By:
In: BDSM, Mrs Lion Comments

Unlike many women, I don’t like to shop for clothes. It annoys me. I don’t usually find anything I like and, if I manage to, it’s not in my size. For this reason, I do most of my shopping online. It’s easier to filter things by size. If I want to compare prices on another site, I just open a new window and off I go. Aside from the availability of things and delayed ship times, having stores closed during the pandemic hasn’t really affected me.

Shopping for toys in real life isn’t necessarily possible anyway. There are a few stores I could go to but the quality would probably not be good. Of course, Home Depot is open for all my rope/chain/clamp needs. I get emails from Extreme Restraints. Despite the name, they do not limit themselves to restraints. I dare say, they have everything imaginable, and then some. I got one of their emails this morning. I don’t even remember the subject line. Whatever it was, it enticed me enough to click on it.

Once I saw what they had to offer, I realized I wasn’t at all interested. We have so many toys we actually gave some away a few years ago. One person eyed a prison strap and was excited about the prospect of using it or having it used on her. I know I was pretty vanilla before I met Lion. I know he’s changed my outlook on many things. But I also know I’ll never look at any toy the way the person looked at that prison strap. I think she was actually salivating.

It took me a long time to go from the feather-light swats of starting out swatting Lion to the he-wonders-why-he-ever-showed-me punishment swats now. I remember tying his balls so loosely he probably wondered if they were even tied. I didn’t want to hurt him. The underlying question in my mind was why would anyone want this done to them? Now I can lasso Lion’s balls in a second. I can get him squirming in less than a minute with a paddle. I can cover his balls in clothespins without batting an eye. I can shove my fingers or a butt plug up his ass without pausing to wonder if he’s ready for the assault. But still, the underlying question is why would anyone want it?

Many years ago, I asked Lion if he should spank me so I could figure out what the allure was. He didn’t want to. His reason? He was worried I’d like it and always want him to spank me when what he wanted was for me to spank him. Fair enough. I’m pretty sure the problem would not have been that I’d want him to spank me. It would have been that my question would then be why the f*ck would anyone want this done to them? I’m not into pain. I’m not into humiliation, unless you count good-natured teasing between friends and coworkers.

I figured out a long time ago that I don’t have to understand why Lion needs things done to him. He needs it. I can do it. It seems reasonable. But it doesn’t stop me from wondering every so often.

Windows is a registered trademark of the Microsoft Corporation

By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal, Punishment, Sex

I have two monitors on my desk. One is attached to my personal PC; the one I’m writing on now. The other is attached to my laptop from work. I’m in my third week of “furlough” from my company. My laptop sits silent, power down. The monitor is black. Mrs. Lion’s desk is in the next room. We are separated by a wall. The door to my office leads to hers. We chat back and forth through the day. It’s a little like the emails we share when she’s working in her office. It’s not the same.

While email is an almost instantaneous conversation, there is a delay in composing replies. Verbally, we don’t take that thoughtful pause to compose our thoughts. It seems that this changes the entire texture of the communication. For one thing, when Mrs. Lion writes something sexy promising fun later, I can savor her words over and over. Verbally, they fly through the air reach my ears, and disappear. It’s just not the same.

Who would’ve thought that remote conversation could be preferable to real life? I wonder if this is a new phenomenon of the Internet age. It seems to me that the immediacy and physical availability we share now would be much hotter. After all, Mrs. Lion can say she’s going to spank me or play with my penis and then walk a few feet to the bedroom and actually do those things. Yup, that would be hotter. However, it doesn’t happen that way. She has work to do so she can’t take a break for some Lion fun. Even when she’s not working, she seems to have a difficult time doing any recreational/sexual activity before dinner.

There’s another rather odd phenomenon that’s emerged since we’ve been together 24/7. Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to do anything sexual more than once a day. I’m not suggesting she should do hourly play sessions. That could get very old very fast. However, even when she says she’ll try something again later, like when I’m having difficulty getting aroused, she doesn’t.

I don’t think that’s because she doesn’t want to do things. The problem is probably much more basic. Sexual/play activities are usually motivated by sexual desire. She doesn’t have that anymore. So there isn’t any hormonal drive to engage with me. As far as I can tell, her only reason for doing it is that she loves me and knows I like it. This sort of motivation only stretches so far. In our case, it seems that once every day or two is the limit.

This is where the very basic difference between us is most apparent. When I’m horny, I feel the need for sexual activity. It’s not intellectual; it’s visceral. A good example of the difference between us is our game of Zapardy. Mrs. Lion said she wanted to play it. It’s been a couple of weeks and we haven’t. I asked her about it, she said other things get on the way like dinner preparation, etc. if she was sexually motivated, I think she’d tell me to record the show then later have me strap on the shock collar and playback the day’s program.

Since there is no hormonal need to do this sexual activity, she is content to wait for an occasion when the show is available from beginning to end and she remembers we were going to play. So far, the confluence of those events apparently hasn’t happened yet.

It’s not like she doesn’t recognize this. In the past, she created her “Box O’ Fun”. This is a little wooden box containing cards. Each card has a BDSM activity written on it. When we played, Mrs. Lion would have me pick a card and that’s what we would do. The cards are folded so there is no way for me to see what was written on them. It was fun for me in a scary kind of way. Apparently, it doesn’t hold much interest for my lioness. We haven’t played in months.

The one completely consistent activity is discipline. She always detects when I break a rule and spanks me for punishment. I think she’s found this rewarding in some way. It’s important to me too. I am very glad she does this. I hope we can figure out a way she can be rewarded by doing those other things with me. It may not be possible. Even if she can’t find that reward, I’m very grateful for what she does. It’s true altruism on her part.

By:
In: BDSM, Edging, Mrs Lion Comments

I had a headache yesterday. It was almost like the aftermath of a migraine. By afternoon I was mostly foggy with a slight background of pain. Lion kept asking how my head felt. I know part of it was his concern. I also know he was wondering about the likelihood of play. Just before dinner, he asked again and I told him the pain was still floating around in there. He said it figured. When he’s horny, I don’t feel well. There it is!

The steam from the shower seemed to help alleviate the headache for a while. I still feel it today so it didn’t completely cure it. However, I felt good enough to give Lion a blow job. I wasn’t going to leave him hanging when he said he was horny. Plus, if I didn’t do anything with Lion when I wasn’t feeling 100%, I’d never do anything with him.

He was correct. He was a horny boy. One of the things I love the most is taking his limp cock in my mouth and feeling it get hard. Maybe it’s a pride thing. I did that! And then I get to play with the fruits of my labor. Lion made it to the edge and then I worked on getting him closer and closer. I know I was playing with fire. I even considered giving him a ruined orgasm, but that would have been a waste of my time. I wanted him frustrated. A ruined orgasm would not do that.

I think I edged him five times, with the last two being right to the edge. Before the last one, I asked if he wanted to come. Of course, he did! I knew it without asking. Sometimes when I ask, he says it’s not up to him. Obviously, but I want to know anyway. I have no idea how many days it’s been since the last orgasm, but last night wasn’t his night. I want to torture him a bit more. Maybe tonight. Maybe not. [Lion — it was 10 days.]

I’d like to touch on something Lion said about playing even if he isn’t in the mood. He said that at BDSM parties in New York, there’s no sex involved. I suppose that would have been a good analogy if I had “come of age” in said parties. I did not. Lion and I had a sexual relationship before he introduced me to BDSM. For us, sex has always followed play. With that in mind, I don’t think it’s irrational of me to think that we shouldn’t play if he’s not horny. The two go hand in hand. Again, there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to idly play with my weenie while we snuggle even if he isn’t in the mood. Neither of us thinks it will go anywhere. But a full on let’s-try-to-get-Lion-to-the-edge session wouldn’t work very well. No matter how long we try, we won’t get any further than my idly playing with my weenie while we snuggle.

[Lion — I think we have a little bit of a definition problem. “Play” to me isn’t just sexual activity. It includes things like having to wear the spiked jockstrap, diapers, play spankings, nipple stuff, etc. None of those things are directly sexual. That’s what I meant by play.]

By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal

Now that we are both home full-time, there are infinite opportunities for play. At least you would think there are. In fact, if anything we are engaged in less. Part of the problem is that Mrs. Lion is apparently not sure when I want to play. She wrote about this in her post “Getting Our Signals Straight“. This uncertainty is very familiar to me. I’ve always had a serious issue with initiating sex. A big part of that was my concern that it would not be welcome. In the same post, she wrote about using the stop and go signal for me to signal my availability. Okay, fair enough. I’ll use it.

Another issue is that we have always had only one play session per day. I think this was because we had too many other things to do. It’s also because Mrs. Lion apparently has trouble with sexual activity while the sun is up. That wasn’t always true. All of our initial dating was during the day. Since we’ve been living together, with the exception of playing in our sling, all the action has been after dark. I think this needs to change.

I’ve been surprised that even discipline waits for the night. As Mrs. Lion wrote yesterday, punishment is not dependent on my desire for sex or anything else. I get it when I earn it. However, I only seem to get it when the sun goes down. I think that this time while we are together 24 hours a day, is a good opportunity to break that pattern. There’s no reason I can’t be punished immediately after an offense has been noted.

Another area Mrs. Lion mentioned was my mood. Unlike punishment, she noted, play requires cooperation from my penis. I disagree. I’m very happy she enjoys it when I am hard, but the vast majority of activities we can do in the BDSM area don’t require an erection. Only edging needs that.

I know that Mrs. Lion wants me to enjoy the play. A lot of the things we do aren’t fun at the time. We have a very long history of knowing that regular BDSM fuels me sexually. It may not manifest itself at the exact same time she is doing something to me, but experience indicates the beneficial results will appear shortly after.

The biggest problem, I think, is that I am the only one who can potentially enjoy this stuff. Mrs. Lion’s libido isn’t working right now so she isn’t turned on when she does things to me. If I’m not turned on, she reasons that it’s silly to do it since neither of us is having fun. This is a difficult problem. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. There’s nothing either of us can do to bring back her arousal. BDSM is an intellectual exercise for her. She does it because I need it. It’s obvious why this is not terribly effective.

If she is approaching this intellectually, maybe she should reason that her timing of play activities might be “acting as if” she was turned on by doing things to me. I know it’s not easy to work up intellectual enthusiasm. Sexual enthusiasm is almost instinctive. But if this is going to work reliably, I think she needs a replacement therapy. We both know she’s not getting wet when she does stuff to me, or if I do stuff to her. But she knows that activities would turn her on if everything worked correctly.

It all comes down to how she feels about our play sessions. If they have to include my sexual arousal during the play, we are going to be very limited. Well, maybe not that limited. If she starts off a play section with a partial blow job, I might be erect with very little trouble. If she finds a way to enjoy the actual BDSM activity, the state of my penis or emotional readiness becomes much less important. The BDSM becomes something she is doing because she wants to do it.

I have no idea if this is possible. I’m just hoping to get us started again in a more spontaneous, sun-still-shining way. I think it will be more fun for both of us.