By:
In: Lion's Journal, Female led relationship with discipline, Male Chastity

I was surprised by Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday. She wrote that she had a twinge of sexual desire. Reading the post was the first I’ve heard of that. I would have been very happy to fan the flames had I known. She also said that she wondered if her focus on my sexual pleasure might be suppressing her own interest. She made this comment because she has not been thinking about sex for me since the instructions from the hospital said I should not have “intimate activity” for a while after the surgery. I don’t know how much time that information sheet said, but Mrs. Lion is decided it’s important for her to stay away sexually.

Before reading her post, I was considering writing about what turns me on. No, not the obvious stuff; the deeper, more subtle forces that act on me. In light of her post, perhaps it’s useful to consider what has the opposite effect on both of us. One of my biggest turn-on’s is when I can excite my lioness. I’ve missed those wonderful sessions when I could bring her to orgasm after orgasm. Apparently, doing the same for me may suppress Mrs. Lion’s sexual interest. I don’t understand that. Does it mean that we can bring her libido back if she ignores my sexual needs?

I wasn’t aware that she put much time into thinking about those needs. It would be a good thing if she thought about her sexual needs instead. Mine aren’t all that complicated. If, in fact, taking the spotlight off me does allow her to get turned on, our enforced male chastity power exchange makes it very easy for her to do this. If I’m locked into a chastity device, it could be the signal for her to stop thinking about sex for me. After all, unless she unlocks me, I’m effectively sexually unavailable.

As a point of fact, my sexual unavailability started after my eye surgery last Friday. If by Sunday, this freed her up to focus, consciously or unconsciously, on sex for herself, there was only a matter of 24 hours or so to flip that switch. It certainly would make a nice male chastity story if she only got turned on when I’m sexually unavailable. Obviously I don’t need my penis to please her.

I don’t think not thinking about my sexual needs is what turned her on. It’s easy enough to test. I suspect that it was something else.  I don’t doubt for a second that I am a contributor to her loss of libido. I felt that way for a long time. At one point she said that her loss of interest was connected to the fact that I’m not very good at initiating sexual activity. She may be right, after all.

I doubt at this point that it would be very comfortable for either of us if I suddenly became sexually aggressive. I suspect that I am a large part of the problem, but not because of who initiates sex, but something more subtle. In some sense, I’m sure she considers that satisfying me sexually is important for her to do. She may worry about how well she is doing. She never mentions it, but I’m pretty sure it is a concern of hers.

I can hear the chorus of chastity fantasizers saying all she has to do is lock me up and stop worrying. That won’t work. It would probably make her anxiety grow because she would worry that I was unhappy. When I think about it, it seems to me this is part of the same issue that our disciplinary relationship is addressing. Mrs. Lion is learning that she has not only a right but an obligation to improve my behavior. One of the key principles behind our disciplinary relationship is that Mrs. Lion decides independent of me, what rules I must follow. If I do something that upsets her, she’s learning not to worry about making me happy, but to change my behavior through punishment.

Six years ago when we began enforced male chastity, our agreement was that Mrs. Lion would provide sexual attention, not necessarily orgasm, at least every other day. This has become a source of pressure for her. My medically required abstinence has given her license to disregard our every-other-day agreement. Maybe, it’s time to cancel that agreement. Mrs. Lion after all, is in charge and I’m completely behind letting her decide when I get sexual attention. I know it will mean I will go days without any genital contact. But if letting her establish the rhythm of my sexual stimulation allows her libido to return, I will be very happy.

This is an area where our FLRD and enforced mail chastity connect with one another. Our FLRD is teaching her to stay on top of her feelings and discipline me any time I upset her. Our male chastity agreement requires her to entertain me sexually on a fairly rigid schedule. I think when we first began, regular teasing was a way to make up for the lack of sexual attention I received prior to us beginning. It was a little like my no spilling food on my shirt rule. It guaranteed we would build disciplinary habits that would then carry into more serious parts of our relationship. The every-other-day teasing schedule was the sexual equivalent of assuring that I would break trivial rules frequently enough to build disciplinary habits.

Mrs. Lion has had more than enough time to build up sexual habits in relation to me. I think it’s perfectly safe to cancel the every-other-day clause in our original agreement. It may be time for her to think less about keeping me happy and more about what arouses her. I don’t know how this might work out for both of us. I suspect that very little will change, at least in the beginning. We’ve learned that over time, things will change. Mrs. Lion has evolved in our disciplinary relationship. She truly is in charge and appears to be comfortable punishing me as severely as needed.

The first step in our sexual change is as trivial as me letting her know that I no longer feel badly if I don’t get my near-daily teasing. In fact, it can be a punishable offense for me to nag her in any way about needing sexual attention. Part of me worries that we could revert to our pre–chastity state where I got nearly no sexual activity. I don’t think that will happen. However, it’s a worthwhile risk to take.

What do you think, Mrs. Lion?

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Spanking
This is my housewarming gift for Mrs. Lion. The long handle and heart -shaped striking area might be fun for her. She may want to just hang it for decoration.

We are getting closer to the day when things can get back to normal here. We’re both very anxious to re-stabilize. It’s not that I’m out of control and making Mrs. Lion miserable. The suspension of my rules has certainly saved me from some spanking, but things are orderly and functioning smoothly without the discipline. Nevertheless, we both miss it. The same is true of sex. We’ve suspended that as well to give my eyes their best chance of recovery. I expect that after a successful postop doctor’s visit on Friday, we can resume everything.

I think I am currently in one of my sexual drive spells. Even though Mrs. Lion hasn’t touched me sexually in days, I noticed that I’m not having many sexual thoughts. Also, I’m not having any spontaneous erections. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion can’t bring me back into heat with some deft handwork. It’s just that I’m a little surprised that I’m not feeling particularly horny. It’s only been about a week since my last ejaculation. That’s more than long enough to get me ready to go on a moments notice. I’m not complaining. It’s more of a Lion weather report.

I ordered a little “housewarming” gift for Mrs. Lion. Actually, it’s more of a bun warmer. I decided it would be fun for her to get a brand-new paddle never used anywhere but the new place. I admit that it feels a little odd buying her yet another way to punish me. I couldn’t resist. I put a picture of the new paddle (above, right) on this post. I know that will spoil the surprise, but I couldn’t help myself.

I know she likes variety even in implements to punish me. That may seem confusing and contradictory to some. After all, spanking isn’t play and its objective is not to give me varied sensations, but to provide enough pain to discourage further offenses. From my perspective, I’m not really that interested in what she uses to paddle me. I can’t see any reason why I would prefer one paddle over another. It’s true that I prefer thud to sting. However, the preference grows dim after the first hundred swats. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion can’t enjoy switching paddles. I realize I’m not supposed to enjoy any part of that process, but she can.

Selection of different paddles does add an appearance of play. But in practice, it’s not play at all to me. That’s how it should be. I have to admit that if Mrs. Lion was all business she wouldn’t need more than a couple of implements to punish me.

It turns out that up until now, at least, there is a little element of fun in the process for her. She gets some joy when she catches me violating one of my minor rules. While I don’t think she would admit it, there is some pleasure in delivering a memorable spanking. I don’t mind a bit. The educational value is not diminished if she enjoys catching me and swatting me. Just so long as I don’t enjoy it, everything works fine.

There is a certain amount of amusing irony in my situation. She knows that I asked her to assume her role. She also knows that on some level I want her to punish me effectively. In reading other blogs where men and women who spank and are spanked contribute, there is almost always the element of both partners finding some sort of pleasure in the process.

If it were pure misery for me and a necessary-but-tiresome chore for her, we almost certainly wouldn’t be blogging about it. It would just be a routine part of our lives. It’s this duality of fun and real punishment, that makes what we do appear confusing at times. It’s entirely possible to both love and hate something at the same time. It’s possible for me to get aroused thinking about a spanking, and then when it finally comes, hating every second of it.

Some women like the fact that a guy can get very aroused thinking about being spanked, yet within seconds of the spanking starting lose all arousal and fervently hope the spanking will end soon. I know that’s true of me. I can be erect and breathing hard when I assume the position. In less than 30 seconds I’ll be soft and yelping loudly. That’s what amuses some women. I know full well how unpleasant I will be feeling, yet be stupid enough to be sexually aroused until a little while after the punishment begins.

Some women have written that this odd behavior of being sexually aroused about something that is absolutely no fun once it starts, is one of the principal keys to getting big, strong males like me to meekly expose our rears for a painful spanking.

I agree with this up to a point. In the beginning, for many months actually, it was this arousal that assured I would be exposed and ready when Mrs. Lion wanted to spank me. Now, it’s not that so much. It’s still exciting to think about being spanked. However, I don’t get pre-spanking erections anymore. Now, I meekly assume the position because I have to. I’ve been trained to obediently accept spankings when my lioness wishes to administer them. I can’t imagine myself doing otherwise.

I think that she is also conditioned. There is nothing special about disciplining me. It’s a necessary activity she performs with the same lack of ritual I’ve adopted. That’s not to say that she just swats away. From my perspective, it feels like she experiments with different geography, speed, and intensity. For example, I’ve noticed that she likes to spread my cheeks open and paddle inside the crack. She’s commented that my yelps change when she goes to work in that area. She’s learned how to distribute the wealth more evenly over my hind quarters. As she’s explained it to me, she looks to make my entire rear end a nice, even dark red color. I think she also likes to hear me yelp.

 

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Edging, Female led relationship with discipline, Male Chastity, Spanking

Yesterday, we signed the lease for our new house. The landlord did an extensive walk-through showing us every inch of the not-very-big house. I think closing off purchase of a house would take about half as long. It’s both good news and bad news having a landlord so invested in the property. On the good side, he wants to make sure everything’s right. On the bad side, he wants to know everything’s right and will drive us crazy over little details I’m sure we don’t care about.

I wish there was more I could do to help. The medication I’m taking for the eye surgery I had almost 2 weeks ago shuts down my irises so that it’s always dark. TV looks like a view through night vision goggles. Everything is yellow and black. I have to keep using these drops at least two more weeks. I don’t know what else I could do to be even less useful.

Because we don’t have any children in the house and very rarely have visitors, we are casual about where we leave our toys. Mrs. Lion has been working to put the playthings, he says euphemistically, away. But I’m pretty sure there has to be a paddle or two, a butt plug, and a stray dildo ready to be discovered by a vanilla friend or mover. I don’t think either of us is overly concerned about that. That’s one of the good things about having our power exchanges become routine parts of our lives together; we’re not really embarrassed about what we do and if someone we knows figures us out, it will be the end of the world. Who knows? Mrs. Lion could end up with an assistant spanker.

In the meantime, Mrs. Lion is doing a good job of keeping things organized. Now that we have the new house and are moving things over, it’s getting easier to imagine ourselves in the new space. We were both a little surprised when we realized the room we had designated as a combination pantry, waxing studio, play area is actually larger than we thought. It should be easy to accommodate its multiple purposes. I haven’t been in a sling in about a year. If we set it up, it might be fun to play there again.

Since we’ve been more tightly integrating our disciplinary relationship into our daily lives, neither of us has appeared to be very interested in BDSM play. Mrs. Lion’s “Box O’ Fun” has been gathering dust in her key safe. I haven’t thought about it until just now. I haven’t thought about the sling either until we were down in our dungeon room waxing me and I looked over at it and commented that it’s gathering dust.

Admittedly, BDSM play was never something that Mrs. Lion actually wanted. She did it because I need that sort of thing. I think I still do. But the need has gotten weaker as our disciplinary relationship is gotten stronger. The same is true about my interest in chastity hardware. Don’t get me wrong, I still like being caged. I like the orgasm denial and control much more than the hardware.

I think that the very real power Mrs. Lion exercises through our FLRD (Female Led Relationship with Discipline) and my enforced male chastity, has largely replaced the sensation-based play I’ve always craved. I get more than enough sensation being punished for my infractions. Similarly, the combination of frustration and sexual excitement my orgasm control provides, replaces a lot of the more artificial BDSM fun I wanted in the past.

Mrs. Lion is a superb cock tease. She is utterly unsympathetic to my air-humping frustration when she edges me. In fact, she genuinely enjoys the show when I do it. In recent months, she’s been something of a softy in that department. She knows how difficult things can get for me and likes to get me off when I’m able. I’m very sure she misses keeping me on edge for days at a time. I miss it too.

She’s written a post or two about her seemingly split personality. She’s talked about the ordinary “me” and Mrs. Lion. It makes sense that she looks at things this way. After all, Mrs. Lion is nothing like her day-to-day self. At least, that’s what she thinks. I would like to suggest that these two parts of her are merging. Consider her discomfort when eating with her family and her kids starting before her. She had a similar reaction when we had a house guest, an old classmate of mine, whose manners were, as she called it “European”. I thought it was just rude. In any case, I think there is integration between the Mrs. Lion who spanks me and the working lioness in a vanilla job.

For my part, I recognize this split very well. I’ve had a lot more years to understand how I can be bottom-up and yelping in the evening, and calmly running a project the next morning. It just takes some time. I think most of us have to do this sort of integration. When we first start wearing male chastity devices, we spent an awful lot of time worrying about whether people can notice it under our clothing. In my case, I stopped worrying about it after a few months. The same thing happened after I stopped having pubic hair. In the beginning, I would let it grow back if I had an upcoming doctor’s appointment. After a while, I stopped caring. I had two kidney stone surgeries in the last four years and didn’t give a single thought to the state of my body hair even for this intimate surgery. In fact, the last time I had to go back to the surgeon’s office to have a stent removed. This required a procedure where the surgeon and his assistant threaded a device through my penis and into my bladder to pull the stent out. The nurse prepped me and I didn’t give a single thought to the fact she was looking at bald cock and balls.

An uncle of mine used to say about similar sorts of things that it’s “mind over matter”. “If you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.” That’s very true. On the other hand, we firmly believe that everything we do is consensual. That includes protecting people who may not want to know what we do. Putting away our toys is a way of avoiding non–consensual participation in our lifestyle. If we mess up and someone does discover a paddle or a plug, they have the option to ignore it or express curiosity. If there is curiosity, I would like to think we would answer in an honest and unembarrassed way.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Female led relationship with discipline, Male Chastity, Punishment

This coming Friday I go back to the surgeon for a one week checkup on my left eye. If that goes well, Mrs. Lion said we will resume our normal rules. That means she will resume her disciplinary wifely duties. We talked about this a little bit and we agree that we both miss that aspect of our marriage. I’m also restricted in terms of sexual activity. I’m not sure why, but the post surgical instruction sheet wanted us to avoid “intimate” activities for a week or two. By default, that means I’m waiting whether either of us likes it or not. I suspect that at the same time we resume our FLRD, we will also resume sexual activity.

I don’t feel sick. My libido is just fine. It’s true that the medication I have to put into my eye post surgically makes the world very dark. It doesn’t make me feel sick or weak. I’m ready to go. Unfortunately, we have to allow for a little more healing. I’m very frustrated by this. For some reason, I didn’t think Mrs. Lion would be particularly disturbed by suspending our disciplinary relationship. It turns out that it bothers her too.

I don’t understand how Mrs. Lion thinks about all this. I’m not sure she has a concrete grip on it either. It hasn’t been necessary to consider in any detail. After all, we began both the enforced male chastity and disciplinary activities as services to me; things that I want to need. Mrs. Lion has been providing them under that banner since we started. Only now, when we have had to suspend both power exchanges, has it become apparent that what started out as indulging my kinky needs has metamorphosed into something we both need.

Obviously, our need isn’t the same. Mine is a consistent wish for chastity and spanking. At least it started that way. Now, it’s much deeper and I feel it as an essential fiber the tapestry of our relationship. I’m not sure that Mrs. Lion has a good idea why she feels we are better off as a couple with our disciplinary relationship. I suppose it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that she acknowledges that she needs it too.

As it’s well-documented here, we’ve gone through a lot of trial and error working out both my chastity and our disciplinary relationship. We both feel we are at a good point. We both feel good about using serial spankings for punishment. The only hitch Mrs. Lion mentioned is that she sometimes loses track of how many more I have to go, and what a particular spanking as punishment for. We’ve been able to effectively use this method of punishment even without accurate reminders of what each spanking addresses. I suggested that Mrs. Lion keep a calendar and note how many spankings she needs to deliver and for what. That would be helpful but I don’t think it’s really necessary.

I know that a lot of people who practice this make a very big point about scolding and lecturing the disciplined male on why he is being punished. It certainly is a fundamental tenet in the parental discipline handbook. I honestly don’t know how important it is for us. I don’t seem to have any trouble remembering why my bottom is being blistered on any given day.

This may be one of the big differences between parental and adult corporal punishment. At least in my case, I have no trouble remembering what brought me into the spanking position on any given day. I admit that it’s helpful when I know that Mrs. Lion also remembers. Whether she remembers or not, I feel her spanking strongly.

The reason that I’ve been writing so much about this lately is partly because my medical issues have taken it away from us. Surprisingly to me at least, it’s left a hole in our relationship. It got me thinking about what we do and why we do it. I think I have a better understanding of how FLRD integrates into our marriage. I also think I understand why I’ve consistently tried to get Mrs. Lion to become stricter when she spanks me. I may not be able to explain it clearly, but I understand a very deep level how important it is that when I’m punished, the punishment is meaningful. It has to be more than what I would ask for in a BDSM play situation. It has to be enough to make me take it seriously and most importantly, make me think twice before misbehaving again.

I think Mrs. Lion understands too. When we are allowed to begin again, I expect it may be a bit different. We’ve both had time to consider what we’ve been missing. Maybe we’ll even talk about it more between now and when we can resume. Meanwhile, Mrs. Lion will get plenty of practice growling at me.