Making Changes
In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion expressed a new resolve to take charge more. I’m not entirely clear on how that will translate into action, but I am sure I will be the first to find out. She wrote that I interrupted her yesterday and she called me on it right away. She did and it made an impression on me. I was a little surprised the paddle didn’t come right out. She chose to put it on Thursday’s list. That’s fine, of course. Meanwhile, the financial situation gets worse and worse. Hopefully someone will hire me soon. In the meantime we just have to tread water as long as we can.
As we have both been writing, figuring out a FLM (Female Led Marriage) isn’t easy for us. Over the years we have developed a division of work that has served us well. Mrs. Lion has indicated that she doesn’t want to change that very much. I agree. In some respects this is probably the worst time to mess with our dynamic. But in an important way, it’s a very good time. In the past Mrs. Lion has withdrawn from the decision-making process. I just took care of things. I think that arrangement might have temporarily been easier for her, but ultimately had to make her feel helpless. I truly don’t like things that way. I’ve been doing it, but it adds to my anxiety. If for no other reason than that I don’t want her to inherit my anxiety, I don’t plan to abdicate completely to Mrs. Lion. Of course if that is what she wants to do, well, she’s the boss. It will feel very good if she takes over talking to some of our creditors.
One of the most important parts of our relationship is the way we share responsibilities. When one of us screws up, there are no recriminations. I don’t expect that to change except when I am naughty. I think that most FLM couples don’t do a total power exchange. It would be too tiring for the woman to make all decisions and too frustrating for the male to be as dependent as an infant. This is one area where the fantasies don’t match reality. Women who begin FLM, quickly learn just how burdensome taking on 100% authority over another can be. Mrs. Lion and I are just starting to figure out where our FLM starts and ends.
We agree that she has the right to be in charge of anything she chooses. She’s the leader, after all. My behavior is entirely under her control. She controls me sexually. That’s been true for a long time since we started enforced chastity. She now also controls my manners and decorum. As you may have read, I interrupted her Monday night. Tomorrow she will burn my butt with her paddle as a reminder to watch my manners. This is the first punishment in several weeks.
As she said yesterday, Mrs. Lion is done with baby steps. She’s decided to dive right in. Undoubtedly that means there will be more spankings until I learn my lessons. I hate those spankings. I will learn as quickly as I can.
Wish Me Luck
Yesterday I had a mini-meltdown. All the payments coming due, the little money left in the accounts, the little money coming in each month, finally got to me. Lion’s staunch defense of paying the rent on time even though that money would go a long way toward keeping other payments from going even further behind made no sense to me. I had to take a little break. It was only a span of a few hours and two unanswered emails. By the time he texted asking if I was ok, I was. I just needed to do a little silent screaming to work things out. Of course, once I told Lion about it he immediately apologized and worried I’d leave him. Nope. Not on your life. I’m in it for the long haul.
Neither of us had gotten much sleep the night before. He was worried about money and his upcoming job interview. I was just having a normal Sunday night of non-sleep. Plus my sinuses have not been a fan of the weather. I decided not to play with Lion. I did, however, make sure my iPad was not constantly on, and we were touching a lot. Holding hands, his hand on my leg, my hand on his chest, etc. He asked if I was ok. He wondered since I hadn’t even tried to play with him. I teased him that I must be spoiling him if he expected to get played with every night. He said he just wondered. And he doesn’t think he’s spoiled. I don’t either. It’s not like he demands or expects things. He requests things and he’s very understanding when it takes me a while to get my head wrapped around them.
Last night was punishment night. He had nothing on his list. And then he did. Well, it’s on for the next punishment night. I was talking and he interrupted. I hate that! When he finished his thought I asked if I could finish. That alone should have signaled that he was in trouble, but I don’t think he got it until I told him he had something on his list for Thursday. I don’t usually react so strongly or so quickly, but it really bugs me when I’m interrupted. And he does want me to point things out to him, right? Well, there you go, Lion.
There has to be a happy medium between the bitchiness of my mini-meltdown and my let-everything-roll-off-my-back attitude. That’s what I need to be more in charge. But I think what I really need is to give it a real try. I have my moments, but have I really ever given it a good try? I keep saying baby steps, but baby steps haven’t gotten me very fair. Maybe I just need to jump into the deep end and sink or swim. Wish me luck.
Only One Way To Find Out
Our progress with enforced male chastity and FLM moves in fits and starts. Sometimes it feels to me that we are moving backwards. Of course we really aren’t. This experience is like a visit to a bakery factory outlet store: everything looks so good and costs so little, that you go home with more than you can eat before it goes bad. We did that very thing last weekend. We are very well stocked, probably overstocked with bread and rolls. It’s surprising how much ten bucks will buy at one of those places. This is directly analogous to our enforced chastity / FLM experience.
I read about or discuss something online and then bring it back to Mrs. Lion. That’s how we started FLM. I read about it online and thought it would be a natural extension of our enforced chastity. I had been locked up well over a year and I thought it would be a good time to introduce something new. I think I’m pretty typical of males who ask to be locked up and dominated. It’s really easy to underestimate the impact additional power exchange will have on our lives. Mrs. Lion is very agreeable and is usually willing to try anything I suggest. The problem is that all of my suggestions represent 24/7 power exchange. It’s not like I ask to try something new in a play session. I’m asking for changes in the dynamic of our relationship.
My original suggestion to try enforced chastity came out of my sexual frustration. For a long time Mrs. Lion has had a lot less interest in sex than I. I was frustrated and masturbated at least once a week. Often, my masturbation fantasies centered around a power exchange, often including a chastity device. By the end of last year, my fantasies felt almost real to me. So, I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. She said yes, but you already know that. We tried it for a short time and decided that we would continue for at least another year. We agreed to review whether or not to continue in March 2016.
Here we are 18 months later. And here we are with me introducing more stuff; this time FLM. We are having the same growing pains we experienced with enforced chastity. What seemed like a good idea the we could adopt easily, turns out to be much more complex and requires both of us to make serious changes in order to make this work. I seriously underestimated how I need to change. I’m not organically submissive. I am used to making decisions and acting on them without consultation. Obviously, if Mrs. Lion is the boss, I need at the very least, to loop her in. The problem is that even if I do this successfully, Mrs. Lion needs to get comfortable with her decision-making power. That doesn’t come naturally to her.
So here we are, both attempting to make changes in the very basics of our relationship. It’s not obvious, unlike the enforced chastity, that this latest change will actually help us. It could end up adding stress without any real benefit. There’s only one way to find out: give it a good chance.I must have had some subconscious reason to want FLM. I don’t know what that is. So far there is nothing I can see that suggests this is a good direction. Unlike enforced chastity, there are no signals that FLM has a long term benefit. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem to be hurting anything either.
I think there is real potential in FLM. Mrs. Lion tends to agree to anything I decide. She doesn’t ask for things she wants. As Head of Household she has to change that behavior. The changes include learning to tell me what she wants, not just for “us” but for “her”. That will be very difficult for her. I, on the other hand, have to learn to ask before acting on anything I decide. We’ve agreed that it makes no sense for me to just withdraw decision making. That would be even more difficult for Mrs. Lion and a waste of what little skill I have. So instead, I will suggest things for her to decide. If she agrees, I will do what I suggested. If she disagrees, I will either do what she says instead of my idea, or go back to the drawing board and offer another suggestion. It’s not easy for me to ask first. If I forget, then I get punished.
That’s another tough change for Mrs. Lion. She needs to notice and remember when I break a rule. If I make a decision and act on it without asking her, I need a firm reminder not to do that again. She is very capable of spanking me hard enough to regret my error, but she doesn’t often remember when I have committed an infraction. We need to figure out how to make this easier for her. I already keep track of infractions she observes and remind her of them on punishment days. But she does need to do the observing. This is a habit that isn’t easy to develop. At first I didn’t understand why it was so hard. Now I realize that for her to think this way requires fundamental changes in how she thinks of me. This won’t be easy and will take time. One thing I am very sure about is her determination. Mrs. Lion will get there. She will drag me along. That’s what we do.
Whomping and Chomping
Lion pointed out that I had forgotten my planned sling fun this weekend. He reminded me a little late to do anything about it. I suppose I could have said, “Hell yes!” and thrown his butt in there anyway, but we had been outside doing yard work and we were both hot and sweaty. And I sort of had other plans for him anyway. I did wonder, however, if he would think my plans were made after he reminded me of the sling, and after I’d read his post for this morning. True, his post did alter my plans slightly, but for the better. I think.
My plans involved tying him to the bed and whomping on his sexy tush for a while. Then I was going to ask him to give me an orgasm. Then I was going to play with him. But only because I had gotten the order wrong from one of his previous posts. What he really wanted to experiment with was if I let him come first, would he be in the mood to give me attention? Since he had just had an orgasm the other day, I didn’t think he should have one again. So I just went with my original plan. With a twist.
In the past I have bitten his tush, but he called them love bites. His interest now was real bites that could potentially leave a mark or bruise. Lion hide is extremely hard to bruise. At least his tush. He bruises fairly easily other spots. Damn tush. Good thing it’s so cute. So along with the whomping, I did some chomping. I did leave some decent teeth marks but I doubt they lasted for long. I need to practice and experiment with how hard to bite to get the desired effect.
Who knew he wanted to be bitten? That’s easy. I can do that. It’s probably the easiest thing he’s ever asked me to do. Now I just need to perfect my technique. More Lion tush biting. I’m in! I have no idea why this is so much easier for me to wrap my head around than spanking or anything else he wants, but it is.
And then I sprang the other surprise on him. We discussed my misunderstanding of his previous post and then he asked if I wanted an orgasm. He laughed when I said, “Perhaps.” Either I do or I don’t. I told him if he wanted to do it I wanted him to do it. He laughed again. I told him I didn’t want to demand one, but it was as close to a decision as I was going to make. Of course he was willing. And clearly able. We both know how to push each other’s buttons. In a good way.
My problem now is that he thinks a switch has been flipped and I will suddenly be horny again. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. One orgasm (or five) in a little over six months does not a raging horny Mrs. Lion make. Maybe it’s a start. Maybe it isn’t. Let’s just see how it goes.
All in all it was a good weekend in the Lion’s den. He got to see his movie. He got tied to the bed. He got whomped and chomped. He got to give me an orgasm (or five). A good weekend indeed.
