Now that we are both home full-time, there are infinite opportunities for play. At least you would think there are. In fact, if anything we are engaged in less. Part of the problem is that Mrs. Lion is apparently not sure when I want to play. She wrote about this in her post “Getting Our Signals Straight“. This uncertainty is very familiar to me. I’ve always had a serious issue with initiating sex. A big part of that was my concern that it would not be welcome. In the same post, she wrote about using the stop and go signal for me to signal my availability. Okay, fair enough. I’ll use it.
Another issue is that we have always had only one play session per day. I think this was because we had too many other things to do. It’s also because Mrs. Lion apparently has trouble with sexual activity while the sun is up. That wasn’t always true. All of our initial dating was during the day. Since we’ve been living together, with the exception of playing in our sling, all the action has been after dark. I think this needs to change.
I’ve been surprised that even discipline waits for the night. As Mrs. Lion wrote yesterday, punishment is not dependent on my desire for sex or anything else. I get it when I earn it. However, I only seem to get it when the sun goes down. I think that this time while we are together 24 hours a day, is a good opportunity to break that pattern. There’s no reason I can’t be punished immediately after an offense has been noted.
Another area Mrs. Lion mentioned was my mood. Unlike punishment, she noted, play requires cooperation from my penis. I disagree. I’m very happy she enjoys it when I am hard, but the vast majority of activities we can do in the BDSM area don’t require an erection. Only edging needs that.
I know that Mrs. Lion wants me to enjoy the play. A lot of the things we do aren’t fun at the time. We have a very long history of knowing that regular BDSM fuels me sexually. It may not manifest itself at the exact same time she is doing something to me, but experience indicates the beneficial results will appear shortly after.
The biggest problem, I think, is that I am the only one who can potentially enjoy this stuff. Mrs. Lion’s libido isn’t working right now so she isn’t turned on when she does things to me. If I’m not turned on, she reasons that it’s silly to do it since neither of us is having fun. This is a difficult problem. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. There’s nothing either of us can do to bring back her arousal. BDSM is an intellectual exercise for her. She does it because I need it. It’s obvious why this is not terribly effective.
If she is approaching this intellectually, maybe she should reason that her timing of play activities might be “acting as if” she was turned on by doing things to me. I know it’s not easy to work up intellectual enthusiasm. Sexual enthusiasm is almost instinctive. But if this is going to work reliably, I think she needs a replacement therapy. We both know she’s not getting wet when she does stuff to me, or if I do stuff to her. But she knows that activities would turn her on if everything worked correctly.
It all comes down to how she feels about our play sessions. If they have to include my sexual arousal during the play, we are going to be very limited. Well, maybe not that limited. If she starts off a play section with a partial blow job, I might be erect with very little trouble. If she finds a way to enjoy the actual BDSM activity, the state of my penis or emotional readiness becomes much less important. The BDSM becomes something she is doing because she wants to do it.
I have no idea if this is possible. I’m just hoping to get us started again in a more spontaneous, sun-still-shining way. I think it will be more fun for both of us.