Unlike many women, I don’t like to shop for clothes. It annoys me. I don’t usually find anything I like and, if I manage to, it’s not in my size. For this reason, I do most of my shopping online. It’s easier to filter things by size. If I want to compare prices on another site, I just open a new window and off I go. Aside from the availability of things and delayed ship times, having stores closed during the pandemic hasn’t really affected me.
Shopping for toys in real life isn’t necessarily possible anyway. There are a few stores I could go to but the quality would probably not be good. Of course, Home Depot is open for all my rope/chain/clamp needs. I get emails from Extreme Restraints. Despite the name, they do not limit themselves to restraints. I dare say, they have everything imaginable, and then some. I got one of their emails this morning. I don’t even remember the subject line. Whatever it was, it enticed me enough to click on it.
Once I saw what they had to offer, I realized I wasn’t at all interested. We have so many toys we actually gave some away a few years ago. One person eyed a prison strap and was excited about the prospect of using it or having it used on her. I know I was pretty vanilla before I met Lion. I know he’s changed my outlook on many things. But I also know I’ll never look at any toy the way the person looked at that prison strap. I think she was actually salivating.
It took me a long time to go from the feather-light swats of starting out swatting Lion to the he-wonders-why-he-ever-showed-me punishment swats now. I remember tying his balls so loosely he probably wondered if they were even tied. I didn’t want to hurt him. The underlying question in my mind was why would anyone want this done to them? Now I can lasso Lion’s balls in a second. I can get him squirming in less than a minute with a paddle. I can cover his balls in clothespins without batting an eye. I can shove my fingers or a butt plug up his ass without pausing to wonder if he’s ready for the assault. But still, the underlying question is why would anyone want it?
Many years ago, I asked Lion if he should spank me so I could figure out what the allure was. He didn’t want to. His reason? He was worried I’d like it and always want him to spank me when what he wanted was for me to spank him. Fair enough. I’m pretty sure the problem would not have been that I’d want him to spank me. It would have been that my question would then be why the f*ck would anyone want this done to them? I’m not into pain. I’m not into humiliation, unless you count good-natured teasing between friends and coworkers.
I figured out a long time ago that I don’t have to understand why Lion needs things done to him. He needs it. I can do it. It seems reasonable. But it doesn’t stop me from wondering every so often.
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