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In: Domestic discipline

One of the main disconnects between people like us who practice somewhat exotic kinks and vanilla folk is that we expect understanding, and they are astounded at our perversity. The gap is simply missing dots to connect. Take domestic discipline. Vanilla people react with horror. You let your wife beat you?

It’s missing dots. The isolated admission that my wife spanks me when I break a rule brings up images of torture chambers, evil women, meek men who allow themselves to be abused. That’s it! Abuse. We need to provide dots. Remember, dots aren’t the same as a sales message. I’m not a spanking missionary.

Anyway, let’s consider dots to connect that will lead to the belief that DD is a sane, loving practice. Dot number one: I get sexually aroused when I think about being spanked. Uh oh. More dots to explain that. Simple. I just find it hot. Since over 85 percent of American adults also find thinking about a spanking arousing, the chances are good that this dot will connect. If it doesn’t, oh well.

Dot 2: Mrs. Lion and I brought my fantasy to life with “play” spankings. We may need a dot or two to explain that I asked her to spank me, and she agreed. We also have to emphasize that I have a safeword and no serious injuries ever result. The chances are that the vanilla people will be quite curious about this. Answer their questions.

Dot 3: I wondered how it would work if Mrs. Lion spanked me if I broke a rule. A rule? OK, some sub-dots here. I asked her to try this with me. She came up with a few simple rules that I would be sure to break. She did that to have lots of opportunities to try out spanking-for-a-reason.

Dot 4: It felt very good to me when Mrs. Lion took control this way. She didn’t find it particularly enjoyable but liked how it affected me. Over time, she learned to make spankings very unpleasant for me. I accepted them because we agreed that I would be punished for breaking the rules. I still had my safeword and consented to be disciplined.

Dot 5: It took a long time to get to this point. We didn’t just wake up one morning and began domestic discipline. It took years to evolve to get here. We could have stopped at any time along the way. We continued because we got value out of our power exchange.

That’s it. Five dots to connect. We avoid suggesting that our audience thinks about joining us. We simply want them to understand how we got here and that we are both happy with the result. Speaking of which, we are both feeling better. I may find myself visiting the spanking bench very soon.

Now you know how I got there.

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In: Spanking, Domestic discipline

Now that we are both feeling better, it’s probably a good time to discuss domestic discipline. We seem stuck on a single rule that triggers punishment for me: forgetting to set up the coffee pot for breakfast the next morning. We had a couple of other rules that have fallen by the wayside. I was supposed to wait to eat until Mrs. Lion started. Since my vision has worsened, Mrs. Lion doesn’t enforce that one.

The second displaced rule was that I got punished if I got food on my shirt. Since I’m almost always naked, this rule doesn’t apply. That leaves the single coffee pot rule. I suppose you could argue that there’s no reason to punish me if I’m well behaved. I suppose that I am reasonably well trained by this point.

We’ve substituted “just because” spankings for punishments. It turns out that every time Mrs. Lion gives me one of these spankings, she remembers things I should have been punished for doing. So, they really aren’t “just because” spankings, after all.

We do better when domestic discipline is more in the foreground. Right now, for example, it’s been three weeks since my last visit with the spanking bench. I’m not unhappy about that. Mrs. Lion is a very strict spanker. The problem is that punishment is an expression of love. I know that sounds odd, but it’s a form of attention that says Mrs. Lion cares enough to correct me. That means a lot to me. I think it does to her as well.

When she is actively correcting me, she is also more affectionate. I think that identifying infractions and correcting them is active. She is not only spanking me. She is also watching me to be sure I am behaving correctly. That is a constant connection and reminder of our love.

Over the years we have been doing this, domestic discipline has become another language of love. Thinking about a spanking is sexual to me, but not to her. However, discovering and punishing infractions is a form of communication we established years ago. Every time she brings out the spanking bench, something happens. She may not have fun spanking me, but she gets a sense of a job well done when it hurts for me to sit days later.

Beyond that, spanking is an intimate activity. It isn’t sexual, but it is very intimate. I think we both understand that it is an expression of our love for each other. Think about it. If we were angry and distant, would Mrs. Lion spank me? I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t.

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In: Domestic discipline, Spanking
Yes, that’s me.

My friend Julie wrote a provocative post about spanking: “Spanking Reality and Spanking Fantasy.” She talks about her inner and outer spanking lives. It’s a fascinating look at the female view of spanking. Over the years, I’ve been lucky enough to spank quite a few women. One was my live-in partner. She would be insulted if I called her that to her face. In her mind, she was my slave. That was the direction her fantasies drove her.

In fact, she was very much like Julie. She craved my hand, strap, flogger, or paddle. She didn’t like the pain but was aroused by the spanking. She claimed that she could have an orgasm just from the spanking. She didn’t during the decade we were together. There was no question that being taken in hand was a major turn-on for her.

The downside to this was that her craving for supervision and discipline was both time-consuming and annoying to me. While it was fun to beat a beautiful woman, it wasn’t something I wanted to do every day. I didn’t want to inspect every chore she completed and review her performance. That might have fueled her inner needs, but it annoyed me.

I learned a lot from my time as a top. I also learn as a bottom. I think that men and women experience domestic discipline in very different ways. Julie confirms what I’ve observed in many other women. She likes the humiliation and submission that being spanked gives her. She also works hard to avoid repeating the behavior that got her spanked. She wants to be a good girl. There is a deep connection between the desire to be punished and the need to please.

This connection tempers the approach to the sexual aspect of being punished. Imagine what would happen if the need for the humiliation and pain were so strong and constant that she worked hard to provoke her husband into more and more frequent beatings. He would decide that DD was just too much trouble and quit. That’s what happened with my partner and me.

For a while, she skipped some of her chores on purpose. She needed daily spankings. I stopped and told her that she was turning into a black hole. She tried to do better. She couldn’t. Eventually, we had to break up. I don’t think that men approach DD in quite the same way. I don’t have a traditional, submissive role to emulate. Julie can be a good wife and obey her husband. I’ve been trained to be in charge. I want Mrs. Lion to have power and use it, but I can’t surrender my role as head of the household.

We’ve found a way to make this work. The “lion” model is a good example of how nature balances power. Males instinctively avoid attacking females. The girls have no such issue. They understand that he is in charge unless he does something they truly don’t like. Then they let him know by painfully biting his rump. He can’t fight back. Sound familiar?

Mrs. Lion lets me make most of the decisions. However, she has rules and will painfully spank me if I break one. If I piss her off, my rear end pays for the indiscretion. We started with play spankings because I was turned on thinking about being spanked. We evolved into our current domestic discipline as a way to ensure that Mrs. Lion always has a voice. It works. She uses her power sparingly, but when I need to be spanked, I have a horrible time.

I still have sexy spanking fantasies. Women-spanking-men videos rarely turn me on. I’m never more than a couple of weeks away from my own experience being spanked. Sometimes I picture myself in the scene, and it is fun. I can’t masturbate, so I have no incentive to be turned on by porn. Still…

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In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Masturbation

Here we are in the depths of winter. Maybe it’s the season, but very few bloggers I follow have written anything since Christmas. That’s a little surprising. It’s not like there is a ton of stuff to do in January unless you are in the Southern Hemisphere. What do I know? I miss the fun reading.

I’ve noticed that a disproportionately large percentage of people commenting on this site are men who say their wives are no longer interested in sex. Almost all of them lament that they can’t get their wives to provide sexual attention for them. There are a couple of ways to look at this. One is that male chastity can be a one-player game and add interest and excitement to masturbation.

Many guys who wear chastity devices don’t have keyholders. Many who do handle all the locking and unlocking themselves from what I see. It doesn’t matter. Wearing a male chastity device definitely adds excitement to a man’s sex life. Reading about the subject is also hot.

Couples who actively practice it can use the male orgasm control to provide an active sex life for a man whose wife has little or no interest in sex for herself. Male chastity is a game where the stakes can get high, for the man at least. Mrs. Lion is an expert at making me desperate to ejaculate. This is a game that values cock teasing. Fun for women who like to see men helplessly beg to get release.

Mrs. Lion is the first woman I’ve known who actively dislikes the idea of me masturbating. She simply doesn’t want me to do it. Other women, I’ve known, considered it a way to get me off without having to do anything. I never liked that aspect of it. For me, jerking off was a tension-relieving activity like jogging or lifting weights. It wasn’t that much fun, but I really missed it when I didn’t get to do it. Mrs. Lion doesn’t allow it, and I haven’t jerked off since December 2013. I don’t think about doing it anymore.

It appears that there are more reasons for men who don’t have active partners to read our blog than men and women who have active-if-kinky sex lives. I could be wrong. I’ll only find out if I hear from you.