Mrs. Lion works incredibly hard to make me happy. I know she does it out of love and doesn’t expect anything in return. I can’t help feeling guilty for imposing on her. I’ve had to impose on her even more recently due to the problems with my vision and balance. I know we are together until death does us part for better or worse. I think she’s getting a lot more of the “worse” lately.
This affects me sexually. I don’t want it to, but it does. I feel that it’s just another way I add a burden to her. She tries incredibly hard to get me aroused into the edge almost every night. I seem to be blocked no matter what she tries. It’s not that she isn’t doing everything she can. She is. Maybe that’s part of the problem for me.
I have a well-known issue with initiating sex. Between wearing a male chastity device and Mrs. Lion’s loss of sexual interest, initiating stopped being an issue; at least that’s what I thought. This issue may have a lot to do with my current situation. For one thing, I think it’s unfair for me to expect Mrs. Lion to initiate pleasuring me and then have me react to the quality of this initiation. I’m expecting her not only to provide me with sexual activity, but also figure out how to get me interested if I’m not in the mood.
I’m behaving like a stereotypical sitcom wife. In her post yesterday, Wham! Bam! Thank You, Lion? Mrs. Lion referred to “Everyone Loves Raymond” as an example of our sexual situation. She wondered who is wearing the panties here? Clearly it’s me, and not in a good way.
I face a dilemma: If I “initiate” it feels like I am demanding sexual attention. If I expect Mrs. Lion to get things going, I’m burdening her with responsibility for my sexual arousal. In my mind, that feels like I lose either way. She suggested that we follow a schedule of sexual activity. From the very start of our male chastity, she specified how often she would tease me. Initially, it was every other day, or more often if she decided she wanted more activity. More recently she said that she would sexually stimulate me at least six out of every seven days. That’s a very ambitious promise.
The idea of having a commitment in terms of schedule sets both of our expectations. It doesn’t guarantee how either of us will feel on any given day. If we drop the idea of a certain number of sex days a week, we run the very real risk of not doing anything. I get that. The chasm between Mrs. Lion’s complete lack of sexual interest and my continuing horniness is the real problem. In relationships where both partners are interested in sex, the least common denominator is sexual activity at the rate of the partner who is least interested. It may not be ideal, but it guarantees guilt-free sex.
Since there is nothing in it for Mrs. Lion, any sexual activity makes me feel guilty. When she does something with me I always ask her if she had fun. She always says yes. I find that difficult to believe. There are things she does that I know are fun for her. She gets a genuine kick out of catching me breaking a rule. It’s not that she wants to punish me, but she finds it fun to find errors in anything. I like that she enjoys it. I even like that she gets some sense of accomplishment out of spanking me. These are points of emotional connection.
It isn’t that we aren’t connected. We are with a deep, abiding love for one another. It’s just that specific areas like sex, don’t connect us. It almost feels like the best thing for me is to find a way to give up sex entirely. That way, the stress disappears. Maybe I could do that. Somehow I don’t think it would work if I try.
That leaves us in our current situation. I had hoped that if sex for us would include some BDSM activity as well as trying to get me off, or at least to the edge, it might add some interest for both of us. When we played with the Box O’Fun I think that worked for a while. It didn’t take me too long to realize that once again the fun was just mine.
I’m concerned that when Mrs. Lion reads this she will blame herself for not doing a good enough job. She’s been doing a wonderful job. The problem is mine. This isn’t the kind of situation you could take to a marriage counselor. It isn’t that one of us is refusing to do something for the other. It’s the opposite. Mrs. Lion is willing to do anything to make me happy. I just don’t seem to be able to be made happy. I want her to be happy. I want her to have fun when I have fun. I want her to enjoy every contact we have. Clearly, this is unlikely when it comes to sex.
None of this has anything to do with male chastity. It also has no connection to domestic discipline or our female led relationship. It’s a deep, emotional issue. Mrs. Lion can’t spank my guilt away. She can’t offer me more oral sex to cure the problem. I can’t take over initiation without creating a new kind of guilt. And, I can’t take care of this sexual need myself.
As of now, I have no idea how we can work this out. I don’t think it’s hopeless because both of us are strongly motivated to make anything either of us wants work. I just have no idea how we can do it. If you have a thought please let us know.
[Mrs. Lion — Snap out of it!]
wow you put yourself into quite a bind. maybe one overthinks the whole problem. maybe just wear the panties and find ways to please Mrs Lion in ways that make Her happy and focus on Her rather then self.
My reference to wearing the panties referred to Mrs. Lion’s post about me having more of the traditional woman’s reactions to sex, not to actually wearing them. On occasion, Mrs. Lion does have me wear panties, but that isn’t what I meant.
“…I want her to be happy. I want her to have fun when I have fun. I want her to enjoy every contact we have…”
Take a step back, a deep breath and think about everything you wrote. You have way too many “wants” for a male who’s in a Female led relationship. Please don’t take this the wrong way. Her wants and needs should be paramount. What makes her happy should also make you feel content. I’m a mature woman who’s been the Leader in a Female led marriage for a long time. My spouse/hubwife has been locked for 6 1/2 years now. We’re deeply in love as I believe you are. Put her first. What is it she wants? It isn’t all about sex.
I enjoy your blog. I’m sure you’ll figure this out.
Best to both of you.
We have been in this for more than 7 years. This isn’t new to us. I am not a hubwife. Mrs.Lion and I are partners who are committed to each other’s happiness. We don’t have the sort of relationship you allude to. We have a very real power exchange but it isn’t all-encompassing. I have always put her needs first. That has nothing at all to do with FLR. The reason I’m writing about sex is that it is the only area causing us any trouble. We are happy and in love.
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