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In: Domestic discipline, Male Chastity, Spanking

So much has changed in the last ten years. In February, we celebrated this blog’s tenth anniversary. That also means it’s been over ten years since I’ve masturbated. That’s right, not one self-induced orgasm in over a decade. I’ve been true to the name of this blog. Of course, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had orgasms. I have. Mrs. Lion gives them to me when she decides I deserve them.

Mrs. Lion has complete control over my sex life. She also has the right to punish me if she feels I need correcting. This has evolved over the years. We don’t live in a full-time BDSM lifestyle with Mrs. Lion as dominatrix; far from it. We are a loving couple with a few, shall we say, adjustments in our marriage. We are both happy with how it works.

Fellow bloggers have evolved as well. A few have been forced to change because of the death of a beloved partner. Others have reversed roles. Spankers have become spankees. Tops are now bottoms. Menopause has slowed or stopped the sex drive of some women, including Mrs. Lion. Adjustments had to be made and written about. Sadly, some blogs have faded away completely. One or two had massive ego attacks and moved to pay-to-read platforms.

Blogging can become time-bound. A topic can be beaten to death. More often than not, the position of some sex bloggers becomes frozen in a fantasy they struggle to live. This seems particularly true in the domestic discipline blogosphere. That’s too bad. Real-life power exchange is a rare and interesting topic.

Mrs. Lion and I think about what we are doing. We both understand that we couldn’t live under a totally female-controlled marriage. The pressure on Mrs. Lion would be too great. I am way too much of a type-A personality to submit that way. I’m pretty sure that no marriage can flourish under an authoritarian model with either partner in complete control.

If you read some of the longer-surviving domestic discipline blogs you will find that most are marriages like ours. The male partner is active and shares control over marital matters with his wife. Domestic discipline comes in when he breaks a behavioral rule. Invariably, he is punished by being spanked. That’s how it works in our house as well.

Zooming out from the rhetoric, it’s interesting to observe that spanking and only spanking is used to punish the errant husband. Much more effective punishments like grounding and removal of privledges never get used. I think this is very significant. While most of the practitioners (the guys) insist they have purely disciplinary relationships, they overlook the obvious fact that spanking is probably one of the least effective correctional tools a wife can have.

A week or two without TV, early bedtime, and grounding are much more effective. The selection of spanking as the only punishment comes from the men. A very large percentage of adults have spanking fantasies, most as the person being spanked. Spanking has a strong sexual connection. There is a desire to be spanked. I have it, and so do they.

Don’t get me wrong, the use of spanking and its sexual connection doesn’t invalidate domestic discipline. It just explains why so many men want it. Over the years, consistent application of the paddle has caused me to change. The changes aren’t huge, but they are indisputable. I have to admit that I’m very surprised that I changed.

The most obvious is that I went from regularly spilling food on my shirt to almost never doing it. I didn’t try to change. I got spanked every time I did it. Within a month or two the spankings for spills were getting very infrequent. Spanking worked to change me.

From my reading, I’ve learned that spanking won’t cure more serious problems like anger issues and alcoholism. It will moderate disagreeable behavior. The key is consistent enforcement of rules. Only when Mrs. Lion spanked me each and every time I broke a rule, was change effected. It didn’t matter that spanking has a sexual overtone. It hurts and is humiliating. Yes, it turns me on to think about it. To my surprise, my unconscious works hard to avoid more spankings. I change without conscious effort.

This brings up another issue that the domestic discipline guys have a bit of trouble explaining in a disciplinary context. Many of us need regular spankings out of an inner need. I think it’s sexual, but maybe for some, it isn’t. The point is that once I nearly stopped breaking any rules and spankings became less and less frequent, I missed them. I need to be spanked whether or not I earned it by breaking a rule.

This need is usually rationalized as a “maintenance” spanking that reminds the man what happens if he is naughty. We call them “Just Because” spankings that are given “just because” I probably did something I shouldn’t and got caught. We both know that’s not really the reason. I need spankings to recharge some deep-seated sexual battery.

That’s what drives the domestic discipline crowd nuts. How can something with deep sexual roots also be a legitimate punishment? It can, and it is. No matter what sexual need spanking meets for me, when I get punished I know it is for doing something I shouldn’t. Humans are complex creatures who are capable of getting more than one message from a single activity.

We tried making disciplinary spankings more severe than “Just Because” spankings. That didn’t work for me. All spankings I receive meet a minimum severity level. The only time that changes is when I break more than one rule and am punished in a single session. My minimum spanking is ten minutes long. Each additional offense adds five minutes. I hate it when that happens.

I think Mrs. Lion is more severe when she punishes me. That’s fair. She needs to satisfy herself that I get the message. We never discuss this. I can’t confirm that she changes the intensity of her punishment. It’s just my perception.

Over the years, I’ve asked Mrs. Lion to punish me (spank) if I annoy her. She hasn’t been very successful at this. For a long time I wondered why this is so difficult for her. I think it comes down to the way she thinks about punishing me. If she believed that she was in a position of authority, spanking me for upsetting her would be no different than punishing me for not doing a chore. After all, she doesn’t mind spanking me, so why not do it when I piss her off?

The answer is that she doesn’t want to be unfair. She worries that her upset may be due to more than my behavior. If I forget a chore, there is no question that I earned a spanking. She’s happy to deliver one to punish me. Even though I’ve repeatedly said I am fine getting punished even if the circumstances may be cloudy or unfair, she still can’t do it. She is happy to give me “Just Because” spankings, which aren’t tied to any infraction, but unable to beat me if I make her snarl at me. I hope that will change over time.

Right now, I am rule-free. The spankings I’m getting are to recharge my sexual battery. We both agree that we want to restore the disciplinary aspects. Mrs. Lion is thinking about how to do this in our new house. In the meantime, she promises very frequent spankings “Just Because.”

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In: Erections, Spanking
lion's erection
Lion at full mast.
Click image o enlarge)

Since Lion was getting hard just from the mere mention of spanking, we decided to give an organic orgasm a shot. It’s been a while since he’s been able to get and maintain an erection on his own. It was nice to see one the other day.

I don’t know if it was because he hadn’t been spanked recently or if the whole process of sex feels inorganic, but he didn’t get very hard. Sometimes that isn’t a problem. A non-woody weenie can have an orgasm. We’ve done it before. Unfortunately, last night was not one of those times. It seemed like we were on the way and then it just stopped.

The Edex was on the nightstand. We could have used it, but I think we were both a little worn out from trying. I was very warm from the exercise. I suggested trying again tonight. Lion pointed out that today is punishment day and perhaps some swats would help things along. I have a quick errand to run after work but I’m game after that.

Things may still be packed in boxes, but we can get Lion’s mojo back with the few paddles I’ve unearthed. If I need more, I know where the boxes are.

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In: Domestic discipline, Spanking
lion spanked red
My new harness keeps me in position for spanking.

Saturday afternoon, we tried our new lion tie-down system. It consists of a safety harness with side D-rings (Amazon link here). It costs $30 and is worth every penny. As you can see in the picture, I wear the belt on the spanking bench. Mrs. Lion uses a cinch strap passed under the bench and through the two D-rings (4ft strap, link here). It’s quick and easy for both of us. Once she pulls the strap tight, I’m glued to the spanking bench. She can hit as long and hard as she wants and my butt stays in place.

We haven’t found the strap we used in the past. The problem with that was it would work its way down to my butt. Mrs. Lion would have to stop and tighten it mid-spanking. This new system solves that problem for less than $50.

It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but the spanking makes me horny. When we discussed spanking on Sunday morning, I got a full erection. Mrs. Lion played with it and sucked it a little just to tease me. This is the first “natural” erection I’ve had in a long time.

We agreed that rules and spankings must be restored in the lions’ den. I know that a lot of guys like to believe that domestic discipline is a serious exercise of wifely authority. I agree that it is. Just because it also charges my sexual battery doesn’t minimize the value of Mrs. Lion’s ability to punish me. Once we get in DD mode, she is very serious about making her point.

Even if a “Just Because” spanking feels the same as a punishment spanking, I know the difference. So does Mrs. Lion. My sexual attachment to being spanked provides the bait that draws me to accept painful punishment for misdeeds. The fact that thinking and talking about spanking turns me on, doesn’t make the pain any less when I’m spanked. Mrs. Lion knows I am very unhappy when she punishes me. Spanking is a tool that lets her make her point. I can’t ignore her if she is unhappy with my behavior. She has a powerful tool to guarantee that she gets my full attention.

It’s nice when something helps us both.

leather, wood, or rubber?

Different paddle material produces different results on my poor bottom. Wood hurts the most during a spanking and has the best chance of producing deeper pain that will hurt for days when I sit. That’s traditionally been Mrs. Lion’s first choice for spanking me. Aside from being the most effective, it’s also guaranteed to start me bleeding. The wood paddles don’t cut me. They just make the skin swell and form little blisters. When the swelling gets particularly big, some skin splits and small amounts of blood come out. The bleeding stops within a very short time after Mrs. Lion finishes. The blood is messy and usually requires Mrs. Lion to pause and wipe it up.

Leather, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to produce the same amount of swelling. I don’t usually bleed when Mrs. Lion uses her leather paddles. She has a variety in different weights. They all hurt. A leather-paddle spanking will make me yelp and scream. So far, I haven’t felt a leather spanking the next day. While the wood paddle produces bruises and red, swollen areas, the leather tends to turn my bottom an even, deep red color. Mrs. Lion likes this.

We have a few different rubber spanking tools. Three are made from conveyor belt material. They are heavy and very painful. Sometimes I bleed when Mrs. Lion uses one of them. They hurt almost as much as wood. We have a solid rubber paddle that is particularly nasty. It can easily bruise me. Mrs. Lion usually misplaces it. No, I don’t hide it.

Most recently, Mrs. Lion has been using leather. It’s effective and makes its point without blood. She’s said that once my bottom gets more used to spanking, she will go back to wood. Poor me!

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In: Erections, Spanking
lion harnessed on spanking bench witha red butt

Lion thought it would be a good idea to test out the harness and straps he bought to make sure he couldn’t escape the spanking bench. Aside from the fact that I haven’t located the strap we’ve been using, I thought it was working fine. He could wiggle. He’d slide down a bit, but I guess I saw that as part of the game. Shouldn’t he be able to hold still? Doesn’t he want me to spank him? Isn’t that something I should be able to demand?

Anyway, he put the harness on and I strapped him down. He could wiggle. He didn’t slide down. One for two. I used a leather paddle to get his virgin butt back into shape. Of course, if I hit hard enough, whether it’s leather or wood is of little consequence. It just plain hurts.

I got his buns a lovely shade of red, with a leathery patch on each cheek, within five minutes. Virgin butts, I reasoned, should not be made to endure the entire ten minutes. We’ll have to work up the that.

A while later, as we were snuggling, Mr. Weenie made an attempt to get hard. Lion sees this as proof that spanking helps him. This morning, we were talking about spanking and how I’ll have to find more rules for him to have more opportunities, but we should just do more spanking anyway. And there goes Mr. Weenie again. This time he was harder and standing up tall and proud. More proof that just talking about spanking helps Lion.

I had to go around to Lion’s side of the bed to admire my weenie. Just for fun, I gave him a few sucks. He wanted more. Too bad. That’s for later. There are things to be done around the house. Besides, there might be another spanking coming before the next blow job. We need more proof that spanking makes the weenie rise.