Domestic discipline is very controversial. Most people are repelled by the idea of one adult spanking another for disobedience or failure to perform an assigned duty. Some, like us, find domestic discipline a positive force in our marriage.
There is enormous dissent among the people who subscribe to the practice. Some consider it a similar practice to how parents discipline their children. They insist there is nothing sexual about it. Yet, they love to discuss situations when they are punished. They talk about having others know about or witness their spankings. Almost none of the writing is about the behavior that earned them sore bottoms. The majority of their attention is focused on their spankings.
At the other end of the spectrum are the people who find domestic discipline very sexual. A great example of this is my friend Julie of Strict Julie Spanked. She finds being punished by her husband very sexual. She loves going into great detail about her punishments. She is very clear that her spankings hurt and is felt for days, but getting punished arouses her.
The “serious” domestic discipline crowd doesn’t consider what Julie does as real DD. They say it’s just a BDSM scene. They resist seeing any sexual connection in the practice. Based on my experience and on what I’ve read, I think it makes absolutely no difference whether sexual feelings are involved or not. I think there is clear evidence of this.
Most significant to me is that none of us deliberately provokes punishment. Even Julie, who gets nearly orgasmic during a severe spanking, deliberately provokes punishment. I never do. I know that I’m turned on when I think about being spanked. I also know that when I earn punishment, I dread it. I also hate the pain of the spanking and the sore bottom afterward.
At the same time, I’m aroused by the process. It’s exciting to think about. I know that I’m not alone. I can’t understand how something I hate is also something I need in more than one way. Sure, I recognize that by giving Mrs. Lion the right to punish me, I’m giving her a strong voice in our marriage. I’m asking her to be accountable for my behavior.
At the same time, my sexual batteries are recharged every time she spanks me. The sexual aspect is important, but not important enough to let me provoke punishment. It’s this apparently contradictory behavior that convinces me that it doesn’t matter if the punishment is sexual or not. It works regardless.
I’ve read posts written by wives that spank their husbands who recognize the sexual side of it. They write that the arousal a pending spanking provokes acts like a magnet that draws their husbands across their knees for a spanking. They point out that any arousal displayed before the punishment, is gone within the first minute or two of the spanking.
The point is that domestic discipline is unconcerned with whether or not being spanked is sexually arousing. I think it works regardless. I think the reason it works has nothing to do with the spankings used for punishment. It works because the disciplined spouse actively agrees to let the disciplinary spouse set the rules and enforce them. The spankings may be a turn-on on one level, but they’re painful and humiliating on another.
The human mind can process two reactions to an experience. I’m evidence of that. I need the spanking and power exchange. If Mrs. Lion stops, my libido suffers, and I feel disconnected from her. The stricter her use of domestic discipline, the more secure and sexually active I become. When she consistently punishes me for breaking a rule, I learn not to break it. We have numerous examples of my behavior changing as a result strict discipline.
It seems to me that domestic discipline works for people who accept the roles they play. Behavioral improvement isn’t based on sex or the lack of it. It’s the direct result of loving-but-strict authority. Depending on how you want to think about it, the sexual part is either a bonus or it’s irrelevant. Domestic disciplne works for us.
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Thanks for that call-out!
I don’t deliberately provoke a spanking, mainly because it’s not as psychically satisfying if I do. My last one was not provoked, eg. Although I do obsess sexually over having received a spanking. During the spanking I don’t find it sexy. It hurts like hell! But immediately before and after I definitely do obsess sexually. I do get wet during my spankings, both play and real, and can grind out an orgasm if it’s for play if positioned just right. How can it not be sexy during if I get wet? The pain overrides it. As soon as the pain stops, the excitement surfaces.
As a male, my reactions are different of course. I agree fully. It seems odd that something so unpleasant is also so alluring. You and I have the same history. I was a top and lived with a woman who submitted to me. After I ended that relationship and met Mrs. Lion, my need to be on the receiving end took over. I’m happy it did.
Very good post which succinctly hits the main points on the DD issue and I believe lands on the right conclusion: whether sexy or not, DD works on a practical level for those inclined to live in such an arrangement.
I also think the words “Sexy” or “Sexual” are too personally charged to ever be accurately defined for all humans. What’s sexy to one is not to another. What is sexy one day for someone can be not sexy the next to that very same individual. How can anything so open to interpretation ever be applied to anything with absolute accuracy……let alone something so complex as spanking in general or DD in particular?
I agree that it is too complex to just put into the “sex” box. It does appear that somewhere in the background sexual feelings are buried for most of us.