It’s a Difficult Challenge

We had another wind storm, although it was far less gusty than the last one. Lion said we might lose power. Luckily, being the procrastinator I am, I never put stuff away from the last power failure so we would have been in good shape. The second I put stuff away is when we’ll lose power again.

Last night was Lion’s turn to beg off from sex. His stomach was bothering him. I made a big meal including a salad so we were both stuffed. Instead, we held hands and watched TV.

The other day, Lion wrote about the importance of punishment spanking and how each of us views it. I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong when he points things like that out. I know he’s not saying I’m wrong. I just feel it. It’s like I’m letting him down. Why can’t I just feel X like he wants me to? I guess the simple answer is that we’re wired differently. If, hypothetically, we couldn’t be together anymore and were forced (by whom, I don’t know, it’s hypothetical) to choose other partners, I would be fine with a vanilla partner. Assuming I had any sex drive, that is. I don’t think Lion would do well in a vanilla relationship. We’ve tried it a few times when he assured me he’d be fine without kinky stuff. He was climbing the walls in no time.

However, I do agree with his idea that our different views of punishment are the reason there haven’t been many (any) new rules. I see it as a game, I guess. For that reason, the trivial rules work for me. Yes, it’s nice not to have to set up the coffee pot every morning. Yes, it’s nice not to have to backtrack to grab Lion’s pills from the closet. But is it really a problem? No. I still can’t wrap my head around punishing him for annoying me. There are always extenuating circumstances. I also have a hard time punishing him for interrupting me. Again, there are degrees of interrupting.

I guess I would lump annoying me and interrupting me together. There are times he interrupts and I can just raise my voice to tell him I was going to say that as he interrupted me. If he’s been interrupting me or annoying me and it’s the last straw, I might punish him. I guess it’s really like a kid. You can only take so much before you snap. For me, raising my voice is a big step. I never used to let Lion know he was annoying me. I’m not sure what the next step is. Maybe it’s letting him know he’s on the brink of punishment. Maybe it’s actually punishing him. Maybe it’s both, at different times.

I’m still trying to get to the point that I think punishment is good for our marriage. Will I ever get there? I have no idea. I guess, if it makes Lion happy, it’s good for our marriage. I know he’s good for me.

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