Our lifestyle is a little unusual. It’s also very stable. In my experience, relationships with defined power exchanges tend to decompose after a few years. I think the reason for this is that all of us are both tops ad bottoms. Yes, I am the bottom in our marriage. We don’t switch. That would suggest I will eventually need an outlet for my dominant side. I spent most of my adult life as a top. This is different.
We are very much like our allegorical namesakes: lions. Males are bigger and stronger than females. They eat first and defend the pride. For a long time, it was assumed that they also ruled the roost. After all, they are the king of beasts. The reality is much more complex. The correct definition of a pride is a group of lionesses who stay together. They are often sisters. Lions are not really members of the pride. The females decide if a male will be allowed in. They will drive away any male they don’t like. Overly aggressive male behavior is not tolerated.
Wild lions get sex when a lioness goes into heat. If none are in heat, he goes without. There is usually only one or two lionesses and a single lion in zoos where males and females share quarters. In those situations, the females will allow the lion to mount them when they are not in heat. However, the lioness decides when he can do it. If he is too aggressive, he will get a painful bite on his hindquarters.
This is very much like the way we live. It wasn’t intentionally designed to mimic lions. It just worked out that way. We started with me asking Mrs. Lion to take charge of sex by locking me in a male chastity device. She agreed. From that point until now, she decides what sex I get. If I’m horny and Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to be sexual with me, I do without. If I get annoying about it, I get spanked.
I’m very independent. Like the lion, as long as I avoid getting in trouble with Mrs. Lion I’m free to do what I want. She’s made rules I follow. If I don’t, well, you know what happens. We are still working on the disciplinary aspect of our marriage. I think the main reason things are so stable is that our agreement regarding our power exchange is a little different from what most people do.
The agreement is not about my role. I haven’t agreed to be submissive. Mrs. Lion hasn’t taken on the role of a dominatrix. The agreement is behavioral. I agreed to defer to Mrs. Lion. She can make any rules she wants, and I will obey them. I agree to let her punish me in any way she wants if she feels I need it. There are no exceptions. That’s it.
I get input. Mrs. Lion, let’s me offer feedback and suggestions. She frequently takes my advice. If she adopts something I offer, I don’t get to back out. I have to be careful about my suggestions. In a way, I help build the structure. Of course, Mrs. Lion has the final say. What we have is a special kind of partnership. We have a very clearly defined authority structure. We can debate, but if I get annoying, the paddle comes out and settles the debate.
This is difficult for Mrs. Lion. Frequently at moments when I cross the line, she forgets how to resolve the situation. This results in hurt feelings, and she withdraws into passive-aggressive anger. She’s working on that. She wrote several posts about how to signal me when I get out of line. Hopefully, we will get to try some of them soon. These signals are similar to the rump bites a lion gets when he pisses off one of the girls.
I’m not suggesting that what we have is easy to sustain. We both have to actively work to build the habits that support how we choose to live. Over time the habits do form. For example, I don’t even think about getting off on my own. Mrs. Lion doesn’t think twice about spanking me if I break a rule. There is no discussion. Now, we are working on extending this automatic punishment to behavior that upsets her. We both want this, and we will keep working until it is automatic. Meanwhile, I’m free to do what I want as long as my lioness lets me.