Sex The Domestic Discipline Way

Some people get involved in domestic discipline in an attempt to “cure” serious bad habits like alcoholism. As far as I know, it doesn’t work at all for that. It works for us dealing with much less serious matters. I quickly learn to consistently perform a chore if I am spanked when I forget. Mrs. Lion has no problem spanking me each and every time I fail to do one.

We’ve had very little success with less cut-and-dried rules. I’m not to interrupt Mrs. Lion. That’s been a rule for a very long time. Unlike the external rules, like setting up the coffeemaker, which gets enforced consistently, I’m almost never punished for interrupting. Mrs. Lion says that rules like no interrupting are too subjective. She’s said that she’s never completely sure that I am the reason she’s annoyed and so feels uncomfortable about punishing me.

I understand that. Mrs. Lion decided to growl at me when I break any of these subjective rules. She has growled at me a couple of times since. She said that a growl is as much as she can do right now. I believe it’s a good start. Perhaps the growls will be enough to help me improve.

There’s another area that I think domestic discipline can support: sexual initiation. Many men, including me, have a great deal of trouble initiating sex. It’s been a problem for me as long as I’ve had sex. It is almost certainly related to my fear of rejection. Apparently, a lot of men suffer from this as well. It’s one of the most common sexual complaints women make. It’s a female problem too. A very large number of women fall back on the traditionalist old saw that women should be passive. These women insist that their partners initiate all sex. I call, bullshit! Initiation should be a 50/50 deal.

Anyway, rant aside, I think sexual initiation difficulties can be helped with domestic discipline. If the man is the disciplined spouse and he has trouble initiating sex, then DD may be a way to help fix it. If he has a rule that he must initiate sex at least every other day, then failing to meet that expectation earns a spanking.

I don’t think spanking is the main incentive. It is important, but maybe not the key. His partner has told him that she not only wants but insists, that he initiate sex at least every other day. Speaking as a man who has this problem, I can say that my motivation isn’t the fear of a bruised bottom. It’s the explicit permission I have to initiate sex. My spouse wants me to initiate sex so badly that she will punish me if I don’t! Whoopee!

I can hear the woman thinking, “What if I’m not in the mood when he tries?” That is an important question. In fact, it’s those days that advances are spurned that created the initiation problem in the first place. Obviously, it makes no sense to insist that a woman always agrees to sex every time her husband tries to initiate. But instead of just saying no, perhaps a workaround is needed.

If you broaden the definition of “sex” to go beyond sex with her, I think positive reinforcement is possible on nights when she isn’t in the mood. Instead of “I have a headache,” why not offer workarounds? Give the initiating partner sex that doesn’t include you. Oral sex or a handjob can be acceptable substitutes.

Domestic Discipline isn’t just about spanking. It may be what got you interested in the first place. It’s about creating a structure. Make sense?


  1. For me at least, the reason I frequently feel uncomfortable initiating sex is that I don’t want to feel like I’m pestering my wife. We (sort of) work around this by me putting out subtle signals such as lying in a certain position on the bed – of course these “subtle signals” at this point are just as direct as a spoken request would be.

    I also would rather not be perceived as being “needy”, although after being locked up for a while I guess I actually am. (This current lock-up is my longest ever at seven weeks, and will very likely extend through the rest of the year, due to surgeries that understandably leave my wife feeling not at all sexy.) After just a couple of days, I start to feel rather mopey without at least a small amount of sexual contact.

    I discussed this with my wife one day, and let her know that it’s quite a powerful emotional thing for the locked male, even if it seems somewhat trivial to her. Just teasing me through the bars of the cage for a few minutes, which she does almost every morning now, seems to be enough to keep me happy. It’s an easy task for her, and she says that it’s fun to get me so worked up with so little effort on her part. Sometimes during the day she’ll play a bit too – she says it’s akin to a “fidget spinner”.

    1. Author

      I know what you mean. It seems to me that one key is to agree that if you ask for sex and she doesn’t want it, she will say no and you won’t feel bad. The female side of the initiation issue is fear of disappointing her partner. This creates a nasty loop. The man doesn’t want to impose because he knows she won’t say no even if she doesn’t want sex. If she will say, “Not right now.” the fear of imposing goes away.

  2. Well I do not know. All the same, there must be a mutual desire for sex. If you have a headache, then a blow job is also not pain relieving.

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