By:
In: Punishment, Domestic discipline

There is nothing simple about my relationship with spanking and domestic discipline. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I suspect anyone who writes about the subject probably shares my conflicting emotions. If domestic discipline were purely punitive, I would avoid any mention of it. The only emotion involved would be fear of punishment. Spankings would be dreaded and not the subject of discussion. Yet, I write about it with a sense of anticipation mixed in with fear.

You could think that I like pain. Spankings hurt. If I found pain sexually arousing, domestic discipline wouldn’t work. Each spanking would be a reward instead of a punishment. I’ve seen men who are aroused by all sorts of pain, especially spanking. At one BDSM event, I saw a man receiving a serious paddling. He was erect the entire time. Spanking wasn’t punishment for him.

I am never hard when spanked. This was true long before Mrs. Lion began punishing me. I’ve bottomed in BDSM scenes where I’ve displayed an embarrassing erection as I got into position for a spanking. Within a very short time, the erection disappeared. I wasn’t having fun. Yet, I wanted to be spanked. Those BDSM spankings were severe enough to feel for a day or two later. Confusing, right? Mrs. Lion was confused when I asked her to spank me.

OK, there has to be something going on to draw me to an activity I hate. It has to be sexual. How do I know? I get turned on thinking about being spanked. This is certainly odd. I know that spankings hurt, and I truly hate receiving punishments. It’s like a moth attracted to a flame. I’m wired to get aroused when I think about spankings. It doesn’t matter how much I hate it when I get one. I’m ineluctably drawn to it. I willingly lie naked on the spanking bench for Mrs. Lion.

Once she starts beating me, I regret being there. I’m sorry that I brought this on myself. I wonder why I let myself get into domestic discipline. I regret the offense that moved Mrs. Lion to tell me to get into position for my punishment. I’m genuinely sorry.

Not long after my beating, I feel aroused (not enough to get hard) when I think about being punished. I still hate the discomfort left over from my spanking. I know it will hurt for a few days. Would I willingly get on the bench again? Absolutely. Is this a sign of insanity? I don’t think so.

I like the feeling of being controlled by Mrs. Lion. No, I don’t want her micromanaging my life, but there is something very hot about her being able to spank me anytime she wants. The arousal extends beyond paddling my behind. It’s arousing to think of her soaping my mouth. It is not arousing to experience. Do you see a theme? I am turned on by having to accept these painful symbols of her control. In a very real way, they show me that she loves me.

Uh oh, there’s another emotion involved: love. It’s arousing to feel her control, and it’s comforting to experience this very real expression of her love for me. Punishing me is a very concrete expression of love. It requires her to care enough to monitor my behavior and then expend the physical and emotional energy to punish me effectively. She works hard to make sure I understand that there are serious consequences to disobedience or misbehavior. She steels herself and then punishes me severely enough to make me regret my sin.

She isn’t sadistic. Mrs. Lion gets no pleasure out of making me yelp in pain. She would much rather stop sooner than needed to make the necessary impression on me. It’s hard for her. It’s taken her years to be able to beat me to the point that works for me. She’s learned that I need her firm hand. I need it so much that if I’ve avoided misbehaving, that she has to give me a “just because” spanking to remind me of her love and control.  It also provides me with new sexual fuel when I think about my punishment.

This isn’t easy to understand. I’m not sure my lioness is fully aware of all these connections. She knows that frequent and very firm use of her paddles keeps me on the straight and narrow and makes me feel secure and loved.

By:
In: BDSM, Domestic discipline, Male Chastity

Did you know that the leading cause of death is birth? The human mortality rate is 100%. Most of us never think about this. There’s a song that I’ve always liked, “Enjoy Yourself It’s Later Than You Think.” It’s particularly relevant to us. It’s way too easy to put things off until it is too late. This is particularly true of sexual fun as we age. Our ability to enjoy sex changes. It takes longer to orgasm. More intense stimulation is needed to arouse us. Time isn’t our friend.

There isn’t much information out there about aging and sex for kinksters. I’ve been interested in this topic for years and may have some useful information to suggest. First and foremost, sexual activity is not only possible, but it’s also desirable at any age. Sure, we change as we grow older, but we can still have fun.

Unsurprisingly, male chastity is easier as we age. The refractory period (the time needed to recharge and ejaculate again after orgasm) grows longer. Arousal is less urgent as well. While we males can still get spontaneous erections all of our lives, they don’t happen as often. Direct stimulation is often needed. Erections are less firm as well. Little pills–Cialis,etc.–help make us harder. They don’t turn us on or make it easier for us to get aroused. All they do is improve blood flow into the penis. Cialis helps me stay nice and stiff for Mrs. Lion.

There is confusion between the refractory period and the amount of time a man needs to recover between orgasms. For example, a fifty-year-old man might take a couple of days to “feel like” coming. His actual refractory period may be under an hour. If you are curious to test this, try a little experiment. I tried it years ago with surprising results. You need a partner for this. It’s simple and fun. Wait until you haven’t ejaculated in several days. Your partner will masturbate you to orgasm every half hour. She jerks you off to orgasm and then starts a 30-minute timer. At the end of 30 minutes, she does it again. It will take longer and longer, and eventually, no semen will come out. Keep this up until she can’t make you hard after trying for ten minutes.

When I tried this with a friend, I was convinced I might come twice and lose interest. The first time was easy. Thirty minutes later, she began again. I was surprised that I got hard rather quickly. I came after about ten minutes of being jerked off. The next time it took longer, but I still managed to come. She gave up after four orgasms because it was near time for dinner, and my penis was getting sore. I imagine I had at least one more in me. Try it yourself and see.

On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve learned that I begin to lose interest in sex after about two weeks without ejaculating. Yes, I can get hard, but it takes more work, and it isn’t easy to get me off. When I was in my thirties and forties, I would get hornier each day I went without. After fifty, long-term chastity is much less of an issue for a man. A shorter-term lockup with lots of teasing between orgasms might be more fun for both partners.

Spanking and domestic discipline haven’t changed much over the years. Skin tends to thin and become more brittle with age. I suppose this applies to the butt as well as other places. I haven’t noticed any appreciable differences over the years. Well, maybe one comes to mind. I feel the results of a spanking longer than when I was younger. I’ve noticed that after Mrs. Lion finishes, some of my skin feels leathery. Over time (three days or so), it stings sometimes. If I use a good skin lotion back there, the effects are reduced. I’ve started applying CeraVe skin lotion every day or so after I shower. It seems to help keep my skin soft and reduce some of the ill effects. This is sensible at any age.

The biggest change is in flexibility. As we age, our ability to safely and comfortably flex our joints diminishes. This comes up when it comes to bondage and other body positions needed for sex or kink. Knees get sore quickly. Staying on all-fours, particularly on a hard surface, gets problematic. We are all different. Pay attention to how it feels to be in a particular position. If it is difficult, find another, an easier one to assume.

Both women and men find reaching orgasm more difficult with age. Perseverance and sometimes mechanical aids (vibrators, etc.) will make things easier. Some people feel that if they have difficulty getting their partners off, it means there is a loss of love or attraction. It usually doesn’t. Sexual response is affected by many non-sexual things. Stress, lack of sleep, weight gain, and many other factors can screw up sexual response.

The key to kink, as we age, is flexibility and understanding. Experiment and adapt as time passes. Change the rules of the games. Change male chastity from a marathon to a sprint. You don’t have to stop what you like to do. You may need to work out new ways to do them.

By:
In: Punishment, Domestic discipline, Spanking
Mrs. Lion’s spanking has evolved. My bottom on the left was after a 2020 spanking. The right is one this year.

I know that some of our readers think that our disciplinary relationship is cruel and that Mrs. Lion’s spankings are too severe. It might appear that way to someone who started reading our blog in the recent past. That’s the trouble with an online journal. I think it might be helpful to provide a little history about how we started practicing domestic discipline.

The genesis was shortly after I met Mrs. Lion. I told her that I like BDSM in general and spanking in particular. She reluctantly agreed to give it a try. Mrs. Lion is amazing about being willing to try new things. My first spanking was a short series of little taps that I barely felt. Over the years, she learned to give me a spanking that made me yelp. She did this in the context of a BDSM scene. It was very hot.

A few years ago, I suggested that Mrs. Lion could spank me for breaking the rules. After some thought, she gave me a few simple rules that I was sure to break frequently. The idea was for us to get practice with rules and punishments. We’ve kept it up. Over the years, she’s experimented with spanking techniques and tools. We’ve both learned that for a spanking to be effective, it has to be severe and last for at least ten minutes. The DWC suggests ten minutes for the first offense and five minutes added on for additional offenses. Mrs. Lion has adopted this system. She spanks me well past when the timer goes off.

The spanking leaves marks on me that last for several days. I’ve published pictures that Mrs. Lion took right after spanking me. These images have drawn some strong negative comments that accuse her of abusing me. I’m not abused. I’m disciplined. No, that isn’t splitting hairs. I consent to be punished by my lioness. I recognize that I don’t like or want to be punished, but the results improve our marriage. Mrs. Lion has never injured me. Spanking is a safe way of inflicting meaningful pain. That’s why it is the world’s most popular punishment.

I decided to write this post because the spanking I received on Wednesday night created a question from Mrs. Lion. She had just yelled at the dog and put her in her crate. Her swats were harder than usual. At one point, I was close to my safeword. I told her that she was hitting too hard. She backed off a little and then when back to the original intensity. It was a fifteen-minute spanking, and I hated every second of it. She stopped just a minute short of the full fifteen.

I was fine after the spanking. When the adrenaline wore off, my bottom hurt. Yes, it was supposed to. I felt it when I lay on my side to go to sleep. In an email on Thursday, she wrote, “Do you really think I was hitting too hard last night?”

I thought about that for a while. I wrote back, “Well, it was hard to take. Perhaps a little more warmup or practice?”

On further reflection, I realized that it wasn’t too hard at all. It was supposed to be hard to take. Mrs. Lion just pushed my limit a little. She should hit me that hard with less warmup. She was right. Wednesday night was a true punishment spanking. I reacted the way I should. I’m not supposed to decide how hard she should hit. She did exactly the right thing. I imagine that future spankings will be equally unpleasant. After all, I’m not supposed to like them.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

I can’t believe it! I did it again. I should say that I didn’t do it again. I forgot to set up the coffee pot for yesterday’s breakfast. It’s a small thing, but it earns me a big spanking when I fail to do it. This is the one offense guaranteed to earn a spanking. Mrs. Lion is consistent when it comes to beating me for not setting up the coffee pot. I have a fifteen-minute spanking coming (ten minutes “just because” and five extra minutes for the coffee pot). That’s not entirely accurate. I will be spanked for a minimum of fifteen minutes. Usually, my spankings go into long overtime.

Before we started DD or male chastity, I read a lot of blogs about the subject of male discipline. The more credible ones agreed that men tend to “learn” and correct bad behavior for about a month before they need “reminding.” I was skeptical of this idea. It seemed to me that I would learn my lesson and not repeat the bad behavior. How hard could that be? It turns out I am no better than the men written about in those blogs. It’s been about four weeks since I forgot to set up the coffee pot. I suppose I should try to keep track and see how long it is before I need “reminding” again.

Mrs. Lion seems perfectly happy offering me her helpful spankings in this case. As she said many times, she has no real trouble spanking me. Yet, I can count on one hand the number of spankings I’ve received for annoying her. I know that I annoy her far more often than I forget to make coffee. We’ve discussed this many times. Mrs. Lion doesn’t have much insight to offer on why my bottom remains pristine after I piss her off. It’s not that I’m looking for more spanking. I’m looking for consistent help with my communication style.

This is a big deal to me because I have learned that when a consistent spanking follows an offense, my need to avoid repeating it becomes a high priority. When Mrs. Lion excuses the behavior, I do note that I should do better, but there is no sense of urgency. It’s a little embarrassing to admit that an admonition accompanied by a spanking is far more memorable than a verbal growl.

Zero-tolerance truly works for me. I have a strong desire to do the right thing for my lioness. I wish I could explain why I need a bruised bottom to reinforce this desire. Based on my behavior, I clearly do. Mrs. Lion has a problem enforcing these more subjective requirements. Based on our experiences, I think it’s important for her to “just do it.” As we learned when we first began operating spanking to our relationship, we both need practice to succeed. I recognize that I will get a sore bottom much more often if we do. I think it’s worth it—the concept of “just because” spanking needs to be extended into more areas of our lives.

Julie suggested spanking me when I have strongly pleasurable experiences that might distract me from remembering who is in charge. Which experiences need these reminders spankings have to be determined. Mrs. Lion and I agree that accidental orgasms deserve recognition with her paddle. We also agree that failure to reach the edge is also a spankable offense. I’m sure more reasons will come up over time.

Meanwhile, I managed to earn at least 10 minutes of paddling. You can be sure that I won’t forget the coffee pot for a while. I hope it will be a long while.