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In: Mrs Lion Comments

Every time Lion goes through a patch of not being horny, he assumes he’s broken. He seems incredibly worried about losing his libido. Does he put that much emphasis on sex? Would it be so horrible if we turned into the couple who loves being together (true no matter what) but “only” snuggles with each other? Speaking as someone who doesn’t care about sex, I think that would be wonderful.

I can’t decide if sex was never that important to me or if I’ve just forgotten how important it was. Maybe it’s just different for women than it is for men. The stereotype is that men always think about sex and women always deny them. I remember initiating sex with my ex (when he wasn’t my ex, of course). There were many times I was feeling frisky. I don’t remember if he ever turned me down. For that matter, I don’t remember ever turning him down either. We just went with it no matter who initiated.

Anyway, Lion worries and I don’t think he has to. Libido decreases with age (or so I’ve read). Lion seems to be going strong even with temporary losses. If anything, worrying about losing libido might actually make him lose libido. Maybe it’s just his body falling back to regroup. Maybe it’s reminiscing about how good that last blow job felt and figures anymore of that right now will be trouble so we’ll just put the brakes on things for a few days. Other times, maybe it figures it can handle more and plows forward. I don’t know, but I certainly don’t think a few days of not wanting sex is a bad thing. What’s the harm in snuggling and my fondling his naughty bits without him reacting? I won’t take it personally. I’ll just try, try again.

Obviously, if it goes on for more than a few days, there might be something to worry about. We’d have to deal with that if it ever happens. As of last night, Lion is not broken. He may take a little longer to get to the edge, but where there’s a will there’s a way.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Sex

Some people get involved in domestic discipline in an attempt to “cure” serious bad habits like alcoholism. As far as I know, it doesn’t work at all for that. It works for us dealing with much less serious matters. I quickly learn to consistently perform a chore if I am spanked when I forget. Mrs. Lion has no problem spanking me each and every time I fail to do one.

We’ve had very little success with less cut-and-dried rules. I’m not to interrupt Mrs. Lion. That’s been a rule for a very long time. Unlike the external rules, like setting up the coffeemaker, which gets enforced consistently, I’m almost never punished for interrupting. Mrs. Lion says that rules like no interrupting are too subjective. She’s said that she’s never completely sure that I am the reason she’s annoyed and so feels uncomfortable about punishing me.

I understand that. Mrs. Lion decided to growl at me when I break any of these subjective rules. She has growled at me a couple of times since. She said that a growl is as much as she can do right now. I believe it’s a good start. Perhaps the growls will be enough to help me improve.

There’s another area that I think domestic discipline can support: sexual initiation. Many men, including me, have a great deal of trouble initiating sex. It’s been a problem for me as long as I’ve had sex. It is almost certainly related to my fear of rejection. Apparently, a lot of men suffer from this as well. It’s one of the most common sexual complaints women make. It’s a female problem too. A very large number of women fall back on the traditionalist old saw that women should be passive. These women insist that their partners initiate all sex. I call, bullshit! Initiation should be a 50/50 deal.

Anyway, rant aside, I think sexual initiation difficulties can be helped with domestic discipline. If the man is the disciplined spouse and he has trouble initiating sex, then DD may be a way to help fix it. If he has a rule that he must initiate sex at least every other day, then failing to meet that expectation earns a spanking.

I don’t think spanking is the main incentive. It is important, but maybe not the key. His partner has told him that she not only wants but insists, that he initiate sex at least every other day. Speaking as a man who has this problem, I can say that my motivation isn’t the fear of a bruised bottom. It’s the explicit permission I have to initiate sex. My spouse wants me to initiate sex so badly that she will punish me if I don’t! Whoopee!

I can hear the woman thinking, “What if I’m not in the mood when he tries?” That is an important question. In fact, it’s those days that advances are spurned that created the initiation problem in the first place. Obviously, it makes no sense to insist that a woman always agrees to sex every time her husband tries to initiate. But instead of just saying no, perhaps a workaround is needed.

If you broaden the definition of “sex” to go beyond sex with her, I think positive reinforcement is possible on nights when she isn’t in the mood. Instead of “I have a headache,” why not offer workarounds? Give the initiating partner sex that doesn’t include you. Oral sex or a handjob can be acceptable substitutes.

Domestic Discipline isn’t just about spanking. It may be what got you interested in the first place. It’s about creating a structure. Make sense?

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

I am happy to say that I have won the battle to work from home. Since everything I do at work can be done from home, they’ve agreed to let me work from home and stop by work every few days to drop off work and pick up anything I need to do. I even have an office phone since it’s VOIP. Anyone who needs me can dial the same old extension. Ain’t the Internet grand?

In addition to being safer health-wise, staying home means I can be here to help Lion, like when he trips over the robot vacuum and winds up splayed out on the floor. True story. Usually it’s the dog or one of her toys that gets him. This time it was a run in with a four inch high vacuum cleaner. He’s achy but otherwise fine.

Last night he wasn’t much in the mood for love. He wasn’t even reacting to my fondling. He has three theories on this subject. One is that it was too late. It was just after 8 so I’m thinking that wasn’t the case. Another was that he was still tired from not sleeping well the other night. That’s plausible. We’ve both been tired. The third theory is interesting to me. He’s been writing a book. I haven’t read any of it. All I know is it’s a romancy-sexy sort of book. His theory is that he might be turning himself off as he writes the book.

I’m wondering if he’s using all his sexual mojo while he’s writing and it’s depleted by the time we play. Or maybe he’s so turned off by writing about romancy-sexy stuff that he’s lost interest in all sex. Is that a thing? Should I start writing a romancy-sexy book to see if it will have the opposite effect on me? Maybe if I write it, I’ll get horny again. Both are interesting concepts. I just hope he gets his interest back soon. [Lion comments — There’s a fourth possibility: Maybe I’ve lost my libido.]

By:
In: Lion's Journal

Yesterday, I got the sort of Contact Us message I never thought I would see. Someone named Ronald from a gmail address sent the following:

“I am asking all bloggers to unlink “Strict Julie” due to her using her blog to promote Trumpian conspiracy theories. Thank you for your consideration of this.”

The blog he is referring to is strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com. It’s true that Julie has written a few posts supporting Donald Trump’s insane view of the United States and the world. So what? A little under half of the American voters apparently do too.

The point is that I’m deeply insulted by being asked to no longer link to her most excellent spanking site because I don’t agree with her politics. I consider her a friend. We have continued to correspond even though we are on opposite sides of the aisle. More importantly, Ronald is doing what Trump tries to do: suppress opinions that oppose his. Ronald, the United States Constitution (First Amendment) guarantees that everyone has the right to free speech. Since you obviously oppose the orange menace, why would you adopt his tactics?

I love reading Julie’s blog. She and I promote adult spanking. I would imagine a lot of Democrats and Republicans would love to silence us. Tough shit.

For the record, the main reason I despise Trump isn’t his right-wing politics. It’s his consistent efforts since his election four years ago, to devote all of his efforts at maintaining his base so he could be reelected. He labels Democrats as the enemy. No other president in American history tried to vilify the opposition party. Trump still doesn’t understand he was (thank God) the president of the entire country, not just the people who voted for him.

I don’t agree with much of what he did or tried to do in the last four years. His incompetence as a leader and venal disregard of the basic tenets of democracy and decency made me happy to vote for a candidate who, at best, is mediocre. I am a lifelong liberal. I support freedom for all. Most of all, I will defend anyone’s right to free speech, even Donald Trump.