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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Femdom, Humiliation, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment, Rewards, Sex

One of our loyal readers, mot0324, posted an interesting comment yesterday:

After all this time I am surprised that you want a “wild penis”. Having worn my JB for several years I no longer feel comfortable without the feeling of confinement.

You and Mrs. Lion have a great blog, thank you for sharing your adventures. And best of luck with the job search. Although I was able to retire early, I realize many folks don’t have that option, either mentally or financially.

First of all, thank you for the good thoughts. It helps to know that our friends care beyond enforced chastity and FLM. This reader brings up an interesting point. He said that he needs to be wearing his Jail Bird in order to feel comfortable. He doesn’t say what specifically, feels uncomfortable when it is off. In my case, I used to want the device on all the time because it meant that Mrs. Lion was in control and would provide stimulation. Going without the cage, I feared, would return us to the lack of sexual activity we suffered for years prior to our enforced chastity. To me, the cage was the symbol of the new, exciting changes we had made.

More recently, I’ve learned to completely trust the changes we have made. I no longer think that the cage is the driving force. Both of us have adopted enforced male chastity and FLM. The cage is a tool and a symbol, not the source of our changes. I don’t mind wearing the cage. I like it. It’s like my wedding ring; a symbol of my commitment to my lioness. Of course, it’s more than that. It physically prevents me from erection, and in a weak moment, self stimulation. It’s bondage that I experience 24/7.

So why would I wish for more uncaged time? I have to admit that it was more convenient. I could pee standing up without making a mess. I could touch my penis. Touching didn’t result in my getting hard. I think the cage and our commitment has made self stimulation close to impossible at this point. The cage isn’t needed for that. I liked being wild. Part of this enjoyment probably comes from the fact that I am not constitutionally submissive. I am learning to submit. I didn’t arrive that way. Mrs. Lion is challenged to train me to submit. Sadly for her, this lion is, at best, a switch. I’m more of a wild beast in need of taming. So an unfettered penis reminds me of my wild days when I could do exactly as I wished.

This might seem odd to you. After all, I asked Mrs. Lion to do enforced chastity and FLM. Some deep down part of my lion heart craves the control this provides. I recognize that and I do my best to cooperate with my taming. This is fairly unusual. All enforced chastity and FLM is consensual. The male asks to surrender. The female agrees to take charge. I freely admit that is exactly what happened to us. I knew this is what I need.

Initially, my desire to do this was driven by very hot fantasies about how it would feel to be dominated. I’ll bet this is what starts it off for most guys. Many dominant women promote these fantasies to put their partners in the right state of mind to begin submitting. In our case it came all from me.

As we also know, after a relatively short time reality sets in. A large number of couples abandon it at that point. Sometimes the woman finds enforced chastity and FLM exciting and will help keep her male’s interest alive. Strategic rewards and punishments continue to feed his original idea of how things would work and he stays engaged. I realized that Mrs. Lion didn’t have the tools to do this with me. She also was neutral, at best, about enforced chastity. Since I have decades of experience as a top (dominant), I helped her learn how to keep me interested and involved. It didn’t take long for her to work it out for herself.

Despite the fact that I completely understand the process, I began to become conditioned. I learned not only to accept orgasm control (the point of enforced male chastity), but enjoy it. With sexual stimulation as the reward, obedience became something I like to do. Now, with suspension of stimulation as a punishment, I’m learning that I can’t be even a little selective in what I choose to obey. I’m addicted to being edged, teased, and occasionally brought to orgasm. I need that and need it often. Withholding these sessions hurts.

All this circles around to the chastity device itself. I no longer need it to prevent me from unauthorized penis play and masturbation. I just don’t do it even when wild. Like the commenter, I am used to having it on, but I don’t think I need it there all the time. So, after a few wild days, I wanted more. No big reason, just because. It was good, I think, that I did. Because when Mrs. Lion handed me the base ring even after I asked for more free time, that little action sent a powerful message: It doesn’t matter if I think I can be good while wild. It doesn’t matter that I wanted some more time. All that matters is what Mrs. Lion wants. She wanted me back in the cage; so back I went.

There is a subtle difference between consent and choice. I consented to surrender control. Once I did that, I gave up the right to make individual choices that differ from Mrs. Lion’s wishes. It was very good that I wanted more wild time because it gave Mrs. Lion another chance to let me know that I didn’t get a choice. She wanted it on NOW, so it went on. Lions don’t get to decide.

Even more importantly, laid-back Mrs. Lion was assertive and had me do what she wanted even though she knew I didn’t want to do it. She has a hard time with “No!” I have a hard time with that too. My education in submission requires a lot more no’s accompanied with rewards for my instant obedience. As she stated in an earlier post, we both need our brains rewired so that our roles become automatic and easier. I need to learn instant obedience and feel the consequences and rewards when I react incorrectly or do as I should. I need to hear, “Good Job!” and “Good Boy!” when I obey. I also need the opposite along with punishment when I fail.

Mrs. Lion has a problem with this. She thinks it’s demeaning; like talking to the dog. In a way she’s right, but in a more important way I’m not unlike the dog when it comes to obedience. I am being trained to obey, even do tricks. I need the same kind of direct feedback to succeed. Over time, I will feel rewarded when I hear, “Good Job!” or “Good Boy!” Whatever works is what we need to do.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment, Sex

Mrs. Lion always tells me that I see big changes in what she considers a small step. It’s true; I can easily generalize a single event into a trend. I’m trying not to do this, but I do think we turned a corner Wednesday night. In her post on Wednesday, Mrs. Lion announced that disobedience would result in loss of sexual play. This is significant for three important reasons: First, Mrs. Lion came up with this on her own with no input of any kind from me. Second, this punishment has no redeeming value for me. It doesn’t relate to any fantasies I have had and is truly unpleasant to contemplate. Third, Mrs. Lion can inflict the punishment without any effort on her part. I’m already locked in my cage. All she has to do to punish me is to not let me out of my cage. No action at all on her part.  All three reasons make this punishment completely cost free for her. Even more significant is that I had no input on this decision.

On Wednesday night Mrs. Lion teased me and edged me a few times. It felt amazing. For the first time in ages I was really horny. I couldn’t stop myself from bucking. It felt great with Mrs. Lion loosely holding my penis. When she saw me getting close, she opened her hand. Frustrating! I kept bucking. After a few seconds I felt her hand tighten. I bucked harder. I was really close and mentally bracing for another letdown. I bucked faster and faster. I was ready to come. She’s going to let go; I know she will. But she didn’t. I fucked her hand as hard as I could and had an amazing orgasm. I didn’t produce much semen. That is a bit worrying. I figured with this much arousal there would be a good amount. In a way it was a good thing. Mrs. Lion fed me every drop.

I was feeling very self-satisfied having had such a wonderful orgasm. Mrs. Lion said, “You know what?”

“What?”

“I got aroused while you were bucking.”

Now that was exciting! I asked if she would like me to give her some orgasms. She said no. Still, we both agreed this is a very good sign. Neither of us want to over-analyze this. She said that it turned her on to see me bucking for my orgasm; me doing the work instead of her. That makes sense to me. She has let me have an orgasm before when I was fucking her hand. I really like how it feels. Passively accepting the stimulation isn’t as exciting for me. Though, I think that if I always bucked my way to edging or orgasm, it would lose the excitement value.

In any case, two significant things happened on Wednesday: Mrs. Lion exerted her power without my agreement or support, and she got aroused while stimulating me. Both of us are more challenged to change. She is internalizing and exerting her power and she is experiencing some awakening of her libido. I am clearly losing control and face real penalties for failing to obey. Whatever the reasons for all this, it is real progress.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Punishment, Spanking

There were more than fireworks here on July fourth. We sat on a grassy knoll and watched a surprisingly good fireworks display over the lake here. It rivaled the rather pathetic displays at home. After the fireworks, we returned to our trailer. Then the real fireworks began. Mrs. Lion said she had special plans. First, she announced that since she moved punishment night from Thursday to Friday, then logically, Saturday would be maintenance spanking day. She also reminded me that I wrote that maintenance spankings should be at the same intensity as punishments, the better to make her more comfortable administering strict punishments. So she did. Well, not quite as hard as punishment swats, but she used her heavy wooden spoon with the non-slip sandpaper coating. It really stung. She wasn’t done then. Next, she bit my butt hard enough to get an “ouch” from me. The next morning I didn’t feel the bites or spanking. I guess next time will be even more energetic.

She had me roll over and then gave me great oral sex, pausing frequently when I got close. Finally, as promised, she took me all the way. It was amazing! Next came her surprise. She rolled over onto her back and told me to give her an orgasm or three. Once more she reminded me that I wrote about this as a good way to train males to not associate their arousal with giving orgasms. Having just ejaculated, I wasn’t at all aroused while pleasing her. I still had a great time. I don’t need to be turned on to love giving her orgasms. This is also something of a record. She went from early February until June 28 without coming. Now, only six days later she wanted another orgasm. I hope this is a sign that she is more interested in sex. She seemed a bit “damp” when I started. Perhaps getting me off turns her on a little. I would love that.

This is the longest we have had a break in over a year. It certainly feels very good to escape the pressure we are under at home. Of course nothing is actually better, but we can allow ourselves to forget for a few days. There are two large wild fires burning within fifty miles of here. One of them had just started when we were driving by on one of our adventures. It was the first time I saw a giant pine tree catch fire from top to bottom in a couple of seconds. After we went shopping, on our way home, we stopped and watched helicopters scoop up giant buckets of water from a lake and then drop the water on the fire. It was frightening and fascinating. Our route home takes us right past one of them. We hope that the road will not be closed and force us to detour over a hundred miles.

Mrs. Lion has been making more decisions. They are the daily sort that I frequently make, like what to have for dinner or breakfast. I’m doing my best to ask before doing things. This may seem like small stuff to many, but for us it is a sea change. This trip helps us with it. We are away from home and our habits there. In this more neutral setting it is easier for me to establish new patterns. There is certainly progress.

One area we have discussed but not yet advanced is discipline as needed. Corrections are now based on a rather small set of behavioral rules. Mrs. Lion is getting more consistent enforcing them. A while ago she mentioned that she wanted to respond more at the time of the infraction. That’s logistically much more difficult. But as I think about it, it makes sense in that it will focus us both on the FLM when it is most needed. How this is done when we are at, say, a supermarket is unclear to me. It may require different punishments that don’t require my bare bottom, or a delay until we have privacy. In any case, I am doing my best to avoid forcing her to punish me. I know it is very difficult for her. Maybe the next step is spanking at home at the time of infraction. If I do something in pubic, we can discuss it and she can correct me later. FLM is much harder for me than enforced chastity.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment

In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion expressed a new resolve to take charge more. I’m not entirely clear on how that will translate into action, but I am sure I will be the first to find out. She wrote that I interrupted her yesterday and she called me on it right away. She did and it made an impression on me. I was a little surprised the paddle didn’t come right out. She chose to put it on Thursday’s list. That’s fine, of course. Meanwhile, the financial situation gets worse and worse. Hopefully someone will hire me soon. In the meantime we just have to tread water as long as we can.

As we have both been writing, figuring out a FLM (Female Led Marriage) isn’t easy for us. Over the years we have developed a division of work that has served us well. Mrs. Lion has indicated that she doesn’t want to change that very much. I agree. In some respects this is probably the worst time to mess with our dynamic. But in an important way, it’s a very good time. In the past Mrs. Lion has withdrawn from the decision-making process. I just took care of things. I think that arrangement might have temporarily been easier for her, but ultimately had to make her feel helpless. I truly don’t like things that way. I’ve been doing it, but it adds to my anxiety. If for no other reason than that I don’t want her to inherit my anxiety, I don’t plan to abdicate completely to Mrs. Lion. Of course if that is what she wants to do, well, she’s the boss. It will feel very good if she takes over talking to some of our creditors.

One of the most important parts of our relationship is the way we share responsibilities. When one of us screws up, there are no recriminations. I don’t expect that to change except when I am naughty. I think that most FLM couples don’t do a total power exchange. It would be too tiring for the woman to make all decisions and too frustrating for the male to be as dependent as an infant. This is one area where the fantasies don’t match reality.  Women who begin FLM, quickly learn just how burdensome taking on 100% authority over another can be. Mrs. Lion and I are just starting to figure out where our FLM starts and ends.

We agree that she has the right to be in charge of anything she chooses. She’s the leader, after all. My behavior is entirely under her control. She controls me sexually. That’s been true for a long time since we started enforced chastity. She now also controls my manners and decorum. As you may have read, I interrupted her Monday night. Tomorrow she will burn my butt with her paddle as a reminder to watch my manners. This is the first punishment in several weeks.

As she said yesterday, Mrs. Lion is done with baby steps. She’s decided to dive right in. Undoubtedly that means there will be more spankings until I learn my lessons. I hate those spankings. I will learn as quickly as I can.