Some people get involved in domestic discipline in an attempt to “cure” serious bad habits like alcoholism. As far as I know, it doesn’t work at all for that. It works for us dealing with much less serious matters. I quickly learn to consistently perform a chore if I am spanked when I forget. Mrs. Lion has no problem spanking me each and every time I fail to do one.
We’ve had very little success with less cut-and-dried rules. I’m not to interrupt Mrs. Lion. That’s been a rule for a very long time. Unlike the external rules, like setting up the coffeemaker, which gets enforced consistently, I’m almost never punished for interrupting. Mrs. Lion says that rules like no interrupting are too subjective. She’s said that she’s never completely sure that I am the reason she’s annoyed and so feels uncomfortable about punishing me.
I understand that. Mrs. Lion decided to growl at me when I break any of these subjective rules. She has growled at me a couple of times since. She said that a growl is as much as she can do right now. I believe it’s a good start. Perhaps the growls will be enough to help me improve.
There’s another area that I think domestic discipline can support: sexual initiation. Many men, including me, have a great deal of trouble initiating sex. It’s been a problem for me as long as I’ve had sex. It is almost certainly related to my fear of rejection. Apparently, a lot of men suffer from this as well. It’s one of the most common sexual complaints women make. It’s a female problem too. A very large number of women fall back on the traditionalist old saw that women should be passive. These women insist that their partners initiate all sex. I call, bullshit! Initiation should be a 50/50 deal.
Anyway, rant aside, I think sexual initiation difficulties can be helped with domestic discipline. If the man is the disciplined spouse and he has trouble initiating sex, then DD may be a way to help fix it. If he has a rule that he must initiate sex at least every other day, then failing to meet that expectation earns a spanking.
I don’t think spanking is the main incentive. It is important, but maybe not the key. His partner has told him that she not only wants but insists, that he initiate sex at least every other day. Speaking as a man who has this problem, I can say that my motivation isn’t the fear of a bruised bottom. It’s the explicit permission I have to initiate sex. My spouse wants me to initiate sex so badly that she will punish me if I don’t! Whoopee!
I can hear the woman thinking, “What if I’m not in the mood when he tries?” That is an important question. In fact, it’s those days that advances are spurned that created the initiation problem in the first place. Obviously, it makes no sense to insist that a woman always agrees to sex every time her husband tries to initiate. But instead of just saying no, perhaps a workaround is needed.
If you broaden the definition of “sex” to go beyond sex with her, I think positive reinforcement is possible on nights when she isn’t in the mood. Instead of “I have a headache,” why not offer workarounds? Give the initiating partner sex that doesn’t include you. Oral sex or a handjob can be acceptable substitutes.
Domestic Discipline isn’t just about spanking. It may be what got you interested in the first place. It’s about creating a structure. Make sense?
Listen to this post.