All I Have To Do Is Stay Out Of Trouble

It seems that now we have moved more trivial offenses out of the domestic discipline column, we have returned to a much lighter approach toward so-called misdemeanors. I think Mrs. Lion is having fun with them. Me, not so much, but certainly not as unhappy as I would be with full-scale spanking. All I can say right now is that it’s a good thing Dove Hypoallergenic soap doesn’t taste horrible. Mind you, it doesn’t taste good either. Mouth soaping has become a go-to punishment for misdemeanors. Of course, I’m fine with that; I have to be.

Actually, we are both having a lot more fun. Yesterday, on the way to my doctor’s appointment to get a steroid injection in my shoulder joint, we talked about the more serious domestic discipline issues. Mrs. Lion is having a similar issue starting up as she had when we began with the entire idea of punishing me. I reminded her that it didn’t start to work until she agreed to make no exceptions and work very hard to observe any infractions I might commit. It took her a little while, but she quickly got up to speed and I got away with nothing.

She’s been struggling with the idea of fairness when it comes to the more serious “spankable offenses”. She gave the example of something that happened last weekend: We were both in the kitchen. I was trying to fill up our coffee maker and Mrs. Lion was working on preparing some food. I got underfoot a couple of times. Yesterday in the car, she said that that annoyed her. She didn’t understand why I couldn’t stay out of her way. I asked why she didn’t punish me for that? She replied, that it seemed to be too small a matter to warrant spanking me. I agreed that under other conditions that wouldn’t warrant more than a growl. However, we are in the same sort of growth mode we were when we first started all this stuff.

I suggested that even relatively trivial annoyances become spankable offenses. Her “fairness” filter works too hard to excuse me. I suggested that it might be better to just turn it off entirely for a while. I realize that some of our readers are going to scream that she is brutally attacking me for trivial matters. In the absolute sense, they are right. However, both of us are trying to expand the most important area of our FLRD. What we are doing now, after all, was the initial goal we wanted to reach by instituting Mrs. Lion’s authority and ability to punish me.

For the last couple of years, we tried to get her to do this with her fairness filter in place. It just hasn’t been working. So, we are going to begin the same process we used when we instituted discipline in the first place. Rather than have trivial rules that I am almost guaranteed to break on a regular basis, we aren’t focusing on specific rules but rather times that I irritate her or piss her off. We both recognize that the large majority of the time my offenses are not serious enough to be considered spankable. However, until Mrs. Lion gets a good grip on observing her feelings and my behavior, even the slightest irritation results in a spanking.

A couple of weeks ago we talked about managing the severity of punishments. We had been working with the idea that all spankings would be equal in intensity and that more severe offenses would earn me multiple days of spankings. We discovered this approach had a significant problem: If I was sentenced to three or four days of spankings, by the third day both of us had pretty much forgotten why I was being punished.

A comment on a domestic discipline blog discussed controlling the duration of a spanking as a way of reflecting the severity of the offense. For example, the “base” spanking might be five minutes in duration (this is just an arbitrary number. Mrs. Lion is going to experiment to decide on how long a base spanking should be.). Then, if the offense warranted more than just this base level, additional time would be added. For example, if the offense was more severe, Mrs. Lion might add an additional five minutes to the base and my spanking would take 10 minutes to complete. Given her level of skill, this is a significant escalation.

We don’t know exactly how this will end up working. I’m very sure that the minimal level will be at least five minutes long; probably more. I would suggest that additional increments would be multiples of that base duration. Mrs. Lion pointed out that this can only go so far. That’s true. At some point I’ll be numb and additional swats won’t have much value. In those cases, she suggested that we add a second day of spanking. The idea is that we would never get past two days.

This is particularly important now in the beginning of our training. It’s very likely I will rack up a lot of punishments during this startup. Based on our previous experience, it won’t take me too long to get my behavior more and check and reduce the frequency of spankings. For those in our readership who decry the unfairness of all this, I would point out that within a week or two of starting such a severe routine, my behavior tends to improve drastically. There is nothing like consistent, unpleasant consequences to teach a lion new tricks.

It’s interesting to note that all of the comments about the unfairness of my punishments has come from males who are subject to punishment themselves. Most of them, don’t get punished but seem to want that to happen to them. However, they seem very anxious to draw strict boundaries around just how much swatting their bottoms will receive.

Based on my experience, it’s almost a requirement that spankings seem like “too much”. The entire purpose of punishment is to provide a strong deterrent for undesired behavior. It’s really not up to me, or any spanked male, to decide how much is too much. Most women are way too considerate to start off with particularly nasty spankings. It will take them time and experiment to get to the point that is truly effective.

It’s relatively easy for a disciplining wife to determine how much is enough. Mrs. Lion has two metrics: The first, is how long after she is done I continue feeling discomfort. Her standard is that a good spanking hurts me at least a day or two after I receive it. The second, is how effective the punishment has been in deterring a repeat of the negative behavior. If I repeat the offense within a week or two of being punished, she knows that her punishment wasn’t severe enough to actually deter me. So, the second spanking and any subsequent spankings for the same offense will have the volume turned up substantially. In this respect, I control how severely I am spanked.

This approach is very fair. I control just how severe my punishments become. It’s true, I can’t earn less than the minimum. That means any punishment spanking I receive will leave me with a sore bottom for a day or two after Mrs. Lion completes her work. I think that’s fair. She doesn’t care whether I do or not. I always hate the idea of more severe punishment. However, she is not shy about reminding me why it got more painful. She points out that if I had learned my lesson the first time, I not only wouldn’t be getting a more severe spanking now, I wouldn’t be getting one at all. It’s hard to argue with that logic.

I would suggest to people who get upset by this idea that they aren’t really reacting to the severity of my punishment. Instead, I think they are reacting to my loss of control and how they would feel if they were in my place. It’s very arousing and fun to think about being spanked for breaking a rule. However, it’s much less exciting to realize that the spanking will be completely unpleasant and is not under any control at all by you. Then, the wannabe disciplined males start trying to negotiate fairness. As Mrs. Lion has been fond of saying, if I don’t want to be punished all I have to do is not get in trouble.


  1. As you know, In the BDSM world there is the concept of “limits.” The word is loosely defined and used inconsistently. I define it as a point at which continued punishment will lead to lasting physical or psychological damage. In this sense talking about “exceeding limits” as some people do is by definition dangerous.

    I notice that you speak about simply doubling punishment times as if it presents no issue other than your not liking it. 5 minutes of someone swinging for the fences with a wooden paddle feels like an an eternity, so 10 would feel like a quantum leap.

    In all of this and putting aside when you are injured, do you ever get taken to a “limit”? Is there something that your wife looks for that tells her she should stop even if you have not received some prescribed amount of punishment? I know that DD people seem to resist the concept of limits or certainly “safewords” because they diminish the perceived authenticity of making the experience feel non-consensual (even if legally it must remain consensual), but it still seems like people have some sort of actual “limit” that should not be crossed. I know you have played heavy for a long time, so perhaps in the natural order of your arrangement, you never get to that point, and she never seems to “break you” in the sense of driving you to a point of uncontrolled crying so perhaps “limits” are just moot for you in this scenario.

    1. Author

      The concept of “limits” applies to BDSM scenes in most cases. When it comes to partners who have been together a long time and know each other very well, limits are not negotiated because they are well understood. Mrs. Lion is very aware of how far she should go when she spanks me. I do have a safeword and frankly, like most people who bottom, don’t even think of using it.

      It would be very difficult for someone wielding a paddle on the safe areas of the posterior to do any serious damage no matter how carried away they got. That’s one reason why paddles are a very good choice for domestic discipline. Mrs. Lion has never pushed me to the point where I break and start crying. Even if I do, it doesn’t mean she has gone too far. It may be that I finally reach a cathartic moment which I think would ultimately be good for me.

      I don’t often talk about catharsis because it’s something I haven’t yet experienced. I’ve witnessed it many times and even pushed someone to it once or twice. I’ve never seen it “break” anyone. Just the opposite; it seems to open up a whole new set of emotional vulnerabilities that are perceived by the people involved as a very positive breakthrough.

      Since I trust my lioness to keep me safe, I’m not worried about her exceeding some sort of limit, especially with a paddle.

  2. I understand that you think a paddle cannot do any real physical damage if applied in the right area, but in several instances I have found the pain so unbearable that I have started to hyperventilate, bite into my arm, and disassociate. It felt like my brain was on fire. I don’t know if that is a problem or not, and I have tended to stay away from women who favor that level of harshness.

    I did break like I described once, and for me it was not cathartic, but many “spankos” really want it to happen. I found it so out of control that it was frightening, but that was with a pro not a spouse. I sense it would take a lot to get you to that point.

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