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In: Domestic discipline, Sex
woman spanking man

I asked for it. In my post (“The Surprising Reason Why I Need To Be Spanked More Often“), I wrote that my last two spankings seemed milder than Mrs. Lion’s usual. I also (foolishly) suggested that I need much more frequent spankings. Mrs. Lion took my post to heart and brought out the spanking bench after dinner. I don’t know how long the spanking lasted, but it made me do a lot of yelping.

small silicone paddle spanking between my ass cheeks

She used the heavy leather paddle most of the time. We had a brief interlude when she spread my cheeks wide and applied the vicious little blue silicone paddle to the very tender skin on my perineum and between my cheeks. I was lucky that she didn’t spend too much time working there. It was starting to get very uncomfortable. She also used wood paddles to very painful effect.

When she finished, I had some warm, leathery skin on my bottom. I was a little surprised that there is no residual pain. I suppose when Mrs. Lion goes back to using more wood than leather, that will change quickly. I have no doubt that she is only warming up, and there is much worse to come. I think that she is still finding her way. Once she starts feeling her oats, I will be in big trouble. Yeah, yeah, I know, I asked for it. I think it will be very good for both of us.

sex update

I have an appointment this afternoon (Tuesday) with the ED specialist. She wants to check my penis to make sure that the injections aren’t causing scar tissue to form. I want to ask her about two issues. The big one is that I haven’t been able to reach orgasm despite Mrs. Lion’s efforts. It’s approaching 80 days now since my last orgasm. The other smaller issue is that my erections get a little painful, almost as though too much blood is inflating my penis. I know that’s not really the issue since I’ve had much firmer erections without any discomfort. It’s probably an issue with the Trimix.

There’s always the option of giving up sex entirely. I suspect that’s what most men do when problems like this come up. If I give up, how can we keep the intimacy we share now? Whether we admit it or not, my sexual problem is affecting other areas of our marriage. I think that Mrs. Lion’s lack of disciplinary enthusiasm may be connected to my sexual issues. I hope we can separate sex from domestic discipline.

They aren’t directly related beyond the rule that when I’m punished, there is no sex that day. Under the surface, there is a pretty strong connection that we need to sever. Long before domestic discipline began, Mrs. Lion spanked me because of my sexual connection with being spanked. Domestic discipline replaced our BDSM spankings with disciplinary ones.

Even though spanking became a punishment, the sexual connection remained. It didn’t affect the quality of our disciplinary marriage. I am severely spanked for infractions. A big reason Mrs. Lion takes on the role of my disciplinary wife is that she knows I want and need her to maintain a strict disciplinary environment. I think that her current ambiguity is based on her concern that if I’m not able to orgasm, my need for strong discipline goes away.

I’m absolutely sure it doesn’t. If anything, my need is stronger because the powerful intimacy of a disciplinary marriage replaces the sex we no longer share. I need our domestic discipline to stay strong and strict. It provides me with a solid foundation while sexual problems continue to disrupt our lives.

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In: Domestic discipline, Spanking
woman spanking man with an erection.
Many men are hard when they are about to get spanked. Almost all lose the erection soon after the spanking starts.

Domestic discipline is very controversial. Most people are repelled by the idea of one adult spanking another for disobedience or failure to perform an assigned duty. Some, like us, find domestic discipline a positive force in our marriage.

There is enormous dissent among the people who subscribe to the practice. Some consider it a similar practice to how parents discipline their children. They insist there is nothing sexual about it. Yet, they love to discuss situations when they are punished. They talk about having others know about or witness their spankings. Almost none of the writing is about the behavior that earned them sore bottoms. The majority of their attention is focused on their spankings.

At the other end of the spectrum are the people who find domestic discipline very sexual. A great example of this is my friend Julie of Strict Julie Spanked. She finds being punished by her husband very sexual. She loves going into great detail about her punishments. She is very clear that her spankings hurt and is felt for days, but getting punished arouses her.

The “serious” domestic discipline crowd doesn’t consider what Julie does as real DD. They say it’s just a BDSM scene. They resist seeing any sexual connection in the practice. Based on my experience and on what I’ve read, I think it makes absolutely no difference whether sexual feelings are involved or not. I think there is clear evidence of this.

Most significant to me is that none of us deliberately provokes punishment. Even Julie, who gets nearly orgasmic during a severe spanking, deliberately provokes punishment. I never do. I know that I’m turned on when I think about being spanked. I also know that when I earn punishment, I dread it. I also hate the pain of the spanking and the sore bottom afterward.

At the same time, I’m aroused by the process. It’s exciting to think about. I know that I’m not alone. I can’t understand how something I hate is also something I need in more than one way. Sure, I recognize that by giving Mrs. Lion the right to punish me, I’m giving her a strong voice in our marriage. I’m asking her to be accountable for my behavior.

At the same time, my sexual batteries are recharged every time she spanks me. The sexual aspect is important, but not important enough to let me provoke punishment. It’s this apparently contradictory behavior that convinces me that it doesn’t matter if the punishment is sexual or not. It works regardless.

I’ve read posts written by wives that spank their husbands who recognize the sexual side of it. They write that the arousal a pending spanking provokes acts like a magnet that draws their husbands across their knees for a spanking. They point out that any arousal displayed before the punishment, is gone within the first minute or two of the spanking.

The point is that domestic discipline is unconcerned with whether or not being spanked is sexually arousing. I think it works regardless. I think the reason it works has nothing to do with the spankings used for punishment. It works because the disciplined spouse actively agrees to let the disciplinary spouse set the rules and enforce them. The spankings may be a turn-on on one level, but they’re painful and humiliating on another.

The human mind can process two reactions to an experience. I’m evidence of that. I need the spanking and power exchange. If Mrs. Lion stops, my libido suffers, and I feel disconnected from her. The stricter her use of domestic discipline, the more secure and sexually active I become. When she consistently punishes me for breaking a rule, I learn not to break it. We have numerous examples of my behavior changing as a result strict discipline.

It seems to me that domestic discipline works for people who accept the roles they play. Behavioral improvement isn’t based on sex or the lack of it. It’s the direct result of loving-but-strict authority. Depending on how you want to think about it, the sexual part is either a bonus or it’s irrelevant. Domestic disciplne works for us.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Spanking
Silicone paddle just the right size to reach into my crack, Mrs. Lion’s new favorite spot to hit.

You may have noticed a few changes on our site. I’ve shrunk the site header and moved the menu to the very top of the page. Also, the language selector is now top-right in the menu list. These changes are meant to make it easier to reach our content and reflect how most people use our site.

Mrs. Lion took out the spanking bench on Tuesday night. She gave me a rather mild (for her) “Just Because” spanking. It had me yelping almost the entire time. As usual, she ignored my protests and went about her business. She commented on each paddle as she applied it to my freshly-showered rear end. She also commented about a new technique she created. She spread my crack wide and spanked right down to my tender anus. She seemed to enjoy this new twist. I didn’t. I know, I know, that’s the point.

When she finished, she commented that I was too wimpy and muttered that I might need daily spankings. I can’t argue with her logic. I wonder if she will follow through. Speaking of that, when I got out of the shower, she asked if I wanted to be spanked on my freshly-washed ass or if I wanted to wait a while. I said it was up to her. She elected to spank me then and there. I commented that if I had asked for a later spanking, she probably would have forgotten to do it. She didn’t disagree. I wonder if she will remember what she said about daily spankings.

Meanwhile, I continue to feel horny and I have been having floppy erections when I think about sex. This is encouraging. It’s also no shock that Mrs. Lion’s spanking didn’t hurt my slow recovery. Unfortunately, she has been a little under the weather. She’s been stuffy and uncomfortable. Sex may have to wait until she feels better.

I’m also encouraged that despite her congestion, she spanked me. We both need to restore the disciplinary attention I have received over the last bunch of years. When Mrs. Lion is in lion-catching mode, we both do better. It’s way too easy to fall into a non-sexual, roommate mode. That never happens when she’s on the hunt for reasons to punish me.

I’m sure that sounds odd to some domestic discipline guys, but it’s how we function best. Strict domestic discipline is both an aphrodisiac for me and an expression of love. I think Mrs. Lion shares this in her own way. I think that our rather unusual way of connecting is a structure that has evolved to help us stay close and connected. It transcends sexual activity. It may have begun and is partly fueled by my sexualization of spanking, but it’s much more. It’s a structured connection that underlines Mrs. Lion’s important role in my life and our marriage. There’s nothing like a bruised bottom to remind me that she’s present and has a strong voice in my life. If she follows through this time, i will have a thoroughly bruised bottm and a very strong knowledge that I’m loved.

By:
In: ED, Domestic discipline

My hunt for an orgasm continues. I decided to try Cialis again. No luck. No erection. I’m wondering if I go back to Trimix and try a smaller dose if that might work. I know that at .30 ml I don’t get a full erection, but there is some hardening. My theory is that if the drug makes my penis numb, maybe a smaller dose will let some sensation through and still give my boner a headstart. If Mrs. Lion is up for it, we can try on Saturday or Sunday.

I know that many men give up at this point. I can identify with that. Sex is becoming too much trouble. The problem for me is that I still really want it. That may be how I’m wired. Sex has always been very important to me. Years ago, I had a conversation with a friend who happened to be a diabetes specialist. She mentioned that some drugs that could help me would also hurt my sex drive. The conversation drifted toward the topic of death or sex.

The question was would I take a drug that would extend my life by ten years but prevent me from having sex? My answer then was that I would rather have a shorter life. I didn’t hesitate for a second. Sex is like breathing. Both are required for life.

Now I’m at a point where I can’t have sex. My hardware isn’t working. What happens if it can’t be repaired? Do I gracefully recede into a neutered being? Do I live on the rich memories of past conquests? Sounds depressing and creepy to me. What happens to our domestic discipline? Mrs. Lion seems less inclined to punish me since I lost my ability to ejaculate.

I know there shouldn’t be a connection between my ability to orgasm and our disciplinary marriage, but there is. It isn’t obvious. It also doesn’t mean that domestic discipline is sex play. It’s part of the tapestry we created that includes a wide range of sexual and power-exchange activities. Make a change in one thread, and the pattern is disrupted.

It seems to me that the most reasonable way to deal with this is to adjust our expectations. I am absolutely willing to stay with our domestic discipline regardless of issues with my penis. The DD has proven to be a very helpful part of our marriage. Since we started, communications are very good and issues come out promptly and positively. Let’s keep the spankings going. They help us both.