By:
In: Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

The typical fantasy about enforced chastity is that the keyholder obtains and then locks a chastity device on her male. In real life this just doesn’t happen. Enforced chastity and orgasm control is almost always initiated by the male. Sometimes the couple selects and orders the chastity device together. More often, the guy orders it. In a lot of cases, the guy is responsible for locking and unlocking and removing the device. The keyholder retains the key and gives it to him when she wants him to take it off. In other cases, like ours, Mrs. Lion removes and puts on my cage. She lets me remove and replace the base ring, but I never touch the cage. This may seem like an unimportant distinction, but I think it can make a big difference.

If the male is the one who puts on, takes off, and stores the device, there is a tacit sense of ownership. He may be obeying orders to put it on or remove it, but it remains in his possession. That doesn’t automatically mean that he believes he is in control of his chastity, but it is an assumption it is easy to make. The other side of this is that the keyholder doesn’t demonstrate ownership of the chastity device. She may unconditionally own his orgasms and arousals, but she is indirectly saying that the cage is a device he can use to support his orgasm control.

This may seem like nit picking, but I don’t think it is. For a lot of guys, just wearing a chastity device that they can’t remove is very hot. It affects me that way. It’s bondage that can be in place 24/7. It forcibly prevents me from arousal or sexual activity. I have no say in it. The cage is implacable. That’s hot. The keyholder may not see it that way at all. She may wholeheartedly adopt orgasm control, but she may not find the chastity device particularly exciting. To her, it may just be a tool to keep her male honest. Or, she might think of it as something he wants to do. She accepts the control of his sexuality, but doesn’t strongly associate that control with the chastity device. She expects her male to keep hands and other things off, device or not.

That brings me to the most important point: If you were the keyholder, how would you feel about controlling a guy who requires an escape-proof cage in order for him to stay chaste? I know I wouldn’t like it a bit. Since enforced chastity is a power exchange, the person who has the power doesn’t usually want a new career policing the submissive. Mrs. Lion expects me to be obedient; especially in terms of enforced chastity. Caged or not, I know that I can’t arouse myself or get off. She owns my penis and my sexuality. Locked or not, that’s true.

For us the cage is important; not because it assures I won’t masturbate, but because it is an unmistakable symbol that she owns my sexuality. The fact that the cage prevents me from taking any sexual action reminds her that she needs to stay aware of my needs and provide the stimulation she feels is appropriate. As long as I am locked up, she knows I absolutely depend on her. That knowledge helps her sustain the effort she needs to put in. I like to be locked up. The bondage aspect turns me on. The cage also reminds me that I have to ask for any sexual release. It also reminds me of our FLM and that I need to ask for pretty much everything. I truly like the bondage aspect. It is very arousing for me to feel helpless. That’s why I love it when Mrs. Lion ties me to the bed.

I’m currently wild (uncaged). Mrs. Lion has unlocked me for the trip we are beginning today. She does it because it is awkward and messy for me to pee (even sitting) in the RV. She also likes the easier access on vacation. I don’t miss the cage right now, but by the middle of next week when we return I will be more than ready to return to it. The cage is clearly hers. I don’t put it on or take it off. She maintains custody when it is off. I do clean it and I put on and take off the base ring, at least for now. If she is willing, I would like her to handle that too.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

There are a lot of sexual generalizations out there. One is that men are always ready for sex. All a woman has to do is show mild interest and the man is ready to go. This generalization has led to a rich mythology that over the centuries has turned into fact. For example, almost every American girl is taught that she should avoid anything sexually exciting with a boy or she will be expected to “go all the way” with him. Later she learns that “all the way” can mean jerking him off or giving him oral sex. Girls who turn boys on and then don’t follow through are called “cock teases”. This is a serious insult. Any contact with male genitals is expected to end in ejaculation, unless you are a cock tease.

These early lessons affect behavior long after sex has become a routine part of life. How many wives avoid sexual contact when they don’t want intercourse? How many find it acceptable to tease their husbands and withhold orgasm? How many men buy into these myths? To some degree, we are all affected by these early lessons. One reason that enforced chastity is such a rich source of hot, male fantasies is that it features the taboo female behavior of tease with no ejaculation.

It goes much further than this. I think that traditional beliefs about sexual behavior suggest that male orgasm is the primary objective of sexual contact. Until the mid-twentieth century, women had no expectation of orgasms for themselves. The sexual revolution helped change that expectation. Women now expect and assure that they get orgasms. Despite these evolutionary steps, the vast majority of women believe that if they stimulate a penis, they have to assure it ejaculates. Many worry that if they don’t provide enough release for their males, that they will go elsewhere for sex. Sexually, it’s still a man’s world.

There are very few men who don’t masturbate. Single or married, young or old, men give themselves orgasms on a regular basis. Even guys with very active sex lives feel the need to jerk off. Study after study from Kinsey to Masters and Johnson verify this behavior. Before enforced chastity, I masturbated regularly, between one and three times a week. When the mood struck, if I was alone, I’d rub one out. Why we do it is unclear. Perhaps it keeps the plumbing active. Maybe it helps meet some emotional need. I have no idea. However, self gratification reinforces the belief that we males own our sexual pleasure and with or without partners, we will have it.

Some of us have fantasies in which we lose our sexual power. A powerful female removes our ability to ejaculate. She locks our penises in a device that prevents any stimulation. Sex is impossible. Masturbation is inaccessible. We are put in a sexual desert where only one person has the key that will let us get off. This is clearly a power fantasy. It’s similar to another, more common one (over 70% of males share it) where we are tied to the bed and a woman has her way with us. Those fantasies generally end with ejaculation, but the theme is loss of power. Both fantasies are very arousing and they generally end in masturbation. That’s how it worked for me, at least.

When I decided I wanted to make the fantasies come true and Mrs. Lion agreed, we both made some difficult changes. For my part, I am physically prevented from any self stimulation. Masturbation has become a distant memory. The last time I masturbated was a few days after I began wearing the chastity device. Mrs. Lion wanted to watch me jerk off. Since then I have not been permitted any self stimulation. Since then, I am teased regularly and brought to the edge of orgasm with no ejaculation; teased, edged, and locked up again. For months  after we started I went through a predictable pattern: After an orgasm, my arousal would grow rapidly every day. By the fifth day I was climbing the walls. On the sixth day I was grumpy and cranky with frustration. On the days after that I would remain very horny but not feeling the urgent need for orgasm. After a year, I stopped feeling grumpy on the sixth day. My arousal grew more slowly. I lost my expectation that I would get an orgasm just because I was horny. I have pretty much forgotten about masturbation.

Mrs. Lion has had to unlearn her early conditioning. She has learned that the normal pattern of sex is that she gets orgasms when she wants them and that I only get them when she wants to give one to me. She’s learned that it is more than OK to tease me and bring me to the edge of coming over and over with no expectation of ejaculating. She has learned to enjoy my frustration. In our house, sexual norms have done a 180-degree turn. Now if Mrs. Lion is aroused, the expectation is that she will always get an orgasm if she wishes. I don’t expect to get an orgasm despite the length or intensity of sexual activity. Instead of expecting an orgasm after every contact with my penis, I have learned to accept and enjoy the stimulation without hope of ejaculating.

If I get to ejaculate I consider it a rare gift from Mrs. Lion. Her hands or other body parts are the only flesh that can touch my penis. It really belongs to her. Even I can’t touch it sexually. Occasionally, she holds my penis and I am allowed to “buck” until I am at the edge, then she opens her hand and I am fucking air. Ocasionally she hangs on and I am allowed to make myself come by fucking her hand (video of a guy bucking to orgasm NSFW). I’ve been conditioned to not enjoy my own touch. She can leave me uncaged for days and I will never give myself an erection. I am not sure I can if I want to try. Erections belong to her. The conditioning that continuous orgasm control has provided, changed me, perhaps permanently. Does all this make me less of a male? I don’t think so. I’m just different now.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Male Control (training), Sex

I’m beginning to realize that the term “enforced chastity” is either a misnomer or badly misunderstood by most of us. In my post yesterday, I wrote about orgasm control and how we are conditioned to interpret that as waiting longer and longer between orgasms. That got me thinking about why I believed that was the point of enforced chastity. First of all, my chastity device prevents me from arousal and orgasm. Its presence on my penis sends a very clear message that I’m not supposed to get hard or ejaculate. After all, I’m wearing a device that physically prevents that. What I am doing is enforced chastity which literally means I am physically prevented from having sex. Most of our fantasies are about suffering extreme horniness while our keyholders enjoy endless orgasms. In practice, that’s what many of us experience in real life.

As my previous post suggested, enforced chastity is a power exchange, not an abstinence marathon. The point isn’t necessarily infinite abstinence, but rather controlled orgasm. The chastity device isn’t locked on me assure I won’t ever come again. It’s there to assure that only Mrs. Lion will provide me with sexual stimulation and, if she wishes, orgasm. We aren’t practicing enforced chastity as much as enforced orgasm control. To me, at least, there is something very arousing about surrendering my ability to get hard, aroused, and orgasm. It especially exciting when I am in a situation where I would normally be aroused and have an orgasm, but either due to the device or to my lioness withholding enough stimulation for me to come, I’m frustrated. The memory of these frustrating sessions is very arousing.

I’ve learned to treasure these frustrating sessions. They satisfy a submissive impulse as well as keep me physically wanting. In my earliest posts, I wrote that prolonged abstinence without stimulation would reduce interest in sex. That’s true. But what I didn’t consider is that I’m not in a constant state of heat just because I’ve been denied. It’s true that my thoughts frequently drift to my teasing and frustrated desire to come. But those thoughts almost never make my penis strain against its cage. They’re just exciting little memories. In fact, I’m most likely going to get hard when Mrs. Lion puts me into a sexual situation. If she has me stimulate her with my hand or mouth, locked or unlocked, I will get hard and crave release myself. If she tells me how she will tease me and gets me going with sexy talk, I will feel the strain against my cage. In other words, unless I am in a sexual situation, I’m not going to get very aroused. Much younger men will get physically aroused at almost any thought. But older guys like me, don’t.

If my keyholder’s objective is just to feed my fantasy, the term “enforced chastity” is correct. The initial fantasy was being forced to wait while providing sexual services. But if her objective is a real power exchange, making me wait is only a part of the game. What she really wants to do is control my orgasms and arousal. She wants to train me that a hard penis and sometimes an orgasm is only available when she decides I should experience them. The chastity device assures I will learn that my only source of sexual stimulation is her. It’s not so much a chastity device, as an orgasm control device. Chastity, the word, refers to absence of sex. A chaste person avoids any mental or physical expression of sex. That’s the last thing our keyholders want. They want us to crave sex and experience the frustration of our inability to control our own arousal.

I think that enforced chastity is about sexual obedience. All of us are happy to obey the spoken or implied order to not get hard or get off. Our devices enforce it and mentally it’s exactly what we expect. Almost everyone who has mentioned it on the Net shows resistance when the keyholder wants him to come at a time when he expects to wait. This is exactly the opposite of our fantasies. We want secure devices, even going to the extreme of getting piercings to assure we can’t escape our cages.  We want no ability to get aroused or come on our own. We have no serious trouble managing the waits, even the long ones. But during edging, fucking, or other stimulation, if the keyholder says, “I want you to come now,” how many of us have resisted, even asked to not orgasm at that time? My guess is that almost all of us have had a problem in that situation.

The deal we made with ourselves was to sacrifice frequent orgasms for the feeling of bondage and control we get when we surrendered sexually. All of our fantasies were about being frustrated by lack of release. We revel in being edged and feeling that awful realization that orgasm isn’t happening this time. We learn to live for that. So when we are told to come, or stimulated to a full orgasm, we can be disappointed. So, we resist and try to avoid the exact thing we imagined we lived to get.

I suspect that the real issue isn’t just the conflict with the chastity fantasy. In my case, at least, it’s about obedience. Just as withholding orgasm and erection is a primal kind of control that hits us at our most vulnerable spot, it is what we signed up for and is not so much obedience as wish fulfillment. If the keyholder turns the tables and adds orgasms on demand, it feels like a much stronger kind of control. We didn’t plan on it. We expected to beg to come and be denied. We didn’t think that we would get comfortable with the rhythm of wait, tease, and more waiting; but we did. Coming on command wasn’t in the play book. So we resist: mentally, verbally, or even by losing erection.

That is disobedience. The keyholder can’t punish it by withholding stimulation since that is exactly what we want. To deal with this, first she has to be sure she gets what she wants. If she wants an orgasm, she shouldn’t stop stimulation until she gets it. No male can resist for very long. Once she achieves her objective, she can provide corrections to send a strong message that obedience includes orgasm when wanted. This is a particularly good offense to warrant spanking. Spanking after an orgasm, wanted or unwanted, is never fun.

Enforced chastity is truly a misnomer. We practice enforced orgasm control. It is training to be sexually obedient. Sexual obedience includes arousal and orgasm on demand as much as it does abstinence. How does it feel when you think about that?

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Femdom, Humiliation, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment, Rewards, Sex

One of our loyal readers, mot0324, posted an interesting comment yesterday:

After all this time I am surprised that you want a “wild penis”. Having worn my JB for several years I no longer feel comfortable without the feeling of confinement.

You and Mrs. Lion have a great blog, thank you for sharing your adventures. And best of luck with the job search. Although I was able to retire early, I realize many folks don’t have that option, either mentally or financially.

First of all, thank you for the good thoughts. It helps to know that our friends care beyond enforced chastity and FLM. This reader brings up an interesting point. He said that he needs to be wearing his Jail Bird in order to feel comfortable. He doesn’t say what specifically, feels uncomfortable when it is off. In my case, I used to want the device on all the time because it meant that Mrs. Lion was in control and would provide stimulation. Going without the cage, I feared, would return us to the lack of sexual activity we suffered for years prior to our enforced chastity. To me, the cage was the symbol of the new, exciting changes we had made.

More recently, I’ve learned to completely trust the changes we have made. I no longer think that the cage is the driving force. Both of us have adopted enforced male chastity and FLM. The cage is a tool and a symbol, not the source of our changes. I don’t mind wearing the cage. I like it. It’s like my wedding ring; a symbol of my commitment to my lioness. Of course, it’s more than that. It physically prevents me from erection, and in a weak moment, self stimulation. It’s bondage that I experience 24/7.

So why would I wish for more uncaged time? I have to admit that it was more convenient. I could pee standing up without making a mess. I could touch my penis. Touching didn’t result in my getting hard. I think the cage and our commitment has made self stimulation close to impossible at this point. The cage isn’t needed for that. I liked being wild. Part of this enjoyment probably comes from the fact that I am not constitutionally submissive. I am learning to submit. I didn’t arrive that way. Mrs. Lion is challenged to train me to submit. Sadly for her, this lion is, at best, a switch. I’m more of a wild beast in need of taming. So an unfettered penis reminds me of my wild days when I could do exactly as I wished.

This might seem odd to you. After all, I asked Mrs. Lion to do enforced chastity and FLM. Some deep down part of my lion heart craves the control this provides. I recognize that and I do my best to cooperate with my taming. This is fairly unusual. All enforced chastity and FLM is consensual. The male asks to surrender. The female agrees to take charge. I freely admit that is exactly what happened to us. I knew this is what I need.

Initially, my desire to do this was driven by very hot fantasies about how it would feel to be dominated. I’ll bet this is what starts it off for most guys. Many dominant women promote these fantasies to put their partners in the right state of mind to begin submitting. In our case it came all from me.

As we also know, after a relatively short time reality sets in. A large number of couples abandon it at that point. Sometimes the woman finds enforced chastity and FLM exciting and will help keep her male’s interest alive. Strategic rewards and punishments continue to feed his original idea of how things would work and he stays engaged. I realized that Mrs. Lion didn’t have the tools to do this with me. She also was neutral, at best, about enforced chastity. Since I have decades of experience as a top (dominant), I helped her learn how to keep me interested and involved. It didn’t take long for her to work it out for herself.

Despite the fact that I completely understand the process, I began to become conditioned. I learned not only to accept orgasm control (the point of enforced male chastity), but enjoy it. With sexual stimulation as the reward, obedience became something I like to do. Now, with suspension of stimulation as a punishment, I’m learning that I can’t be even a little selective in what I choose to obey. I’m addicted to being edged, teased, and occasionally brought to orgasm. I need that and need it often. Withholding these sessions hurts.

All this circles around to the chastity device itself. I no longer need it to prevent me from unauthorized penis play and masturbation. I just don’t do it even when wild. Like the commenter, I am used to having it on, but I don’t think I need it there all the time. So, after a few wild days, I wanted more. No big reason, just because. It was good, I think, that I did. Because when Mrs. Lion handed me the base ring even after I asked for more free time, that little action sent a powerful message: It doesn’t matter if I think I can be good while wild. It doesn’t matter that I wanted some more time. All that matters is what Mrs. Lion wants. She wanted me back in the cage; so back I went.

There is a subtle difference between consent and choice. I consented to surrender control. Once I did that, I gave up the right to make individual choices that differ from Mrs. Lion’s wishes. It was very good that I wanted more wild time because it gave Mrs. Lion another chance to let me know that I didn’t get a choice. She wanted it on NOW, so it went on. Lions don’t get to decide.

Even more importantly, laid-back Mrs. Lion was assertive and had me do what she wanted even though she knew I didn’t want to do it. She has a hard time with “No!” I have a hard time with that too. My education in submission requires a lot more no’s accompanied with rewards for my instant obedience. As she stated in an earlier post, we both need our brains rewired so that our roles become automatic and easier. I need to learn instant obedience and feel the consequences and rewards when I react incorrectly or do as I should. I need to hear, “Good Job!” and “Good Boy!” when I obey. I also need the opposite along with punishment when I fail.

Mrs. Lion has a problem with this. She thinks it’s demeaning; like talking to the dog. In a way she’s right, but in a more important way I’m not unlike the dog when it comes to obedience. I am being trained to obey, even do tricks. I need the same kind of direct feedback to succeed. Over time, I will feel rewarded when I hear, “Good Job!” or “Good Boy!” Whatever works is what we need to do.