My friend Julie wrote a provocative post about spanking: “Spanking Reality and Spanking Fantasy.” She talks about her inner and outer spanking lives. It’s a fascinating look at the female view of spanking. Over the years, I’ve been lucky enough to spank quite a few women. One was my live-in partner. She would be insulted if I called her that to her face. In her mind, she was my slave. That was the direction her fantasies drove her.
In fact, she was very much like Julie. She craved my hand, strap, flogger, or paddle. She didn’t like the pain but was aroused by the spanking. She claimed that she could have an orgasm just from the spanking. She didn’t during the decade we were together. There was no question that being taken in hand was a major turn-on for her.
The downside to this was that her craving for supervision and discipline was both time-consuming and annoying to me. While it was fun to beat a beautiful woman, it wasn’t something I wanted to do every day. I didn’t want to inspect every chore she completed and review her performance. That might have fueled her inner needs, but it annoyed me.
I learned a lot from my time as a top. I also learn as a bottom. I think that men and women experience domestic discipline in very different ways. Julie confirms what I’ve observed in many other women. She likes the humiliation and submission that being spanked gives her. She also works hard to avoid repeating the behavior that got her spanked. She wants to be a good girl. There is a deep connection between the desire to be punished and the need to please.
This connection tempers the approach to the sexual aspect of being punished. Imagine what would happen if the need for the humiliation and pain were so strong and constant that she worked hard to provoke her husband into more and more frequent beatings. He would decide that DD was just too much trouble and quit. That’s what happened with my partner and me.
For a while, she skipped some of her chores on purpose. She needed daily spankings. I stopped and told her that she was turning into a black hole. She tried to do better. She couldn’t. Eventually, we had to break up. I don’t think that men approach DD in quite the same way. I don’t have a traditional, submissive role to emulate. Julie can be a good wife and obey her husband. I’ve been trained to be in charge. I want Mrs. Lion to have power and use it, but I can’t surrender my role as head of the household.
We’ve found a way to make this work. The “lion” model is a good example of how nature balances power. Males instinctively avoid attacking females. The girls have no such issue. They understand that he is in charge unless he does something they truly don’t like. Then they let him know by painfully biting his rump. He can’t fight back. Sound familiar?
Mrs. Lion lets me make most of the decisions. However, she has rules and will painfully spank me if I break one. If I piss her off, my rear end pays for the indiscretion. We started with play spankings because I was turned on thinking about being spanked. We evolved into our current domestic discipline as a way to ensure that Mrs. Lion always has a voice. It works. She uses her power sparingly, but when I need to be spanked, I have a horrible time.
I still have sexy spanking fantasies. Women-spanking-men videos rarely turn me on. I’m never more than a couple of weeks away from my own experience being spanked. Sometimes I picture myself in the scene, and it is fun. I can’t masturbate, so I have no incentive to be turned on by porn. Still…