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In: Domestic discipline, Punishment

Sooner or later, it had to happen. Mrs. Lion took control of my fate when I misbehave. Until Monday, any offense was punished by spanking me. I suggested this punishment years ago, and Mrs. Lion ran with it. She learned to be very good at making me regret whatever offense I committed. She made it hers. When I suggested various alternatives or punishment “deserts” like corner time and mouth soaping, she tried them and quickly abandoned them in favor of her trusty paddles.

Of course, I accepted this. I wasn’t asked to vote. In fact, when I wrote about other ways to punish me, Mrs. Lion quietly informed you and me that spanking was fine. Thank you very much. She put her paw down quietly but firmly. Her post on Monday marked a sea change. She announced that she decided to use mouth soaping and corner time as punishments for interrupting her or me acting like a know-it-all. She’s talked about these things in the past, but never in a context that suggests she had decided to make regular use of them.

She noted that spanking me takes time and energy. She often doesn’t feel up to doing it. When it comes to the simple rules, she can wait a day or two to spank me. Apparently, she wants to punish me closer to interrupting her, for example. Mouth soaping and corner time take very little of her time and no energy to inflict. She can make me suffer and think about my sin without breaking a sweat.

It can be confusing to me. I’m turned on thinking about Mrs. Lion punishing me. That’s useful because it motivates me to meekly accept my medicine. When I write about punishment, my sexual arousal can color what I write. Sitting here at my desk, it’s exciting to think about a bar of soap in my mouth or my bottom in position to be spanked. Since it motivates me to docilely accept punishment, that’s good. It’s not correct to assume I will like what happens to me. Mrs. Lion’s job is to make punishment painful and uncomfortable for me. If she can do that without much effort on her part, she wins.

It’s unlikely she will abandon the paddle. Spanking is more intimate and interactive. By adding the easier-to-inflict punishments to her repertoire, she is much more likely to punish me for offenses I generally get away with. She has indeed been growling or snarling sometimes when I interrupt her. That is an excellent first step in acknowledging my behavioral slips. Truthfully, growls and snarls don’t have a lot of effect on me. Interrupting what I am doing and making me hold soap in my mouth is an excellent way to focus my attention.

There is a bump in this road to behavioral punishments. Catching and reacting is a habit. It takes focus and close attention to build those habits. We’ve learned that once Mrs. Lion learns to catch and punish, she is absolutely consistent. After she becomes consistent, I learn and change. It’s all a matter of making the right connections.

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In: Punishment, Domestic discipline, Female led relationship with discipline, Spanking

A lot of people misunderstand what it means to have a disciplinary relationship. The people who fantasize about being in the disciplined role imagine that they are managed strictly like small children. The main reason for this is that being spanked is the primary sexual attraction of this arrangement. I certainly imagined myself that way before we started.

The big problem with the fantasies is that they’re about an activity, spanking. If you want to be spanked, ask your partner to spank you. You’d be surprised how many men and women can be convinced to wield a paddle. “Oh, no,” you say. You want to feel the authority of your partner and get spanked because you earned a punishment. That’s what I wanted.

The problem with making the fantasy real is similar to getting a partner to lock you into a chastity device. Until you ask for it, your partner has absolutely no idea why she would want to do such a thing. Male chastity is easier. It doesn’t require much work and doesn’t inflict pain. Adding female control is another matter entirely.

How many women independently think about controlling their partners? Not many, I assure you. Even less consider punishing their mates like children. It’s true that many wives, including Mrs. Lion, refer to their husbands as their oldest kid. But that doesn’t mean they actually want to treat their husbands like children. Marriage is not easier for a wife who has the added burden of managing a grown toddler.

you can make it happen

Don’t give up on having a disciplinary relationship. Recognize that the reality isn’t going to be like the fantasy. We’ve been in our disciplinary marriage for over three years now. We’ve been married fifteen. We’ve been successful because Mrs. Lion wisely realized that taking over control of me is a full-time job that she doesn’t want. That made sense to me. I didn’t want that either. When I thought about it, I realized that what I really wanted was a set of rules that Mrs. Lion established. Failure to follow them results in a spanking.

This is the model most disciplinary relationships follow. It isn’t complicated. In the beginning, we discussed possible rules, and Mrs. Lion came up with a few simple ones, like waiting for her to eat first. She got very good at spotting infractions and made sure I get spanked if I break a rule. Over time she’s learned to be an effective spanker. She also gets out of practice. When she’s on her game, I dread being spanked. When she’s a bit lax, I don’t worry about getting into position.

I’ve asked her to expand my rules to include things I do that annoy her. She’s resisted enforcing them. Since she’s in charge, it’s her decision what she chooses to implement. My behavior has improved, and I don’t earn spankings often. We’ve decided that I can get “just because” spankings when I haven’t broken a specific rule in a while. These are the same as punishment spankings. We haven’t done this yet, but when Mrs. Lion announces I have one coming, I’m sure I will dread it.

like a lamb to slaughter

This brings up an interesting question: Even though I want spankings, why would I meekly expose my bare bottom when I know I will be howling in pain? It seems counter-intuitive. The reason is embarrassingly simple. I’m turned on thinking about being spanked. My sexual reaction to the idea of spanking marches me willingly to the gallows. Stupid lion! I’m sure this amuses Mrs. Lion.

My sexual connection to spanking also drives me to encourage her to become a more effective spanker. Even though I know that I will hate the experience, I want her to push me further. Foolish lion! I know I will be sorry as I bend over the spanking pillow to receive a paddling. It doesn’t matter. I want an authentic experience.

That’s the key to understanding what I want. I’m asking for authentic adult spankings. I want them associated with behavioral offenses that Mrs. Lion catches. If I manage to avoid breaking any rules for more than a week or two, then I want a spanking as a reminder of why I need to continue to behave well. Mrs. Lion is in charge in the sense that she can make any rules she wishes, and she can punish me for any reason she feels I need correction. She doesn’t have to run my life or start a new career as a lion tamer.

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In: Domestic discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment, Rules

We had another wind storm, although it was far less gusty than the last one. Lion said we might lose power. Luckily, being the procrastinator I am, I never put stuff away from the last power failure so we would have been in good shape. The second I put stuff away is when we’ll lose power again.

Last night was Lion’s turn to beg off from sex. His stomach was bothering him. I made a big meal including a salad so we were both stuffed. Instead, we held hands and watched TV.

The other day, Lion wrote about the importance of punishment spanking and how each of us views it. I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong when he points things like that out. I know he’s not saying I’m wrong. I just feel it. It’s like I’m letting him down. Why can’t I just feel X like he wants me to? I guess the simple answer is that we’re wired differently. If, hypothetically, we couldn’t be together anymore and were forced (by whom, I don’t know, it’s hypothetical) to choose other partners, I would be fine with a vanilla partner. Assuming I had any sex drive, that is. I don’t think Lion would do well in a vanilla relationship. We’ve tried it a few times when he assured me he’d be fine without kinky stuff. He was climbing the walls in no time.

However, I do agree with his idea that our different views of punishment are the reason there haven’t been many (any) new rules. I see it as a game, I guess. For that reason, the trivial rules work for me. Yes, it’s nice not to have to set up the coffee pot every morning. Yes, it’s nice not to have to backtrack to grab Lion’s pills from the closet. But is it really a problem? No. I still can’t wrap my head around punishing him for annoying me. There are always extenuating circumstances. I also have a hard time punishing him for interrupting me. Again, there are degrees of interrupting.

I guess I would lump annoying me and interrupting me together. There are times he interrupts and I can just raise my voice to tell him I was going to say that as he interrupted me. If he’s been interrupting me or annoying me and it’s the last straw, I might punish him. I guess it’s really like a kid. You can only take so much before you snap. For me, raising my voice is a big step. I never used to let Lion know he was annoying me. I’m not sure what the next step is. Maybe it’s letting him know he’s on the brink of punishment. Maybe it’s actually punishing him. Maybe it’s both, at different times.

I’m still trying to get to the point that I think punishment is good for our marriage. Will I ever get there? I have no idea. I guess, if it makes Lion happy, it’s good for our marriage. I know he’s good for me.

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In: Domestic discipline

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We received a Contact Us message that touches on a subject that anyone considering domestic discipline should consider:

“My wife has severe anxiety and low self-esteem. If she were even willing to try to be my Domestic Discipline wife, would it help her or make things worse? I try to be very gentle with her, but there are times that I know that I upset her that she frequently won’t tell me about. I’m thinking that this might be a way for her to feel more in control and free to tell me what I do wrong so I can fix it. If we were to give this a try for one to three months, is there a place that we could go to train her how to spank me? Should I consider restraints so that she knows that she is completely in control and I can’t move out of the way or cover myself up? I would really like to help her, but just trying to be super nice to her doesn’t always work.“

On the surface, domestic discipline appears to offer a wife an opportunity to express her displeasure more easily. I don’t think that’s true. First of all, she isn’t the one who wants the ability to punish her husband. He wants her to spank him. He is initiating it because he likes the idea of her dominating him.

That’s what I wanted too. But just because I want to be a disciplined husband doesn’t mean my wife wants to assume that role. I asked Mrs. Lion to try, and she agreed. I had hoped that she would use it to let me know when I do things that annoy her by giving her this ability. That hasn’t worked out. The issue isn’t that she doesn’t have the tools to express her displeasure. It’s that she has trouble expressing herself when I do something she doesn’t like. Domestic discipline isn’t really the point.

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The first step for her, and I expect your wife too, is to be able to growl when she is displeased. Mrs. Lion is trying hard to snarl or growl when I annoy her. Once she has learned to express her displeasure safely, she can move on to use her paddle to teach me better.

The spanking is for you, not her. You are disguising your desire to be spanked behind her low self-esteem. If you want to be spanked, then ask her to spank you. Be direct. She may be willing to paddle your bottom if you ask her nicely. Mrs. Lion spanked me for years just because I like to be spanked. We began DD years later.

The bottom line (see what I did?) is that DD is for you, not her. You want it. It’s unfair to try to tie it to a problem she might have. If you want her to communicate her feelings, then talk about that with her. If you want to be spanked, then ask her to spank you just because you want it. It isn’t very ethical to use domestic discipline to satisfy your need while pinning it on solving her problem.