By:
In: Domestic discipline
Our innocent puppy is driving me crazy.

Fair warning: I can feel myself getting overwhelmed again. Lion is probably thinking, “well, duh!” Maybe it’s been building up for a while, and I’m just realizing it this morning. We’re still dealing with dog stink in Lion’s office. I was annoyed last night by everything I had to do, both about the dog stink and not. I felt, wrongly, that I shouldn’t have to figure out dinner if I had all this other stuff to do. Lion had no idea I was thinking that. Dinner was just the last thing on my mind. I had a laundry list of things ahead of dinner. Ironically, laundry was on the list. Plus, my head was stuffy all day, and I was getting achier by the minute.

I did manage to do the immediate things on the list, including dinner. I did not, however, manage to do Lion in any capacity. He didn’t get spanked. He didn’t get tied up. He didn’t get teased. He did get snuggled a tiny bit.

This morning, his office is still stinky, and we’re at our wit’s end. The adage “you get what you pay for” is not true with this dog. We paid a lot, and she’s the least well-behaved dog I’ve ever seen. She’s hyper. She needs to be right next to me like we’re joined at the hip no matter what I’m doing. She has accidents in the house at random times even though the damn door is open, and I know she goes in and out. She went out this morning, returned with a leaf, and then peed on the carpet. What the hell!

Lion bought a black light that will show pee stains. I’m a little afraid to use it. Will it light up like the crime scenes on TV when they use Luminol? I didn’t unpack it because I was busy doing all the other things on my list. Since I wasn’t going to unpack the carpet cleaner we got at least until tonight, I figured the light could wait. Lion was looking for it this morning. He sent me an email that said, “Can you please tell me where the black light is that came yesterday?” Innocuous enough, right? I read a tone I don’t think Lion intended. I read it as “Can you please tell me where the black light is that came yesterday? I can’t find a damn thing in this house because it’s such a mess everywhere.” Of course, I heard it in his voice with his lips pursed together like he was mad and trying not to yell. And that’s when I felt like I was not doing enough at home or at work, and what a slacker I am and all sorts of other unproductive thoughts. And then I realized I was getting overwhelmed again.

Sane me knows I’m not a slacker. Well, I am but not in this case. I think it’s just the dog and what a psycho she is. I know she’s a puppy and (I hope) she’ll grow out of most of her behaviors. If she would calm down a few notches, that would be great. I’m thinking of dosing her with Benadryl so she’ll be sleepy. With my luck, it will have the opposite effect.

Lion forgot the coffee pot again, so in addition to the random “just because” I-know-he-did-other-things-to-deserve-a-spanking, he’ll have five minutes added on for that indiscretion. Maybe that spanking will also help center me and make me feel less overwhelmed. I have no idea. Maybe focusing on his butt will make me realize what’s important and the dog annoying the hell out of me isn’t the biggest issue. I know Lion has long hoped I’d use spanking as a means to get out my frustrations. I don’t think that’s what will help. I think it’s a matter of focusing on a particular thing that will help. I have to walk the thin line between hurting him enough and hurting him too much. Concentrating on that might make the overwhelmed feeling go away.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

We may have crossed a line. Mrs. Lion spanked me on Sunday night. She didn’t say why she was doing it. I assume it was for annoying her, but I’m not sure. I didn’t want to be spanked. I know, who would? I was seriously unhappy about it. Mrs. Lion stopped after five minutes. She declared that I would be feeling it when I sat down. For the record, she’s right. It was a seriously unpleasant experience.

After she finished, I said that I didn’t know if I wanted to be spanked anymore. She replied that if she didn’t spank me, what would she do if I broke a rule. I didn’t answer. I wondered if she was serious. It was the last thing I expected her to say. If she was, then we both crossed a line. I learned that I genuinely don’t want to be spanked. I’m not saying that I won’t find thinking about being spanked a turn-on. I hate being spanked.

If Mrs. Lion meant what she said, she has decided that punishing me is a real part of our marriage, not just an activity I asked her to do for me. I always assumed that if I got tired of domestic discipline, she would stop. Based on Sunday night, she won’t.

At the time we began domestic discipline, I agreed that my consent wasn’t revokable. The reason for this is that if I was serious about needing discipline, I had to recognize that a  time would come when Mrs. Lion would perfect punishment, and I would almost certainly want out.

This isn’t like male chastity, which is a sex game that is male-initiated. Ending the game isn’t a life-changing decision. Ending domestic discipline is. I get it. I surrendered control. Mrs. Lion is in charge and can punish me as she sees fit. The fact that she punishes me in a way that makes me seriously unhappy isn’t a reason for her to stop. It’s a reason for me to understand that DD isn’t a game. If I displease her or fail to obey her, I’m going to be unhappy. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work?

I realize that most of the people who write about DD aren’t completely serious about it. The sexual component drives it. That’s how it has been for us. The “just because” spankings are intended to recharge my sexual batteries as well as to remind me what happens if I misbehave. I’m not saying that Mrs. Lion should stop administering them. I hope they will be much less frequent.

If Mrs. Lion is serious, the chances are good that I will be punished frequently until I learn not to interrupt her. I have to be much more careful about her feelings when we talk. I support this. If she is working to catch me, she will also become more aware of what bothers her. Expressing her feelings is very healthy. Whether I like it or not, punishing me for upsetting her is good for both of us.

I guess we’ve finally gotten to the point where domestic discipline is truly effective. It’s taken a long time, but we are there. I have to admit that I’m not very happy about it.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, BDSM

Mrs. Lion and I have a couple of disconnects. They both involve taking action. That’s where the superficial similarities end. They are our difficulty initiating BDSM activities and difficulty punishing subjective offenses. One is sexual and mostly fun. The other is punishment.

Opposites, right?

I don’t think so.

Both require Mrs. Lion to initiate activities. OK, so what? She initiates punishments for not setting up the coffee pot. She initiates sexual activities. She comes to my side of the bed and plays with my penis. How is tying me up or spanking me for interrupting her any different?

Consider this. The coffee pot rule was made and discussed. I tacitly agreed to it. No, I didn’t get asked if I would obey it. But it was discussed, and I accepted. Observing infractions is easy and not subject to interpretation. The coffee pot is either set up, or it isn’t. Binary. The same is true of basic sex. Mrs. Lion agreed to tease me and get me off every so often. I suggested it.

In both situations, I had an equal role in initiating. There is no ambiguity.

Wouldn’t tying me to the bed be the same? On the surface, it’s no different than scooching over and playing with my penis. However, there is an important difference. The scooching isn’t initiating sex. It’s being available to provide teasing or release. My reactions govern whether or not she plays with my cock. It’s a sort of passive initiation on my part. It’s not negative at all, but Mrs. Lion is letting me control what happens.

The same is true of domestic discipline. I asked for it. Mrs. Lion agreed to provide it. She’s learned to be an effective spanker. She enjoys catching me break the few binary rules we have–spilling on my shirt, not setting up the coffee pot. Spanking me is part of the game. Again, my agreement is explicit. I can’t argue with stains on my shirt or the coffee pot not ready in the morning. Binary.

When it comes to tying me to the bed or other non-CBT BDSM, Mrs. Lion is in complete charge. She initiates the activity. The same is true of spanking me for interrupting her or annoying her. She and she alone determines if I committed an offense. It isn’t binary. She decides without physical evidence of my guilt.

Maybe the challenge is learning to take full charge. Even though sex is just for me and Mrs. Lion claims that I should be able to decide if I want it or not, it might be better to take that choice away from me. Even if sometimes I’m not going to be aroused by getting Icy Hot on my balls or tied to the bed, doing it anyway might be the best thing to do.

I have a well-known problem with initiating sex. It may be that problem that caused Mrs. Lion to lose her libido. I feel very guilty about that. She’s never been happy about initiating either. The discussion about this always centered around sex. I’m horrible about initiating it. Now that we agreed that I don’t initiate anymore, it doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion will have an easy time taking on that role.

I don’t know the answer. Under our current arrangement, Mrs. Lion is in charge. If I’m going to be tied to the bed, she will have to initiate it. If I’m going to learn not to interrupt, she will have to be just as binary as she is about the damn coffee pot.  It’s always easier to find reasons not to do something. We both have that problem. It isn’t really fair for me to expect her to do what I can’t. I get that. I’m just not sure what we can do.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Spanking

I am supposed to get “just because” spankings twice a week. At least, that was Mrs. Lion’s plan. Fortunately for me, it hasn’t worked out that way. I get less, and the ones I do get are usually for a reason. I’m not complaining. I’m also not suggesting that Mrs. Lion sticks to her planned twice-a-week spanking plan. Given that I’m sore for days after a spanking, that might be a bit too much. That’s not my point.

Two of the three last “just because” spankings turned out to be punishment for offenses Mrs. Lion caught me committing. That’s what got me thinking. Maybe the key to keeping me regularly reminded of my role isn’t spanking me “just because.” Perhaps a better idea is for Mrs. Lion to find reasons to spank me.

I’m not the only lion in this house who needs training. Mrs. Lion wants to sharpen her claws and punish me for annoying her. What if she has to find a reason to spank me at least once a week? We both agree that we both “forget” our disciplinary relationship if I am not spanked fairly often. Up till now, the focus has been on me. I need regular spankings to keep emotionally and sexually balanced. That’s true. To make sure this need is met, we established the “just because” spankings. These are scheduled events and have nothing to do with Mrs. Lion discovering me breaking a rule.

That’s the problem. I’m getting what I need, but Mrs. Lion isn’t. Yes, she is getting more opportunities to hone her spanking skills, but she isn’t sharpening her ability to catch and punish subjective offenses. Just as we learned to incorporate discipline in our marriage by making and enforcing rules I was bound to break, it’s time to do the same thing for more subjective offenses.

I’m proposing that Mrs. Lion agrees to find at least one spankable offense a week. It can be anything she wants. The offense isn’t important. What matters is that she observes something she doesn’t like and punishes me for it. Since the requirement is that she finds a reason to spank me, the reason itself isn’t that important. What counts is that she is learning to observe and punish things that aren’t explicit rules. It should be fairly easy for her since she knows I need regular paddling.

I guess that I will end up on the receiving end of a paddle more than once a week. That’s fine since Mrs. Lion said I need more frequent time on the spanking bench. We’ve learned the value of consistency. This plan may be the way for Mrs. Lion to learn to punish subjective offenses consistently. If she agrees to this, I expect it will hurt to sit almost all the time. That’s fine with me.