By:
In: Spanking, BDSM, Lion's Journal

Mrs. Lion said that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be punished. It’s true that more than two weeks have passed since I’ve done anything to earn one. She said that I should probably get a punishment spanking just to remind me. She doesn’t like the idea of a maintenance spanking because it generally is too mild. I agree about that. I also agree that I probably should be reminded what’s in store for me if I get out of line. It sounds like we are completely in sync.

Then she wrote that she wanted to lock me into the spiked jockstrap to help jumpstart sex for me. Another good idea. Then, things got strange. She said that she would make me wear the prickly jockstrap for more than an hour instead of spanking me. She went on to say that she knew that it wasn’t the same thing, but that’s what she wanted to do. I was confused until I thought about how Mrs. Lion operates.

For some reason, she tends to only do one lion-related thing a day. I never figured out why, but that’s how it seems to work out. I don’t think she intends it, but it’s her pattern. So it wasn’t entirely surprising that she would only put me in the jockstrap, a BDSM activity instead of spanking me, a domestic discipline activity. I can’t see any reason why she can’t do both. I’m not in love with the idea of either, but I can’t see any relationship between the two that would cause one to disqualify the other.

Terminology aside, maintenance or punishment spankings, she has a point about reminding me what one feels like. I have a poor memory when it comes to pain. I know that I don’t like being spanked, but after a couple of weeks, the memory isn’t strong enough to act as an effective deterrent. It may seem cruel to remind me by making me suffer through one for no apparent reason. It might be like a disciplinary mental health day. It could help me avoid actually committing offenses that would earn me punishment.

In fact, my mental health could truly benefit from a seriously sore bottom. I’ve been thinking about this. First of all, it’s true that I don’t vividly remember how unhappy a disciplinary spanking makes me. Because of this, I find myself getting less focused on obedience. The chances I will get into trouble become much better.

I also lapse into a sort of inertia. I don’t actively feel Mrs. Lion’s authority. I suspect this isn’t just because I am getting lazy. I think she tends to “forget” her role if she doesn’t punish me regularly. The more time that passes between spankings, the less interested she seems to be in keeping me in strict check. It’s our old inertia issue.

For reasons I can’t exactly understand, I get a sense of love and security when Mrs. Lion is my disciplining wife. I am happier when she is firmly in control. Conversely, when she doesn’t follow through on something, I feel less secure and I worry if something is wrong with us.

None of this is pathological. I quickly get over any bad feelings. Her forgetting and not disciplining me don’t make my life worse. When she follows through and keeps me on my toes I am happier. I think she is too. It can’t feel good to forget to keep a promise. I know it feels good to her when she is actively watching for and punishing infractions.

We just have to remember what works for us and to follow through.

[Mrs. Lion replies — Well, the good news is that Lion earned a punishment not far into the afternoon. While I was reading this post, he rightly alerted me that I hadn’t put him in the prickly jockstrap before my post had published. And why was that? I was being nice enough to not interrupt him while he was writing. This is a nicety he does not share since he interrupted my reading his post. So now, I’m commenting just after the prickly jockstrap went on, he’ll get spanked in a few hours, depending on how long I feel like allowing those nasty little spikes to bite into his cock and balls.]

By:
In: Chastity games, Lion's Journal

Orgasm control is a game. A male chastity device raises the stakes. For the man, the object of the game is to get an orgasm. The rules are simple: he can’t ejaculate until she lets him. The game isn’t interesting unless he wants to come. The more desperate he is, the more fun both players have. It’s that simple.

The reason a chastity device adds to the fun is that when he wears it he knows that he can’t decide to end the game himself. The male chastity device locked on his penis prevents him from masturbating and even getting an erection. His only outlet is to convince his keyholder to unlock his penis and give him an orgasm.

With or without the device the game is enhanced when his partner stimulates him until he thinks he will ejaculate and then stops just when he is ready to come. She can repeat this several times and then lock him up in his male chastity device. If he appeared indifferent to sex when she started this tease, by the time she is done he is panting and wanting release.

This goes on until she decides to let him ejaculate. She may have made him wait a few days, a week, or more. Most commonly a man playing this game has to wait between 10 days and two weeks. There seems to be some agreement among keyholders that ten days is a perfectly reasonable frequency for male orgasms. Mrs. Lion keeps me waiting about that long.

Despite the fantasies he may have recited as gospel, that’s the bare bones of the game. There are variations that can make it more exciting. Almost all men become more desperate to ejaculate the longer they are forced to wait. If they aren’t regularly teased, they will lose interest after a while. If their hormones are kept flowing by non-orgasmic sexual activity, their desire to come will grow and grow.

The entertainment value of the game comes from this desperation. What will he do to “earn” ejaculation? You can play Let’s Make An Orgasm Deal to find out. Just like the TV show “Let’s Make A Deal” he can be offered choices. To keep things interesting, the “prizes” he might earn aren’t necessarily ejaculation. They may just be steps leading to the Big Deal of an orgasm. He isn’t eligible to even try for the Big Deal unless he completes all the other activities.

The typical male chastity fantasy has him trading sexual favors for release. He might have to give his keyholder a certain number of orgasms before he can get off. I don’t think that makes sense as part of our game. He must be keeping you sexually satisfied because you are partners. The game isn’t played at all unless he does.

His “deals” could be activities to expand his sexual horizons. Anal play comes to mind. Most guys aren’t interested in being anally penetrated. Yet this can turn out to be a safe, erotic activity for him. Why not “train” him to enjoy it, or at least welcome it? Like the TV show, he can get a choice. He can choose a spanking or penetration with a dildo. He could get this choice several times a week. He can also choose neither. If he declines both, he won’t get release for at least another three days. That’s not to say he will get release sooner if he agrees or he will get release in three days. It just means he won’t get to ejaculate until some time after the three-day additional wait.

If he has already been waiting a week or so, he probably won’t want a guarantee he will have to wait that much longer. The additional wait could be a week instead of three days. His keyholder decides. If he refuses again, another week is added. He’s in control.

You get the idea. Let’s Make An Orgasm Deal always lets him decide what will happen. The longer it has been since his last orgasm, the more interesting the game becomes. There are endless variations on this. The idea is to remember to have fun.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

I am a guy. Sex is supposed to be something I do when the opportunity arises. At least that’s how it’s been most of my life. Something’s been changing. I don’t understand it. It’s no longer just get hard and get off. I need more. Maybe seven years of orgasm control and male chastity are behind this. I don’t know.

Mrs. Lion and I don’t have a femdom lifestyle. Our female-led relationship is more about practical domestic discipline. She isn’t a full-time top. Yes, we do some BDSM play; probably less than most. We don’t have any rituals designed to demonstrate my submissive role. In fact, we are partners and treat each other with love and respect. You would never guess that Mrs. Lion spanks me when she feels I need correction. The problem can’t be our power exchange. Mrs. Lion has been careful to keep sex out of her role as my disciplinary wife.

The change I seem to have made is that simple sex doesn’t work for me. In the past, I have had partners who insisted that sex, including foreplay, didn’t work for them. Yes, they loved sex but needed more in order for it to work. Like a lot of guys I always found that concept is a bit mysterious. What does a candlelight dinner have to do with an hour of licking and fucking? Why is “mood” such a big deal?

I learned that the road to her vagina needed to include stops for hand-holding, sweet talk, kissing, and other romantic activities. The direct approach was rarely effective. I enjoyed that road. It was fun to do all those things. I could see how the slow buildup was a very nice form of foreplay. I did it and it worked.

After years of marriage, that mating dance tapered off and stopped. Kids, work, and life got in the way. Sex became a fun activity we did when we went to bed. Mating became an abbreviated-but-fun activity. It also became a routine. We both had orgasms, but they were often more sedative than fireworks.

Over time that bred dissatisfaction. She felt it more acutely than I. This sexual unhappiness is the basis for a lot of sitcom jokes. Foreplay is often, “Wanna do it?” Inevitably, the frequency of activity drops off. She does a lot of “Not tonight, dear.” He often just turns off the light and rolls over. You get the idea. I admit that in a former marriage I was that man. Sex was a tension-reliever for me. She did it for the same reason. It wasn’t all that much fun.

When Mrs. Lion was interested in sex, we did it almost daily. She would have been happier if I wasn’t quite so frisky, but she accommodated me. In one of her posts, she said that in a way orgasm control was payback for me wanting daily sex. She said it balanced things out making me wait for orgasms. I never thought of orgasm control this way, but she has a point. I’ve gone from daily ejaculations to one every week or two. I don’t get to decide when I get to ejaculate.

Long before we started orgasm control Mrs. Lion began losing interest in sex. I think I am to blame. She wasn’t looking for moonlight and candles, but she needed me to romantically initiate sex. I have always had a very hard time initiating with or without the romance. It’s a kind of sexual shyness. Even with Mrs. Lion, who I know loves me, I feared rejection. Before I could start foreplay I needed a clear signal that I wouldn’t be rebuffed.

Mrs. Lion needed me to initiate without having to send me any kind of signal. As a result, we had a standoff. We had sex less and less. Somewhere along the line, Mrs. Lion lost interest entirely. I rediscovered male chastity and suggested it to her as a way to solve my sexual needs. She insisted that she no longer had needs herself. That was seven years ago.

Male chastity works for us; at least it has until recently. The first sexual rule that Mrs. Lion made was that I could not masturbate. Wearing a chastity device assured I would obey that rule. After a few years, I stopped even thinking about jerking off. With or without a chastity device, I don’t masturbate. Any sex I get is provided by Mrs. Lion.

My original theory was that by being intentionally sex-starved by Mrs. Lion, what sex I get would be more exciting. Almost every day Mrs. Lion masturbates me or provides oral stimulation. She gets me right to the edge of orgasm and then stops. This assures my interest in getting off remains high. It worked well until recently.

My enthusiasm for nightly teasing has diminished. It’s also been much more difficult to bring me to the edge of orgasm. I don’t think my loss of enthusiasm has anything to do with that. My inability to get to the edge every time isn’t troubling to either of us. What bothers me is my loss of interest in even trying. This is why Mrs. Lion joked about me wearing the panties.

When Mrs. Lion wants to play, I am much less interested. It isn’t that I am bored with her. I just need more to get my motor running. I’m sounding more like that sitcom wife. Tying up my balls and playing with my penis doesn’t seem to do it. Well, they still do it if Mrs. Lion persists. My equipment isn’t broken, I just don’t feel the anticipation. Apparently, I need to anticipate fun as a way to get ready for action.

I think that I sometimes confuse my lioness. She can sit next to me on the bed and begin playing with my penis. It obediently stands at attention for her. The thing is that I’m not all that interested. It’s hard to put into words, but sometimes I don’t actually feel what she is doing. Obviously I am reacting physically, but the sense of arousal isn’t immediately there. To make things worse, this distresses me. I’m not supposed to feel this way.

If left to my own devices I can see sexual frequency dropping off sharply. If Mrs. Lion just waits until I want to play, we can easily go back to the way things were in the bad old days. This is the problem I’m hoping we can solve. There is a real role reversal here. Because she is in control, Mrs. Lion is the “man” sexually. I wear the figurative panties because I am sexually submissive. Over the last seven years, we both adjusted to this change and it’s worked for us. We may need to tweak things a bit now.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Sex

Mrs. Lion works incredibly hard to make me happy. I know she does it out of love and doesn’t expect anything in return. I can’t help feeling guilty for imposing on her. I’ve had to impose on her even more recently due to the problems with my vision and balance. I know we are together until death does us part for better or worse. I think she’s getting a lot more of the “worse” lately.

This affects me sexually. I don’t want it to, but it does. I feel that it’s just another way I add a burden to her. She tries incredibly hard to get me aroused into the edge almost every night. I seem to be blocked no matter what she tries. It’s not that she isn’t doing everything she can. She is. Maybe that’s part of the problem for me.

I have a well-known issue with initiating sex. Between wearing a male chastity device and Mrs. Lion’s loss of sexual interest, initiating stopped being an issue; at least that’s what I thought. This issue may have a lot to do with my current situation. For one thing, I think it’s unfair for me to expect Mrs. Lion to initiate pleasuring me and then have me react to the quality of this initiation. I’m expecting her not only to provide me with sexual activity, but also figure out how to get me interested if I’m not in the mood.

I’m behaving like a stereotypical sitcom wife. In her post yesterday, Wham! Bam! Thank You, Lion? Mrs. Lion referred to “Everyone Loves Raymond” as an example of our sexual situation. She wondered who is wearing the panties here? Clearly it’s me, and not in a good way.

I face a dilemma: If I “initiate” it feels like I am demanding sexual attention. If I expect Mrs. Lion to get things going, I’m burdening her with responsibility for my sexual arousal. In my mind, that feels like I lose either way. She suggested that we follow a schedule of sexual activity. From the very start of our male chastity, she specified how often she would tease me. Initially, it was every other day, or more often if she decided she wanted more activity. More recently she said that she would sexually stimulate me at least six out of every seven days. That’s a very ambitious promise.

The idea of having a commitment in terms of schedule sets both of our expectations. It doesn’t guarantee how either of us will feel on any given day. If we drop the idea of a certain number of sex days a week, we run the very real risk of not doing anything. I get that. The chasm between Mrs. Lion’s complete lack of sexual interest and my continuing horniness is the real problem. In relationships where both partners are interested in sex, the least common denominator is sexual activity at the rate of the partner who is least interested. It may not be ideal, but it guarantees guilt-free sex.

Since there is nothing in it for Mrs. Lion, any sexual activity makes me feel guilty. When she does something with me I always ask her if she had fun. She always says yes. I find that difficult to believe. There are things she does that I know are fun for her. She gets a genuine kick out of catching me breaking a rule. It’s not that she wants to punish me, but she finds it fun to find errors in anything. I like that she enjoys it. I even like that she gets some sense of accomplishment out of spanking me. These are points of emotional connection.

It isn’t that we aren’t connected. We are with a deep, abiding love for one another. It’s just that specific areas like sex, don’t connect us. It almost feels like the best thing for me is to find a way to give up sex entirely. That way, the stress disappears. Maybe I could do that. Somehow I don’t think it would work if I try.

That leaves us in our current situation. I had hoped that if sex for us would include some BDSM activity as well as trying to get me off, or at least to the edge, it might add some interest for both of us. When we played with the Box O’Fun I think that worked for a while. It didn’t take me too long to realize that once again the fun was just mine.

I’m concerned that when Mrs. Lion reads this she will blame herself for not doing a good enough job. She’s been doing a wonderful job. The problem is mine. This isn’t the kind of situation you could take to a marriage counselor. It isn’t that one of us is refusing to do something for the other. It’s the opposite. Mrs. Lion is willing to do anything to make me happy. I just don’t seem to be able to be made happy. I want her to be happy. I want her to have fun when I have fun. I want her to enjoy every contact we have. Clearly, this is unlikely when it comes to sex.

None of this has anything to do with male chastity. It also has no connection to domestic discipline or our female led relationship. It’s a deep, emotional issue. Mrs. Lion can’t spank my guilt away. She can’t offer me more oral sex to cure the problem. I can’t take over initiation without creating a new kind of guilt. And, I can’t take care of this sexual need myself.

As of now, I have no idea how we can work this out. I don’t think it’s hopeless because both of us are strongly motivated to make anything either of us wants work. I just have no idea how we can do it. If you have a thought please let us know.

[Mrs. Lion — Snap out of it!]