What Do You Want?

For the record, I’ve said in the past that my problem is not with having an orgasm. The mechanics are there. Given the opportunity, I can have an orgasm. The problem is that I don’t want one. Let me clarify. That doesn’t mean I won’t take one if it’s offered. It means that I won’t ask for one or go out of my way to get one. I’m not horny. I can take it or leave it.

However, Lion offered to lick me last night and my first thought was I didn’t want him to do it. Part of me was worried about his shoulder. Part of me just didn’t care if I had an orgasm or not. And part of me knows that Lion isn’t much of an initiator so it always feels forced to me when he does initiate. I guess I wonder what he wants. Why is he being so nice to me? And that’s absolutely ridiculous because he’s never done anything like that. I think it’s probably because it’s a stereotype that people want something when they uncharacteristically do things for you.

     Son: Here, Mom. Let me take the garbage out for you.

     Mom: What do you want?

Obviously Lion doesn’t need to get something to give something, but when it comes to initiating sex, it does raise an eyebrow. He just doesn’t do it often.

Yes, it felt good. Yes, I did eventually get to an orgasm. The mechanics are still there. It’s the logical outcome when one is being licked. And yes, I realize this means it’s probably some psychological thing that’s keeping me from feeling horny. Although, maybe not. I just don’t know.

Lion wants to make orgasms for me a regular occurrence. He’s said it before and it didn’t happen. I’m willing to try but I don’t want to put any pressure on either of us. If the mind is the biggest sex organ, then pressure is probably the worst thing for it. We’ve both got a lot of pressure on us right now between injuries and unpacking. Let’s just see how it goes.


  1. Yours is a situation that I’m not too familiar with (a significant lack of libido), and without knowing Lion personally (well, really personally – there’s certainly a lot of personal stuff here on your blog), I wonder if you’re (Mrs. Lion) looking the gift lion too hard in the mouth (so to speak).

    I know that, even when I’m not locked (due to travel and other concerns, that’s been most of the time lately), I still absolutely enjoy going down on my wife. Part of it is due to the fact that it’s the most reliable way for me to get her to orgasm (except for the incomparable Satifyer Pro 2 toy – it’s *so* much better than a vibrator, albeit with a terrible name).

    However, I also love the feeling of being deeply and physically close and immersed in her. She’s not a huge fan of extended kissing sessions, so oral also gives me that fix at the same time. I also love holding her as she snoozes afterwards.

    So my point is that, although Lion may be shy (believe it or not) about initiating something, it may no be for ulterior reasons, but simply because he enjoys bringing you that pleasure – possibly in unexpected ways.

  2. Well, it’s a good thing that you enjoyed it. Obviously you’re not enjoying it as much as when you started with Lion, and the anticipation that makes for great sex isn’t there at the moment, but you’re still able to get some pleasure from sex.

    I think that’s enough to justify some sex aimed at bringing you off, without expecting that your entire sexual system will turn back on.

  3. One of the benefits we have discovered with male orgasm control and denial is the relief of pressure to expect orgasms for the male. Unfortunately, it appears that these males also find it exciting to think that in their deprived state, it would be great if their female partners have many, many orgasms.
    My wife does enjoy having an orgasm, but she is certainly not looking for one. Too much effort, too little desire. While those horny males have learned to find their pleasure in giving to their female partner. We are so eager to please, that I suppose it can become overwhelming.
    Thank you so much for continuing to post about these issues, it is an area upon which we have little to none for guidance on how women feel.

    1. I would like to put my two cents in here. I think you are right that a lot of males will overwhelm their partners with offers of female-only sex. I don’t think it comes out of a desire to please as much as it is a way to try to “earn” an orgasm for him. I think it makes zero sense to imagine that adding a chastity device to a relationship automatically turns the male into an altruistic lover. I think it ends up being a sexual game for most. If the couple keeps it up for more than a few months, I think it then evolves into something much more. That’s certainly true of us. At this point it doesn’t matter if I’m locked in a device or not. Mrs. Lion has absolute control over if or when I get to ejaculate. I have a limited privilege to make myself hard if I’m not in a device. Mrs. Lion knows I occasionally do this and hasn’t, at least up to now, told me whether or not it’s okay. I think it’s limited tacit approval as long as I don’t do it too often or go too far. I am absolutely forbidden to bring myself to orgasm.

Comments are closed.