By:
In: Spanking, Domestic discipline

We had a very nice long weekend. Mrs. Lion did a bunch of chores around the house. We went out for dinner one night, and she barbecued bratwurst on July Fourth. It was a fun-but-fattening four-day weekend. We watched the New York City fireworks on TV. Spectacular. We’ve given up on the pathetic Seattle display. New York shot off 60,000 fireworks. Seattle is lucky to see 100. For a city that hosts Amazon, Microsoft, T-Mobile, and other big companies, you’d think that one of them could pay for more than the pathetic backyard show Seattle presents each year. To put the cherry on the Seattle pile of crap, the music is usually selected by a local radio station and it is invariably trite and inappropriate for the Fourth.

I’ll stop growling about this city. After all, it has a symphony orchestra, good theater, and a marginal opera company. That’s a hell of a lot more than most places. It’s the only cultural bastion north of San Francisco. The best thing about living here is the climate. We don’t get the violent storms that plague the rest of the country. Our winters are mild, and our summer is generally very pleasant. Right now, we’re getting unusually hot weather. It’s in the 90’s during the day but goes down to the low sixties or high fifties at night.

We didn’t do anything sexual. I wasn’t feeling particularly interested. I’m not sure that the chemically-induced erections aren’t getting in the way. I plan to reduce the dose to see if it might work better to let the drug just get me slightly erect and then allow Mrs. Lion to get me the rest of the way. Since she doesn’t want me to penetrate her, there’s no real need for a rock-hard boner.

Since my interest in sex has declined, it feels like Mrs. Lion’s interest in our disciplinary activity has also faded. I’m pretty sure that I’ve interrupted her more than once. She’s shown a few flares of annoyance but has yet to translate them into a spanking for me. It almost feels like she needs me to be sexually active in order to punish me.

It’s true that when I get frequent spankings, my interest in sex goes up. Could it be that Mrs. Lion’s interest in being my disciplinary wife goes up when I’m more interested in sex? I hope not. That would set up a vicious cycle that would end with no sex and no domestic discipline.

It doesn’t surprise me that this is happening. My ED unbalanced our physical relationship. It isn’t just that I need to inject Trimix to get hard. It’s that I now control the process. In the recent past, Mrs. Lion got me hard when she wanted to give me sexual attention. Now, I get myself hard and present my erection to her. I don’t think this is working all that well for either of us. OK, to be fair I have to say that I have been tinkering with varying doses of the Trimix to get the right result. Now, I think we are close enough. Should Mrs. Lion take over?

my erection routine

The way it’s been working, I decide when I want to give myself an injection. So far, it has always been after I take a shower. I normally shower at about four or five PM. That way, I’m nice and clean when Mrs. Lion finishes work. It made sense for me to do the injection when I get out of the shower. This may not be the optimum time for either of us. It was just a convenient break in my day.

Based on our history, Mrs. Lion prefers to do “things” after dinner. She usually spanks me after she finishes the dinner dishes. She says she will do it earlier but almost always waits until then. This seems like the right time for her. When she controlled my erections, she would wait until after dinner for sex. She never seemed up for much earlier in the evening. Maybe she needs to control the Trimix injections. There’s no reason I need to do them at any particular time.

She could also administer the shots too if she wants. She was with me when the nurse showed me how to inject Trimix. I would be fine with her doing it. I don’t do a great job. My eyes aren’t good, and I often miss the right spot to inject.

It feels like this change has made Mrs. Lion more passive. This could be part of the issue with domestic discipline. Maybe if she got more assertive in either area, the other would benefit. There seems to be a delicate balance that we’ve upset. Apparently, the connection between spanking my bottom and my sex drive also extends to Mrs. Lion’s interest in sexual activity. We’ll have to experiment.

By:
In: Spanking, Domestic discipline

In my last post, I discussed the connection between domestic discipline and sex. The usual suspects didn’t shout at me. I suppose they’ve given up on me and our blog. I didn’t talk about how useful this sexual connection can be. No, I’m not discussing using sex to attract him to his punishment. This has nothing to do with that.

I want to talk about how domestic discipline is viewed by the women who spank us. The fantasies portray disciplinary wives as women who are seriously committed to using spanking to punish their husbands. This is how most men want to think about how their wives view domestic discipline. I think that this is a serious mistake. It may be why so many men fail to convince their wives to spank them.

Let’s look at things from her point of view. First, I’m pretty sure most wives don’t seriously believe that spanking their husbands will solve any serious problems with them. Mrs. Lion thinks it’s kind of funny that I want her to spank me. She punishes me because I asked her to do it. She knows that my interest is serious. She also knows that I take her authority and ability to punish me seriously. I think she finds that amusing too. I’m willing to bet that she isn’t alone.

If you want your mate to spank you, it may be helpful if you consider things from her point of view. She is your partner because she loves you and wants to have you as her partner. It’s very unlikely that she expected to be your disciplinarian. She almost certainly expects you to be her partner. Right?

Now, consider how she would feel if you tell her about your disciplinary fantasies. She will take you seriously and probably decide that you have a screw loose. Most likely, she will decline to participate as your disciplinary wife. It wasn’t what she signed up for. I was lucky. Mrs. Lion has always been willing to try most anything I suggest. I’m also lucky that I generally maintain a fairly level view of my world. I understood that my lioness wouldn’t seriously believe that I needed her to discipline me with a paddle.

Her first question was, “What do you want me to punish you for?” It made sense. The subtext was that she was happy with me as her husband. She didn’t have any idea why I suddenly wanted her to spank me. My answer wasn’t very eloquent.  I told her that I thought she could spank me if I did things that upset her. She wasn’t buying that. Almost as soon as I said it, I knew that wasn’t a very good plan.

Mrs. Lion saved the day. She suggested that I needed rules that she could enforce. Of course! The idea was to find things that I do that need correcting. Not big things, little things that I was likely to do frequently. The idea was that Mrs. Lion could learn to watch me and catch missteps. Each time I broke a rule, I got spanked. The idea was that I would be spanked fairly often. We would both get practice.

I suspact that Mrs. Lion thought I would get tired of the frequent paddlings and asked her to stop. I didn’t. I was spanked every time I spilled food on my shirt. I did that a lot. I was spanked if I started eating before her. I did that often as well. Mrs. Lion didn’t like spanking me, but she found it amusing to catch me breaking the rules.

Over time, this pattern became automatic. Mrs. Lion no longer minded spanking me. She still didn’t enjoy it, but she didn’t dislike it either. She was fine bruising my bottom. It was one of her jobs as my wife. I think that the lesson in this is that she was never under any pressure to do more than catch me and then punish me. None of the emoional stuff in the stories applied. She never scolds me. Our arrangement is simple. If I break a rule, I get ten minutes of paddling. Case closed.

I think that the simplicity of this arrangement is a good way to get started. You aren’t putting your wife in the position of being a disciplining mommy. She’s your partner and is spanking you because you asked her to do it. She may think you’re crazy, but she is fairly likely to give it a shot.

After all the years that Mrs. Lion has been my disciplinary wife, I don’t think she takes spanking me very seriously. We’ve both learned that spanking works. I almost never spill food on my shirt. I rarely forget a chore. When I do, I ride the spanking bench for ten very unpleasant minutes. Easy Peasy.

By:
In: Domestic discipline
spanked with erection
I

Over the years, I’ve had a few readers who get very angry when I talk about the roots of some of the things we do. The angriest tend to be other bloggers who appear to have gigantic emotional investments in preserving the underlying fantasies of their kinks. OK, I get it; well, maybe not entirely. The people who get most upset practice domestic discipline. That’s too bad. An honest look at what we do almost always helps us better understand ourselves and help other people who might be interested in what we do.

My most infuriating suggestion is that domestic discipline is based in a sexual interest in being spanked. I know it’s true in my case. I also know that several studies (I’m too lazy to dig them out now) have agreed that well over eight percent of people have spanking dreams. I’m not suggesting that all of those people actually get spanked, just that they dream about it. Guess what? Those dreams are sexually arousing.

That is sufficient ammunition for me to confidently suggest that those of us who actually get spanked had the origin of our practice in sexual arousal. Some of the guys who are punished by being spanked get very angry when I suggest that there is a sexual component to their domestic discipline. Yet, the most adament objector has written that his sex life improves after he is spanked. Hmm.

I could leave sleeping dogs lie and let them protest that their interest in spanking is purely disciplinary. The problem with doing that is it leaves their origin stories a bit lame. Many of the men, including me, were inspired by the detailed spanking stories on the old Disciplinary Wives Club website. While the stories weren’t overtly sexual, they contained detailed descriptions of bared-bottom spanking scenes accompanied by maternal, naughty-boy lectures. Many also included female witnesses to the spankings.

That’s sexy stuff. Online DD discussions often talk about witnesses and informing friends and relatives of the spankings. Sexy. Also, all the men being spanked consented to the practice and initiated it by asking their wives to spank them. I asked Mrs. Lion to spank me. She has been happy to comply. How many of us were erect before our spankings? I was for a long time.

The Big Rationalization the DD guys give is that they asked their wives to “help” them get over behavioral issues. That’s why they asked to be spanked. I absolutely believe that’s the truth. I wanted Mrs. Lion to have much more of a voice in our marriage, and I wanted her to have a concrete way to express unhappiness with any behavior that upset her. If I’m being completely honest, I also wanted her to spank me because the idea of her doing it, turned me on.

The angry bloggers seem to think that admitting any sexual roots to their spankings cheapens the experience and turns it into BDSM scenes. I suspect that’s the hot button that gets them mad at me. There are some significant differences between our disciplinary relationship and BDSM play. There are also some important similarities.

First, the similariies. Both BDSM and disciplinary spankings are consensual. We are not spanked against our will. Burly Turkish torturers are not tying us to a bench and beating us. Our wives tell us that we need to be spanked and we respond by baring our bottoms and getting into position for our punishment. Consensual, just like BDSM. The second similarity is that our wives are very aware of our limits and don’t beat us without regard to our ability to handle the punishment.

Now, the differences. First, we have no control over when we get spanked. We’ve given our wives permission to spank us whenever they believe we need it. I have nothing to say about my mood or interest in having my bottom paddled. That’s very different from BDSM. Second, I have no input into how much spanking I get. That’s not entirely true. Mrs. Lion will stop if I’m in real distress. Third, the objective of this spanking is to hurt me. Mrs. Lion makes sure that I’m not getting an endorphin high. She wants me to understand that she is unhappy about what I’ve done.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with admitting that domestic discipline, at least the male variety, has sexual roots. It makes no sense to deny it. Are there any of the DD bloggers who hasn’t gotten a boner thinking about being spanked? I don’t think so. Correct me if I’m wrong. You have my number.

By:
In: Male Chastity, Domestic discipline

Over the last decade, we’ve come full circle. We began by exploring enforced male chastity. I spent over three years locked in a male chastity device, only released for sexual attention and cleaning. I was trained not to masturbate. The emphasis was on controlling my sexual activities. We went through a lot of changes; all were documented here in our daily posts.

I think it makes interesting reading. I started with a rather naive view of the kink. My focus was on the removal of control that the chastity device enforced. I was all about security and my inability to get myself off. I suppose a lot of guys start off that way. I was very lucky that Mrs. Lion went along and became a strict keyholder. It took me a while to figure out the real dynamic under what we were doing.

As I now know, male chastity is a practice that is initiated by a man who wants to be locked into a male chastity device. In a decade, I haven’t found any examples where a wife demanded that her husband wear one. However, all of us want to pretend that we are surrendering sexual control to our keyholders. I don’t know of any men who weren’t released if they decided that they didn’t want to play anymore.

This discovery led me to a very important discovery: Chastity devices don’t need to be inescapable. They must be comfortable to wear. Fantasies aside, we want to wear male chastity devices. Often, guys stop because they buy male chastity devices that are uncomfortable and unwearable for more than a day or two.

A corollary to this revelation is that enforced male chastity isn’t a cheap hobby. Yes, there are tons of inexpensive Chinese male chastity devices that sell for less than fifty dollars. You’d have to be very lucky to find one that you could comfortably wear for long periods of time. Bespoke devices that cost upwards of three-hundred dollars offer the best chance of safe, comfortable long-term wear. Some guys don’t want to make that investment. I would argue that the high entry cost is a good thing. You can’t learn how well enforced male chastity will work in your life until you give it a fair try. If you invest a few hundred bucks in a device, it’s a good incentive to wear it. Right?

domestic discipline wasn’t so different

A few years after we started male chastity, I asked Mrs. Lion to be my disciplinary wife. I had been doing a lot of reading about domestic discipline. I was very attracted to and turned on by the idea of my lioness making and enforcing rules. I reasoned that if she would accept the rule of disciplinary wife, she would have a stronger voice in our marriage. I worried that she might be harboring deep-seated anger at me because she let me do things that upset her. If she could learn to punish me when I did something she didn’t like, the anger would be constructively expressed. Mrs. Lion agreed to try.

You can read about that worked out in our posts. Even now, after more than five years of DD, Mrs. Lion has a lot of trouble punishing me for annoying her. She has no problem spanking me for breaking a concrete rule, like missing a chore. It’s very hard for her to transfer that consistent enforcement behavior to things like me interrupting her or acting like a know-it-all.

A very important revelation for me is that I am the source of domestic discipline in our marriage. Based on what I’ve been able to learn, it seems that most, if not all, other DD relationships have similar origins. Also, based on what I’ve read, a lot of guys who are in disciplinary relationships don’t like to admit this origin. I think I have an idea why this is true. It’s hard to admit that you want your wife to punish you. If you are so inclined, it’s a lot easier to admit you want her to spank you because spanking is erotic. It’s entirely different to admit that you want her to punish you if you misbehave.

It’s way easier to revise history to say that she punishes you because she wants you to learn. That’s a lot easier to accept than the idea that you want her to do it. Obviously, all of us who are punished by our wives want them to do it. Very few women could really force us. Also, we believe that what we do is consensual.

I admit that there is a sexual component to my interest in domestic discipline. That’s not the important part. It might have drawn me to the practice in the beginning, but it has almost nothing to do with it now. I can’t explain exactly why, but ever since we began DD, there is a different flavor to some of the ways we interact. Even though Mrs. Lion has trouble spanking me for upsetting her, she knows that she can. She also has a way to help me remember to do what I’m supposed to do around the house. We have none of those annoying squeezing-toothpaste-from-the-middle habits here.

A good example of this came up just last week. Mrs. Lion makes coffee for us every day at 10 AM. She bought me an insulated stainless steel mug for this coffee break. More often than not, I would forget to bring the mug back to the kitchen after drinking the coffee. The next morning, Mrs. Lion would have to come into my office, fetch the mug, wash it, and fill it with fresh coffee. She got tired of doing this and made a new rule. I have to bring back the mug after I finish the coffee. If I forget, she spanks me.

This may seem like a small matter. It certainly doesn’t threaten our marriage, but it annoys her when I forget. Now, if I do, she’ll spank me. The spanking assures her that I know she is unhappy with having to get the mug at coffee-break time. Based on our experience, it doesn’t take too many spankings before I get a lot better at remembering what I need to do. Sure, it’s a small thing, but small things add up. For us at least, a sore butt makes for a happy marriage.