. It is absolutely no fun when it eventually finds its way to my bottom.

For some reason, I have a problem connecting my appreciation of spanking in the abstract with what really happens to me when I break a rule or annoy Mrs. Lion. This is especially odd since I have been getting punishment spankings since 2015. Even odder is the fact that even when we exclusively did play spankings, I couldn’t feel the difference between many of the paddles.

I bought most of these implements when I was a top. It was entertaining to discover which paddle produced the loudest screams from my partner. Truth be told, most of them were equally effective. As a top, I enjoyed thinking about using each new paddle.

I suppose this interest in spanking hardware is more of a fetish than a need for a complete tool kit. Mrs. Lion does switch between paddles now and then. It’s rare that she will use more than just one during a single punishment session. I think that will probably change. She has mentioned using different implements for varied results. She is working on finding one that will reliably bruise me. The bruises tend to hurt me for a couple of days after I am spanked. We both agree that spanking is much more educational if it hurts to sit for at least two or three days.

Mrs. Lion is still perfecting her technique. We’ve both tracked her progress in posts over the years. She is perfectly able to make me very unhappy to be lying over the edge of the bed being paddled. The one remaining challenge is producing that lasting reminder of my offense.

So far, even very powerful swats with her paddle doesn’t seem to do the trick. This is probably a function of my particular anatomy. I know that I can be bruised on demand. At least one spanker at an event announced after a thorough paddling that she would now give me some souvenirs. She then gave me three hard swats with a different tool. Sure enough, three painful bruises appeared.

The swats that produced them didn’t feel any worse than the non-bruising spanking that came before. I think she switched to a toy with a small striking surface and a lot of heft.

Mrs. Lion now has a combination of new toys and newly-discovered old toys to try next time she spanks me. She hasn’t asked me for advice so I will refrain from suggesting what is most likely to do the job.

In the past, when she was doing her spanking experiments, just using one of her paddles, she managed to bruise me and make sitting hurt for three days after the spanking. Those experiments were always at least 300 swats long. Mrs. Lion was trying different approaches. I was learning to stay in place.

She learned to adjust her intensity just to the edge of me trying to escape. Over time, she was able to hit harder as I learned to better stay put.

These experiments took place over several days a week. Perhaps the frequency “tenderized” me at the same time I learned to accept more. That could be part of it as well.

I agree with her and with the DWC that an effective spanking hurts for days. Maybe Mrs. Lion needs to resume her experiments.