Should It Be Fun To Punish Me?

Yesterday, I talked about a comment I received from James. He responded with a very interesting point. He observes that Mrs. Lion appears to enjoy punishing me. The way it’s written, it seems that he feels that’s wrong. Moral judgments aside, the question of whether or not my disciplining wife should enjoy punishing me is a very interesting and important concept to think about.

Let’s start off with BDSM play. I spent a couple of decades as a BDSM top. I certainly bruised my share of butts and inflicted other discomfort on very willing bottoms. Without any question, I enjoyed doing it. Why would I bother if I didn’t? The people I did it to had a lot of fun as well. Does that make me a sexual sadist? It does to some extent. People nowadays associate the word sadist with someone who inflicts pain and injury for fun. Generally the reference is in the context of a criminal behavior.

This is a very narrow view of a very complex topic. Those of us who practice BDSM get sexual pleasure out of inflicting or receiving uncomfortable stimulus. That’s why it’s called sado-masochism. I don’t want to get into the psychological issues underneath that but suffice it to say as long as it’s consensual and doesn’t cause permanent injury, I think it’s fine to do.

That brings us to the topic of Mrs. Lion and me. When we started all this, Mrs. Lion absolutely hated the idea of hurting me. It didn’t matter that I wanted her to, she just hated the idea. Over time she learned that I enjoyed it when she spanked me (for playing). I also got aroused when she put clothespins on my balls and did other things that caused me considerable discomfort. She realized that this was fun, sexual play for me and she enjoyed providing me with this pleasure. It’s a gift. I think she’s learned to have fun as well.

When it comes to punishment, there is an interesting dynamic at work. I don’t think Mrs. Lion ever said she enjoyed punishing me. She knows it hurts. She knows it needs to hurt. If she is totally repelled by this idea, she would be unwilling to punish me. And this is where we come to a very common situation: Is it wrong for a disciplinarian to feel good about punishing?

There are quite a few wives who punish their husbands when necessary. I’m pretty sure that none of them look forward to doing it. However, I think they get a sense of satisfaction when they do. If Mrs. Lion absolutely hates punishing me, she is going to work hard to avoid seeing offenses that require it. For me to grow and improve, she must consistently observe and react appropriately to any offense I commit. She knows that for me to actually learn, she must be completely consistent and her punishments must be meaningful.

It’s important that while she may not have fun doing it, she must feel something positive when she punishes me. I think she should get a sense of satisfaction for a job well done when she administers a spanking that has sufficient force to make it memorable to me. She knows that I won’t learn unless she does.

It’s taken her a long time to learn how to administer a severe enough spanking to actually make an impression on me. Some wives come from families where disciplinary spanking was performed throughout their childhood. They have a much easier time administering truly disciplinary spankings. Mrs. Lion and I both come from families that never spanked. She had to learn how to do it for both play, and more recently for discipline.

In a way I would be very happy if she learn to enjoy punishing me. It isn’t because I want her to be a brutal sadist. I want her to feel good about observing infractions, no matter how trivial, and punishing them appropriately. The better she feels about the entire disciplinary process the more likely she is to use it.

I would be very happy if she had real fun being a disciplinary wife. I know she won’t. I hope she will get satisfaction out of the process of observing misbehavior and dealing with it as she sees fit. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the disciplining wife enjoying spanking her husband. This is a fully consensual activity. It also has an extremely helpful purpose. Whether or not you agree with the method, I know in my case, it teaches me to be better. It also brings us closer because Mrs. Lion is learning to express her feelings both positive and negative, and knows she can do things to correct behavior she feels is inappropriate.


  1. Your points are valid, but assuming that the person being punished is not a masochist and endures real suffering of the kind that “Aunt Kay” promoted, I do think a disciplinarian who is actually a true sadist has a conflict interest because you can never be sure that the punishment is not being driven by the desire for sexual gratification rather than being measured and appropriate to the offense and the goal of deterrence. One woman I used to know who was an unabashed sadist and DD practitioner dismissed that concern because she was convinced of her ability to control her urges, but then again, she answered to no one.

    You can say that “consent” absolves her of any responsibility for going to hard or to far in service of her sexual desires, but it seems that DD should have some underpinning of justice or fairness.

    1. Author

      You make some huge assumptions. You assume that if someone gets pleasure out of inflicting pain, they automatically will take advantage of the vulnerability of the bottom and do something that is not “fair”. The D WC (disciplinary wives club) with Aunt Kay advocated very strict spankings. I’ve never been a fan of DWC because I’m convinced it’s website and contents were produced to turn on men desiring domestic discipline.

      It seems that you want to be the arbiter of what is measured and fair. Since you are not in a DWC relationship or in an FLRD, you really aren’t in a position to understand fairness. What Mrs. Lion and I do is not a BDSM scene when it comes to real discipline. What she does is fair because she measures her severity against its success to modify my behavior.

      In my prior role as dungeon Master for a very large organization, I observed that in only one case out of thousands, did a top exceed good sense during a scene. I’m convinced that the biggest risk in domestic discipline is that the disciplining wife takes it too easy on her discipline husband and fails to send the message he needs to receive.

      Of the few true DD relationships I’m aware of, the husbands are not feeling persecuted, but they do dread being punished. In many cases the behavior that is earning spankings concerns things like excessive use of alcohol. That’s not true in our case. The point is that what may be unfair to you may be very fair to me. I certainly have a bully pulpit of my own and would let you know along with the rest of our readers if I thought Mrs. Lion was treating me without being fair.

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