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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Keyholder

When most people think of male chastity they immediately think of orgasm deprivation. If the purpose of locking a man’s penis up is to keep him from playing with it then depriving him of sexual release seems obvious. After all, he should be pleasing his keyholder. Those are the rules. I’ve never been one to follow the rules. I think that’s why I’ve been having such a hard time topping Lion. Besides, aren’t I the one making the rules?

If you’ve been following us, you know that my libido is in the dumpster. I think one of the reasons many keyholders are able to be so successful is that they are as horny as their caged male. When they want to be pleasured they just order their males to perform. That’s not the case with Lion and I. It’s not that I don’t want Lion. I just don’t want sex. Not interested in my own pleasure at the moment. So when the rules say your caged male has to pleasure you, where does that leave me?

Perhaps I’m evolving from just wanting Lion caged because it makes him happy into creating my own pleasure even if it isn’t a sexual pleasure. I decided the other day that Lion should have to give me an orgasm every night. And since I don’t particularly care about having an orgasm of my own, I’ve been taking one of his. Yes, he has been having an orgasm every night (except the night he couldn’t handle a little Icy Hot on his balls) because it pleases me. Does it please him? Sure it does! But the other night he didn’t really look like he was in the mood. Tough! I want my orgasm. And I took it. Was it a long, slow blow job that curled his toes? Yes, indeedy. Did I have fun doing it? Absolutely! 

So how did I reach my “aha” moment? I found the hidden message when I played the record backwards. My key, my rules. There may come a time when my libido wakes up again and then I’ll figure out how to manage that aspect. For now, I’m giving him exactly what he asked for. I control his penis. It’s mine and I can give him an orgasm whenever I want.

 

By:
In: Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Sex
carved ginger root
Fresh ginger carved into an easily insertable shape. Figging is placing this fresh veggie where the sun don’t shine.

There is some interesting, safe sensation play that is guaranteed to get your male’s attention. One classic is figging. This is a most interesting new use for the ginger root.

To fig, you carve a nice thick piece of the root into a finger shape (see photo, right). Then you insert this into your caged male’s anus. Don’t use lube, just take your time.

Why do this? You’ll soon see. Once inserted, the root starts reacting with the moisture up there. As it does, it creates a warm, then a hot sensation. The heat will build for a while and then taper off. All the keyholder has to do is assure that the root remains inserted. He will do the rest himself.

Once the ginger root is in place, it is an ideal time to do some spanking. Since the burning sensation increases sharply if your male tightens his ass, he is faced with an interesting choice: tighten his ass and feel more ginger burn, or let it relax and get a bigger sting from the spanking. Ginger is a great side dish, it goes so well with spanking. This article has some excellent information about figging.

A second, more intense activity involves a sore muscle remedy. You can use BenGay, IcyHot, or any other warming cream. Use is the essence of simplicity. Just massage some into your male’s scrotum. He can stay safely caged. You may want to restrain him so he can’t run to the bathroom to wash it off.

Like the ginger root, the ointment will start off just feeling nice, but then the heat will build. Depending on how much you use, the heat will build to a high intensity. His scrotum may turn red. This is pretty serious sensation. It won’t do any lasting damage but will make an impression. If you want to get even more sensation, apply it to the perineum (the skin between the bottom of the scrotum and the anus). That is much more sensitive. Only apply to one area or the other. The human body can’t feel two stimuli at once, so one application will be wasted.

In my experience, figging is a great activity. Lioness has carved some thinner pieces of ginger and has warmed me up with them. I think a thicker piece might be more intense. I look forward to those sessions. By the way, once the sensation dies down, you can restore it by further peeling the root. More essential oils will be released.

For me, Ben Gay is a different matter. I hate it! While it is active (about 10 minutes) I am miserable. Then when it tapers off, it feels like such relief. Ironically, even though I hate this, the thought of having a hot ointment rubbed into my balls turns me on. Like a strong spanking, the BenGay is horrible while it is happening, but arouses me before and makes me feel very good remembering the session.

This concept of arousing anticipation, wonderful afterglow, and absolute misery while happening seems to be a fairly common set of reactions to sensation play. Unfortunately, the new keyholder reacts only to the misery and feels guilty for hurting her male. I don’t perceive it that way at all. I am turned on knowing my lioness can do this to me. I know I will hate it when she does, but that makes it even more arousing. I don’t want her to do this to me every day, but I really want her to do it.

Male sexuality can be bewildering. I can’t explain why I am the way I am. But I know that in my case, discipline, spanking, and other sensation play really turn me on. The key to understanding why it is so exciting for me is that my sexuality is not based on what is happening now, it is more complex than that. It is the vulnerability, surrender of power, and most important of all, my keyholder’s use of that power. I really haven’t surrendered unless the person I surrender to actually uses the control I have given her. I think that is why just being locked up isn’t enough. It’s also why it can be difficult to be a keyholder. Forced chastity is about power exchange. There is no exchange unless the power is used. The more it is used, the more complete the feeling of surrender.

 

By:
In: Chastity hardware, Keyholder, Male Chastity
bolt cutter cutting padlock
Something like this could do some damage to Lion’s penis.

Lion had a frenum piercing when I met him. He reminded me several times over the years that if he was ever in an accident and needed an MRI, I had to be sure to tell the nurses and doctors about the piercing. A metal piercing in his manhood would not fair well in a giant magnet.

He has since let the piercing close, but I now wonder about his cage. First, if they don’t check he could wind up in an MRI with an even bigger metal vs. magnet problem. Second, if they need to get it off without the key how much damage will they do to him in the process? Bolt cutters are very unwieldy. Saws are dangerously fast and sharp. What’s in the cage is mine and I like it intact as I’m sure he does.

Around the house I have places I can lock the spare key so in an emergency Lion can free himself and I will know if he cheats. There’s no safety net when he is out of the house. Lion seems unconcerned, but I worry about things like this.

By:
In: Femdom, Keyholder, Sex

Here are my somewhat immediate problems. And these are only problems in that I know as a top they shouldn’t be problems. But for me it is a constant wrestling match in my mind about how I should act (i.e. what is expected of me as a top) and what I actually want.

I don’t mind when Lion suggests things. I don’t feel pressure to do those things. I used to. But now when he says he’s horny or this is what he’d like, I consider them and decide what to do. I am more likely now to laugh at him or tease him more if he says he’s horny. Poor baby!

My sex drive is still not where Lion wants it. On the one hand, who cares? It’s not what he wants that counts. On the other hand, he thinks he’s letting me down by not pleasing me. Not true. He is being more attentive. This pleases me.

I like to give Lion orgasms. Again, this is only a problem from the point of view of me as a top. Last night as I was teasing him, I said I was thinking about making him come every night. He said he would be thrilled with that. I know male chastity involves making him wait to come but damn it I like giving him orgasms. Then I said I might see how many times I can make him orgasm in a given day. Again he perked up. We discussed giving him a time limit and if he doesn’t have an orgasm in that time frame then he doesn’t get to have one at all. I’ll probably do all of that at some point in time.

So all of this leaves me with doubts as to whether I am making progress or not. Sometimes I feel like I am and other times not so much. I know I have an inner bitch but she is usually reserved for that idiot driver in front of me who can’t seem to do the speed limit. Lion wishes I would harness some of that road rage and put it to use on him. That’s not how I’m wired.

I just think we have to find our own way. Somehow we’ll figure it out. There is no one size fits all approach.