I’m Just a Mess

I need to get better about answering comments on posts. I usually get an email while I’m at work alerting me there’s a comment, but I can only log into WordPress from my phone and that’s not really conducive to answering comments. By the time I make it home, I’ve either forgotten about the comment or I’ve got a million other things to do.

I never had any doubt Lion could give me orgasms. Again, the mechanics are there. I just don’t care about having them. The closeness is nice. I like that Lion is willing to try to jump start things. I don’t know why I think it feels forced. In the past, he’s said to tell him when I want an orgasm. I’ve agreed to tell him. That definitely feels forced, but I haven’t wanted one.

The tricky part, is that I want Lion to initiate it so telling him I want one goes against him initiating. On the other hand, this morning Lion said he’s the one who usually asks if I want to snuggle so technically he is initiating. Technically. It’s up to me if I want to go further than just snuggling. Plus, it will be sex for him, not me. And there have been times that he’s asked me to snuggle that I didn’t really want to go further but he’s asked if that’s all we’re going to do. I feel pressured at that point and I usually go further.

Yeah, I’m still working out the kinks, so to speak. He frequently wants more than I want to give him. It’s a balancing act. If he wants sexual attention and I don’t feel like doing anything, I’ll usually feel guilty about not doing anything for him. He doesn’t try to guilt me. I do it all by myself. And because I don’t tell him, he never knows I feel guilty.

It’s very apparent that I need to communicate better with him. Maybe all these guilty feelings have been pushed down so deep they’ve driven out the desire for sex. Mrs. Dr. Freud-Lioness at your service.