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In: Mrs Lion Comments

I need to get better about answering comments on posts. I usually get an email while I’m at work alerting me there’s a comment, but I can only log into WordPress from my phone and that’s not really conducive to answering comments. By the time I make it home, I’ve either forgotten about the comment or I’ve got a million other things to do.

I never had any doubt Lion could give me orgasms. Again, the mechanics are there. I just don’t care about having them. The closeness is nice. I like that Lion is willing to try to jump start things. I don’t know why I think it feels forced. In the past, he’s said to tell him when I want an orgasm. I’ve agreed to tell him. That definitely feels forced, but I haven’t wanted one.

The tricky part, is that I want Lion to initiate it so telling him I want one goes against him initiating. On the other hand, this morning Lion said he’s the one who usually asks if I want to snuggle so technically he is initiating. Technically. It’s up to me if I want to go further than just snuggling. Plus, it will be sex for him, not me. And there have been times that he’s asked me to snuggle that I didn’t really want to go further but he’s asked if that’s all we’re going to do. I feel pressured at that point and I usually go further.

Yeah, I’m still working out the kinks, so to speak. He frequently wants more than I want to give him. It’s a balancing act. If he wants sexual attention and I don’t feel like doing anything, I’ll usually feel guilty about not doing anything for him. He doesn’t try to guilt me. I do it all by myself. And because I don’t tell him, he never knows I feel guilty.

It’s very apparent that I need to communicate better with him. Maybe all these guilty feelings have been pushed down so deep they’ve driven out the desire for sex. Mrs. Dr. Freud-Lioness at your service.

By:
In: Sex, Lion's Journal

Wednesday night was something of an occasion. After reading Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday, it seemed to me that she is open to sex for herself. We exchanged a few emails and she confirmed that she was willing to let me give her an oral orgasm. The last time I gave her an orgasm was, I believe, in 2017. She’s consistently said that she wasn’t interested in sex for herself. On Wednesday night after we had settled in, I asked her she was still interested. She said she was if I could manage getting into position without hurting my injured shoulder. I assured her I could. I was going to do it if it dislocated my shoulder.

It was fairly easy for me to position myself between her legs. I began licking. She certainly is delicious! After I had started, she said, “I don’t think I’m going to have an orgasm.”

I said, “I don’t care. This is fun.”

I was thinking that she was being unduly pessimistic. I’m confident of my ability to use my tongue effectively. It took a little while, probably 10 minutes, before her breathing changed. I smiled inwardly, “Oh yeah. She’s going to have an orgasm,” I thought to myself. Sure enough, a few minutes later she came. I was very happy. When I asked her, she said she was too. I was a little surprised she said she enjoyed it. The last time, as I recall, she commented that while it was nice, it was a lot of trouble.

We relaxed for a little while and then she moved between my legs and gave me a great blow job. We then settled back and watched TV with nice tastes in our mouths. I’m not going to make any sweeping generalizations. But I think that Wednesday night taught me and hopefully Mrs. Lion, that you can enjoy sex without being horny. I don’t think either of us have ever thought about that. Mrs. Lion has been saying that she isn’t interested in sex. So, she’s been giving me sex without any for herself. I interpret that to mean that she doesn’t feel any desire for me or anyone else. I get that. What I don’t think either of us understood was that just because desire is absent, enjoying the actual act of having sex is certainly possible.

I’m not quite sure exactly how this will play out. My experience with sex is that it’s always preceded by a desire to have sexual contact. It’s never been that I’m not interested but if a nice orgasm happens by, I’ll enjoy it. This seems to be the case, at least for the moment, for Mrs. Lion. I’m fine with that. It may be that our new pattern is that we discuss some sexual activities, and decide we will do them. It isn’t spontaneous or necessarily romantic. Who says it has to be.

This is absolutely fine with me. One of the problems I had prior to our enforced male chastity was that I had a great deal of trouble initiating sex. Mrs. Lion complained that I never romanced her into a sexual encounter. She was right, I didn’t. After I was locked in a chastity device, our roles essentially reversed. She and she alone decided if and when I got sexual relief. Of course, it didn’t solve the problem that she liked the romantic interlude, but it did eliminate a source of tension between us.

In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion gave a somewhat different perspective on this. Reading between the Lions (excuse the pun), it appears that Mrs. Lion essentially resigned from sex because I wasn’t very good at initiating it. She’s willing to forgo sex for herself if it means that she has to initiate it. I had assumed that enforced male chastity flipped a switch that took away this source of tension. Instead, it looks like she simply gave up. There was never my intention. It looks like I have inadvertently conditioned her away from sex to avoid the initiation issue. I had no idea.

Mrs. Lion wrote that she has inadvertently conditioned me to only being able to have sex if I’m on my back. I don’t think this is all her fault. Part of it has to do with possible erectile difficulty. One symptom of erectile dysfunction is the inability to sustain an erection during intercourse. I have had a lot of trouble in Lion position (Mrs. Lion on her knees and me behind her). I put it down as the result of so much on-my-back sex. It’s the only position I’ve had for an orgasm in at least seven years. So, I’m probably very well conditioned to coming just in that position. However, Mrs. Lion has her best orgasms in cowgirl position (she on top straddling me). That works out well for both of us. Reverse cowgirl (she straddles me facing my feet) is the best position for me to have an orgasm. Most men have difficulty coming in the cowgirl position.

In recent years, it’s been a little difficult for Mrs. Lion to do either cowgirl or reverse cowgirl. She’s gained a little weight and is a bit out of shape. I’m confident that if she wants to resume, it won’t take her long to get back into condition. I am willing to try Lion position as well. That position affords me access to both her pussy and anus. When we first met, she seemed partial to anal intercourse. I don’t think she’s ever had very much luck coming with me behind her. Cowgirl seems to be her best bet.

cowgirl position
This is cowgirl position. It’s most successful for giving Mrs. Lion orgasms.

In those early days we established a sort of pattern. She knew that I like her to be in charge and being on top of me certainly sends that message. So, she would ride me cowgirl style for a while, allowing herself to have an orgasm or two. Then she would move up my body and I would give her additional orgasms with my tongue. I love that. When she was done, she would dismount and give me a hand job. I really enjoyed that. Occasionally, she would give me a blow job instead. Later, we discovered that I could come if we did reverse cowgirl. She would begin facing me until she had her fill of orgasms. Then she would turn around into the reverse cowgirl position and I would get a chance to come inside her. I love that. She also loves feeling me come inside her.

reverse cowgirl
Reverse cowgirl. In this position it is easy for me to come, but difficult for Mrs. Lion.

In more recent times, when she decided I deserved a chance to be inside her, she would mount me in reverse cowgirl position and let me come inside her. She never even got close to an orgasm during those sessions. I think the course is pretty clear. Now that I understand Mrs. Lion would like orgasms and maybe she would enjoy returning to the kind of sex we both had fun with earlier in our relationship, it’s up to me to make it happen.

This isn’t an onerous chore. I’m delighted that we may be able to find our way out of one-way sex and assure pleasure for both of us. I’m going to have to change. Since there is no possibility we are going to stop our enforced male chastity, I can’t reasonably suggest sex that will end up with me ejaculating. I don’t think that’s a problem since the most successful sex we’ve ever had is with Mrs. Lion as the cowgirl who rides me without me coming, and then continues her pleasure over my face. I loved it then and I will love it now. Ride me, cowgirl!

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In: Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm, Sex

For the record, I’ve said in the past that my problem is not with having an orgasm. The mechanics are there. Given the opportunity, I can have an orgasm. The problem is that I don’t want one. Let me clarify. That doesn’t mean I won’t take one if it’s offered. It means that I won’t ask for one or go out of my way to get one. I’m not horny. I can take it or leave it.

However, Lion offered to lick me last night and my first thought was I didn’t want him to do it. Part of me was worried about his shoulder. Part of me just didn’t care if I had an orgasm or not. And part of me knows that Lion isn’t much of an initiator so it always feels forced to me when he does initiate. I guess I wonder what he wants. Why is he being so nice to me? And that’s absolutely ridiculous because he’s never done anything like that. I think it’s probably because it’s a stereotype that people want something when they uncharacteristically do things for you.

     Son: Here, Mom. Let me take the garbage out for you.

     Mom: What do you want?

Obviously Lion doesn’t need to get something to give something, but when it comes to initiating sex, it does raise an eyebrow. He just doesn’t do it often.

Yes, it felt good. Yes, I did eventually get to an orgasm. The mechanics are still there. It’s the logical outcome when one is being licked. And yes, I realize this means it’s probably some psychological thing that’s keeping me from feeling horny. Although, maybe not. I just don’t know.

Lion wants to make orgasms for me a regular occurrence. He’s said it before and it didn’t happen. I’m willing to try but I don’t want to put any pressure on either of us. If the mind is the biggest sex organ, then pressure is probably the worst thing for it. We’ve both got a lot of pressure on us right now between injuries and unpacking. Let’s just see how it goes.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal

We often get comments that complain I am topping from the bottom. I don’t think I am, but some very good points have been made that I think we should look at. In the femdom world a lot of people who want to be submissive expect that they will be micromanaged and will have no input on anything. For the record, that’s absolutely untrue. Nobody has the time or energy to manage someone else’s life. Some people try but they get exhausted and give up eventually.

Mrs. Lion and I are in a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). It may have some aspects that look like femdom, but it absolutely isn’t. The big point I understand about our FLRD is that keyword is “led”. Leading does not suggest owning or micromanaging. It means that Mrs. Lion is in charge. She has the right and obligation to punish me if I misbehave or do anything that she feels is wrong. It doesn’t imply that I’ve lost my ability to make decisions. I certainly have the right to suggest things I would like Mrs. Lion to do. I frequently make the suggestions here in my posts.

I’m not telling her what to do. She frequently ignores what I suggest here. For example, I’ve been suggesting that she play with me anally. I’ve expressed a desire for her to fist me. She hasn’t done anything anal so far. I know that she takes my suggestions seriously. At some point she may do the things I’ve asked her to try. She may not. If I push it and repeat my suggestion, it might upset her. If it does, I will feel her displeasure when she spanks me for annoying her. I’m usually in no danger if I suggest something once and perhaps follow-up with a question about whether or not she likes the idea. If I go beyond that, I will feel some pain sitting down for a couple of days.

I am a pretty strong, independent person. Professionally, I’m a leader. Sometimes it isn’t easy for me to accept Mrs. Lion’s authority. Other times, I will interrupt her or assume she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. These are the times when her role is most important. It’s very difficult for Mrs. Lion to exercise her authority at times like these. In my mind, at least, it’s critical that she learns to express her displeasure when I do things that upset her. So far, she hasn’t been able to do this.

I don’t want to make light of this. Mrs. Lion is someone who would rather be in the background. She’s completely happy letting me lead in most areas. For example, she prefers it if I decide where we have dinner. This is all fine and is consistent with her role as my disciplinary wife. The big change for her is to not allow anyone, especially me, to do things that make her feel badly without a strong reaction from her.

She has improved. Occasionally I will get a snarl or growl when I say or do something that annoys her. That’s difficult for her. I don’t know why, but it is. I respect the progress she has made. I’m hoping that now that she’s mastered punishing me, and knows that I accept it, she will find it easier to switch from internalizing upsets to externally expressing her displeasure by punishing me.

I think it’s my job to help ease her into this. I can’t always tell at the time that I’ve upset her, but when I do realize that I’ve done something to upset her, I should probably ask her what I did and then suggest it’s a spankable offense. Here we go. Someone’s going to say that I’m topping from the bottom. That’s silly because were not talking about BDSM. Were talking about supporting one another. I know that if I can help Mrs. Lion get over that emotional hump, she will be much happier. The one thing I want most of all is for her to be happy.