Am I Topping From The Bottom?

We often get comments that complain I am topping from the bottom. I don’t think I am, but some very good points have been made that I think we should look at. In the femdom world a lot of people who want to be submissive expect that they will be micromanaged and will have no input on anything. For the record, that’s absolutely untrue. Nobody has the time or energy to manage someone else’s life. Some people try but they get exhausted and give up eventually.

Mrs. Lion and I are in a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). It may have some aspects that look like femdom, but it absolutely isn’t. The big point I understand about our FLRD is that keyword is “led”. Leading does not suggest owning or micromanaging. It means that Mrs. Lion is in charge. She has the right and obligation to punish me if I misbehave or do anything that she feels is wrong. It doesn’t imply that I’ve lost my ability to make decisions. I certainly have the right to suggest things I would like Mrs. Lion to do. I frequently make the suggestions here in my posts.

I’m not telling her what to do. She frequently ignores what I suggest here. For example, I’ve been suggesting that she play with me anally. I’ve expressed a desire for her to fist me. She hasn’t done anything anal so far. I know that she takes my suggestions seriously. At some point she may do the things I’ve asked her to try. She may not. If I push it and repeat my suggestion, it might upset her. If it does, I will feel her displeasure when she spanks me for annoying her. I’m usually in no danger if I suggest something once and perhaps follow-up with a question about whether or not she likes the idea. If I go beyond that, I will feel some pain sitting down for a couple of days.

I am a pretty strong, independent person. Professionally, I’m a leader. Sometimes it isn’t easy for me to accept Mrs. Lion’s authority. Other times, I will interrupt her or assume she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. These are the times when her role is most important. It’s very difficult for Mrs. Lion to exercise her authority at times like these. In my mind, at least, it’s critical that she learns to express her displeasure when I do things that upset her. So far, she hasn’t been able to do this.

I don’t want to make light of this. Mrs. Lion is someone who would rather be in the background. She’s completely happy letting me lead in most areas. For example, she prefers it if I decide where we have dinner. This is all fine and is consistent with her role as my disciplinary wife. The big change for her is to not allow anyone, especially me, to do things that make her feel badly without a strong reaction from her.

She has improved. Occasionally I will get a snarl or growl when I say or do something that annoys her. That’s difficult for her. I don’t know why, but it is. I respect the progress she has made. I’m hoping that now that she’s mastered punishing me, and knows that I accept it, she will find it easier to switch from internalizing upsets to externally expressing her displeasure by punishing me.

I think it’s my job to help ease her into this. I can’t always tell at the time that I’ve upset her, but when I do realize that I’ve done something to upset her, I should probably ask her what I did and then suggest it’s a spankable offense. Here we go. Someone’s going to say that I’m topping from the bottom. That’s silly because were not talking about BDSM. Were talking about supporting one another. I know that if I can help Mrs. Lion get over that emotional hump, she will be much happier. The one thing I want most of all is for her to be happy.


  1. Great response to this issue, particularly for those people with the opinion that there is only one way for a relationship to go.
    What works best for the couple is the right way.
    I love your last line about wanting her to be happy. I have lots of sexual wants but what makes me happiest of all is when I make her happy.

    1. Author

      Thank you. Ultimately, what works best for me is what works best for Mrs. Lion. If you ask her, she’ll say whatever works best for me works best for her. I think that’s what love is all about.

Comments are closed.