Most anyone who has tried BDSM play, either as a top or bottom, has experienced adult spanking. Just thinking about a session with spanking will make me hard. Thinking about past spankings have the same effect. It isn’t as easy for tops. Most need to “work up” to giving a memorable spanking. Women, in particular, even if they enjoy other sensation play, find spanking challenging.
As some keyholders have discovered, Mrs. Lion in particular, punishing with spanking is difficult even for an experienced sensation player. The reason isn’t too difficult to understand. Disciplinary spanking is intended to physically hurt the target. Session spanking in BDSM certainly hurts too, but the intention is to arouse and provide an exciting experience for the bottom. A disciplinary wife, when she is punishing, not only doesn’t want her husband to be excited, she wants him to hate the experience so much he will change his behavior to avoid another.
Mrs. Lion, who has administered many BDSM spankings to me, finds disciplinary spanking difficult even after months of dispensing them. There is a big difference between providing pain as part of agreed topping and hurting someone to modify behavior.
Part of this is the very nature of punishment. The disciplinary wife has to embrace the fact that she is in charge. While entering into a domestic disciplinary relationship is consensual, the actual discipline isn’t. This is vastly different from consensual BDSM where negotiation and limits are critical. Consent to be punished is not necessary or even desired. The disciplinary wife makes a determination that her disciplined husband requires correction. Without his consultation or permission she decides how she will administer the correction. She can withhold privileges or use corporeal punishment, generally spanking.
Many disciplined husbands like me even suggest spanking as a punishment. We may even get hard thinking about the discipline and get erect when it is about to start. If our disciplining wives administer a serious spanking, the first smack will wilt that erection almost instantly. There is no warmup and no pause between swats to let us recover. The spanking is a series of very hard swats with no erotic component whatsoever. There are no snuggles when it’s done. We may be asked if we have learned our lesson, but no affection. I do get congratulated if I stay still and not tense up, but no more. My spanking is intended to help me remember to do what I am told and do it without complaint.
If the spanking is sincerely administered, it will be feared when threatened. Mrs. Lion has two or three very severe paddles that she uses with a great deal of force. I expect that force to increase and the number of swats to grow. As I learn to manage the spanking, Mrs. Lion will have to make them stronger and longer to sustain the desired effect on my behavior. They will never be fun and I will never do something to provoke one.
That’s not very difficult sounding. But if you are the disciplinary wife, there are serious reasons why spanking is difficult for you. The big one, I think, is that of all punishments, spanking is an unmistakably unwelcome activity for your husband. He may want it the first time, but thereafter, while he may submit, you know he is not your partner in this activity. In fact, even though we all treasure the partnership we have with our husbands and wives, once FLM reaches the point of corporeal punishment, the partnership is clearly limited only to those things the disciplinary wife desires. At any time she can require obedience and administer pain if not followed.
That thought will drive many wives into the potentially crippling internal debate abut whether she is being fair. Does she really want to force him to do something he doesn’t want? He only forgot a rule, isn’t a warning enough? You get the idea. The simple fact is that you will sometimes be unfair. It is possible a warning would have been enough. You might make him angry by punishing him. Just thinking about that could be enough to stop you.
The first disciplinary spanking you administer might be just a handful of swats administered at the high end of your play spanking range. That is how Mrs. Lion has been working her way into punishment. I’ve been grateful for that. My first punishment spankings were somewhat shocking to me. I wasn’t prepared for how much they would hurt and how much I wanted to get away. In fact, for a while I did squirm away and Mrs. Lion let me get away with it. I imagine you might do the same. Disciplinary spanking is much harder to administer and receive than any of us expect.
I truly don’t want a punishment spanking. I’m less afraid of them than I was in the beginning. I think that Mrs. Lion is more comfortable administering them. I expect that as I earn them going forward, she will use more force, speed, and number of swats. I’m hard to bruise and I also don’t tend to feel the effects for long. I expect that as Mrs. Lion becomes even more effective at corporeal punishment, that might change. I’m not asking for that. Oh no! I hate punishment. But I think that we are on the mild end of disciplinary spanking. It’s only natural for Mrs. Lion to become even more effective at it. The benefit for both of us is that as my fear grows, just seeing that look will stop me in my tracks. In case you wondered, that’s a good thing. It’s exactly what I signed up for.