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In: Mrs Lion Comments

There was another stupid hockey game on TV last night, so Jeopardy wasn’t on until later. We don’t usually watch it if it’s not on at its regular time, so no Zapardy. Lion fell yesterday and hurt his hand. I was tired from another day of cleaning and standing. He snoozed, and I played on my iPad. Today I’m really tired. I guess I haven’t been sleeping well. Lion has been up before six a few days this week. I don’t know what’s wrong with us.

We’re finally in for a few days of sunshine. It’s going to be quite hot from Saturday to Monday. The rest of the country has been broiling while we had rain and cooler temperatures. It figures we’d go from zero to 100 in nothing flat. I need to set up our air conditioners and mow the lawn before it gets too hot. I’m sure I can get some of the lawn done.

I didn’t tell Lion last night because his hand hurt, but he forgot to close the shower door. I didn’t want to add butt pain to hand pain, so I let him off the hook. He never knew he was on the hook, but I won’t punish him for it. We also got a phone call as he was getting out of the shower, which disrupted his routine. I’m sure that made him forget the door. There has been so much turmoil around selling the truck and camper I wouldn’t punish him if he left the shower door open until the sale is done. It’s been frustrating for both the buyers and us. Credit unions are the worst. Why make life so hard? I want to pay off a loan. Take the money.

Depending on how tired we are, I might give Lion some attention. The other night, I snuggled with him and massaged my balls and weenie. I wasn’t trying to get him hard. I just wanted to feel him up. We both enjoy that. Even if that’s all he’s up for, I’m happy to do it. Closeness and a weenie rub? Yes, please.

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In: Games

Mrs. Lion has been threatening Zapardy for a few days now. I think it’s probably time for me to test my trivia knowledge against shocks to my balls. It’s an interesting game. We still haven’t fully worked out the rules of the game. The last time we played, I got no shock if I answered a question correctly. I got one if I didn’t try to answer and two if I got the answer wrong.

The thought was that if I only got shocked for wrong answers, I would simply stop answering questions. What fun is that? So, we instituted the rule that penalized me for not answering. I suppose that is a good solution on one hand. On the other, even I can’t be expected to answer everything.

When we play spankardy, it makes sense to penalize me for not answering. It’s difficult to build up enough swats to give Mrs. Lion a chance to make me yelp. We are tinkering with those rules too. The big difference between the two games is that spankardy swats are handed out after the show goes off the air. Zapardy shocks are given as I play.

Another problem is that if we make the rules too complex, Mrs. Lion will have a hard time working out what to do in each situation. Also, the idea is to zap me as often as possible. Zapping me for being silent is a good way to give me lots of zaps as well as encourage me to answer as many questions as I can. Yup, the current rules make sense. I’ll be strapped into my shock collar at 7:30 tonight.

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In: Spanking

We have tried many different techniques for punishment spanking. Sometimes I counted the swats. Sometimes I hit until Lion’s buns got rosy red. Sometimes I started out slow and built up speed and intensity. Sometimes I swung for the fences right of the bat. He’s been bent over, flat on the bed, supported by pillows, and on a bench. It’s taken us a long time to get to the point that we are “happy” with the way I do it. Of course, Lion isn’t happy about being spanked. Well, he’s happy he’ll be spanked, but he’s not happy during the spanking.

What works for us may not work for you. You’ll probably have to experiment. How hard can you hit? How hard should you hit? How fast? How long? There are more factors than you may realize. When I first started spanking Lion, for BDSM, he barely felt it. I was afraid to hurt him. They were probably less than love taps. Now, I regularly make him bleed.

We have settled on a spanking bench. It’s not purpose-built. It’s really just a bench you can get from any store that sells furniture. Lion positions his torso on the bench and allows his legs to dangle. I can either strap him down or not. He prefers to be strapped down. I don’t know if this is because he knows he moves and he doesn’t want to be tempted to move too much. I think he should be able to stay still and take his punishment with no external help. However, I indulge him and strap him down. I started out strapping him once around his upper abdomen/chest area and once around his hips. The problem is that Lion has no butt, so that strap kept falling down. Very recently, I decided to put the strap around his thighs. I figure if it’s going to slide down anyway, it might as well start out there.

We have settled on ten minutes as the time of an initial spanking. If he breaks another rule before I have a chance to spank him, that increase by five minutes. If he breaks another rule within a short amount of time after a spanking, the next spanking will have five minutes added to it. So far, the most he’s ever gotten is fifteen minutes. He tends to be on his best behavior after a spanking so he usually doesn’t have any time added. Ten minutes is a long time for both of us. Obviously, it feels longer to him.

When we first started our ten-minute spankings, I started the timer right away and started spanking pretty hard right away. Wrong. First of all, the dog would always be annoying and I’d have to put her on a leash or lock her out of the room, and the timer would be running when I wasn’t spanking him. Second of all, if I was hitting hard right away, he wouldn’t make it very far before he was screaming. The fix is to start out spanking with less intensity before the timer is set. We build up the intensity and give the dog and Lion a chance to get used to the idea. Once I’ve decided his buns are warmed up, I set the timer but I still don’t hit him as hard as I can. There’s time for that.

I try to give swats on alternating cheeks. I don’t know why. I guess I just don’t want to gang up on one cheek more than the other. Sometimes I hit rapid-fire, still alternating, and sometimes I go slower. Slowing down gives both of us a chance to catch our breath. And I usually do end with harder swats, spaced out a little bit.

Aside from my goal of giving Lion a good spanking, sometimes I want certain things to happen. I may want his buns to be rosy all over. I may want him to feel it the next day. I may want to concentrate on the crack of his ass. Whatever the case, I go for the ten minutes and decide whether he’s had enough. If not, I keep going. I don’t normally go for much longer, but I’m sure it feels like it to Lion.

And that’s the way we do it. Maybe it will work for you. Maybe it won’t. Experiment and see what works. I like experimenting.

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In: Spanking

Yesterday, I wrote (“What’s Your Flavor? “) about my frustration when Mrs. Lion didn’t want to read blogs I thought would help teach her how to spank me. She added a very eye-opening comment.

“Actually, it had more to do with the fact that the writer was too gung-ho about spanking. It seemed unrealistic to me. For example, the statement ‘We all know how good it feels to spank a man’ was a common sentiment. Well, no, we don’t all know how good it feels. Some of us will never know how good it feels. Some of us just want to know how to do it. I wanted instruction rather than hyperbole.”

Mrs. Lion made a very good point. Every blog, including ours, that talks about male spanking tend to sexualize the activity. Women are supposed to enjoy beating their men. Of course, I get it. The vast majority of readers are men who like to be turned on by reading about spanking. Bloggers are almost always the guys who get spanked. We know that sex plays a strong role in getting us to want to be spanked. The few women who write about spanking men are well aware that their male readers want jerk-off fodder.

I won’t point to specific posts and pages, but I can’t find many that aren’t aimed at getting male spankos hard. Mrs. Lion wasn’t looking for sexualized descriptions about spanking husbands. She wanted technique. OK, fair enough. Back in the days of in-person BDSM clubs and classes, spanking was taught as a skill. Sex wasn’t on the table. I taught them how to spank women. Of course, the material was easily applicable to male bottoms too. My demo bottoms were all female.

here’s how to spank without the sex

Obviously, Mrs. Lion no longer needs instruction. She is an expert, and I hope her next post will be her take on how to spank me. She is very skilled at making me regret breaking a rule. I digress. Let’s start with the basics. A spanking is very simply hitting a butt. There are no rules regarding position or intensity. It’s simply the act of hitting someone’s rear end.

Let’s start with the basics. There is no rule that the rear end needs to be bare. However, from the perspective of a spanker, a naked butt is easier to hurt and much easier to interpret in terms of any damage the spanking might be doing. My suggestion has nothing to do with sex. Effective spanking begins with a naked rear end.

OK, the next part is fraught with fantasy. Most people who want to be spanked probably imagine themselves in some helpless position for the beating. Some think of over the knee. Others imagine lying on a bed or bent over a piece of furniture. There’s nothing wrong with trying to accommodate the fantasy if possible. Most of the jerk-off websites advocate over-the-knee spankings. This is the position most children find themselves in to be punished. There’s nothing wrong with it. If you can comfortably accommodate your husband over your lap, it’s an easy, comfortable way to accommodate his fantasy.

Mrs. Lion can’t find a good way to put me over her lap. We experimented with lots of spanking positions. The most painful and difficult to hold was for me to be on my hands and knees. I just couldn’t manage to stay in position. I needed support. We tried over the edge of the bed. That worked quite well. Another popular choice is bent over the back of a chair or couch. The idea is to stretch the skin of the bottom, so it presents a smooth target. That’s why standing straight up isn’t particularly effective. Mrs. Lion has spanked me bent over a kitchen counter. The key is to have the bottom sticking out, and the skin stretched.

beating him

The least effective spanking implement is your hand. It’s the most intimate and is good for warmup, but your hand will hurt more than his bottom if you go on too long. Remember, the objective of a spanking is to make him sore, not you. A spanking is a little more complicated than grabbing a paddle and hitting as hard as you can. You need a little finesse.

Any spanking, including one for punishment, has to start rather gently. Very hard swats with a paddle, hairbrush, etc., will send him running if you start that way. There is often a misunderstanding about exactly what a spanking should be. It’s supposed to hurt. There are two variables when it comes to an effective spanking: pain and duration. A short, painful spanking is much less effective than a longer one. In fact, the worst thing about being spanked by Mrs. Lion is that it goes on for at least ten minutes.

There are three phases to a good spanking: warmup, punishment, and the finale. The warmup prepares him to be punished. It is gentle swats that gradually build up until he begins reacting. When you warm him up, he has a chance to allow hormones to begin flowing that act as a sort of anesthetic. No, it doesn’t mean he isn’t feeling it. It just prepares him for the main event. My spankings are timed at a minimum of ten minutes. Mrs. Lion doesn’t start the timer until she finishes warming me up. Believe me, warmup doesn’t feel good. The next phase is much worse.

Once the timer begins, the real spanking starts. The idea is to hit hard enough to get a reaction without making him run away. It’s a delicate balance. Over time, you will learn his reactions and will be able to keep him on the edge of running. In other words, maximum pain for him. Remember, the idea of a spanking is to hurt him. Don’t feel bad about doing a good job. It may bother you in the beginning. Over time,  you will lose the bad feelings. Mrs. Lion doesn’t particularly enjoy beating me, but she doesn’t mind doing it.

Remember, the entire point of spanking is to cause pain with minimal injury. Your partner may disagree. He almost certainly eroticizes spanking and will intensely dislike the real thing. I do! However, he will willingly get into position the next time he needs a spanking. It’s the way we’re wired. Physically, every guy’s bottom reacts differently to being spanked. Some redden. Others bruise easily. I bleed a little. All of those reactions are normal and shouldn’t cause alarm.

Chances are very good that you will be pretty gentle in the beginning. That’s fine. He may expect some massive beating he dreamt about. Too bad. You need to develop your own style and pace. Speaking of pace, rapid swats alternating between cheeks is a particularly unpleasant way to be spanked. Try for even coverage. Focus on the bottom half of his butt. Pay particular attention to where his ass joins his thighs. That’s his sit spot. If you do a good job there, it will hurt him to sit for a few days.

The last part of a spanking is the finale. Mrs. Lion always ends with very hard swats spaced a couple of seconds apart. I can’t wait until she stops! Over the course of a spanking, his bottom will become numb. It will take more force to get him to yelp and scream. No matter how desensitized I get, those finale swats make me scream.

Don’t forget to have a safeword. Ours is “red.” If I use it, the spanking stops, even if it is for punishment. It’s there as a safety measure. I’ve never used it, no matter how much pain I was getting. If I feel that I am in real trouble, I will use it.

That’s it—spanking without sex. The best way to learn is to do it. Often.

He won’t mind.