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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments

One thing that confuses me about our relationship, be it within FLRD and chastity or not, is which answer Lion is looking for when he asks a question. Do I like spanking him? Is he looking for the 3.0 answer or the regular, real me answer? 3.0 would answer, “Hell yeah! Let me see some bruises!” Regular, real me might answer, “It’s ok.”

In the past, Lion said he wants to hear the 3.0 answer. But then he’ll say, “Really?” What do I do then? Is he looking for 3.0’s confirmation or real me’s real answer? I know (think) it depends on his mood at the time. If he’s in a “sexy” mood then he’s probably looking for 3.0’s answer. Unfortunately, I don’t have any real way of knowing which mood he’s in all the time.

I don’t normally spend a lot of time thinking about FLRD or chastity. I have so many other balls in the air, no pun intended. Despite the fact that I call it my weenie, it’s not attached to me so I don’t know how it’s doing. Is the cage pinching? Did Lion spray pee everywhere? Is Lion horny today? Is he not feeling well so any pending activities will have to be delayed? The answers may not seem to matter much to 3.0, but I’m not going to whomp Lion’s butt if he’s not feeling well. I’m not talking about not being in the mood for punishment. That matters less than if he’s not feeling well.

I guess I don’t really go in for all the fantasies of FLRD and chastity. Lion isn’t going to be holding my pipe and slippers when I walk through the door at night. The house won’t be spotless with the children all tucked in bed so I can sit down and read my paper in peace while sipping scotch. He won’t always be ready for edging or to take his punishment. That’s just life. Stuff happens. Sometimes he hasn’t slept well. Sometimes he’s just in a down mood. Sometimes it’s me who isn’t ready for edging or punishment. Doling it out, of course, not receiving.

But fantasy or not, I need to know what Lion is looking for when he asks for the answer to the question, “Do you like X?”

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Female led relationship with discipline, Male Chastity

One of the most significant challenges I face is understanding how enforced male chastity integrates in my day-to-day life. Obviously, I don’t have any control over access to my penis. That’s not what I’m thinking about. It relates to a much larger question that every couple face: How do we integrate sex in a long-term relationship?

A lot of people consider it a given that over time sexual frequency drops. Sometimes it’s attributed to loss of libido that comes with age. Other times, it’s chalked off to boredom. I think that one of the big attractions of enforced male chastity and other sexual power exchanges is that they rejuvenate interest in sex.

In our case, I definitely wanted to find a way for us to have more sex. Granted, our situation was a bit extreme. Mrs. Lion lost interest in sex years before we began enforced chastity. It took me a long time to realize I had to do something if I wanted Mrs. Lion to have interest in the fact that I’m still a horny guy.

Since enforced male chastity is normally a two-person game, starting it opened the door to a much more active sex life for me. It also gave Mrs. Lion a way to sexually satisfy me without feeling pressure to have sex herself. It hasn’t been perfect. We’ve struggled with lots of issues along the way. These issues still sometimes come up. But we have good ways to deal with them.

My biggest challenge is accepting that it’s okay for me to have orgasms without providing them to Mrs. Lion. Intellectually, I understand that she doesn’t want orgasms. She simply isn’t interested. Still, I regularly feel selfish having one-way sex. She assures me that she enjoys getting me off. I still struggle with trying to believe that.

I think that in order for any couple to add enforced chastity and/or female led relationship with discipline (FLRD) to their marriage, there has to be value beyond the obvious. In our case, FLRD balances our personalities. I’m generally an assertive guy and my lioness is very easy-going. By putting the paddle firmly into her hand, she has a real way to assert herself. Beyond that, she knows I expect her to use that paddle to make her wishes known.

There’s a lesson in this. If you want to add enforced chastity or FLRD to your relationship, it takes more than just announcing that she has the power. There is a long educational process required for both partners. We have to work hard to build the habits that support our choices.

For a very long time we struggled with our roles. Now,things are going very smoothly. The sure sign this is happening is that the last few times I’ve earned a spanking, I absolutely didn’t want it. In prior times, Mrs. Lion would not have spanked me because I wasn’t interested in it. Now, it doesn’t matter whether I’m in the mood or not. If I break a rule, I get spanked.

I think we both realize that even though the chastity device isn’t really needed, if it ever was, to prevent me from masturbating, we need it for other reasons. When I wear it, I feel much more vulnerable. I don’t have access to the security screwdriver that allows it to come off. That tool is locked in a safe and I can’t open it.

I’m not sure if having me wear the cage has any real effect on Mrs. Lion. I’ve tried to talk about this a few times, but so far I don’t think she’s crystallized exactly how she feels. For now, we’re leaving that subject alone. She has me locked up and has made it clear the cage stays on until right before I go to the hospital. She’s also said it’s going back on within weeks after I come home.

I’m sure we’ll find out how she feels soon enough.

By:
In: Health and safety, Mrs Lion Comments

I’ve been training someone to do my job while I’m taking care of Lion. It’s impossible to train her for every aspect of my job in two weeks but I’ve done what I can. Besides, if she screws it up it just proves how much they need me. And I’ll have job security while I dig out of whatever problems there are when I return. Of course, if they had allowed me to work from home, there would be fewer issues but they are backward thinking people. One thing I’m sure of is that once I leave the office on Friday, I’m not answering any calls from work.

Not that we’re planning for doomsday or anything, but we are putting the finishing touches on getting ready for Lion’s surgery. We’ll make another Costco run this weekend. Either this weekend or Monday, we’ll run to a few other out-of-the-way stores for more supplies. We got bagels last weekend. We should be good.

I am preparing for Lion’s appetite to be wonky. When he’s had anesthesia nothing tastes right to him. Once, he survived about a week on nothing more than chocolate milkshakes. Not to worry. I have chocolate ice cream on hand for just such emergencies. And I can run out for more. He’s not going to need round the clock care for more than a few days, if that. I’m mostly around for moral support and to make sure he doesn’t do too much. Depending on how much pain medicine he needs, I may have to steady his walk to the bathroom. Other than that I don’t think he’ll be very helpless.

Between now and then, we’re maintaining the status quo. Lion had his orgasm the other night so I assume he’ll start to get horny by tonight. I’ll unlock my weenie and give him some stretching and tugging exercises. “The boys” will get massaged and enjoy their freedom from the cock ring. If Lion is horny enough, I’ll edge him. If he’s not, we’ll just snuggle and watch TV. Not a bad plan for a Wednesday night.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

I am a week away from my surgery. I know it’s worrying Mrs. Lion and I have to admit that I’m concerned as well. I’ve been doing a lot of research on the procedure. I even watched a YouTube video of one being performed. We’ll both try to keep you informed as things unfold. It’s safe to assume that we may skip a few posts next week.

The surgery is a procedure to open up some space in my neck vertebrae. Over time, the discs have squeezed down a bit and expanded into the space needed by my spinal cord. This puts pressure on the cord and has created a few nasty symptoms for me. Even if I were willing to accept these symptoms, the probability is that new problems would crop up unless this pressure is relieved. So, I’m going to get literally, a pain in the neck. I suppose there’s a certain amount of irony there since Mrs. Lion often says I’m a pain in her neck. I’m grateful we have the technology to diagnose the cause of my problems and to correct them.

Monday night, after an eight-day wait, Mrs. Lion unlocked me and gave me a delightful oral orgasm. Oh boy! This was after she made a big deal about starting my clock only after I became horny. According to that system, Sunday would have been my first day; even though it had been seven days at that point since my last orgasm. I’m very grateful she took me out of my misery.

I’m back in the cage and expect it will remain on through next weekend. Obviously, it has to come off of the surgery and for a good part of the recovery. I’ll be doped up on pain medication and will have enough trouble peeing while wild, much less locked in a chastity device. It’s very likely I’ll have no interest in sex until I can get off the more powerful drugs.

Since I’ve had a relatively long period without a cage, returning to it has given me an opportunity to gain some new perspective. I’ve long thought that one of the key limitations the cage imposes is the inability to get an erection. I know that most people think about being unable to masturbate as the principal value of the cage. It’s been years since I’ve had any interest in jerking off. So the cage has no value preventing something I wouldn’t do anyway.

Erections, on the other hand, feel really good. It’s also very nice to touch my hard cock. Now, I can’t touch my cock, hard or soft. It’s been effectively taken away from me. Even when I’m unlocked, the only touching it gets comes from Mrs. Lion. If she’s diligent about re-locking me, I won’t even get to touch it to pee.

I think this physical isolation of my penis sends me a very strong message. I understand that Mrs. Lion owns my penis. At least I do on an intellectual level. With the cage locked on, my understanding is on a deeper, more-visceral level. She’s asserting her ownership by preventing me from having any direct access to it. That’s incredibly different from just telling me she owns it and only she can make it ejaculate. Now, only she can touch it.

I wonder if she thinks about this. After all, whether or not I’m wearing a chastity device changes nothing in her mind. At least I don’t think so. Owning my penis is still an intellectual concept for her. Just because the chastity device removes the possibility that I can touch it, doesn’t necessarily impact the way she thinks about my enforced chastity.

It seems to me that this difference in perception is one of the more bothersome aspects of enforced male chastity. The keyholder doesn’t really gain anything when she locks up the penis. Yes, she is assured that he can’t cheat and play with himself. But I don’t think that’s a particularly important worry for most women. I’m sure that trust is way more important than physical security when it comes to a partner’s penis.

If we are honest with ourselves, we know that the device isn’t really necessary for her to have sexual control over us. After all, we asked her to take this on. Yet, at least in my case, I can’t help but feel a much deeper level of control when that device is locked on. These deeper feelings are most noticed immediately after I am locked up. Having been allowed to run wild for a long time, I got used to touching her property. That makes my inability to even hold it a much more profound loss now that I’m locked up again.

Many guys may not articulate this, but I’m pretty sure a big part of the emotional impact of being locked in a chastity device, has to do with the simple fact that the penis is not accessible in any way. Most of what I read is about a need to ejaculate. Guys talk about how frantic they get to be unlocked and jerked off. I wonder if that’s really the big issue. I suspect the isolation is much more important.l

For a while I figured my frustration was more about not being able to get hard. Now that I’m back in the cage, I don’t really think about that at all. Sure, I love it when I can have a nice erection, but I’m not missing it. I am missing those little moments when I can reach down and touch it. I’m reminded that it isn’t mine to touch. That privilege belongs to my lioness.