By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

I wonder how women perceive men who wear chastity devices. I don’t mean this in the sense that they might look down on us or think of us as “perverts”. I’m thinking about a more subtle reaction. The most obvious, but almost-never-mentioned conclusion she might reach is that the man cannot control his own penis. He needs a mechanical device to prevent him from expressing himself sexually.

In fact, this is the basis for most of the chastity fantasies floating around the Internet. The penis is considered as almost a separate entity from the guy it’s attached to. When you think of it this way, it makes absolutely no sense. I would think you’d belong in a mental institution if you couldn’t exhibit enough self-control to keep it in your pants. Compulsive masturbation is a pathology. I strongly doubt any of the men who claim they need to be locked up to stop, really have this problem.

Judging by my past, I would say that either boredom or frustration drove me to jerk off. It wasn’t any more complicated than that. If Mrs. Lion and I had a conversation about me masturbating without a chastity device being part of it, I’m pretty sure the outcome would be exactly the same as it was when I asked her to lock me up. If I’m prepared to accept her authority, at least in sexual matters, then if she told me I could no longer masturbate, then I wouldn’t. Certainly, there are times I’m super horny, but I’ve never been so horny my hand played with my penis despite my resolution to leave it alone.

If, on the other hand, I really didn’t accept Mrs. Lion’s sexual authority, I might sneak behind her back and jerk off. This is the basis of chastity fantasy. In it, the male is told to stop masturbating, maybe stop looking at porn, etc. He says yes, but has no real commitment to obeying. So one day she catches him at his computer jerking off to his favorite porn. She decides he can’t be trusted and locks him in the chastity device. That’s the story. I think it’s silly. Why would a guy who has no intention of keeping his hands off his penis allow his partner to put it in the chastity device?

It may seem like a harmless fantasy. I thought about this a lot. If I were the woman and my partner asked to be locked in the chastity device because he couldn’t be trusted without one, it would raise much larger questions in my mind. Why is this guy addicted to playing with his cock? Does he really think that little of me? Why would I want to play this silly game?

Men always talk about how trusting they need to be to allow their partners to lock up their penises. We all know that escape from most chastity devices is possible, often easy. When a guy has that conversation about having a chastity device locked on him, the real trust question has to do with his partner. Is he saying that she can’t trust him without some sort of mechanical bondage device around his penis? Is their bond so weak that he can’t even resist masturbating?

For the record, I never had that conversation with Mrs. Lion. I told her that it turned me on to wear a chastity device. I said that I would love it if she took control and would tease me and eventually give me orgasms as she wished. During the conversation she found out that I occasionally (two or three times a week) masturbated. I was incredibly surprised that she didn’t know I did it. As soon as I found out that she hated the idea, I agreed to stop. I would’ve made that agreement with or without the hardware.

She saw the value of associating “curing” me of this nasty habit with wearing the chastity device. Neither of us really believed it was necessary for that purpose. However, it was hot to talk that way. Bloggers, me included, have written about the exciting prospect of being physically prevented from jerking off. I think we may be doing our readers a disservice. It truly doesn’t take much willpower to control masturbation. It does require our partners to recognize that we’ve given up an important sexual outlet and will need some sort of replacement.

In my case, I got edged every day or two and occasionally was masturbated to ejaculation. I didn’t miss my sessions of self abuse. Both of us were very clear that the reason I asked to be locked into a chastity device was because the idea turned me on. That, believe it or not, is a very good reason to do it. I would expect most women, while surprised by the request, could handle it. Trying to associate and force chastity with other behavioral issues raises the stakes to the point that many women wouldn’t even consider it.

In many relationships, the guy is responsible for putting on and taking off the device. Most control the key. Their partners may direct them to lock and unlock, but don’t have any physical relationship with the hardware. It might be worth asking why not? Mrs. Lion has me put on and remove the base ring. She worries about hurting me when my balls and penis are threaded through it. I would prefer her to do it, but I understand. However, she and only she handles the actual cage. She retains the key and places the cage on my penis and locks it in place. There are no exceptions to this.

I think this is a very powerful activity. It’s her chastity device and her penis. She likes owning it; at least she says she does. If I want to test a new device, she locks it on me. I’m not free to test new ones even if I’m wild at the time. Apparently, I’m free to touch sexually on a limited basis if I’m not locked up. I’m absolutely forbidden to masturbate, and I don’t.

For us, enforced male chastity is a transfer of ownership. My penis, instead of being my favorite toy, is now her property to do with as she wishes. The chastity device is a concession to my kinky side. I doubt she would use it if I didn’t want her to. That doesn’t change her ownership. We’ve agreed the penis is hers. Yes, I can get myself hard when I’m wild. She knows I can and that occasionally I do. I never get myself even close to the edge. If it bothers her that I occasionally get myself hard, she hasn’t said anything about it. Of course if she wants me to be totally hands off, she has two choices: She can explicitly forbid any sexual touching, or can keep me in my device all the time.

I don’t think she cares either way. After all, if I manage to get myself aroused I’m just increasing my frustration and my desire for her to give me release. I’m not moving myself down the path of jerking off.

We don’t talk about this very much. She never initiates any conversations about my penis. Occasionally I asked her how she feels about this or that. The same is true of the device. I generally have to ask her if she’s going to lock me up again. I’m a little disappointed about that but I know we don’t think about chastity devices the same way. She considers it something I like and not anything useful to her. So it is fair for me to help perpetuate my lockup.

I think that if guys recognize that this is almost certainly the way it will work for them, they can structure that important “chastity conversation” in a way that is much easier for their partners to accept. While it’s very hot to imagine the diabolical control my lioness has over me, I’m completely aware that she doesn’t feel that way. She locked me up because I find it hot. I don’t jerk off because she’s deadly serious about considering that something she never wants me to do. It’s not related to my chastity device or to enforced male chastity.

By:
In: Sex, Lion's Journal, Masturbation

Friday night, as promised, Mrs. Lion teased me. It took a while, but she got me to the edge. I was very close to ejaculating. She stopped, but then started again and took me over the top. She told me she was concerned that I would have another ruined orgasm. She made sure I didn’t. It felt great. My wait was six days.

Things are getting back to normal here. I’m really glad. It got pretty scary when it felt like I just couldn’t get near the top. It appears that it just takes longer right now. That’s too bad. It means Mrs. Lion has to work harder to get me to the edge. I wish there were a way to be trained to ejaculate more quickly. I’ve read a lot of articles claiming that a male can be trained to do this. Most of the stories talk about training a man to ejaculate on command. I don’t know of any examples that this technique is successful. Ironically, a woman can be trained this way. Female orgasms appear to be much less mechanically-based than male ejaculation.

This makes sense. From a strictly reproductive point of view, a male must ejaculate when thrusting as deeply as possible into the vagina. To facilitate this, most men can only ejaculate on the “downstroke”. Mrs. Lion has proved this to me more than once. On the other hand, female orgasms aren’t strictly necessary for reproduction. Nature has taken a much more permissive course in the ways a female can get off.

Ironically, very little attention is given to the importance of foreplay for a male. We are expected to get hard and ready to go with virtually no sexual attention. At least, that’s the party line. I’ve been taught that a lubricated vagina does not mean a woman is necessarily ready for penetration. To really enjoy herself, she needs lots of touching kissing and licking. The physiological lubrication does not mark her as “ready”.

Males, on the other hand, are deemed ready to go as soon as they have erections. In this enlightened age you would think that what’s good for the goose should also be good for the gander. But it’s not. I’m sure that part of this is political. The women’s movement helped teach us that women need much more than a wet pussy to be ready to enjoy intercourse. There is been no corresponding male sexual liberation movement to teach women that an erection doesn’t mean a male is ready to penetrate a female. As a matter of fact, many women expect men to self-stimulate their penises to get ready.

I think that one of the big reasons we males masturbate throughout our lives is that we share the expectation that stimulation of our penises is left to our own devices. We are expected to begin masturbating as a way of preparing ourselves for penetration. It isn’t unreasonable to expect us to play with our penises when a female is not available.

Women, on the other hand, are taught not to “touch” themselves. They are never expected to get themselves wet and ready for penetration. That’s the man’s job.

I was genuinely surprised when I learned that Mrs. Lion had no idea I masturbated. I assumed she knew that all guys do that. She expected me to get her aroused before any coed activity would begin. She didn’t enjoy playing with my penis once I got things going. As I’ve since learned, like many men, I have a hard time initiating sex. I don’t know why, but I do. This caused us considerable trouble in the old days.

Even though Mrs. Lion enjoyed stimulating me, her understanding of the way sex should work was that I get her aroused and then penetrate her. It wasn’t always that simple. She enjoyed masturbating me and giving me oral sex. But you get the idea. Those things were “extras”. The meat and potatoes was stimulating her and then penetrating.

Enforced male chastity came to the rescue in our case. For one thing, she learned that I jerked off. She found out that it was a supplement to the infrequent sex we were having together. She genuinely dislikes that idea. By locking me in the chastity device and then accepting the responsibility of teasing me and eventually giving me an orgasm, she understood the need for male stimulation. This wasn’t a particularly new idea. I think she understood that all along. I don’t think she knew how important it is to me. Essentially, she took on the responsibility of providing me with sexual stimulation and ejaculation.

Because I was wearing a chastity device, I learned that I couldn’t touch my penis sexually. Essentially, I learned I wasn’t allowed to play with myself. All arousal and satisfaction came from my lioness. As an adult, I was taught what most girls learn at an early age. It’s almost the exact opposite of what women learned from the women’s liberation movement. It taught women to masturbate to orgasm. They learn to enjoy sexual freedom; orgasms without males.

I learned the exact opposite. I’ve learned that the only way I can have sexual satisfaction is with a woman; a particular one: Mrs. Lion. I don’t regret the change. Mrs. Lion is taking good care of me over the last six years. I don’t know if I can masturbate anymore. I certainly have no desire to do so. I know it’s wrong.

Interestingly, from what I read on other blogs, keyholders make a point of masturbating themselves as well as accepting one-way sex from their locked males. The guys love it. This reversal of sexual satisfaction appears to be extremely hot in some circles. The way I see it, it’s a sexual role reversal. For those of us that practice it, it’s very welcome.

Traditionally, the sexual initiator and partner guaranteed an orgasm is considered the “aggressor”. Guys have been taught from early childhood that they are the sexual aggressors. It’s a subtle form of domination that permeates Western society. It’s not naked power. It’s just a subtle concept that pre-defines sexual roles. Enforced male chastity reverses those roles. I know that I find comfort in this reversal. I believe other men do too.

The lesson in all this is that masturbation, male or female, blunts the sharp edge of partner sex. It’s not that it’s bad; it isn’t. It’s just that by sexually depending on one another for orgasms, a couple builds a powerful, primal bond. Arousal without orgasm is an expected part of life. If a man or a woman is turned on by pornography or seeing a sexy member of the opposite sex, arousal is natural and positive. However, the arousal can only be satisfied by the mate.

In our case, I depend on Mrs. Lion to give me orgasms. I’m trained not to make myself come. I’m also bound not to let anyone but her near my penis. It doesn’t matter if my Jail Bird is on or not. It’s more fun when it’s on, but the rules don’t change if I’m wild. If you subtract the BDSM from male chastity, the idea that neither partner can self-provide orgasms is a powerful emotional glue supporting the relationship.

By:
In: BDSM, Body Hair Removal, Lion's Journal, Sex

It’s nice that the weekend is here again. Mrs. Lion and I can be together all the time.  I’ve been wild all week so there is no device to take off for the weekend. I wonder if the Jail Bird will be going back on Sunday night. There’s no physical reason it can’t. Of course, when I wear it it’s extra work for Mrs. Lion to remove when she wants to snuggle and play.

I’ve written a lot about the declining usefulness of my chastity device. At this point, its only sexual value is that it prevents any spontaneous erections. The very short 1-inch-long cage suppresses even the smallest expression of arousal. I like that. Well, I like it in the same sense that I like spanking. It’s exciting to think about that level of control but it isn’t so much fun when I really, truly want to get hard.

Julie, of strictjuliespanks has been collaborating with one of her readers to write a book-length story featuring a wide range of kinks. (Click here to begin reading.) A new chapter comes out every month or so. She’s just published chapter 5. It’s the story of a college-age boy, his sister, and two of her friends. I find it very hot. I don’t normally like Internet sexual fiction, but this story, while uneven in spots, is generally a very hot read. Check it out. I find myself eagerly awaiting each new chapter.

We’re still not entirely back on track. With all the extra things she has to do, Mrs. Lion has a lower-than-usual energy level. Also, it’s always been a challenge to get started. Maybe the Box O’Fun needs to come out again. This is one of those good-news-bad-news activities for me. A majority of the activities I can draw from the box are painful. They are supposed to be.

Mrs. Lion wrote in her post yesterday, that some of the things she does for me can be chores. One activity that we’ve just started: bathing me, seems to be something she likes almost as much as I do. After dinner tonight I get the first of my weekend showers where she spends extra time making sure her weenie is nice and clean.

She isn’t as fond of waxing me. I’ve offered to go to a professional and save her the trouble. She said that even though it’s a chore removing my hair, she still wants to do it. In fairness to her, she’s neutral about whether or not I have body hair. From the day she met me, I had no pubic hair. Even if I wanted to grow it back, only a little patch here and there would show up. Almost all of it is permanently gone.

I’ve enjoyed losing my chest, shoulder, back and leg hair. I think they look better that way. For one thing, my hairless pubes don’t look so starkly different from the rest of me. In any case, I like being hairless. It’s neater and cleaner. If it becomes too much trouble for Mrs. Lion to continue, I think I can find a commercial studio that can get rid of the hair for me. Since I only need waxing every four or five weeks it’s not too bad.

What time we do things seems to impact my enjoyment of the activities. The later it gets, the less likely I am to get aroused and get to the edge. I think I’m getting tired earlier because a lot of things are still more difficult for me to do. I would like to try afternoon play during the weekend. We used to do that. Mrs. Lion would tell me to go down to our dungeon and she would strap me into the sling. She would then do anal play some CBT, followed by lots of teasing and a possible orgasm. I really loved that.

During the week, it’s difficult for her to do anything sexual before dinner. She comes home from work tired and wound up from the frustrations of the day. She needs time to decompress and relax. I wonder if starting our activity before 9 PM is possible. I guess the early bird gets my worm.

We have a long history of successfully adapting to changes and new situations. We talk and write about how we feel and through trial and error find solutions that work for both of us. I have no doubt that we will adapt now.

By:
In: Lion's Journal

Back in the nineteenth century when male chastity devices were invented, their purpose was to prevent masturbation. It was believed back then that masturbation caused insanity. It was also believed to cause feeble-mindedness in males who practiced it. In Victorian England boys were fitted with these devices to prevent them from losing what little minds they had. Male occupants of insane asylums were fitted with them as well.

This wasn’t a universal practice. That’s a good thing because those early devices were painful, to say the least. It’s ironic that in the enlightened 21st century the principal reason people say they are locked into male chastity devices is to prevent masturbation. Everything old is new again. Of course, now the reason to stop the masturbation is to improve relationships. According to the folklore, excessive (you fill in how much that is) masturbation interferes with normal relationships.

Just visit any of the male chastity forums or read some of the blogs and you will see that the men claim they needed their penises locking chastity devices to stop them from jerking off. If you go by what you read, compulsive masturbation must be an epidemic. The idea, of course, is that the device is a tool for keyholder can use to “train” the caged male.

If we’re going to be completely honest, penis bondage isn’t necessary for a mature adult to kick the masturbation habit. If our mate has a conversation with us, and we agree to stop masturbating, that should be plenty to end jerking off. Years ago, when Mrs. Lion began locking me up, I gave training to stop masturbating as the principal reason I was wearing the chastity device.  I went so far as to claim the chastity power exchange, with her having sole control over my orgasms had turned into a lifestyle for us. To be completely accurate, I was referring to my sexual surrender, not the hardware.

In our case, the chastity device and the associated locking and unlocking rituals, provided us with routines that facilitated renewing our physical and sexual contact. We had drifted apart physically as Mrs. Lion lost her interest in sex. We both experienced problems trying to fix this prior to enforce male chastity.

You could say that chastity for us was a training aid. It did something we were unable to do on our own. The fact that the device made it impossible for me to access my penis, and that its presence is always visible to Mrs. Lion, kept us focused on our agreement to snuggle and provide me with occasional release. In a way, our application was inverse from the typical reason people claim to incorporate these devices. I wore one as a way of assuring that Mrs. Lion would give me regular sexual attention.

Over time, we built the good habits we needed in terms of physical contact in sex for me. If anything, the device became a barrier that delayed Mrs. Lion’s access to my penis. I discovered that wearing the device was a sort of security blanket; a wedding ring of sorts. I like being locked into the Jail Bird.

As prices have gone down, and information has become more available about them, more men than ever are buying and wearing chastity devices. Most don’t wear them long term. Many use them as toys that become part of sexual play. A relatively small number of us wear them all the time. Those of us who do, probably find different reasons for continuing than the one they started with in the beginning.

Some, like me, find wearing a device as a symbol of commitment. Others, also like me, enjoy the fetish of penis bondage. Still others use a device as part of a sexual game played over long periods of time. There are a sizable number of guys who like to be locked up and prevented from having any ejaculations for months on end. Over time, those of us who continue to evolve in the reasons we keep going.

Another interesting fact of life is that those of us who like a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) have a hard time coming up with rules and reasons for our disciplining wives to punish us. We’ve been remarkably unsuccessful in expanding the range of offenses that get me spanked. I don’t think either of us thought that the initial rules I got were important pieces of behavioral modification I needed to make.

I do like being spanked. Our FLRD provides opportunities for this to happen. It also serves a much more useful objective: It teaches Mrs. Lion that she has the right to demand that I hear her and obey her. At least, that was the idea we started. It’s been difficult to work towards that objective. It requires Mrs. Lion to change the way she operates. Unlike enforced male chastity, where we had a piece of hardware to assure that we followed through on our decision to consistently restore physical and sexual contact, FLRD has no such training aids. Mrs. Lion has to do it on her own.

I’m hopeful she will. In the meantime, I’m also hopeful she will find reasons to bruise my bottom. While I don’t like being spanked while the spanking is being administered, I do like anticipating it and thinking about it later. I am also hopeful that if Mrs. Lion spanks me frequently, it will become enough of a “normal” activity for her that she will think nothing of punishing me for interrupting her or doing other things that cause her even a little annoyance.

Just as the chastity device has become a normal part of our relationship, spankings can too. I don’t think maintenance spanking counts in this case. She needs a reason even if it’s very flimsy. I think we both need a lot more work with me committing an offense and for her to punish me. While spankings for no particular reason satisfy my desire to be spanked, they don’t help her learn to forcefully let me know when I do something she doesn’t like.