Reflections On A Decade Of Male Chastity And Spanking

So much has changed in the last ten years. In February, we celebrated this blog’s tenth anniversary. That also means it’s been over ten years since I’ve masturbated. That’s right, not one self-induced orgasm in over a decade. I’ve been true to the name of this blog. Of course, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had orgasms. I have. Mrs. Lion gives them to me when she decides I deserve them.

Mrs. Lion has complete control over my sex life. She also has the right to punish me if she feels I need correcting. This has evolved over the years. We don’t live in a full-time BDSM lifestyle with Mrs. Lion as dominatrix; far from it. We are a loving couple with a few, shall we say, adjustments in our marriage. We are both happy with how it works.

Fellow bloggers have evolved as well. A few have been forced to change because of the death of a beloved partner. Others have reversed roles. Spankers have become spankees. Tops are now bottoms. Menopause has slowed or stopped the sex drive of some women, including Mrs. Lion. Adjustments had to be made and written about. Sadly, some blogs have faded away completely. One or two had massive ego attacks and moved to pay-to-read platforms.

Blogging can become time-bound. A topic can be beaten to death. More often than not, the position of some sex bloggers becomes frozen in a fantasy they struggle to live. This seems particularly true in the domestic discipline blogosphere. That’s too bad. Real-life power exchange is a rare and interesting topic.

Mrs. Lion and I think about what we are doing. We both understand that we couldn’t live under a totally female-controlled marriage. The pressure on Mrs. Lion would be too great. I am way too much of a type-A personality to submit that way. I’m pretty sure that no marriage can flourish under an authoritarian model with either partner in complete control.

If you read some of the longer-surviving domestic discipline blogs you will find that most are marriages like ours. The male partner is active and shares control over marital matters with his wife. Domestic discipline comes in when he breaks a behavioral rule. Invariably, he is punished by being spanked. That’s how it works in our house as well.

Zooming out from the rhetoric, it’s interesting to observe that spanking and only spanking is used to punish the errant husband. Much more effective punishments like grounding and removal of privledges never get used. I think this is very significant. While most of the practitioners (the guys) insist they have purely disciplinary relationships, they overlook the obvious fact that spanking is probably one of the least effective correctional tools a wife can have.

A week or two without TV, early bedtime, and grounding are much more effective. The selection of spanking as the only punishment comes from the men. A very large percentage of adults have spanking fantasies, most as the person being spanked. Spanking has a strong sexual connection. There is a desire to be spanked. I have it, and so do they.

Don’t get me wrong, the use of spanking and its sexual connection doesn’t invalidate domestic discipline. It just explains why so many men want it. Over the years, consistent application of the paddle has caused me to change. The changes aren’t huge, but they are indisputable. I have to admit that I’m very surprised that I changed.

The most obvious is that I went from regularly spilling food on my shirt to almost never doing it. I didn’t try to change. I got spanked every time I did it. Within a month or two the spankings for spills were getting very infrequent. Spanking worked to change me.

From my reading, I’ve learned that spanking won’t cure more serious problems like anger issues and alcoholism. It will moderate disagreeable behavior. The key is consistent enforcement of rules. Only when Mrs. Lion spanked me each and every time I broke a rule, was change effected. It didn’t matter that spanking has a sexual overtone. It hurts and is humiliating. Yes, it turns me on to think about it. To my surprise, my unconscious works hard to avoid more spankings. I change without conscious effort.

This brings up another issue that the domestic discipline guys have a bit of trouble explaining in a disciplinary context. Many of us need regular spankings out of an inner need. I think it’s sexual, but maybe for some, it isn’t. The point is that once I nearly stopped breaking any rules and spankings became less and less frequent, I missed them. I need to be spanked whether or not I earned it by breaking a rule.

This need is usually rationalized as a “maintenance” spanking that reminds the man what happens if he is naughty. We call them “Just Because” spankings that are given “just because” I probably did something I shouldn’t and got caught. We both know that’s not really the reason. I need spankings to recharge some deep-seated sexual battery.

That’s what drives the domestic discipline crowd nuts. How can something with deep sexual roots also be a legitimate punishment? It can, and it is. No matter what sexual need spanking meets for me, when I get punished I know it is for doing something I shouldn’t. Humans are complex creatures who are capable of getting more than one message from a single activity.

We tried making disciplinary spankings more severe than “Just Because” spankings. That didn’t work for me. All spankings I receive meet a minimum severity level. The only time that changes is when I break more than one rule and am punished in a single session. My minimum spanking is ten minutes long. Each additional offense adds five minutes. I hate it when that happens.

I think Mrs. Lion is more severe when she punishes me. That’s fair. She needs to satisfy herself that I get the message. We never discuss this. I can’t confirm that she changes the intensity of her punishment. It’s just my perception.

Over the years, I’ve asked Mrs. Lion to punish me (spank) if I annoy her. She hasn’t been very successful at this. For a long time I wondered why this is so difficult for her. I think it comes down to the way she thinks about punishing me. If she believed that she was in a position of authority, spanking me for upsetting her would be no different than punishing me for not doing a chore. After all, she doesn’t mind spanking me, so why not do it when I piss her off?

The answer is that she doesn’t want to be unfair. She worries that her upset may be due to more than my behavior. If I forget a chore, there is no question that I earned a spanking. She’s happy to deliver one to punish me. Even though I’ve repeatedly said I am fine getting punished even if the circumstances may be cloudy or unfair, she still can’t do it. She is happy to give me “Just Because” spankings, which aren’t tied to any infraction, but unable to beat me if I make her snarl at me. I hope that will change over time.

Right now, I am rule-free. The spankings I’m getting are to recharge my sexual battery. We both agree that we want to restore the disciplinary aspects. Mrs. Lion is thinking about how to do this in our new house. In the meantime, she promises very frequent spankings “Just Because.”

4 Comments

  1. 1st up thankyou for keeping your blog going after your move and yes can reflect on the changes that life bring as we enter now year 4 as to chastity relationship as a couple husband and wife really not a full on FLR , As myself enter my 10th year to chastity yes life has it’s changes and understandings.
    We introduced Spanking (more me) to our sexaul relationship and not full-time in as DD,When it’s come to reading your blog myself can reflect very well to you and Mrs Lion
    Plus like reading Julie too keep incorporating her in you blog
    Regards 427chastity

    1. Author

      Thanks for the kind words. We all need to find what works and then keep doing it.

  2. I’m not so sure that other “aversives” are not (also) used for punishment purposes in many DD relationships. (The blogosphere is a relatively small sampling of the many tens of thousands of such relationships.) Such wide-ranging aversives were certainly advocated and described, in real-life situations, among the DWC members communications. Such alternatives that result in punishment-induced behavior changes are certainly used in my own DD relationship, and they do work.

    One major concern (myself, and my wife) with non-spanking aversives is the extensive amount of time necessary; time that could often be put to better uses.

    I am very curious about your repeated statements that “Much more effective punishments [than spanking] [are] grounding and removal of privledges (sic),” and “[S]panking is probably one of the least effective correctional tools . . .”

    I would be very interested if your statements are based upon you own years of experience, personal observation of other relationships, and/or possibly psychological/sociological research and surveys relating to ADULTS?

    Just curious for myself, and because my wife uses such a wide range of aversives to achieve punishment, and she is quite “fact driven” in her decision making.

    1. Author

      I would be very interested in learning about your experiences with non-spanking punishments and how they affect your behavior. You are right that there are few examples online beyond the old DWC.

      My thought behind highlighting that spanking seems pervasive is the obvious sexual connection. I would be surprised to learn that many men ask their wives to take away their allowance or TV privileges. I’m not saying that spanking isn’t effective. It’s worked very well in our marriage. I, for one, wouldn’t want other kinds of punishments. You are also right that spanking is efficient in terms of time.

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