By:
In: Punishment, Ruined orgasm, Spanking

To my surprise, Lion was horny last night. He hasn’t been lately. He also said he was very tired when I got home. I figured it was another night with no play. Then he asked if I was going to unlock him.

I didn’t grab my bag of tricks this time. I didn’t want to scare Mr. Weenie again. Instead, I grabbed the Magic Wand. If 2.0 can’t get a rise out of him, the Magic Wand usually does. It did. We were off and running. Until I went too far. Damned ruined orgasms! And Lion was instantly worried that he wouldn’t be horny again. Then he surprised me again. He said he still felt a little horny.

Granted, the ruined orgasm didn’t produce much semen, but we hadn’t played very long before it happened. There isn’t necessarily any correlation between semen produced and time spent playing. But it seems to me that if Lion is very horny and I’ve gotten him very turned on, there is more semen. And sometimes there isn’t. You never can tell. But if he’s still horny after a ruined orgasm, that bodes well for more play tonight. And I promise not to go too far again.

Perhaps tonight I can twist his arm and he’ll want to be tied to the bed for a nice play spanking. I know he loves those. As much as he dreads punishment swats, he loves play swats. First of all, they don’t start out as hard. Then, I do a lot of tushy massages and kisses along the way. And, of course, I lead up to the harder swats, which generally aren’t as hard as punishment swats anyway, but his buns can handle it if I take my time.

While both kinds of spankings come from love, they are definitely different. The I-love-you-so-I-don’t-want-you-to-make-this-mistake-again punishment swats are evil right from the beginning. I may give him a few, then pause to let him catch up, but there is no rubbing of the butt to take the sting out. He needs the sting to know I mean business. Play swats start out with love taps. I may throw in a few harder swats, but they are not too hard and are usually followed by kisses or a massage. If it’s clear I’ve hit too hard, I immediately tone it down again. If a punishment swat is too hard that’s just too bad. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Play swats are designed to get him to his happy place although he’s said he doesn’t want to get to far into oblivion.

It’s always a balancing act. Swat too hard and I may injure him. Stroke too far and I may give him a ruined orgasm. I don’t really like heights. Luckily this tightrope isn’t too far off the ground.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

If male chastity is all about sex, what happens when the caged male isn’t interested in having any? At the moment I’m not really interested. My libido isn’t very high. Even though it’s been a week since I last came, I have no real interest in sex. Of course, I am still in the Jail Bird. But it isn’t serving any particular purpose at the moment. Or is it?

One of the best things about enforced male chastity is that sexual gratification doesn’t have to be mutual. In some relationships, the keyholder has very frequent orgasms while her locked partner doesn’t have any. In others, like ours, the keyholder isn’t interested in sex and usually, I am. After being in a chastity device for some time I’ve learned that an orgasm for one partner doesn’t require the other to have one too. In vanilla marriages when one partner is having sexual fun and the other isn’t, bad feelings can develop. That’s simply not the case with us.

We have an explicit agreement that I get orgasms when Mrs. Lion decides I should have one. She gets orgasms when she wants them. It may seem unfair to some, but I find this arrangement very satisfactory. In fact, I get more sexual stimulation from my lioness than I have had at any other time in our relationship. Ironically, the opposite is true of her. She is getting less than at any other time we have been together. That’s because she doesn’t want them.

It’s my theory that humans function better when roles are very explicitly defined. In the absence of explicit agreement, assumptions are made that inevitably result in misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I can’t claim that I was very aware of this before we began my enforced chastity. I saw it as a power exchange that excited me. It was my surrender of sexual control. I never considered that besides being a power exchange, enforced chastity was actually a treaty.

We had a lot of unspoken feelings about our sex lives. Both of us felt unfulfilled. A widening physical chasm had opened and after a number of years we had no idea how to close it. When I rediscovered chastity devices and decided to ask Mrs. Lion to be my keyholder, I had no idea that what I was doing would end up bridging that gap and would restore our physical closeness.

It wasn’t the chastity device or orgasm control that made the difference. True, those things gave us fun activities and opened sexual communications. But the power exchange itself isn’t the reason we have gotten so much closer. I think it is the underlying agreement that’s done the trick.

There is no longer any question how sexual activities occur in our marriage. I have agreed that I will not have any sexual stimulation that isn’t provided by my lioness. I’ve agreed that she will let me know when she wishes sexual services from me. These services do not imply a reciprocal activity on her part. There is absolutely no confusion about our sex life.

You could argue that I got a bad deal since I ceeded all rights to independent sex. I disagree. We are now in our third year of the Jail Bird treaty. I couldn’t be happier. Mrs. Lion has also expressed her happiness as well. We like it so much that we are amending it to include more control for her.

It turns out, I think, that a very clear understanding of our roles adds a comfortable regularity to our lives. While I love the power exchange, it isn’t the sole source of our happiness. I think our explicit understanding of our relative places is the key. Democracy isn’t the best way for us to conduct our marriage. We found something that works much better and makes us both happy.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

OK. So I talk a good game. The truth is, I have no idea what will happen this weekend. Lion wasn’t up for playing last night. Even with the enticement of being tied to the bed. And that’s fine. There’s never any pressure to play. There’s nothing wrong with having a lull. Sometimes I worry about Lion because I know he’s normally horny, but if there are extenuating circumstances, it’s perfectly normal not to be horny. Why would I push him? I’m not the whip cracking, leather-clad dominatrix of fantasy. I’m more the snuggle-up-next-to-him-and-tell-him-everything-will-be-alright kind of person.

As far as our weekend plans go, we’ll run our errands and take care of the chores and anything else will be frosting on the cake. I know I’m in charge, but for this I am following his lead. I can’t force him to be horny and even if I could I don’t think I would. Slip him a few Viagra? To what end? If his heart isn’t into it, what difference does it make if his cock is? I won’t be using it for sex for me. I still don’t care about that. So there’s no reason to push him. He’ll be ready when he’s ready.

That may sound definitively un-FLR, but for the most part, life is not FLR. It’s commuting and figuring out what’s for dinner and doing laundry and sleeping and a million other things that don’t pertain to power exchange or chastity. Sometimes the laundry doesn’t get done. Sometimes the commute takes longer. Sometimes Lion isn’t up for playing. Eventually we’ll have clean clothes, and get to work, and Lion will feel like playing again. I don’t want him worrying about it. You hear that, Lion? Don’t worry about it. [Lion — Yes Ma’am]

By:
In: Lion's Journal

It seems to me that a lot of guys think of enforced male chastity as a sport. Evidence of this is everywhere. Way back in the early 1990’s when chastity devices were very expensive and awkward (full belts as a rule), the guys who bought them were mostly solo players. They didn’t express any interest in an external keyholder and everything I read was about security.

There was a little subculture of men who bought belts, locked themselves up, and then wouldn’t masturbate until they could break out of the device. They were sexual escape artists. I spoke with a couple of belt makers who confirmed this was what their customers did.

This is significant to me in that many early users of devices had no interest in a power exchange. They also had no interest in orgasm control or restriction. Chastity hardware was used in a solitary sport where belt makers competed with belt wearers to see if they could make the inescapable chastity device. The inevitable result of this expensive game was that devices became more secure, expensive, and a lot more uncomfortable. This changed in 1993 (I think) when the CB2000 was released. This device was and is easy to escape, relatively cheap, and available without custom fitting.

If chastity escape was the game of polo, restricted to an esoteric group, the CB2000 started chastity baseball, a sport anyone could enjoy. The inventor created the device so he and his wife could play with orgasm control over a weekend or vacation. Other couples discovered the device and played too. Thanks to the Internet, the CB2000 sold in the hundreds, eventually in the thousands.

The game changed. It became a two-player sport with a locked male and a keyholder. The Internet being what it is, guys started writing stories about male chastity. These fantasies became the lingua franca of male chastity. It became all about sexual bondage and enforced abstinence. To this day, most people who are aware of it, think of male chastity as a BDSM practice where cruel mistresses force hapless men to service them without any hope of even an erection.

Of course this is a male fantasy. Women are not likely to crave a slobbering, horny guy who constantly wants to lick her pussy. There’s no depth to the fantasies. But alas, that’s what many guys think this is all about. I guess that’s fantasy chastity baseball.

The real life sport is nothing like the fantasy. How it’s played varies widely. The basics are pretty much the same, but there are differences. It’s like Canadian football; similar to ours, but significantly different. Some couples, read that to mean “men”, want to see how long they can go without an orgasm. Others, like us, like active control. Mrs. Lion teases me almost every day and takes an orgasm when she feels like it. My waits are usually pretty short. The average is a week. Some are shorter, a few go for over two weeks.

The lion version of the game includes a female led relationship, very frequent teasing, spankings, and non-sexual rules. Others play differently. What is your version?