By:
In: Orgasm denial

Maybe I’m a slow learner, or perhaps I let my sexual fantasies blind me to obvious reality. It’s taken me a long time to wake up to the most obvious truth about enforced male chastity. The truth is that orgasm control isn’t only about preventing me from ejaculating. It’s about surrendering control of my orgasms to Mrs. Lion. That means she decides when I get to ejaculate, not just my minimum wait between orgasms.

My mistake is an easy one to make. I always assumed that I would be happy to come anytime Mrs. Lion would let me. I learned early on that I wasn’t. When we first started, Mrs. Lion masturbated me every day. It didn’t take many days before I wanted her to give me more time between orgasms. I explained that male chastity is about making me wait and forcing me to get super horny. That’s what the fantasies are about. She accepted this concept and went from jerking me off every day to edging me every day or so. That truly frustrated me.

After over seven years of this, my ability to ejaculate in less than ten days seemed to evaporate. I couldn’t even get to the edge most times Mrs. Lion teased me. After several months of disappointing performance, I decided that maybe I have been conditioned to avoid anything approaching orgasm for at least a week. That’s when the light bulb went on. I was taking back control of my orgasms.

Since I couldn’t have an orgasm until Mrs. Lion decided to give me one, I could take control by not having one until I was ready. Orgasm control isn’t about withholding male ejaculation.  It’s about controlling it. I should be able to ejaculate whenever Mrs. Lion wants. She has always been very forgiving if I am unable to ejaculate when she decides I should. Her concept of orgasm control has always been about limiting my opportunities. If I’m not ready when she wants some semen, then no problem, she’ll try again tomorrow.

True orgasm control is for me to ejaculate when she wants. If I don’t, there should be consequences. I presented this idea to her, and she agreed that she would spank me if I don’t ejaculate during a session she says she wants to see me come. She said that she might even supervise me jerking off. Failure to orgasm gets punished. I haven’t masturbated in over seven years. I don’t want to start again now, but that isn’t my decision. It’s also not my decision when I can ejaculate. So far, we only had one session when she ordered me to come. To my surprise, I did.  I imagine my next enforced orgasm is coming very soon. Hopefully, I will obediently come for her.

By:
In: Spanking
Hairbrush-shaped spanking paddle

Mrs. Lion tried the over-the-knee spanking experiment on Friday night. Sadly, it didn’t work very well. Maybe we aren’t doing it right. Even if we were, Mrs. Lion said that she didn’t have the leverage she needed to bruise my bottom. Poor dear. She finished the spanking with me over the edge of the bed. She used the hairbrush-shaped paddle. The shape is its only resemblance to a hairbrush. It’s made out of three-quarter-inch thick hardwood. It packs a solid swat. Mrs. Lion is happier with the spoon-shaped paddle. It is also thick hardwood with a long handle. The spanking spoon has a smaller striking area than the hairbrush. [Mrs. Lion — I was curious so I just compared them. They have exactly the same area.]

The spanking spoon paddle has both weight and leverage.

There’s no question about it, spanking me is an emotion-free activity for Mrs. Lion. It’s just one more thing in her day. She seems unmoved by my distress. [Mrs. Lion — If I thought about it on an emotional level, I don’t think I could spank him so ferociously.] I’m not complaining that she’s become a heartless lioness. This is exactly what I asked her to do. An effective, educational spanking is going to hurt a lot. If I don’t react strongly, it isn’t going to make much of an impression. Mrs. Lion’s paddlings make a strong impression on me. When she goes all out, it hurts to sit for three days afterward.

When I think about this, I mentally shake my head. I genuinely hate those spankings. I try hard to avoid them. Yet, I encourage Mrs. Lion to make them more severe. It’s like there are two people inside me. One is the experienced BDSM top who gets pleasure out of effective administration of pain. The other is the bottom, who wants the top to shut up because his encouragement makes the next spanking more painful.

Actually, this contradictory behavior is normal among men who get spanked. I haven’t found a single male domestic discipline situation that the female partner initiated. The men ask for it. It’s one hundred percent male-initiated and consensual. We want it. Mrs. Lion knows that I want her to increase the length and severity of my beatings. Neither of us knows why, but I do. She’s kind enough to accommodate me. What a sweetie!

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Domestic discipline

Our lifestyle is a little unusual. It’s also very stable. In my experience, relationships with defined power exchanges tend to decompose after a few years. I think the reason for this is that all of us are both tops ad bottoms. Yes, I am the bottom in our marriage. We don’t switch. That would suggest I will eventually need an outlet for my dominant side. I spent most of my adult life as a top. This is different.

We are very much like our allegorical namesakes: lions. Males are bigger and stronger than females. They eat first and defend the pride. For a long time, it was assumed that they also ruled the roost. After all, they are the king of beasts. The reality is much more complex. The correct definition of a pride is a group of lionesses who stay together. They are often sisters. Lions are not really members of the pride. The females decide if a male will be allowed in. They will drive away any male they don’t like. Overly aggressive male behavior is not tolerated.

Wild lions get sex when a lioness goes into heat. If none are in heat, he goes without. There is usually only one or two lionesses and a single lion in zoos where males and females share quarters. In those situations, the females will allow the lion to mount them when they are not in heat. However, the lioness decides when he can do it. If he is too aggressive, he will get a painful bite on his hindquarters.

This is very much like the way we live. It wasn’t intentionally designed to mimic lions. It just worked out that way. We started with me asking Mrs. Lion to take charge of sex by locking me in a male chastity device. She agreed. From that point until now, she decides what sex I get. If I’m horny and Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to be sexual with me, I do without. If I get annoying about it, I get spanked.

I’m very independent. Like the lion, as long as I avoid getting in trouble with Mrs. Lion I’m free to do what I want. She’s made rules I follow. If I don’t, well, you know what happens. We are still working on the disciplinary aspect of our marriage. I think the main reason things are so stable is that our agreement regarding our power exchange is a little different from what most people do.

The agreement is not about my role. I haven’t agreed to be submissive. Mrs. Lion hasn’t taken on the role of a dominatrix. The agreement is behavioral. I agreed to defer to Mrs. Lion. She can make any rules she wants, and I will obey them. I agree to let her punish me in any way she wants if she feels I need it. There are no exceptions. That’s it.

I get input. Mrs. Lion, let’s me offer feedback and suggestions. She frequently takes my advice. If she adopts something I offer, I don’t get to back out. I have to be careful about my suggestions. In a way, I help build the structure. Of course, Mrs. Lion has the final say. What we have is a special kind of partnership. We have a very clearly defined authority structure. We can debate, but if I get annoying, the paddle comes out and settles the debate.

This is difficult for Mrs. Lion. Frequently at moments when I cross the line, she forgets how to resolve the situation. This results in hurt feelings, and she withdraws into passive-aggressive anger. She’s working on that. She wrote several posts about how to signal me when I get out of line. Hopefully, we will get to try some of them soon. These signals are similar to the rump bites a lion gets when he pisses off one of the girls.

I’m not suggesting that what we have is easy to sustain. We both have to actively work to build the habits that support how we choose to live. Over time the habits do form. For example, I don’t even think about getting off on my own. Mrs. Lion doesn’t think twice about spanking me if I break a rule. There is no discussion. Now, we are working on extending this automatic punishment to behavior that upsets her. We both want this, and we will keep working until it is automatic. Meanwhile, I’m free to do what I want as long as my lioness lets me.

By:
In: Sex

I love how it feels when I start to get hard. It’s like my cock has a life of its own. When Mrs. Lion began massaging that spot under the head, I felt a shock of pleasure. Experience has taught me that this pleasant feeling doesn’t always mean an erection will follow. This time, the pleasurable feelings continued, and I felt my growing cock pressing against her fingers. I held my breath. Would I keep growing as she rubbed? That brief worry may have slowed its growth. Fortunately, she grasped the growing shaft and increased both pressure and motion. That drove the doubts from my mind.

When I’m at full attention, there is a pleasant feeling of tension, of pulling, as my cock pushes the comforter up to give it room. My mind focuses on the sensation. It feels so good to be fully aroused. Mrs. Lion asks if I want to come out from under the covers. I know what that means. She wants to suck my cock. I quickly agree. She laughs. My hardness gave me away. It’s hard to say no when I’m so obviously interested.

That’s one of the advantages women have. They can see when we are in heat. An erection is tough to conceal, especially if you are naked. It takes much more intimate exploration to learn if she is interested. I didn’t have to check to know that Mrs. Lion wasn’t. She is still in the process of changing medications to see if her libido will return. All of the activity was for me.

As we got in position for oral sex, I started to worry. Would I be able to go all the way to orgasm? All too often, I will get more and more aroused. I can feel the pressure of an orgasm starting to build. I breathe faster, and my hips move, trying to encourage more vigorous sucking. Then, without warning, the sensations disappear, and my erection subsides. Mrs. Lion is a good sport and tells me that she’s glad I had some fun. I get back under the covers as quickly as I can and turn the TV on. I want to forget what just happened.

I’ve been wondering if this problem is caused by years of tease and deny. Has my brain shut off arousal before the disappointment of almost coming is allowed to happen? Is that even possible? After a three-day rest between orgasms, I suggested that I get spanked if I fail to ejaculate on the third night or later. I get turned on when I think about being spanked. Also, I’m not too fond of Mrs. Lion’s spankings. I figured it would be a sort of carrot-and-stick deal. I would be turned on thinking that if I don’t perform, I will be spanked and worried about how much it hurts when I am.

It seemed to work. I kept my erection, and the feeling kept growing. I wanted to come. I really wanted to come. Suddenly, I could feel that sharp cramp in my right thigh that signals I’m past the point of no return. The orgasm washed over me. I couldn’t feel myself ejaculating; I rarely can. The waves of pleasure and then pain as Mrs. Lion kept sucking peaked. She sensed that it was hurting me, and she stopped. Sometimes, if she feels playful, she will keep my cock in her mouth and rub her tongue over the very-sensitive head. Ow!

Her latest idea is to tell me in advance if she expects me to ejaculate or not. If I know that I’m going to be teased, I can be prepared for a buildup without the happy ending. I’ll also know that I won’t be spanked if I can’t finish. She stays in control but allows me to work as her ally consciously.